English - Logo Sight 1990s English - Logo Sight
1  
  Spring break
  Balsam House
  Ski at Vail
   
   
   
   
   
  Tiger Run
   
   
   
   
  Winter break
  Red Zinger Mini Classic
   
   
   
  Eleventh grade Boulder High
  Tenth grade Boulder High
   
   
2  
   
   
   
   
  Eleventh grade Boulder High
  Spring break
   
   
  Tiger Run
   
   
   
   
  Winter break
   
   
   
   
   
  Twelfth grade Boulder High
   
   
 
 
June
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8Basically my spiritual growth was limited as long as I lived with my parents. Some of the reasons I can think of: Whenever I came up with any kind of outrageous idea, my parents shot them down with their conservative logic. I learned many wonderful facts from them, but learned all I could from them, it was time for me to move on.

When I graduated from High School I worked for a month in the Bridger National Forest outside of Pinedale Wyoming as a campground host; which was a good time for reflection. Then I guided two 16 day backpacking trips in the San Juan mountains in southwestern Colorado.

This was the major breakthrough in showing me what I am meant for. I never really had a chance to lead, and here I discovered that what it took to be a great leader was to respect every member of the group for who they were, and to speak with them on their level of consciousness. Out in nature, you have so many opportunities to show what you believe in without even having to verbally say it. For example, if I go out on a hike with somebody from the city, and when we reach the top of the hill I say to him/her, sort of to myself; "it is beautiful from here, I want to go there and see what it looks like"; he/she would get a gist of what it means to be in nature. And why people go on expeditions to distant and hard to reach places when they never would have know why. Then, maybe they would become inspired to go out and see what living in nature is all about.

When I discovered I was good at this, especially with young people, I knew I was a born leader. So from then on I wanted to be a guide into nature for many reasons: I want to spend time in nature to learn about myself, and the way things work in the natural world. To contemplate how the universe first formed for example, how masses of dirt formed and began to revolve around huge balls of sheer energy. How these planets sprouted simple life, which slowly evolved into a beautiful and complex system of balance in life forms. Then I would like to do my part in making the improvement in consciousness by spreading my honest opinions to others in a respectful and true manner. Being in nature also aligns my bodily energies with those of the earth, which is a very powerful, beautiful, and peaceful feeling. The energy of evolution.

Today was my first day here in the campground. My goals for the three weeks I have here are basically to get back into shape by: Hiking, riding my bike, swimming, working, climbing, stretching, and eating good food. This is very lonely for me, even though there are many campers nearby. I am planning on this to be a growth experience for me, to start me on the path to the bold man I envision myself becoming. A man who is at peace with himself and nature. There is nothing more important than being confident in yourself. Knowing the right thing to do comes from a confidence and awareness within.

9James picked me up at 7:30 this morning and gave me a ride up to Elk Heart Park with my bike. From there I rode my bike two miles to the forest boundary. I left the trailhead at 8:00 and got to Seneca lake at noon, and had lunch there for about an hour. Then I spotted my campsite, A NICE PATCH OF DIRT UNDER A BUNCH OF PINES, ALMOST LIKE IT WAS MADE TO BE A PLACE TO HANG OUT AT FOR A DAY. I AM ABOUT 50 FEET FROM THE LAKE, A GOOD DISTANCE TO Get WATER WITHOUT TOO MUCH Trouble.

WAVES OF LONELINESS HIT ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. MY Dad WILL PROBABLY COME BY TO PICK ME Up ON THE 30TH, MY LAST DAY. HOPEFULLY HE WILL BE WILLING TO GO UP TO YELLOWSTONE. I HAVE FOUND QUITE A NICE PLACE TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE IN THIS LITTLE FORT. I HOPE I SEE A BEAR BUT NOT IN MY FOOD. I STASHED THE FOOD IN A PLASTIC BAG ABOUT 30 FEET AWAY, THAT WAY IF I Hear ONE EATING MY FOOD I CAN SCARE IT AWAY WITHOUT GETTING GORED. BY LOOKING AT THE ONLY TRAILHEAD TO THIS NATIONAL FOREST, JAMES AND I HAVE Come to THE CONCLUSION THAT I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS VAST LANDSCAPE. I WAS THINKING OF CLIMBING A MouNTAIN ACROSS THIS LAKE, BUT I HIKED DOWN ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THE LAKE IS ABOUT TWO MILES LONG. I AM AT THE DEAD CENTER OF IT, AND THE mountain IS DIRECTLY Across FORM ME, MEANING IT WOULD PROBABLY TAKE AT LEAST AN HOUR AND A HALF TO MAKE THE TRIP, IF I TROT. THAT Wouldn't BE A GOOD IDEA SINCE I AM NOW PROBABLY IN THE WORST SHAPE OF MY LIFE. I DON'T WANT TO bE SICK. I will get myself back into shape slowly, no problem taking my time. I have plenty of other chances to hike farther back.

