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1 Schleifenscheiders

This is a story about a family who are all devoutly religious but in different faiths. The mother is indifferent but the dead father was a follower of Aleister Crowley, a wacky occultist from the beginning of the 20th century. The oldest an atheistic scientist. The second oldest boy is a Muslim, the younger brother a Christian, the fourth oldest, the oldest girl, a Buddhist, the younger sister Jewish, and the youngest brother a Hari Christina and the youngest sister a new-ager, the adopted son an insightful but unattached drifter who brings them all together.

They are the Schleifenscheiders, and they live in Boulder, Colorado. The religious enthusiasm of the family comes from the father Stephan, who is a Jewish immigrant from Italy. He firmly believed in the fervent, even frantic pursuit of freedom and the attainment of freedom of thought through sharing every thing that crossed his mind. But in the fascist society he was brought up in, he took it too far and kind of ostracized himself from his friends from making too many comments about their personalities, giving them too many suggestions, and sharing too many of his abstract philosophic thoughts to the point of making them think he was mad. At times he would tell his friends of dreams he had, completely analyzing them, then badgering his friends to share their dreams; but he always unintentionally drove them up the wall by guessing the cause of every event they described. He and his family eventually moved to Boulder after he was virtually excommunicated from his small town on the southern tip of Cicily. He died a short time afterwards of a Brain Tumor. His children thus learned from an early age to not only speak their truth no matter what the consequences might be, but unknowingly find themselves mulling over abstract concepts like, why certain actors got paid more than others, or what caused the bank teller to cut their hair.

After they got their share of a million dollar life insurance settlement, they set off traveling the world were they all, being the intensely open minded, yet not too well mentally well rounded or well read, became enamored with the theological doctrines of the first countries they happened to go to. While they were there, they became extremely excited about the historic stories they heard from the locals, and being foreigners without the burden of a job, became somewhat of a local celebrity, if not entertainer, flattering their new found friends with their fervent recounting of the tales they had heard. After a few months they became convinced of everything they were saying and heard, but making up their own versions in order to incorporate the other local beliefs into the picture, and tried to spread their beliefs to the passing tourists. the one who was in Jerusalem even went so far as to try to convert the local Palestinians that Mohamed was only the sixth best prophet, and Jesus was the fifth, but Moses was the great one on the grounds that he was the one chosen to bring the ten commandments. This self proclaimed mission from god was short lived after he got drunk one night and stormed a mosque screaming the ten commandments, and was thrown in jail for a month. After a couple of years, they all came home at about the same time at the pleading of their lonely mother. But brought their faiths with them to begin little 'churches' of their own. But when they came back they rekindled their traditional sibling rivalry with a vengeful purpose, to bring their brothers and sisters into their own new found truth. They all came back broke, and due to a lack of a desire to work, they all moved into the 45,000 square foot house they grew up in; which the mother didn't have a problem with.

The mother, Nancy, is a very centered woman ambivalent of anything beyond what is going on with the neighbors. She loved her late husband because of his entertaining, outgoing style, and just sat back and let him do all the talking most of the time, just as she is with her children and friends. She makes a living running a daycare center. After playing with her kids, she plays similar games, like cards and pictionary, and music with her friends.

The oldest son Vernon, is a born again Muslim, he gets up at 5:00 every morning and prays to Allah in the direction of Mecca, along with 4 other times throughout the day. He walks around dressed in white all the time, and has a big beard. He runs the prayer sessions at the local mosque and writes columns about Islam in the newspaper, where he says all non Muslims are headed for hell after death, but Muslims go to a perfect and timeless Paradise. Vernon originally got his beliefs from when he was an English teacher in Saudi Arabia, then he traveled through the other countries in the Arab world before going home.
The second oldest son Steven acquired his beliefs after a two year stint as a soldier in south Korea. Then he dropped out of the army and traveled through China, India, and to Europe overland before going home. He left home about six months after Vernon and returned about six months after Vernon. He is just as fanatical about Christianity as Vernon is about Islam, and because of this avoided talking about religion to him altogether until he was beseeched to by their brother Alexander. He was a preacher at the local Catholic church and wrote Christian articles in the local newspaper.

The oldest girl Cecily, is a Buddhist, she became buddhist after going to Nepal and then traveling around India before going back home to lead Vipasana meditations.

The second oldest daughter Zelda is a born again Jew. She founder her faith after working as a peace corp volunteer in Jerusalem, she then traveled through Africa, Europe and South America. She went back home to teach the old testament in Boulder and ancient Jewish mystical practices. The Hari Krishna brother learned his beliefs from when he was traveling through India, he then traveled around south East Asia, Australia, New Zealand, and Oceania converting people before coming back home and hanging out on Pearl Street converting people. The youngest sister traveled to Central and South America and became a spirit channeler after a Hiawasca trip on Machu Pichu and then hiked around South America, and Africa, the middle East, and India china and came here via Canada after crossing the Bering Straight by herself on a dog sled she found in Siberia. She became a professional massage therapist and spirit channeler after return home. She was very wise but tended to belief too much and lacked a back bone of belief to give her any vision to share, and didn't value sharing knowledge believing it would cause unnecessary stress to the psyche. Alexander, the youngest and only adopted child traveled on his bike through South America, then Antarctica and Africa, Europe, India, China, Southeast Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Oceania, and Canada and all over the us before returning hoe. He spent all his time reading and writing when he wasn't riding. When he went hoe his goal was to bring his family together, which is what he did. he believed there was no family on Earth like his ad it was Gods way of showing how all the religions of the world could come together.
The story begins with the return of the youngest adopted son from his world travels. He came back a year after his siblings because of his intense desire to see all the countries in the world.

This is a book I about a family who are all devoutly religious but in different faiths. The mother is indifferent but the dead father was a follower of Aleister Crowley. and the oldest boy is Muslim, his younger brother Christian, their younger sister Buddhist, their younger sister Jewish, and the youngest brother a Hari Christina and the youngest sister a new ager and the adopted son a brilliant insightful wizard who brings them all together. There is also a son who i an atheistic scientist.

The family are the Schleifenscheiders, and they all live in Boulder Colorado. I will describe all the characters: The fanaticism of the family comes from the father Stephan who is a Jewish immigrant from Italy. He firmly believed in the fervent and at times frantic pursuit of freedom and the attainment of freedom of thought through sharing every thing that crosses your mind. But he took it too far and kind of ostracized himself from his friends from making too many comments about them and giving them too many suggestions and sharing too many of his thoughts to the point of making them think he was mad. at times he would tell his friends of dreams he had where he would then completely analyze it and then badger his friends to share their dreams so he could unintentionally drive them up the wall analyzing every aspect of them. He and his family eventually moved to Boulder after he was virtually excommunicated from his small town in Cicily. He died a short time afterwards of a Brain Tumor. So his children were taught from an early age to speak their truth no matter what. After they all got their share of a million dollar life insurance settlement, they set off traveling the world were they all found their respective religions. Then they came home to run churches of their various denominations.

The mother is a very centered soul and is indifferent of it all, but she loved her late husband because of his outgoing energy and just sat back and let him do all the talking, as she does for every one. She makes her money running a daycare place. After work she plays music and games with her friends. The oldest son Vernon, is a born again Muslim, he gets up at 5:00 every morning and prays to Allah in the direction of Mecca, and 4 other times, walks around dressed in white all the time, and has a big beard. He runs the local prayer sessions at the mosque and writes columns about Islam in the newspaper. He thinks all non Muslims are headed for hell after death, but Muslims go to Paradise. the story begins with the return of the youngest adopted son from his world travels. His name is Alexander all of the characters, got their beliefs from their worldly travels, vernon from when he was an English teacher in Saudi Arabia, then he traveled through the other countries in the Arab world before going home.

The second oldest son Steven acquired his beliefs after his two year stint as a soldier in South Korea. Then he dropped out of the army and traveled through China, India, and to Europe overland before going home. He left home about six months after Vernon and returned about six months after Vernon. He is just as fanatical about Christianity as Vernon is about Islam, and because of this avoided talking about religion to him altogether until he was beseeched to by their brother Alexander. He was a preacher at the local Catholic church and wrote Christian articles in the local newspaper. The oldest girl Cecily, is a Buddhist, she became buddhist after going to Nepal and then traveling around India before going back home to lead 10 day Vipasana meditations. The second oldest daughter Zelda is a born again Jew. She found her faith after working as a peace corp volunteer in Jerusalem, she then traveled through Africa, Europe, and south America. She went back home to teach the old testament in Boulder and ancient Jewish mystical practices. Billy, the Hari Krishna brother learned his beliefs from when he was traveling through India, he then traveled around south East Asia, Australia, New Zealand, and Oceania converting people before coming back home and hanging out on Pearl Street converting people. The youngest sister, Jezebel, traveled to Central and South America and became a spirit channeler after a Hiawasca trip on Machu Pichu and then she hiked around South America, and Africa, the middle East, and India china and came bach via Canada, After crossing the Bering Straight by herself on a dog sled she found in Siberia. She became a professional massage therapist and spirit channeler after returning home. She was very wise but tended to believe too much and lacked a back bone of belief to give her any vision to share, she had no convictions, and didn't value sharing knowledge, believing it would cause unnecessary stress to the psyche. Alexander, the youngest and only adopted child traveled on his bike through South America, then Antarctica and Africa, Europe, India, China, Southeast Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Oceania, Canada and all over the US before returning home. He spent all his time reading and writing about the countries he was in when he wasn't riding. When he went home his goal was to bring his family together, which is what he did. He believed there was no family on Earth like his and it was one of Gods ways of showing how all the religions of the world could come together.