25I did the total death march yesterday. 40 miles in two days. 15 miles through rugged terrain down in a valley and back up again through countless switch backs to Summit lake where I camped, then I guess five more miles to the top of Glover peak. 12,068 feet, not too high, but a long way off. Then rode my bike down (eight or so miles) the road to camp. My feet hurt so much toward the end of that nine hour hike, that I was constantly limping.

The bones in my feet felt completely crushed, not to mention the red bloody blisters on my heals. If I ever get blisters with these boots again I will be pissed; they should be broken in by now. Since the heart of that hike I have felt very alone, possibly more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Like what's the meaning of life? I don't want such a dreary existence. I hear all this stuff about hate and pessimism. People like this critic Kurt and this guy Steve (the guys I talked to at Dutch Joe) seem to think that the human race is going to destroy itself, and there is nothing that can be done. This is the worst view anybody could have, even worse than not caring or not knowing. You must be optimistic. Then I hear about Indians hating white people and it makes me sad. We must unite. They have to be optimistic.

I will take it easy the rest of the time I am here and not worry about time. If I want to remain in my tent all day that's fine. Tomorrow (if it doesn't rain) I will go into town to do my laundry and call home. That will be 16 miles of tough exercise, with all my clothes in my backpack.

July
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10Friday. We are camped up above timberline, I just took a nap but stopped because the clouds covered up the sun. This is a reiteration of the vision that I had when Andy and I ate mushrooms in Boulder:

There is mother Earth and father sky (space). They are both our parents and they both love us. All living things are brothers and sisters. Even our own parents are siblings to us. When we are little children they take the place of "mama" and "papa" (mother earth and father sky). But when we mature we take in earth and space as mamma and papa because they are our true parents. For males, mama the earth is closer to us in spirit, but when a man becomes one with mama earth (after living with her and studying her, he also has to be at peace with himself). He has cracks at father space (universe), which is the most powerful experience ever for a man.

After more progress he can become one with father space which is a form of enlightenment. Then father universe and mother earth become one and he can relate to all living brothers and sisters. For the female it is the opposite. When she gets in touch with her spirit she is more in touch with papa. Papa displays his being in the: Stars, cosmos, order, massiveness, math, etc., which what intrigues women and brings their spirit initially forth. When women have studied papa enough and have become developed enough spiritually then they have peeks at their true spirit mama, which is what women are more spiritually close to. Mama are the energies of: The earth, ground, infinite support for siblings, the ecology, trees, plants, animals, little things, shelter, and comfort, etc... Then after living with both mama and papa, a fusion of spirit happens, and they are one with all the brothers and sisters. This is when there is no longer much of a difference between males and females, which is enlightenment.

All brothers and sisters are at different stages along this path to connection with mamma and papa. All brothers and sisters put together is mama and papa, all mama and papa is are the conglomeration of the life force of all the brothers and sisters. With mama and papa emerging as powerful globs of brothers and sisters. Mamma is a group of siblings, the planet or world to just them, papa is everything outside. Algae is an example of a primitive sibling. And after a while they grow to plants, then animals. And to what is the most sophisticated being our mother has shown us, the human.

Now I fee like I am just another face in the crowd, which means that everything everybody does is just a variation of "siblings", meaning nobody is special. We're all just a bunch of "marks" and "chumps", and treat all equally because we're all chumps. We're all different but no chump is better than the other. Some siblings are farther along the line to realization, and as far as relationships go that only means that the more "advanced" siblings have a responsibility to take care of the "primitive" siblings, but in a different way than the more "primitive" siblings take care of the more advanced siblings. We all support each other. We all love each other.

3  
  Winter break in Boulder
  Balsam house
  Thanksgiving break
  Rainbow hot springs
  Skiing at Vail
  Skiing at Purgatory
  Spring break
  Ski Patrol at Eldora
  Tiger Run
  Winter Emergency Care and avalanche class
  Moab
  Tabor Mountain school mountain guide 2
  Tripping balls with Andy and Mike
  Winter break. Campground host at Bridger Nat. Forest
  Vipassana
  Tabor Mountain school mountain guide 1
   
   
   
  Twelfth grade Boulder High
  Freshman year at Fort Lewis
   
 
 
May
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31So much time has gone by, and so much has happened, time flies. I have learned a lot since the last time I wrote in here. I am becoming very aware of what is going on with my emotions. I feel homesick now. Yesterday I drove back from Boulder, where I have been for a couple of days.

I have decided my major challenges are: Not consuming any sugar, not smoking any dope, not drinking any alcohol, and not drinking any caffeine. The reason I am so homesick, maybe, is because Wyndham is graduating in a couple of days, and the house I grew up in will be sold. All my memories of childhood are evaporating.

Yesterday I jumped Gross reservoir with Mike and Andy, we camped out there. I had an interesting year at the fort, it unraveled a lot of mysteries about people. I was strong for the first part of the first semester, but became very discombobulated because of living amongst college freshman and having angry roommates that I was around with too much. I don't know what I am going to do about housing next year, but I hope to get cool roommates.

I really want to get up at five every morning and be able to survive six hours of sleep a night, or at least know once and for all exactly how many hours of sleep I need.

June
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17I have been sleeping a lot lately, it's what my body wants to do. For the first time I am letting my body do what it wants. No forced workouts or tasks, I just do what I feel like, which right now is sleeping. I have achieved great patience this summer, I love being patient like this. I have no motivation to do anything and I don't care. I just sit here in my car all day long and listen to music. I don't even read that much. My major hurdle now is figuring out how to do work on my car.

I'm doing a Green river trip on the 20th with Bruce who has a bus of 14 years which has almost 200,000 miles on it. I will bring along my "Idiots guide to Volkswagen Maintenance" book and pick his brain. When we get back I will offer to do the entire de-rig if he shows me how to do the 3,000 mile tune up.

Here's a letter I found that I was wrote in school and was going to send to my family but never got around to it:

Dear family, being in college I have learned a lot, not only academically but socially and about myself. The main thing I have learned about myself is that I don't really know who I am. There are so many different kinds of people in the world and they all have certain good and bad qualities. I have recently been feeling depressed because people don't understand each other. I think I am discovering that I am different from everybody else. Everybody seems to belong to a certain group of friends that always hang out with each other. I don't hang out with the same people all the time, maybe that's my problem. People seem like they are actors in a movie, like they are always reciting rehearsed lines. People always seem like they are always trying to impress others or make it seem like they are being themselves by being annoying. People will always tell me about things they have done and things they want to do, and I am interested to. But nobody is interested in me, or in anybody else for that matter.

18I was interrupted there by Chaz reminding me about the rig for their trip. I didn't know about it because I didn't check the schedule yesterday. Lesson: check the schedule every day because it is very tentative.

This job is good in so many ways: I get good exercise. I meat people from all around the world, study the geology, history, and biology of this area and teach it to people. I learn how to cook, I am in the outdoors, which reminds me I should get a star book and learn the constellations. I love showing people things and taking them places, and showing them a good time. I love exploring all the canyons, and studying petroglyphs, which reminds me I should get a petroglyph book. I also love rowing through rapids and getting the adrenaline rush of not flipping and running skull rapid. Tomorrow at five I will take a plane flight to the put in of our trip, I am very excited.

I am just evolving my task as laying aside fears of letting down my shield of character. Now I don't stress over being too nice, that is selfish and takes too much energy as I have experienced. Now I am grounded and don't smile and say "hi" when I don't want to, that way I don't run out of energy and I can go on forever this way giving pure vibes out, and people respect me even better this way. I don't force myself to do any tasks like tuning my car. I just sleep most of the day when I get drowsy, and I don't care. I still get negative feelings of nasty people in my past being rudely contrary to me, but now I can see how it is in fact their problem and not mine. It doesn't bother me as much now. I like living in my car, which is a good thing for me spiritually.