Tonight is the night of the first family reunion since Pa done died three years ago, Alexander is has just come back and everybody is having dinner together. Everybody else came back about a year ago, and haven't really talked with each other since a big squabble involving every body happened over the concept of God and the history of the human race. Vernon was convinced giants ran over the land and were all very similar in belief to the one god, and didn't like no trinity, but Steven was angry and defending the trinity and the virgin Mary, which eventually made Cecily feel like she had to defend herself and speak about unneccessaryness of philosophizing about anything and that we should all just attain enlightenment my crawling into our own caves and meditating. Cecily's anti religious comments sparked a fire within Zelda's heart and caused her to start talking about the importance of ceremonies and studying philosophies and following rules, and just sitting around and meditating is for animals, But Billy felt like he had to defend Cecily and started yelling to Zelda about how Jews are too strict and that nobody likes Jews or Israelites. After a few minutes, Jezebel couldn't take anymore and yelled out calling everyone crazy and ran out. After Jezebel left, everybody just sort of didn't have anything to prove or say, so they left also, and haven't gotten together as a group since, although every member of the group has visited each other sporadically since then a few times. They still kind of held grudges, and wanted to prove their point, but only is a more diplomatic way this time.

Ding Dong. 'Oh, its Alexander and Maggi!', exclaimed Jezebel. And the two walked in with the whole family standing there watching as if expecting something great, like the beginning of a new era.

'Welcome home!' Exclaimed Vernon with arms open wide in his white robe. And they all sat down to the spicy curry that Billy had prepared for everybody. Alexander was surprised to see how everybody was dressed up in their full traditional garb, Vernon with the white robe, Steven in his white colored black suit, and he didn't even know he was a preacher, Billy with the shaved head except for the hairy spot at the back of his head, Zelda with her perm as if she were a full breed Hebrew, Cecily, with in her monk robes, and even Jezebel in her baggy tie dyed cottons. He instantly had the feeling they didn't consciously notice how beautiful of a sight it was for everybody to be dressed to flamboyantly, yet differently. To them they were just being themselves. He also had the feeling from correspondence with each of his siblings, who he had kept in touch with a lot, that they weren't hanging out with each other very much after an argument a year before, but they seemed to him to be very at peace with each other, which he didn't really expect. They all had the intention of having a reconciliation, but didn't verbally explain it to each other, but each knew it. But it was a strange mix between this desire to get along and an intense desire to explain their point of view to the rest of the family, because they still thought they were the only one who was truly right, which is why they didn't reunite hang out that much, because they didn't have the energy or time to go that far out of their way to convince their hard headed singings of their doctrine.

'So Alexander, what was your favorite country?' Asked Steven. 'America'. No body expected that answer, they were secretly hoping to hear the country is that they had been to. 'Yes, America is the greatest country in the world' Said momma Maggie. 'America is the most polluting country in the world, and everybody in dying of stress syndrome, in India everybody is so relaxed it will blow your mind. They just laugh all day long'. Billy said.

'Probably cause they have got nothing better to do, they don't have the intelligence to do anything', exclaimed Zak in an agitated blurt. And there was silence around the table. 'All I'm saying is that without a country like America, we would still all be killing each other like it was the middle ages'. He realized he was being a little too forceful and opinionated in his approach, but it was too late. 'America is the most godless country on earth'. exclaimed Vernon in an authoritative tone of voice. 'We have the most aids, murder, pollution like Billy said, and it is all the rich people who are the most degraded. The more degraded and greedy you are, the greater you are in society' Steven, trying to ally himself with Vernon, chimed in, 'Yea, here in America, the better you are at lying, the farther you go in life, and its all because people don't study the Bible, and don't believe in God like me and Vernon'. 'I believe in God', said Jezebel. But Vernon and Steven just looked away, out of all the family members, they disdained Jezebel the most, ever since they went to her house and saw all the pictures of angels and aliens and artwork of animals everywhere. They were sure she was praying to them to conjure up special powers for herself to be able to convince her brothers to leave God and follow some pagan deity who would some day cause them to fornicate with an aids infested maiden, or become drug addicts or something like she was. They looked at her and just saw someone completely infested with everything ungodly, when she said that she believed in god they just look that as a vain attempt to bring them into her world of idols, which is what they thought she meant when she said she believed in god. But in truth, on a deeper heart level, they were intimidated by her abilities to seemingly took right through them and see all the insecurities and fear of their soul, and weaknesses of their minds. It wasn't like they were weak minded, on the contrary, they were very passionate about what they did, and went about convincing people of their way with more vigor that anybody she had ever meet. But the weakness which they felt she saw in them was from their close mindedness that caused them to only see what they wanted to see, and count almost everything else beside the strict confines of their faith out, chalking it up to needless mental masturbation in the vain effort to separate them from god, or out right devil worship, and this is what gave them the air of weakness, it was really ignorance, but it seemed like weakness to most of the intelligent Boulderites, and especially to the clairvoyant Jezebel. Which actually made her sick when we looked at her brothers, because, although the wasn't too bright when it came to mentally analyzing things, and she was just about powerless when it came to talking somebody into something or convincing them to have an open minds, she was clairvoyant and could see all the blocks in their bodies that just stopped up and made them the agitated people they were, like they were infested with dark bile. She even saw a small tumor developing in Vernon's stomach, but she felt like she could never tell them these things, especially since the big fight last year, and it was this that made her sick when they were there. Especially because they were her brothers and she loved them, and felt like it was her duty to at least tell Vernon about his tumor, and was determined to eventually tell him that before too long. When she saw Alex come in, she felt a great warmth in her heart because he was her only sibling who seemed to be completely free of emotional baggage, which she was very sensitive to. She knew she was kind of the odd man out in the family, and thought maybe Alex could bring her back into the fold once again.

'Oh, lets not get political just yet', said Maggie as she cut the welcome home potato cake for Alex. 'Alex', momma asked, 'What are you going to do now?' 'Well, I've been just about everywhere, maybe I will stay here for six months and save up and go to the countries that I haven't gone to yet, then I will have been everywhere'. Alex replied. 'Then maybe you could write a book about all the countries in the world, and how they compare to each other'. Suggested Zak. 'Yea, maybe'. The family was beginning to get reacquainted with Alex, remembering how he always acted sort of aloof, and could never really make up his mind about anything or take an angle in any issue, which was very peculiar in this family. Even Jezebel was passionate about her beliefs. But it was also very clear to everybody that he didn't care what anybody thought about him, and that gave him a sort of immunity, and took away any desire anybody might have to force their beliefs on him or convince him on something, because he would just smile blankly, like they were talking to a mannequin or something. The fact of the matter was that Alex didn't really have a very active mind. Ever since he was a child, his mother raised him especially to not take anything seriously, hoping he would turn out to be a normal, if not well rounded person. But her pampering sort of made him more of a free and empty personality that she ever anticipated, and this kind of unnerved her, making her realize truly how much she love being around opinionated people, even though she had no attention of being one herself. One would think she would feel an affinity with her free wheeling son, but the person she had the most compassion for was Zelda, because she was the only child who followed in the traditional family footsteps, and she knew Zelda did this out of respect for her parents, which really touched her mother.

'We have just finished the human genome last week'. Zak continued. He was one of the technicians in charge of organizing the sequencing to find out where they go. He was paid well for his work, 60,000 dollars a year, not bad for a 28 year old scientist. And he had the admiration of his family, but he had a sort of cynical air about him, as if he wasn't proud of being part of this family, wishing he was in a traditional academic group who did normal things like golfing and hiking, but most importantly hanging out more. This cynical attitude made his siblings, although respectful of his dedication and sharpness, a little resentful, and snappy at times. Of all the siblings, Zak was the most intrigued with Jezebel. How she never really talked about the things he talked about, politics, world affairs, and the media and stuff like he did. But would just open up to him about everything that was going on in her life. He was the only one who was truly interested in her life and gave her the feeling like she was on to something great. They talked about stuff that they would share with nobody else. Jezebel would share her psychic readings with her brother, the only person who she did that for, she felt it was a violation of peoples privacy to do that, but her brother lived in another town, and was so interested. She knew he didn't really know what to think about it, but in a weird unexplainable way he believed it. And he would explain to her the structure of the DNA and how genetics mutates through the generations, and the structure of the atom. They were actually really close to coming up with a brilliant cohesion of knowledge to formulate a beautiful philosophy, but didn't really have a solid enough foundation in each others subjects to make the connection, or even seriously think about making the connection.

Steven couldn't hold himself back, he had to retort to Zak blasphemous revelation. 'Its the beginning of the end, and my own brother is part of it, first it is the human genome mapping, then it is genetically programmed robot people killing everybody. The mark of the beast'. 'Isn't the mark of the beast from computer chips inside peoples head, to keep track of all their information, like bank transactions and stuff?' Asked Vernon in a surprisingly innocent way. 'yea, all of that, but it will start with this genetic engendering, this is scary stuff'. Zak just rolled his eyes, he didn't even know where to begin. But he didn't have to because Zelda was quick to respond. 'What your brother is doing is going to help a lot of people you guys, stop diseases, have extra organs for us when we get sick, it will lead to technology that will cause us to live a hundred and fifty years easy, or longer, just like Noah and Adam and Eve and all those guys, like 900 years'. 'What? 900 years?' Asked Maggie in surprise. 'It makes sense to me' Alex answered. 'Think about it this way, time speed up every day, every year goes by faster and faster, not just for kids, for everybody, that is because more stuff is going on, life isn't as boring, so naturally we would need to life longer lives that just 75 years, after 75 years we are just getting started'. This was a new way of looking at it. Alex wasn't particularly well read, but he definitely had an interesting way of seeing things, and it made sense. Zelda said, 'When I was in Egypt there is a watch in the Cairo museum that has cogs and gears and all that, but guess how old if was carbon dated?' 'What?' Asked an intrigued Zak. 'One million years, can you believe that?' 'Where did they find it?' Asked Vernon. 'I think in Israel, there is a lot in the Israeli culture that is peculiar, the Hebrew alphabet is composed of one shape just being looked at from different angles, its magical'. 'Hebrews are time travelers,' chimed in Jezebel. Nobody really had anything to say to that. 'Judaism is the father of the Christian religion'. Steven said. 'And the Egyptian religion is the father to the Hebrew religion'. Jezebel included. 'Just look at the name of the Israelites, Is from Isis, Ra from Ra, and El, from the Mesopotamian god, they are actual people who are left over from Atlantis'. Again silence fell over the table. Then Steven continued. 'Well, the ten commandments, that is were the Israeli religion actually started, thou shalt not have strange gods before me, thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy god in vain, remember to keep thy the lords day nor thy father and thy mother, thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not commit adultery, thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods'. He belted out in his typical sermonistic way. But now Jezebel felt the spirit of the badger and felt like telling her family all she knew from reading books and the deep seeded feelings she had in her mind. 'I think those commandments came from aliens, not the one god, center of the universe, think about it he went up with black hair and came back with white hair, the radiation of the ship turned his hair white, and all the clouds up on the mountain hid the ship and remember the bright lights coming through the clouds? Just like the bright lights people see today.' 'Did you see that is a vision?' Asked Alex. 'No, I read it in a book, but I do connect with a spirit named Jezuk, he was my lover in a past life'. She couldn't believe she just said that, but it felt like a big block was just removed from off her chest permanently, and she felt a huge breath of fresh air that she had never felt in the presence of her family before. Zak looked seriously at her and asked. 'Do you see this man when you close your eyes or something? Does he speak to you like we speak to you?' 'No, in a much more subtler way, but just as clearly, I could draw him for you if I could draw, he comes to my minds eye in instantaneous flashes and his words comes in an instant also, but complete, I didn't realize he was actually real until I went to Mexico and was meditating on top of one of the Mayan pyramids, and then he came to me and said my name like he knew me, and I thought, wow, this is real!' 'I'm sorry' retorted Vernon, but that sounds just like the, 'thou shalt not have strange gods before me commandment'. 'Actually I think it has more to do with praying to golden calves and sacrificing animals to imaginary people in the sky'. Answered Alex. Zelda had something to say. 'I think you all are just talking about the same thing, doesn't Buddhism have ten commandments also Cecily?' 'Actually, yea they do, don't kill, don't steal, no bad sex, no lying, no drugs, no high and luxurious beds, no gold or silver'. 'And wasn't the Buddha born from a virgin?' 'Actually he was, yea' 'Wasn't her name Mary?' 'I don't know about that!' 'Isn't that a weird coincidence there are 10 commandments in Jewism and Buddhism?' Answered Alex. Suddenly Vernon looked intrigued. 'There are ten commandments in Islam also, don't set up another god with God, be good to your parents, give your relatives their due, don't be too beggarly or wasteful, don't abandon your children out of fear of poverty, don't go near fornication because it is immoral and evil way, don't kill except in just cause, don't touch property of others except for bettering it, don't follow that that you don't know, and don't be insolent'. 'They all sound pretty similar to me' Maggi said. 'Yea', included Steven, 'Especially the part about only worshiping one god, there are too many people getting side tracked by other false gods and prophets, that will just lead you down the wrong path and into Hell, you should study the parables, because Christ is about to return, the end times are now, Mathew, 21:24-27, 'in time of confusion Christ will return' and from all this confusion caused by lewd media and the resurgence of all these heathen religions, the Wiccan religion is the fastest growing religion in America'. This angered Cecily, 'Christians killed more people that anybody else, they killed millions and millions of tribal earth people calling them witches, listen to yourself, you guys spread like a disease'. 'But Cecily, you need to read the Bible, let me ask you a question, do you put a lamp under a bushel, or on top so every body can see?' Be are supposed to spread the word of God, you should read the parables, there was a sower of seeds scattering them, some fell by the side where fowls ate them, some on the rocks where the sun scorched them and they couldn't take root, some fell among thorns and were choked, but some fell on good ground and multiplied a hundred fold'. 'Ah, I can't have a normal conversation with you Steven, you always quote the Bible like your all knowing'. 'That's probably because in Buddhism you are taught to just keep stuff to yourself and not share it, and that speaking your mind is bad or something'. 'That's not true, we just don't invade people's space and take them over with our dogma'. She was getting a little upset. 'OK, I'm sorry, tell me about Buddhism'. 'Its pretty simple, life is caused by suffering because people don't get what they want, and and get attached to earthly things like money and prestige, thinking that is the only thing that is important, but we can free ourselves through meditation, that is called the 4 noble truths, one, there is suffering, two because of attachments, three you can free yourself, and four, through meditation. And we can attain this by living the 8 fold path, right view, right intentions, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration. All the pain of the world comes from trying to balance the eight worldly winds, Pleasure and pain, praise and blame, Gain and loss, and fame and shame. There are two kinds of meditation, concentration and insight, and three stages to these meditation, entering, focusing, and realizing. There are 4 great efforts to try to live by, avoiding, overcoming, developing, and maintaining, and four divine abodes, or qualities to live by, friendliness, compassion, joy, equanimity. There are six stages of life that we pass through that we call bardo's, the living Bardo, that we are in now, the dreaming, meditating, dying, reality, which is when the white light comes and you see everything as it is, and becoming, when we are in our mothers womb. There are different kinds of buddhism, the Theravada, from south east asia, which is focused on mainly meditating by yourself, Mahayana, from china, which is more social, Vajrayana, from China and Japan, which is more philosophical, seeing it all as one, and Dzogchen, which is from Tibet, and is mainly about meditating, seeing it all as one and being one. There are different kinds of meditation techniques, like not thinking and just following the breath, and there is contemplating, what is whole and of god in me and what is an illusion, and sky gazing, and just saying ahh, and consciously enjoying life'.

'Yea that is fine and dandy', answered Vernon, 'But is seems like you are just avoiding the issue, and that is that there is one god, and that is all you need to go to heaven, you are just being analytical about it all and avoiding the whole issue, like you are encouraging just going into a cave and minding your own business, and you will get to heaven that way, what about all the people out there who you would like to help? What about all the muslims you want to convert?' 'I am not trying to convert any Muslims or Christians, if people are interested in meditating the the Buddhist philosophies they can study them'. Cecily answered, now more calm and in control. 'Yea', replied Steven. 'But do you believe in God?' 'No' answered Cecily. 'You don't believe in god?' Asked Zelda somewhat startled. 'Well, I believe in a higher power'. 'What do you think will happen when you die?' 'I think we come back until we eventually become enlightened and then we melt into the universe'. 'What do you mean melt into the universe?' Asked Steven. 'You just lose you individuality?' 'Yes' 'That doesn't make any sense to me'. Answered Alex. 'Why don't you guys just find a common ground? I think Buddhists should believe in God. I was in India, Buddha nerve said there is no god, he just avoided answering the question because at the time people would have claimed God as their and practiced too much idol worship. The Buddha stressed meditation it was his successors that brought the various Gods into the picture. Hinduism believed in Gods too much nd Buddha taught that all you need is you self because you have God in you. But now we are ready to think about God and how to integrate Buddhism with the other religions. Lets examine how it was christianity and not Buddhism that brought us the present world. It is a Christian concept that says we can make the world a better place and aught to fight for what we believe, while in the Buddhist world you solve problems by going within and encouraged blindly letting the head lama make all the decisions. Not pooling together knowledge isn't good for creativity. They were leaving the greater community out of the picture too much. This is evidenced by Tibet's refusal to accept western technology they tore down the phone lines the British put up. Only after their exile did they realize they needed to modernize, in this way they are much less enlightened than christianity. Buddhism must not dismiss vision of hereafter world of heaven and transcendence just like christianity must believe in reincarnation'.