I am deciding that this world is in fact the "Near wild heaven" that everybody dreams about thinking it is a past life, it is also the outer hell of destruction. This world provides the ultimate challenge for human kind. To have true equality and respect among all the races and creeds of the world, and in turn we can listen to the wise indigenous and respect and love and understand all the creatures of the world.

I feel such disgust at the killing of minorities and destroying of our world like uranium mining, nuclear weapons, and ancient forest cutting. So much disgust that I would feel justified in actually killing people who are feeding this corruption, and exploding their factories. My outrage grows with my conscience, I hope one day I do something good that helps a lot. We as a species are just starting out in our wisdom. The Native Americans were well on their way, but then we came, for some reason or another, and reared our ugly head bringing with us our technology, which brings only one thing that is good: Science, or a catalyst of some sort to the growth of us.

I sometimes have dreams of space travel, being in true unity with the cosmos and our neighbors could be a good thing in the future. But we need to get our priorities straight, reevaluate our conscience as a whole, because our society as a whole is still in the dark ages and has no wisdom. It is like we are so close to death, but saying that and burying extra food in the basement does no good. It's like free climbing a 500 foot sheer rock wall, don't freak out and give up or fall. Work you brains out in this most crucial time, to reach the top and be on a higher plain. I feel so grateful that I feel like I am on my way to peace with myself. I love this world.

July
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13I'm stoned and listening to LIVE. Whenever I get stoned now I really tense up, It's weird.

I just got off a three day Westwater with Grant, he's a cool guy, gets kind of up tight with the kids (we just got off an AA American adventures course). He is eccentric, a real character. I paddle boated through Westwater.

I plan to get up early tomorrow and getting stoned and go on a real big ride up that trail right out back here. I want to work real hard again, and jump start my brain, it has been kind of dead lately. I am starting to read black Elk speaks, hoping it will inspire me. If I am writing kind of strangely, it is because I am picking up on a conversation, just talking, so that is why I am writing like this. I want to go back to college. I have been really looking forward to it, even more than to my mom and my brother coming on a five day trip.

Here are some thoughts that come up when I am stoned: I have to be more clear, more spontaneous, and choosing the right thing to do, for example: I am using up so much energy debating if I should get more stoned or not, well do it. But not now so you don't lose your train of thought, fuck! I wish I had my fuckin goddamn ghetto blaster, that way I could have recorded this shit! Fuck! oh well, I am too tense, don't worry about it. I already lost my train of thought. I will go ahead and smoke! What I have to do is learn to enjoy everything I am doing. I'm freaking out man, I want to get back to my primitive self! Life is such a trip, what the fuck! I am always stressed and fighting, and wanting for some ancient and beautiful peace and love! I love my family and my friends. I want to love people and be myself. I want, just want to grow, I want to trip like this all the time and feel all the beauty and love. I want to ride hard tomorrow, I want to tune my car, I want to stretch, I am stretching, I want to really enjoy doing this this year. I'm all over the place! I'm sent quit voluntarily.

22 Well I called up Bruce and he told me about were the adjuster screw is and low and behold I fixed it myself. I will save the 3,000 mile tune up for Durango. Today I also tried to change the oil in my Rock Shox, but couldn't even when I called up the bike shop. Tomorrow I will stop by Kaibab and do it before the ride at slick rock with Paul. Tomorrow I will also buy a roof rack for my car, and car seat covers. There are many flies buzzing around me right now, but they aren't bugging me that much right now. I think I will ask Paul to take this upcoming Westwater trip for me so I can go down Cataract canyon with Zane and Alvin and then do a two day Westwater, and then off to college. I did medicine cards today, I feel very energized listening to Calleto's led Zeppelin, but the medicine wheel layout said something like a new path for my sophomore year has something to do with observing the big picture, and just kicking back and watching things happen:

Medicine cards for summer moon lodge crow snow butterfly spider (up) coyote pathway badger weasel bat bear butterfly buffalo lynx (Upside down) sun lodge spread swan elk lizard lynx owl Medicine wheel spread snake bat wolf dragonfly turkey school (1st semester) horse hawk spider grouse weasel I cannot remember what I was going to write. I wanted to write something about why I like rafting. I am psyched about going to school, I think I have a good start on having a calm enough mind to enjoy doing my school work. I think the reason that I don't have many thoughts right now is because I don't need them. I'm just here, that's fine with me on the mental level, but I'm not sure I can take it so easily deeper down, when you have no thoughts; but want them, don't force them.