Then Steven said. 'Yea, but the Bible is very clear in a lot of places that there is no reincarnation, just look at the parable about the rich man and lazarus: A rich man had a poor man starve to death at his gates, and when he died went to hell and asked Abraham to send the poor man in heaven down to cool his tongue, but he couldn't because the disgrace between the two worlds is too great so he asked to send him to his brothers because they would listen to a witness, but Abe said if they don't listen to the teachers they won't learn from the resurrected'. that is a pretty clear description of the after life for me, and Jesus said that'. 'Do you believe in hell like that, Cecily'? Asked Zak. 'Well, there are Hell realms where we can go when we die, and get stuck that are very similar to the hell that christians describe, but that is only a temporary thing until you have learned your lesson and then you get another change, why do you think everything is permanent Steven'? Zelda had something to say. 'Actually, I use to not believe in reincarnation, but a lot of Jews are starting to say that reincarnation used to be common knowledge in Israel until the roman church pretty much outlawed it in like 300 A.D., remember when Jesus was beginning his ministry down by the river, and the people said, 'are you Elijah'? and he said, 'no, but that is John the Baptist,' he was saying John the Baptist is a reincarnation of Elijah, and what about all those people who remember their past lives in hypnotic regression, and say stuff that is absolutely impossible for them to know, and how can you explain all the feelings of knowing people from past live's, it just doesn't make any sense to me that our souls were born yesterday, we are way too complex for that, and besides, wouldn't that be unfair, if we just lived one single life, for some of us to be diseased, and others to be healthy and rich, and for some of us to live our only life as an animal, and never get to be a human, that is about as naive as thinking the earth is the center of the solar system, or the earth is the only place in the universe with life. I mean, where is heaven you guys'? She was asking Vernon and Steven. She had obviously struck a cord with those two guys, partly because they never heard it that way, and partly because they had always seen Zelda as a sort of spiritual sister, that, because of her strict Jewish belief, she would somehow make it into heaven with them. But they weren't phased for long, after all, they couldn't show any weakness to their younger sister. Vernon retorted. 'You are all philosophy too much, all you need is Allah, and the Koran'. And Steven, feeling forced to side with Vernon, but holding his own, chimed in, 'Yea, all you need is Jesus, we don't philosophize'. And he quickly changed the subject. 'You all don't seen to understand all the wonderful things our lord and savior did for us, he stopped all of the Jewish squabbling, his truth infiltrated the Roman empire and spread throughout the world, the whole reason Columbus got sponsored to go to the new world and discover america was to spread christianity, and to practice gods word was the reason this great country was invented, and the printing press was invented so people could have their own bible, not to mention all of the miracles he performed, the bible is gods word, you can't go against it'. Zak replied. 'But it was translated so many times, how can you know for sure that Jesus' word was preserved perfectly'? 'Because god is watching over it, it is the perfect book, do you think god would let it be tampered with'? But Alex chimed in. 'Do you think god would let people starve all over the world, and allow people to kill each other in his name'? Cecily said. 'The world would be a lot better off if we never came here, and killed all the Indians the destroyed the environment.' Zak: 'But then Buddhism wouldn't be spreading around like wild fire like is is now Cecily'. Cecily didn't really have anything to say to that, but it provoked Alex to go off on his little soliloquies: 'It could be said there is no need to bring Christianity and Buddhism together and agree on reincarnation and God and just let both coexist peacefully to accommodate both types of people. But the practitioners of both religions are missing the beneficence of the other. Buddhists and atheists think Christians, because of their overzealous enforcement of laws that should be left to God out of a fear of this life being the only chance and can be ruined by breaking minor laws like premarital sex, masturbation, drugs, divorce, and faith. jesus' parables were told to primitive people who still believed God as being a big white bearded man sitting on a throne with his angels sitting beside him. On Jesus' last day the Zebedee brothers asked Jesus if they could sit on either side of his throne. They were still afraid of the environment motivation out of fear more. The knowledge of right and wrong has developed heaps since then. People needed to hear things in more of a drill sergeant kind of way. But strict commands like: The sower, wicked tenants, house built on a rock, weeds among the wheat, dragnet, unmerciful servant, labourers in the vineyard, foolish maidens three servants and their talents, sheep from goats, door keeper on watch, barren fig tree, guests who made excuses, Rich man and Lazarus. 15 Parables, nearly half. The only parable that mentions hell is only n Luke, and he never met Jesus. When Jesus said the iniquitous will be burned in hell fire, he was saying the iniquitous parts of us is not part of God which lasts forever ad therefore must perish and it is the fire that eradicates everything in this world, and things of this world are not part of God. He never said your soul can be doomed. Just as in the od testament Sodom and Gomorra burn 't not the people. They just died. This belief in the death of souls caused the inquisition, murder of five million earth women, and genocide of tribal people. Because of the belief that if after you ear the word of God and don't accept it your soul is doomed, the church justified killing people. So naturally good people who know in their hearts that we all have a right to live will be turned off to Christianity and turn to something not so morbid, or not care.

The reason Christians are turned off to Buddhists is because Buddhists don't believe in God, and accept Jesus Christ as the son of God. Buddhists don't believe in God, and accept Jesus Christ as the son of God. Buddhists sometimes proudly say 'We don't believe in God' and say 'Jesus was just a man', and turn their backs on the teachings. Not realizing that the backbone of their doctrine that gives that Jesus proved he is speaking the truth with undeniably sure documentation performed miracles. And all of the idle worship in Buddhism is seen as one of the biggest hindrances to Christianity. Buddhism is great with philosophy, meditation chants and prostrations to righteousness when they are done when the primary focus is on dedicating yourself to give as much help and love to others as possible, and try to Separate your self from others the least, but when you start making chants in Tibetan and introduce others to chant then without knowing what they're saying or any philosophical prepping , and think the vibration of the words will bring you to God, you re merely refusing your responsibility and putting yourself in the hands of unseen spirits. The vibration of words to make a holy chant is just an Asian version of making rhymes with the king James Bible. We don't read the Bible in Latin. Or singing Om Mani Padmi Hum' in the hopes to get rich. And offerings to various Gods merely takes god out of the picture by confusing people into thinking they are practicing a special right and there fore more in tune than others gives them excuses to break the golden rules'. B
reak the golden rules, let me give you an idea of how fearful, ignorant, and quick to judge we are about our basic views on life. Lets explore the whole problem we have with religion. people are pathetically quick to judge each other when it comes to religion. If I start talking about god and the Bible to like Zak, he thinks I am a fundamentalist Christian and start telling me how no matter what I say, he isn't going to hell, as if I told him he was, or that he is and there is nothing I can do about it. and if I start talking about Buddhism to like Vernon or Steven, needless to say they get scared and think I am falling into the grips of the Devil. and if Jezebel talks about aliens, a lot of people just think she had too many hits of acid or was dropped on her head as a baby. Why are we so quick to judge? Well, we were never asked to have religious debates in school because it is such a sensitive subject. Facilitators think they are being shrewd by avoiding the subject, why? So we can get at each others throat's later in life? if we don't learn to speak our minds in high school or college when will we? After college we are told to get 'real jobs'. As if all the other jobs are 'fake jobs' for the weak minded. some times intelligent people chose jobs with little responsibility so they can focus on themselves, or start something of their own.

Here I am offering my take on religion, which to me in another word for spirituality or reality. I arrive at answers by following patterns, coming from deep in the past of our history and my imagination; and allowing those patterns into the future to see where we are going. But in order to see those patterns I need to step back and see all facets of the world from a distance, like stepping back from the screen door and moving around in order to get a clear picture of the back yard. Another word for this is education. It is amazing how lacking in education we are in things that are timeless. Once there was a black out in LA and thousands of people called the cops complaining about the smoke fog in the sky, not realizing it was the milky way. or Holistic medicine, sacred geometry, or any of the other tribal truths we have lived with since the beginning. We just threw it all away as we came into the modern world. Sorry if I sound like a bible thumping maniac, but if we would just educate ourselves on the prophecies of the Bible and take into account of the world religions, we would have a much clearer understanding of the world we live in and the world we came from.

But we ain't seen nothing yet, until now I have just been analyzing the everyday concerns of the common people. When we really look at the big picture, and bypass the limited cultural paradigm we were born with, we will undergo a bigger transmutation in the way we see the world than men born with slaves and dying with black people running their city ever dreamed of. yea you guys, disclosure is a reality, the government will open the door to the presence of aliens. Only then will we see the true depth of our cultural brain washing and reevaluate everything. When you listen seriously to all the stories that people are afraid to tell in fear of ridicule, read the books written by aliens, and contemplate the vast science and history of Gods creation; it becomes clear that not only interstellar travel is possible but extraterrestrial life is everywhere; and a natural progression of our divine, eternal life. Only then will it be clear that all the superstitions and stories from the past came from true stories of people called gods who come from other planets, and those silver discs, red triangles, and shooting stars that make 90 degree turns seen by millions of people are actually vehicles driven by these 'gods' who are watching and trying to help us. These are people similar to us from other star systems like Sirius, Arcturus, Zeta Reticulae, the Plaiades, and even other galaxies. When we take this into account, all of our scientific loopholes make sense, like the missing links, the sudden appearances of hominids and dinosaurs, and all of the strange cultural similarities like all indigenous cultures having the same story about the Plaeides; that seven sisters came down and wanted to marry the prince of the Earth. The Pyramids that we can't even construct today that are symmetrical to a quarter of an inch. Perfectly carved stones, as if from giant machines, the 600 ton block on King David's temple in Jerusalem 50 feet in the air, at the time of its construction 100 feet in the air. A feat none of our present day cranes could hope to do, the stories about Pluto, which we have only recently been discovered, the big planet we can only as of now gravitationally detect, the Dogon tribe in Libya's accurate stories about the orbit of the Sirius star that we didn't confirm until a hundred and fifty years ago of the ancient Sumarians Cuneiform translations telling accurate stories about all the planets in the solar system, from calling Pluto, invisible to the naked eye, a water planet, that we didn't confirm until the voyager spacecraft saw it and showed us it was blue, to the story of the giant planet with an elliptical orbit that we only recently detected gravitationally and are now searching for in the sky, among other things, is all explained. We all probably have miraculous stories to tell but we bury them in fear of ridicule.

As a personal example, I saw a saucer five minutes after I prayed for one to come down, in the form of lights in the distance of the desert blinking at me from left to right then right to left, then inward in the red green yellow that I was so fond of then. Then a couple months ago when my friends huge three foot long windshield crack suddenly disappeared, and two days when I woke up with my gapped teeth suddenly together. These occurrences reassured me of a supernatural presence that our modern society adamantly rejects, why? People can give each other the screw faced evil eye to stories like this until the stories seep into common knowledge and they remember things like this that have happened to them but forgot, and then it becomes a reality, then we all forget the great change we have made and live as if it has always been like this. Just remember one thing, if you were to drop your great grand dad off in Boulder now and show him around he just might have a heart attack or lock himself in a closet or pass out.

From the beginning our biggest problem has always been our inability to see eye to eye, to relate to one another and realize we are all one. Freedom, the word that defines our country, our first constitutional amendment, is the necessary step in our cultivation of creativity
It was suppression of knowledge by the English church, is what motivated our ancestors to found this great county. The freedom to think what you want, say what you want, be who you are, that is what made us great, and why people flocked here. Most of the great innovators of the world were first generation immigrants to America, brilliant people who knew they couldn't do it in the old world because of feudalistic style over control.
To cultivate creativity, there needs to be an anything goes attitude. Something we take for granted in this country and don't realize the value of until we leave and see the close mindedness of European cultures and hear all the attitude about how Americans are arrogant, loud, and self centered. But we aren't holier than thou, it just seems that way to people who are stuck in the 'watch what you say or else the king will behead you' attitude. We are a nation of rebels, with every generation blaming the one before and earnestly trying to change, following the pattern we have lived by since the first boat load of fed up freedom fighters arrived.

But now more than ever we need to reevaluate reality; find out what we really want. Because the iron hand of suppression, the FDA, FBI, NSA, CIA, IRS, etc., is alive and working hard to control us as if we are people not to be trusted. look at how all the figmentary societal rules that we have made up and blindly follow. Rules who's primary motivator is fear: Graduate from high school or you will be a failure in life, graduate from college or you won't be successful, get married before you are thirty, and god forbid, don't live with your parents. Keep up with the Jones's new clothing styles that hurt the environment. If people do break out and express themselves they are likely to be labeled with a mental illness: Having a healthy imagination means attention deficit disorder and need Ridalin, and getting stressed out calls for Prozac which almost half of us are on, and the cure for depression is lithium. We don't realize we are given drugs made from specific parts of plants, and chemicals formulated in a certain way so a Billionaire, Friend of the FDA, company can call dibs on, and then illegalize natural time tested remedies like marijuana. And people don't even know what aromatherapy is. It is the natural healing juices boiled out of plants and used to airiate rooms, or use in baths or on the skin to trigger the brain to calm down and heal the body. We don't realize that even today in this country, people can't even sell these natural undoctored essential oils from plants that anybody cold produce with a $300 distiller, with a claim that it has a certain healing property; even though it has been common knowledge for thousands of years throughout all cultures. Naturopaths people have to change the spelling from 'Breath aid' to 'Breathe aide,' until the FDA cracks down again and they have to change it to something totally ambiguous and make it a hush word of mouth inoculation. Why? To protect the public from harmful plants? No, to keep a strangle hold on the multi billion dollar pharmaceutical industry of man made, carcinogenic, exorbitantly priced pills. Our government is still controlled by greedy monopolists who think just like the wealthy land owners of medieval times. Meanwhile we have $100 bottles of pills giving people brain cancer and polluting the environment. Witch burning is alive and well, but nobody knows or cares because we were never trained to think for ourselves. After college we tell ourselves we are educated and start the 9 to 5 grind, thinking everything is hunky dory. This is because we were always told what to think, and never asked what we think. And if a kid in class or any where else says something different, they are shot down by the teacher, or the skeptic who prides himself on his objective reasoning skills, thinking they are escaping the age old Christian or pagan brainwashing that we all hear of, but never realizing that his skepticism, is actually a blind eye to the truth, and not a freedom from craziness, This is because his skepticism is born of fear of something new and thus no effort to study the facts is made. People stand on two extremes of the yard with out walking around to see what the whole landscape looks like.

Look where suppression got Russia, now it is an impoverished country run by gangsters, they have to totally re-learn what democracy is from scratch. That is why it is of imminent importance to encourage kids to speak their minds, no matter what they say. but we must believe one thing fist, and that is that having the freedom to speak your mind will yield nothing but truth, and not lead to an escape of demons to reap havoc on the world. and that is where religion the whole issue that our country was founded on, comes into play.

The root causes of world dynamics are ancient. We have been steadily more social as time passes. from monkeys to humans. As we get more evolved our tribes get larger and our knowledge and responsibilities greater. But if our responsibilities grow faster than our knowledge, we will topple. This is what our lord and savior from the Devil Jesus Christ of Nazareth son of Joseph and Mary was talking about when he said: 'A man who builds his house on a rock is better off than the dude who builds it on sand'. This is exactly what is happening to the world now. We have all this nuclear technology, world trade, gizmos and gadgets, so many we don't know what to do with. We buy computers and play games on them rather than use them to network and educate ourselves to overthrow the rich kids in control of the military industry complex that we spend billions upon billions of dollars on every year and the zillionaire oil companies who are in bed with the automobile industry who are in cahoots with the pharmaceutical and tobacco companies who control the FDA who keep 50,000 people in jail for life from distributing the cannibus plant. These wealthy people see the world as a play ground to do as they please, and get a sick self satisfying pleasure out of milking people like cows. If this sounds harsh think about all the child labor and exploitation of immigrants, slaves, and native americans, or the Nazis and their concentration camps. Human passion spurred from a feeling of separation will cause otherwise normal people to do horrific things. Germans aren't bad people, but they killed 6 million Jews. We are always reading about people flipping out and killing their families, are they bad or just mad? I, for one, can indirectly remember going mad and murdering people in my past lives out of sheer rage caused by people killing my family. And I think I might be dangerous today if I had not grown up in a peaceful Jewish family. Humans have the potential to be divine, but we are still animals, and our biggest challenge is to transcend this passionate feeling of separateness and see the spirit of the universe in a holistic way, that we are all one.

The Buddhists of yore have always said we are all one. and that it is useless to pay too much attention to this world that is only temporary, the world of eternity is what we should focus on, our souls and our relationships with each other. It is a truly mind boggling exercise when I think that the people in this class will meet each other again and again for eternity throughout the vast expanse of the universe. There by meaning that time itself doesn't even exist, but is merely an illusion in this world of life and death, as we are children changing so much every year and forgetting life time after life time, just as the 3 year old doesn't remember what he did the day before. Time is merely a measurement of growth. The perfect spirit free from growth is timeless, but the spirit of passion who sees everything as separate and not spiritual, or of one spirit, is very clever and tricks us into falling back into our animal instincts of separateness, and uses the mind to convince the heart that there is no point in life but to watch out for your self. Our western culture is the culture of the mind, separating and classifying which is perfectly natural for humans to do, but has been taken too far. In our journey of learning the world we classified and separated, thus seeing things as separate and unrelated. When we see things as unrelated we see them as competing, which yields only war. We see ourselves as the center of existence, and then socialize with others accordingly, imposing our beliefs on others and not regarding what they have to offer. But this classifying and separating mind set has yielded an earnest effort to objectively discover the truth, and has brought us full circle with the original idea that we are all one'.
'Yea', said Zak. 'Galileo changed the paradigm tremendously when he proved the earth wasn't the center of the universe. Then Newton came along and introduced the equal but opposite force theory. This revolution in the way we see reality was caused by quantum physics, when Einstein's E=MC(2) equation we still saw matter as being purely solid and separate, suggesting mass and light, which is energy, are the same thing. When Einstein imagined himself going the speed of light time would stop, as I understand it because movement determines time. Objects in space effecting each others movements according to their mass, among other things, it suggested that? I admit I don't fully understand it, but by the way objects effect each other in space it convinced the physicists of the day that there is an unseen relationship between the matter of the universe. And this inspired other scientists like Neils Bohr and Robert Oppenheimer to imagine the structure of the atom as being units of opposing charges of energy, which led them to performing experiments with positively charged light particles which confirmed the existence of a small nucleus in an atom. this inspired the theories of large nucleuses of plutonium that are unstable because there are so many protons bunched together almost overcoming the nuclear force. Meaning if you split the nucleuses you can use the positive charges of the protons to separate out in great force and split the nucleuses of all the other atoms, causing a nuclear explosion. This was the ultimate proof that mass is just solidified energy. Then we understood radio waves and billions of neutrinos, which are neutral, massless particles. This vastly proved to the logical mind that the whole universe is connected and hence, one, just as the Hindus and Buddhists have said for eons.
The point of the matter is that we all would have not come to this conclusion had it not been for the symbiotic relationship between theory verses experiment, and dreaming verses logic'.
'Exactly,' included Alex, 'all of us working together create something much more intricate and beautiful than the sum of all the parts. This family is probably the only one in the world that has such devout beliefs in so many different ways of thinking, if he could just find a way to all feel like our faiths are upheld, yet giving equal credence to each others beliefs'.