Later that night: I got stoned and am ready to write now, this journal is perfect to have when I don't go to sleep. So this is what I plan to do when I get to Durango. I want to get that Urt from Smitty, and when I get to school, I will look for land somewhere to put it on. I want to ask the BLM if there are any places, maybe buy land, or see if somebody would let me live there. I want to learn how to do the 3,000 mile tune up, either take it to a shop to do it and watch them, or figure out how to do it from the book, or have someone who knows about them to show me. I want to buy a roof rack so I can strap things up there, so until I get a permanent pad I will live in my van.
I am starting to feel a little about having a change and going back to Durango for a new start studying and staying busy with friends. I think I can live out of a urt comfortably enough, and that would be supreme if I have some land of my own! I actually kind of dig living here in my car, I have everything I need to be happy right here, meaning I could travel anywhere in the country and explore with gas money, maintenance, and food, as my room and board, live off my savings. I dream of going to California next Thanksgiving break, and hanging out with my brother and dad, and check out Eselen. Maybe even bring mike, and maybe mom would come also. I want to drive around and explore the southwest like every weekend. I want to try out kayaking and mountain bike, I want to climb peaks, I want to hang out, I want to learn and observe life.
I feel in a really good place, I feel like I am really living in the moment well. I am looking forward to reflecting on this summer, and looking forward to next summer with new ambitions. I am sure there will be many. I don't want to get depressed of the monotony because I don't want there to be any monotony. I want to always be energized. I want to greet each day with a welcoming smile. I do live like that now, I think I have learned a lot this summer. About people, dealing with them with love and understanding and communication, and being strong at being objective, understanding and acting sincere to everyone. I have lived outside all summer long, so I have had a lot of time figuring things out, watching the sky. I love to stay busy. I love having all these positive vibrations all around me.
I love playing with the current and rowing. I cannot wait to do the trip day after tomorrow with my glasses, and running westwater, I want to coach Ruby down it, that would be a blast! I hope Ann lets me.
I am really looking forward to seeing my friends at school and hanging out with them: Bernie and Judah will be there, Jared and Eric. Andy Paton I will contact. Eric Nevin is going to C.U. next year, that is a bummer. I feel really grounded and whole and humble, willing to keep a positive attitude in the face of anything. I was kind of a freak last year, I don't know why, but I will not be living on campus this year, and living with such craziness.
Last year was hell for me in terms of dorm life. My first roommate, Brian O'Connor just makes me cringe when I think of him. He ripped me out of bed one morning because he said I moved a picture of his; just suddenly flipped out on me, and he was even acting like Mr. bad ass until he wasn't my roommate anymore. He took it all so seriously, he was from L.A., he makes me never want to go to L.A.. my next roommate was Chad Scott. He provoked Brian to spaz, and his roommate, that fat kid Derin. Chad was also crazy, but we liked each other. When second semester came around I just laid really low and studied all the time. I was seriously antisocial. The first semester I was crazy, shaved my head 3 times and grew a huge go-T, and basically was completely open, with all my energy, but it backfired. I didn't stay grounded and opened myself up too much. Last year toward the beginning at the same time I got into the scrabble with Brian, I made friends with Eric Nevin, he was my best friend there, he had such a good attitude about himself, I really needed a friend who said "Yea, were the best". He taught me so much, he felt like my big brother, in a time when I was feeling like a recluse. I really am going to miss him. Andy was my next good friend, we made a sweat lodge, and went to Wacko Tanks for about ten days at thanksgiving break. We got into a squabble one time in Mexico when we got drunk and drove into Mexico. He snapped at me because we couldn't find our way back to the U.S.. I think we were lucky we weren't any worse off. So we sort of drifted, but I think we forgave each other toward the end of the year. He is a crazy bonsai person as far as trying new things and in the out doors. I look forward to telemarking with him at Purgatory this winter. Another good friend of mind toward the end of the year is Jared Clark, we went on many rides, hung out, and I went backpacking with him for a week in Canyonlands with, Eric Owen, Trent, Jason Parker, and Colin and Pooh. That was a great time. I think I am so anxious because I am looking forward to it so much. I have just a couple more trips left, so I should cherish them. It is 3:18 A.M, that is weird I am still up at this hour, I should have showered. I will probably sleep late tomorrow.