Jezebel had something important to say. 'You guys, just think about it this way, would God chose just one religion to be the only right one? I mean, all of these religions come from somewhere, they don't just come out of the blue, they all originated from an enlightened person who had something very important and beautiful to say, in a way that was especially powerful to the people of their particular countries, or groups of people who have a certain knowledge that relates especially to their particular groups of people, and it turned into the present day stories and beliefs and philosophies, and as we have already seen they have some uncanny similarities. So what sense does it make to discount each other, Jezebel, you should see where your brothers are coming from, and then you will use the word god, and Steven and Vernon, if you look at the facts you will believe in reincarnation because it is obvious. But you know what else you guys? If you allow me to give you the evidence I am sure I could convince you that we are already living in a cosmically cosmopolitan world, the gods of yore are actually aliens, and the god that vernon and Steven are talking about is actually the whole conglomerated energy of everything in the universe, which when put together, has a distinct personality that we can't deny and includes everybody, but in my humble opinion, also has a center to it, has a personality. Just like every organism has a center to it like the nucleus of solar systems, to cells, to atoms'. 'OK Jezebel', said Vernon in a slightly contemptful way, but with love, and a new kind of respect in his eyes. So she began. 'It is all hidden in the Bible' In the Bible, and the Ramayana, and all of other ancient texts, there are so many connections between them, you can't deny that they all come from the same source and therefore all have an equal amount of truth before God. Look at the ancient Egyptian bible and the Bible: Horus, the Egyptian teacher, was spoken of being from the two Horizons and Jesus was of the two lands, both of them walked on water, Horus referred to his people as his children, and so did Jesus, Horus and Jesus entered the mount at sunset to hold conversation with their father, where they were transfigured, Horus fed the people with seven loafs of bread in the fields of Annu, and Jesus feed the people with seven loafs when he was reclining in the grass, Horus had twelve disciples, and so did Jesus; The secret of mysteries were shown by tat-an, the sextet of the mysteries made known by John; Anup and Anan were the two witnesses for Horus= The two John witnesses for Jesus; Horus the morning star, Jesus the morning star, Horus and Jesus, gave the morning star to their followers. And how about Jesus ruling over the people with a rod of iron? Look at what the Pharoe's had, a staff, plus all the people with wands. Remember the quotes about Jesus ruling with a rod of iron, like in Revelation, 12:5, 'And a man child will rule all the nations with a rod of iron, or in 19:15, 'he will rule the nation with a rod of iron, or Psalm 23, 'The lord my shepherd, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me'. or how about the similarities with the lord being the shepard and the people being the lamb, even the adversaries were the same in the Egyptian religion, Horus verses Set, that sounds a lot like Satan, Jesus was baptized by John, and Horus was baptized by Anup. And look at all the parallels with the Buddhism and Hinduism, Buddha was born of a virgin so was Jesus; they were both reported to have been born from the Holy Ghost on the mount of the virgin Maya, in the stories both of their mothers were reported to have wombs clear as crystal and they were born beautiful as a flower, and when they were born the wise men came and gave their respects. And both of their births were announced by a messianic star, and they were both born on Christmas, and they both told their mothers they were great among men when they were infants, and when they died and were buried, the lids of their coffins opened and they ascended with light, and they both said they would return, and as for Christianity and Hinduism, both Krishna and Jesus were born when their fathers were gone paying tribute to the king, and when they were born the caves in an abject and humiliating state, but were of royal descent, and Jesus too, and the caves they were in were illuminated. Jesus and Krishna's fathers were warned in a dream to flee across the river Jocubna as the reigning kind sought their lives, and killed all the babies born in that area in that time period, because they were reported to be born. And even one of the first miracles they each performed were curing a leper, and they were both crucified and descended into hell for three days, and then resurrected and ascended into heaven, seen b many. And even their prophesied returning was reported in the same exact way, that they will come again as an armed warrior riding a white horse and the sun and moon will be darkened and the Earth will tremble and the stars will fall from the firmament. And it is not just those three religions, there were 16 other spiritual teachers who were born of a virgin mother named Mary, were in the temple training their elders when they were twelve, the ruler of the land tried to kill all the babies their age, who were asked to move away, and minister, and began ministering at the age of 30 years, and ended their ministry at the age of 33 years and were killed on the cross'. 'Who was that?' Asked Alex. 'Krishna from India who lived in 1200 BC, Hindu Sakia from India who lived in 600 BC, Thamuz From Syria who lived in 1160 BC, Wittoba from the Teringonese in 552 BC, Iao from Nepal in 622 BC, Hesus from the Celtic Druids in 834 BC, Qeuexalcotel from Mexico in 587 BC, Quirinus from Rome in 506 BC, Prometheus from Greece in 547 BC, Thlis fro Egypt in 1700 BC, Indra from Tibet in 725 BC, Alcestos from Euripides in 600 BC, Atus from Frigia in 1170 BC, Crite from Caldea in 1200 BC, Bali from Corsica in 725 BC, Mithra from Persia in 600 BC'.

'Where did you hear that?' Asked Vernon. 'I saw a video from these guys who did all the research' 'Well, how do you know its true?' 'How do you know anything you read is true Vernon? Do the research yourself if your so sure in what you know'.
'I read the Koran and Torah, that is all I want to know'. 'Yea, lot of good it did you', interjected Zelda. 'You Muslims shut everything out, you didn't invent anything, yet you claim to know everything. The only reason those middle eastern countries age out of the stone age is because Texaco came in and started drilling there, I heard they didn't even think the world was round until about 50 years ago'.
And Vernon, with a very solemn face, replied: 'Islam is the most sincere, devout way of life in the world, we pray 5 times everyday, and do ever try to put ourselves above God, we never show anger, and we never hurt each other. Sure some people go too far, but they are just trying to preserve their traditions in a world that is filled with so many abominations, any movie made in America has sexual immorality, and killing and cussing like it is perfectly fine with God, and the problem is because they don't even believe in God, Jewish and Christians come from the same roots and so are our brothers, but they aren't as devout as us, they let too much slide, and before your know it a small slip will turn into a giant avalanche of sin' 'Amen!' Exclaimed Steven. Vernon continued. 'The world has a lot to learn from the peaceful ways of Islam, we have never gone on crusades killing every body who comes into our path, we are just defending our faith, I mean, don't you think praying and living a clean and humble life is good?" "Yea", said Jezebel.

Zak had a scientific point to make, 'These similarities probably come from scholars copying off each other all the time, the ancients copied their stories word for word all the time, and the modern Indians do it today in their movie making, and as for the prophets dying for three days, these people lived in societies where they lived very much at one with the land, and as they followed the sun southward, it was like their sun god who they live off of dying to them, and when it reaches its southern most point on their sun dial, it stays in the same position for three days before coming back north again, they were probably just bringing in their ancient stories of their sun god with the story of Jesus, and I heard somewhere the reason so many people preach from their 30-33 years is because when the earth enters a constellation it is in the 30 degree in the sky, and when it leaves it is in the 33rd degree'.

'That astrology is all evil,' Proclaimed Steven with stereotypical Christian conviction. 'That is all about idol worship and polytheism'.
'Yea', pronounced Vernon, 'Polytheism is the root of all evil, people all having their own gods, next thing you know every household will have their own god, I heard there are 30 million gods in Hinduism, there is one God for everybody, that is the only way we will truly get along, when we recognize we all came from the same God, when you pray to your own god, you get possessed by evil spirits and you go crazy and kill people and is spreads like wildfire, that is why there is so much corruption in India'. But this kind of incensed Billy, 'What are you talking about Vernon!? I am just as devout as yo are, I sing my praises every weekend in the airport blessing people, and I am on the mall every day teaching people of the wisdom of Krishna, these gods are representations of real spirits who help us when we ask them to, they aren't evil, have you ever even been to India? And we do believe in a primal force anyway, we just don't call it god, Muslims and Christians are just too simple in their beliefs'.
'Simplicity is good, it keeps out the distractions', said Vernon. 'Have you guys thought that maybe just whatever works for you is just the way you should be, and that is is useless to just try to put each other down?' Asked Alex. 'We are just philosophizing,' answered Vernon. 'Well now that we are philosophizing, lets philosophize about astrology a little bit,' Jezebel interjected in an uncharacteristically smirky way. Astrology actually comes from the Bible, it was only reintroduced as something separate in Greece later on as a separate entity because of the tyrannical leaders of the time. Remember the Jews symbol in the Bull, how the Jews blow on the bull horn, and the people worshiped the golden calf, that is because their religion came into existence in the age Taurus. Look at all the lines about the ages, these 'ages' were the 2000 year astrological time periods, and Christianity began at the beginning of the age of Pisces, that is why the symbol of Christianity is the fish, with the fishes on the back of peoples cars and in churches and all that, and when the talk about the end of the 'age', the 'age' of Pisces, and the beginning of the new age in 2000 years, the age of Aquarius, what is the sign of the age of Aquarius? It is the man holding the pitcher of water, just look at Luke 22:10, 'When you go in the new city there will be a man with a pitcher of water, follow him and he will lead you in'. And how about Matthew 28:20 'And surely I am with you till the end of the age,' the age of Pisces. And Mathew 12:32, 'The Holy Spirit is not given in this age but the age to come', What do you guys think Mathew means when he said in 13:39, 'Harvest is in the end of the age and the harvesters are angels when the angels will pull up the weeds and put them in fire', it is the moment of reckoning now'. This idea of ages was clear to everybody, as shown in Mathew 23:3 'And what will be the sign of your coming at the end of the age,' or in Mark 10:29-30 'And in the age to come, eternal life,' or in Luke 18:30, 'The kingdom of God will fail in this age many times and in the age to come, eternal life,' you guys see? He was talking about the coming new age, like in I Corinthians 3:6 'We speak a message of the mature, but not to the rulers of this age,' or 10:11, 'These things are warnings of the fulfillment of the ages to come,' or how about Ephesians 1:21, 'above in power and dominion, not just in the present age, but the one to come,' or Hebrews 6:1, 'Who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the coming age,' or 9:26, 'Christ will have suffered for all, but will come once and for all at the end of the age,' or Revelation, 15:3, 'God in the king of the ages'. There talking about the end of the age of Pisces and the Beginning of the age of Aquarius. he is saying it will be given in the next age to come in the age of Aquarius, and do you think it is a coincidence all of this crazy stuff is happening right at the dawning of the age of Aquarius? 5-5-2000, exactly 2000 years after Christ, and we are smack dab in the middle of a world wide revolution, with the technological revolution in full swing, population growth, mass confusion and fundamental beliefs being toppled every day.

'I can agree with you on that', included Steven, 'This is the end times, and the angels will come and reap what we have all sown, and throw the nonbelievers in the pit of death'. 'What happens when non believers die?' Asked Alex, 'Do they die, like ceasing to exist altogether, or do they burn in a stinking furnace for eternity'? 'That is something you will have to see for yourself you non believer'! Exclaimed Zelda in a joking way. 'I believe in God'. Answered Alex. 'But do you believe in Jesus'? Asked Steven. 'Sure, Jesus rocks'! 'But do you really believe in Jesus'? 'What do you mean,' 'Do you pray to Jesus every day'? 'What do you think? I just came back from riding my bike around the world, do you think I get up at five and say 'oh Jesus, oh my Jesus, please save my soul from the Devil'. 'No, but you should,' said Vernon. 'Or else the Devil for me'? But there was no response from Vernon or Steven, so Alex crunched and looked at his brothers, 'Look me in the eye, and tell me I am going to the Devil'. But they still didn't say it. 'You can't say it because you really don't believe it, yet, you tell me 90 percent of us are off to the hurt locker after death, I have one question for you guys, if God is all powerful, why the hell does the Devil get almost everybody, that is a contradiction'. But there was still no answer, Alex couldn't tell if he had struck a cord and made them think a little bit, or if they were just ignoring him, he didn't really care at this point, he was just proud of himself for asking them that question, and he was baffled that it took him so long to ask them that. But he wasn't done there, 'Let me ask you guys one more thing, how in the hell did religion become responsible for killing so many people? Like in all the crusades, the genocide of the Americas, calling the natives heathens, or Hitler killing Jews? I heard the Catholic church is fighting 300 sexual abuse cases right now'.

Steven had a reply. 'Religion isn't responsible for that, Alex, it is people, you know? Guns don't kill people, people do, people will always find an excuse to kill each other, weather its color of skin, or political beliefs, or even religion, I admit the Catholic church has made some mistakes in the past, but they have atoned for that, that was only a by product of the ignorant time they were living in, even the pope is a human you know'.

He is a human you know, I think you blame too much on Christianity, it is just a structure we put up to try to spread the word of god with others, and live by the word of God ourselves, it is especially needed in these times, I mean look at all the drugs and sex violence that is going on'.
But Jezebel had another interesting thing to say. 'But Steven, it is this vary religion of Christianity that gives people the reason to kill abortion doctors,or one, can indirectly remember.

2 A Zany Love Story
- The Schleifenscheiders
- A Zany Love Story


Johnny Perkins was really horny when he went to his previous years roommates party. When he arrived he remembered he forgot to bring three dollars for beer right before the little kid stood in front of hi and said, "Hey buster, give me three dollars or scram". Johnny would have tactfully explained that he forgot it and would borrow money and pay him momentarily, but he didn't like the kids attitude, so he kicked him in the balls and threw him outside. As he was standing in line for beer, he remembered he had promised his mother that he wasn't going to drink that night, because he was still recovering from a black eye from a bar brawl he had the night before, and she didn't want her son looking too ragged for the family reunion that was scheduled for the next day.

But as he was backing out of the line he heard a blood curdling scream in his ear and a cold beer pour all over his head. He angrily turned around to feel a knuckle connect so hard with his mouth that two of his teeth were knocked in, and he saw stars. As soon as his vision cleared, he saw the most beautiful girl he had seen al night. She had deeply dyed red hair that took straight off like flames from her scalp to the heavens, only to take a 90 degree turn in every direction to cover her shoulders and wind around her body until it was tucked neatly into her sweat pants. If Johnny wasn't flabbergasted enough by her hair, which he was trust me, her snarl accentuated my the big red chewing gum that came hurling at his eye that was instantaneously replaced by a hubba bubba in what he swore to be less than a millionth of a second, sent him to the Netherlands of lust. He knew that if he tried to kiss her now she would probably try to bite his mouth off, so he gave her one of his patented head buts that instantly sent his wonder lust into never land. He knew that if he tried to carry her away now somebody would yell "rape" and everybody would bum rush him, so he grabbed a full wine bottle he saw near buy and poured it all over his uncouth lovers head to make her appear so drunk that she needed his help getting home.

As Johnny exited the house with his woman slung over his shoulder he noticed the small child he hit was still unconscious lying in the middle of the road face down; and he thought to himself "fuck yea, I'm strong as fuck, hee how!!!" He didn't want the Child's head to get squashed by a passing car so he picked the body up by its feet and swung it around a couple of times to gain momentum and tossed it through the front window of the house.

Just as he turned on his heals to go home with his booty, he had another epileptic seizure. When he woke up he was in a jail cell with this beautiful red haired woman who was starring directly at his arm muscles. Without thinking, he blurted out "I love you you fucking goddess from hell". At this her black swollen and bleeding eyes raised to his and she mumbled "you got some fucked muscles dadio". At that moment, they knew it was love, so Johnny said, "Wanna fuck" and she said "fuck yea!", so they started fucking. At that moment her parents walked in with the warden and her father said to Johnny, "Are you the boy who beat the crap out of my little Jezebel?". But Johnny, being smart to not make enemies with his girls father, explained to Jessie that he had a seizure, then said "Lets all go to he hee-haw".

In the pick up on the way to the he-how Johnny saw the house that the party was at. ' 'See the corner, that's were it was". "A cop done come around and sawned Jessie, he done sawned us there, and asked what happened". "Well after you beat the crap out of me in your seizure" Jessie continued. "he seen us, and done tooked us in cause he thought we was fighten and shit". "I tried to tell him not, but I was so dizzy from your abuse I could hardly make the words come out". "Then I called my parents when I could".

On their way to the Hee Haw they had a philosophical conversation, sparked by a dead dog they saw on the roadway. "That dogs dead" Big mama said, "How do you know bitch!" Big daddy replied, "Cause its legs is straight up" She said with a cool demure. "How do you know bitch" "Cause Elvis looked the same way when they found him, and he was DEAD as a doornail". "Well I knew that dog was dead any way bitch" Big daddy rebuffed. "Because it wasn't running around and shit, plus it got runned over buy that big truck this morning and it didn't get up".

"oh turd!" Jessie yelled, "We forgot granny and little Billy bob". "You dumb bitch" Big Daddy yelled, "Grannies house is right here!" And they pulled into a dark driveway filled with a hump-backed old hag who looked like she was at least a hundred and ninety, standing next to her was a three year old boy biting on her leg. "It's about time" Granny said. "I thought you was dead, or some shit!" "No" Big mama gurgled. "We was gettin Jezebel out a prison" "Hee-haw!" Little Billy screamed as he heard the news. "Shut up and get in the back boy!" Granny retorted as she was getting into the back seat of the cab". "Whose this ogre?" She continued, as she pointed to Johnnie's head. "Nobody points at big John like that and lives old woman!" He yelled in her face. A surprised Big Daddy turned around and exclaimed "Dats da farst thang I hard you say, da whole day boy" "so it does talk!" he continued to big mama. "He's my boy friend", Jezy exclaimed as she slapped grannies cheek "Nobody call him ogre less I say, you hear?" "Hey where's your little boy," Granny then said to Jessie. "It ain't back there no more" as she pointed to the back of the pick up truck. "Oh don't worry about him" Big daddy shouted. "Bobby sue and Billy-Bob-Joes coming to da Hee Haw later, day'll find him and give 'em a good woopin fer us". "Yea he's a tough little bugger", continued big mama. "Yesterday he fell off the roof and just bounced off the concrete and into the trash and just fell asleep like nothing happened".