4  
  Winter Break in Boulder
  Balsam House
  Spring break in Canyonlands
  Moab
  Downhill skiing at Purgatory
   
   
  Tele class at Purgatory
  Tiger Run
   
  Living in Trailer with Eric, Nicky and Yervon.
  Living in car
   
  River guiding in Moab
   
   
   
   
  Sophmore at Fort Lewis
   
  Freshman year at Fort Lewis
  Balsam house
 
 
5 1st Street house
  Living at Andy's house
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Trip to Wyoming with Andy
   
   
  Summer semester
  Washing dishes at Durango Diner
  Sophmore at Fort Lewis
  Junior year at Fort Lewis
1st Street house
   
  Washing dishes at that other restaurant
 
 
June
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20 (stoned dream) I was looking up about timberline and there were others there. Then I decided to go for the summit, I think I made it. Then of the other side I went into a mountain valley and hitched a ride. We were at about timberline and a big sow storm came and it snowed like 25 feet and I was using my Ice ax and kicking my feet huge holes to climb up the vertical wall, each step took about a minute to kick out. There was a group in there with me. They were trying to tell me not to climb out. Then I fell back in and was at war with the natives, they were fighting with spears that they dipped into the frog and to make them poisonous. We ended up winning I think, but we all retreated in one of our huge RV's as big as a bus, and we accidentally left the keys in the ignition, so these diaper wearing natives got in the other one after a refreshment of their spears (which we drove them away from), were following and tail gaiting us by about 10 feet. We must have shaken them, because when we got to town they weren't there, and we meet with these weird people we hugged and greeted kindly when we entered their house, then I heard we made friends with them because they are from the country next door that we are having a war with. Then we got in our cars and drove off. That's as much as I remember. Went for two big rides yesterday to Gross and day before to Walker ranch. I am weak, I must need to rest, it comes easily. I hope to leave on the 16th. I guess I will work for Shano only a couple days then. I am reading Journey of the peaceful warrior now.
23 I had an interesting dream last night I as in a town as big as Boulder driving around with my mom for a while, the only dialogue I can remember was her saying it is better to have an apartment than a house,, I remember considering it, of everybody having apartments and if it was better, it made me think, because it was her saying it. Then I remember going to party in the suburbs as a front seat passenger in a nice car at a nice house of a kid I knew and the parents were there making hordeurvs, I was in the front room, nice with a nice sound system and many c.d.'s. I remember a belligerent gangster and he got into a yelling match with cliff (16 year old neighbor) then he calmed down and was cool, but cliff was still yelling, I think that is were my dream ended. I pray for a past life dream tonight.

I finished Way of the peaceful warrior today, I read it in two days, I read Starseed in one day, both 200 page books, I am turning into a reader