When they got to the He Haw, there was already a couple fights going on, but mostly the people were still dancing, heaving their heads forward and back with their long hair flinging in every godforsaken direction and punching the air and each other as hard as they could. As the entourage stepped inside, Johnny hanged his head into the top of the door Frame. "Whogh. How big is you boy!" Big Momma said. "Six ten, five hundred fifty pounds" Johnny said in reply. "Well then, go beat some heads for me" Jessie heaved. So Johnny stepped out into the dance floor and started smashing men an women's heads together and throwing their limp bodies out of the way, while he was making his way to the stage, where he got up and threw the singer off the stage and sang his song as he was looking directly into Jessie's eyes. "I'm big Johnny and I fucked my bitch in jail, she looks like the angels from Hale, she'll kick your ass too, cause I'll make sure its true, I could kick your head in, and I graduated from high school too". At that moment everybody started screaming and clapping and throwing beer bottles at him, most of which hit his head and some how knocked him unconscious. He woke up to find old Granny naked on top of him in the process of pulling his penis out, but right before he was about to scream in horror, little Billy jumped out of nowhere and started biting on her ass, which made her scream long enough for big Johnny to get away an obtain shelter from Jessie, but right as he got to his bitches arms, they where scorched alive by the gas line that was somehow broken open and lit on fire.

The End



The hero wrestler enters the stadium to hear the 50 thousand screaming fans chanting Rocky, Rocky, Rocky, and it reaffirms his desires to crush the Mcmahan-Helmsley faction once and for all. His heart is furiously pumping through his veins of steel, with each beat a new found sense of purpose pulsates through his 350 pound frame. For he is the peoples champion, and he will show the people that good will overcome evil, especially now that he has secretly aligned himself with the great legendary Hulkster.

He stares down his foes who are all ready in the ring, and immediately his heart beats 10 paces faster and the adrenalin begins to surge through his veins, and he suddenly decides it is time to make the 60 degree head tilt for optimum position for the retrieval of the scents of electric charged emotion that is for none other than him...The ROCK, and with eyes wide open in furious attention to the moment, he angrily purses his lips upon on another and slowly but surely silts his intricately tended head to the south, meticulously taking in every molecule of reverence his adoring fans in all corners of the stadium have for him, and at the precise moment he has completed the thorough scan of the arena with his primal senses.

He notices the camera to his left and jerks his head to glare at his fans who are witnessing his greatness from the comfort of their couches. He stares into the glass camera tube with unprecedented intensity, physically assuring his loyal subjects that the evil ones will not prevail this time, for he has become aligned with Hollywood Hogan, who knows all the dirty tricks in the book of human butchery. No matter how many thugs the dirty dogs will bring forth from under the stones of their wicked lair, the hero will crush their candy asses.

So he gives his speech to the punk ass cheap shots, intricately describing the methodology he is destined to utilize for the purposes of dismantling once and for all his arch enemies. The great one finishes his speech, weights through the customary retort of the hideous hooligan known as triple H, but the smart ass comments and the sneering of his foes friends only serves their own demise, for it completes the adrenaline circulation to peak among all his pores in mountains of seeping rage, and the persed lips give way to snarling shinny teeth, and in one instantaneous flash he rips his cool shades from his brow, tosses them amongst the depth of the sea of admirers, and charges full force into the midst of those who so deserve destruction.

He dives head first under the ropes, but in his anger he momentarily forgets there are half a dozen feet fortified by bulging muscles weighting to unfairly stomp the vigor out of him once again, and our hero takes a brutal beating. But the chanting becomes louder and just as the jealous gang of hatred think they have succeeded, and the old man comes in for the final blow to the upper vertebrae of our hero; in a sudden flash of furious intent, he clutches the foot of the now deeply troubled McMahon senior, and performs a mind bogglingly quick kick to his groin, sending him flying out of the ring in unconscious disqualification of honor.

In one movement, THE ROCK leaps to his feet and single armedly plows down the charging gang known as X factor one by one by one, over and over and over again, until they are all stumbling in a daze of imminent defeat. Now he sets his sights on the Big one with long locks of yellow fibers uglifically scattered about is oversized temple of neanderthalic despicability, and graps him heaving him into the sky and dives head first with his opponent taking the blunt of the blow and falling into a state of stupor.

It is now time to dance around the ring, stop above the fallen monster, take one last sniff of victory from the emotional charge of the crowd, and BODY SLAM! But just then, the goons have somehow regained their bearings, locked arms , and double team changed the hero, blasting his neck and sending him careening towards the canvas at extreme velocity. Now our hero is once again being unfairly outnumbered, and can't get up on the grounds that feet keep coming upon his skull, and his vision becomes a steady stream of stars as if he is in the Millennium Falcon escaping from the dark forces.

But the Rock isn't escaping from anything right now, all he is aware of at this juncture is the sensation of being lifted to his feet and helped in place by something behind him. He begins to sense a large object coming down from the sky at him, and before he can comprehend what it might be, he feels an explosion against his head, and his now dismantled frame bounces off the ground and a white light appears with grandma becoming him to come on over. But unbeknownst to him his fortunes have taken a turn for the better. There is an explosion from the end of the arena, and 50 foot high flames burst into the air, signifying the presence of some hugely important individual.

A thick blanket of fog creeps from the funnel of champions, and as all eyes are veered in that direction, trying to make out the identity of the mammoth figure standing amongst the midst, and as the smoke clears they see a giant leopard skin robe, and then light begins reflecting off the 500 intricately placed discs of diamond. Then the smoke commences to clear from the head of the enigmatic monstrosity, and the giant golden round sunglasses, surrounded by, yes, the long straight light blond hair growing off the sides of a shiny bald head. Yes, we all know now, HULKAMANIA has begun!

And all members of the ecstatic spectators are chanting Hulkester, Hulkster, Hulkster But there is no time for introductions, for his partner in the quest for the liberation of justice is in serious trouble and needs assistance in a tremendously sad show of unconscious agony. So the savior strips himself of his wears, and hands them to his small assistant who is now visible to the masses, and trots at an intimidating display of powerful presence in the direction of the squared circle. As he arrives at his destination at the ropes, he is met by the agile ex-pac ready to kick him in the head before he can enter. But as the foot comes, instead of making contact with the head of the legendary one, it touches down to a pair of finely tuned oak arms, which proceed to twist the legs in such a way as to real in the fuselage of the foolish victim, and almost as soon as contact has been accomplished, the smaller man finds himself spinning helplessly about the famous golden head. After a few twirls of grandeur, displaying the helpless and weak one for all to see, he tosses the girly man into the midst of his iniquitous friends conveniently banging heads with his friend the dirty road god, and knocking them both unconscious for the duration of the competition.

The Hulkster now had a new challenge before him, and it came not only in the form of heaping sinews of strength symbolized by three consecutive H's, but an enraged muscle man of many years with the surname of McMahon. Due to the fact that he was outnumbered, he was now out of his league and out of grace, because the two devil people encroached upon our large friend and began a brutally systematic manifestation of destructive man handling maneuvers like the double dunch crunch, demolition destroyer, and dissolving dessimator in despicable and indescribable ways. But a miracle happened at the perfect moment, just as the two had our hero upon a table outside the ring, and triple H was about to swan dive upon the Huckster's broken heap of beaten flesh, the ROCK regained vigor at the behest of the fans and leapt to his feet and captured triple H's own legs out from under his, and causing his chest to plunge upon the sparsely padded ring corner, momentarily knocking him out of breath, he leapt over the ropes towards McMahon whose's first name is Vince. Little Vincy knew he was in trouble now, and ran away from Rocky around the ring like a frightened wittow bunny wabbit.

All of the excitement somehow resurrected the vibrations of...HULKAMANIA, and he too leapt to his feet, but no sooner than H triple was upon his feet, at in one instant the two warriors locked eyes, raised brows, displayed their teeth, flexed their muscles, and charged upon each other like two rams to the charging party. They abused each other blow by bow by blow by blow, and it seemed as though they were evenly matched. Meanwhile the rock had captured his prey and performed a never before seen act of violence upon the poor old man by clenching his ears and thrusting his head upon the noggin of McMahon, not once as Andre the Giant's custom, or twice, or twenty times, but 65 times until his victims arms were flailing about uncontrollably like a rag doll, making it clean and clear he was no longer awake, and the blood began to spew out of the head of the once proud father of the two girls who had now jumped upon Rocky's back. But were giving him more of a massage than a beating, and when he was done with his work he released his grips and allowed the defeated one to finally collapse to the ground like a demolished skyscraper. Then in a sudden head jerk he looked towards the carnage taking place between the two Goliaths a the other side of the ring, raised his left eye brow in a display of excited interest, jerked his head up to the crowd to take in the chanting and get juiced up for the attack, and darted forth to aide his friend with the help of a steel chair. But just as he arrived on the scene, he stopped, glared back at the crowd, and then he used his God given tools of muscle bound flesh and grabbed his arch enemies arms and pulled them behind, allowing the Hulkster to complete his art of sculpting the bad man back into the formless heap of which he once was, and the two of them tossed triple H into the ring. As the Hulkster set up the table and plopped his meat upon its deck, the rock perched atop the ring corner, took one last sniff of victory, and gracefully swan dived upon Helmsley, snapping his body and the table like a couple of candies, and to the cheer of the fans the referri counted to three without even them having to hold him down.

The end

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