25 I had a dream last night that I was on a rugby team, and we took chevy vans to the matches outside in some strange town. I was new so I wasn't that good. One time I played the goalie but the ball got past me one time I had the ball and Keanu Reeves tackled me but jabbed me in the back and paralyzed me for a little bit and it hurt, I got mad but nobody cared. Then we were going to have a game but there team showed up and decided not to play and drove their team showed up and decided not to play and drove their van off. Andy Paton was on that team. Then the van turned into my van with a bubble and a new arrangement inside, then it turned into my dads van I was driving through the city with my dad and there was someone buried under water or something, so he gave me the car and went to help because he knew something to do. Within less than a minute there were about 50 cars and a hundred people at the scene. Then I was hanging out the night with my dad, and there was a full moon, I looked at it and it was so dig like the moon on my bus, cartoon like. I was so clear then I ran through the streets and had some interactions with some people then I watched a Moab Mountain bike race with class. European pro riders, they were all amazingly climbing up a steep grade and some how bunny hopping over a crevice and kept going and me thinking 'I can't do that' Greg Lemond was near the front of the group and he did an amazing short cut where he jumped off a ledge across a crevice and landed about six feet lower and kept going. Then I saw him at his retired mansion retreat saying he wasn't diseased anymore and was going to start racing again. Then I was with my dad again and the sun was rising and the moon setting on the pacific ocean, it was all white now and huge, like a foot wide at arms length, then it fades and disappeared just before the sun rose. Then I was at the dream equivalent of my old big house in Boulder except this house was the size of a hotel . Could house like 50 people, it had a middle open garden area and a swimming pool and three hot tubs in the back patio which was where my first real roommates lived. My dad was in a room next to mine, I had to go through his to get to mine, we were only staying there a little bit because we just said it. I remember porno magazines of muscle women and I kept wanting to look at them but didn't want anybody else to know so I had to keep hiding them, that's all I remember.
29Yesterday was an interesting one, I tried to climb Democrat, but weather came as I was nearing the top and I freaked out about lightning, then after a storm I climbed Bross and ran to the other one but as I was just shy of it I freaked out about lightning again which I didn't need to and came back. Today it was foggy and wet all day (now 1:23) a couple hours ago I started to climb the three 14ers I still have to do, but something held me back, I am not ready for roughing it in the wet yet, so I came back. Today is day 8 and my rest day. I hope tomorrow is hot and sunny. If it is like today, I will leave anyway, I will be physically rested up. I set my alarm for 5 this morning, but I didn't get up because it was foggy and I had been cold and felt like I needed more sleep, from now on I will have my sleeping bag zipped at least half way so I don't have to worry about being cold. From now on I want to get up at 5 or when the sun first comes out. Tomorrow I will. Another problem of mine is lightning fright, I am way more than I should be.

From now on in storms I will keep progressing until I hear that electrical buzz, Seth (from the Jane Roberts books) says you don't die unless you choose to. This summer, maybe I needed that experience to show myself how paranoid I was. I was so disappointed yesterday when I bagged out on those peaks for the second time and realized I didn't have to. I need an attitude more like Andy's. The feeling made me so weak in all parts of my being. That way I will get up at 5 tomorrow I ride strong when I have good start and am 7-9.

July
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9(stoned dream) I was looking up about timberline and there were others there. Then I decided to go for the summit, I think I made it. Then of the other side I sent into a mountain valley and hitched a ride. We were at about timberline and a big sow storm came and it snowed like 25 feet and I was using my Ice ax and kicking my feet huge holes to climb up the vertical wall, each step took about a minute to kick out. There was a group in there with me. They were trying to tell me not to climb out. Then I fell back in and was at war with the natives, they were fighting with spears that they dipped into the frog and to make them poisonous. We ended up winning I think, but we all retreated in one of our huge RV's as big as a bus, and we accidentally left the keys in the ignition, so these diaper wearing natives got in the other one after a refreshment of their spears (which we drove them away from), were following and tail gaiting us by about 10 feet. We must have shaken them, because when we got to town they weren't there, and we meet with these weird people we hugged and greeted kindly when we entered their house, then I heard we made friends with them because they are from the country next door that we are having a war with. Then we got in our cars and drove off. That's as much as I remember.
16My dream last night was amazing. I was hitchhiking to Leadville and I went through a tunnel the rode goes through and stayed at these peoples room about my age and they, couple girls and guys I guess and I started making out with this small, blonde, beautiful girl under in a while the cover came off and I got a little embarrassed they would look. Then I went into the nearby underground shopping mall. Then for some weird reason I decided I would get to Aspen quick if I hiked out of the tunnel the way I came and picked cars up at another play like 30-60 minutes down the rode, I didn't get picked up for a bit at my place next to a mountain river, I remember pacing up and down the river and seeing a car coming so I ran up the river to where my backpack was and up the scree to the rode and stick up my thumb at the guy who picked me up. He had a yellow pickup I think and he was cool, I was going to offer him a bat hit but I never did because we were too emersed in talking about something.
18In my dream this morning, first I was stuck up on a 30-40 foot high cliff and this girl standing below me said she would have here men shoot me down, when I looked down I was really scared, so I changed dreams. Then I was in a strange town, I think Boulder, taking the RTD I went to a house and it turned out my dad lived there and my mom was going to move in because she was sick and needed help, he said he didn't mind. Then I went to the lake and was watching some kind of obstacle course race. It started out by the team of two being dropped in a canoe about 20-25 feet into the water and then racing around a small course. I remember it was my and this fat guys turn to go, just before we, were going to go the girls who were there (half dozen or so) started bitching about how men are so stupid and they can't understand how we think and they are on a total other level reality than us. The I found myself on land in a large van with my bike in the back and the fat guy was driving toward the lake at about 50 MPH on the large beach that leads up to it, to fast for me to jump off. When we hit the water and finally stopped, the truck was mostly submerged. I got out and started swimming back, was going to get help getting my mountain bike back, I noticed the fat guy wasn't coming so I decided to swim back, I noticed the fat guy wasn't coming so I decided to swim back and get him. That's where that dream ended. I was awake now, but I was still dreaming voices talking to me like a dream, I would think of something and they would tell me all the possibilities and variations to it I would have gone back to sleep, I would have dreamed more. If I would have meditated on the voices, I don't know what could have happened. (while I was in the bus in Boulder I saw Ted, my roommate last summer) with his new girlfriend. He moved into a new house in the town and tried to give me verbal directions, he was very happy and upbeat, not like the Ted I knew.
19In my dream last night I was in a mountain area and climbing mountains. I was staying with my dad, And we heard the Grateful dead was playing, so we went to the large two level theater and he had to go to the bathroom or something so I said I would save a place for him in the front row. I ran through the crowd to get there and saved places and then went to the bathroom myself on the way from the bathroom on the stairs I saw a large girl pass me and I ran up to her and asked her how tall she was. I think she said 6-8 or 7 feet. I followed her in the bathroom and talked to her an little, bit then left after she did. When she passed by me I saw her nipple through her shirt and it was right below my eye. Then I went back to the seat and the dream ended as I was approaching my seat. I remember seeing my dad sitting there. Before in the dream I was in Boulder and walked through boulder High, there the cafeteria was about twice as big and it was a restaurant with waitresses and everything. It had a lot of people and I guess it was open to the students in the school year also. There were students practicing for sports and things also.

Come to think of it I have had a lot of dreams about Boulder High; 4 off the top of my head. Once it was a huge gothic 50 story building with thousands of students and the beach was right there. Every time it's way bigger than it actually is.

A mouse was scurrying around my tent and cleaning my burnt pancake pan for me. It even jumped on my head once. I just invented packing up camp sitting down and decided I like walking and baking.

20I got up at 5 A.M.. and ate my pre-cooked meal and hit the trail at 6 A.M.. I was going to climb La Plata peak but I saw I had to go down a cliff area to get to the straight shot there, I totally could have done it but something in me said "no, your pack is a long way away and it's not worth the lightning". So I automatically gave up and turned back. As I was hiking back I regretted not going for it, I could have probably summated and been back at the pack by noon and it was a cloudless sky. I really want to climb La Plata. I have a nice peaceful camp and will hand out here until I climb all five of these mountains, I hope La Plata is possible form this end. At first I didn't bring bud because I didn't think I would need it. Well, maybe I don't need it but I want it. So I went back and got it. Now I get high 3 or 4 times daily and wish I brought more because I want to be high all day: I want to be high all day, why? So I don't get bored, is that bad? Nothing is bad, just don't fret when you run out, for that is where the sankaras are produced.
21In my dream last night I was in a mountain town and my dad let me borrow his Toyota van (we had one but flipped it a few years ago). Wyndham and I drove about a half hour up to this magazine shop (I wanted to check out a picture of a 6-8 girl). We didn't see the turn off onto the dirt drive way to the shop until it was too late and screeched in there and then had to slam on the brakes and flipped the car over forward. Wyndham got out first and said there were no front wheels, but then said he saw them and we pushed it back on it's wheels. Then the shop owner came out and he was this Asian (Chinese?) guy and said 'Have a little too much to smoke? I'm calling the cops.' And I said ''no, why, please don't, there is no damaged to your place, it was a simple mistake,'' but he just shook his head and went inside. So I said 'let's get out of here now'. And Wyndham was in the drivers seat and I said 'let me drive, you don't have a license.' So we switched seats and I blazed out of the parking lot and down the highway. After a few minutes driving we got to a section where you enter the town and have to hike down a trail. Going down the trail there were lots of people hiking up, then I saw two cute girls dressed in cop outfits. Then a few minutes later I saw two beautiful blondes dressed in cop uniforms. I said to Wyndham 'did you see those girls, maybe they were the ones who were called, maybe we should have stayed there, ha-ha. Then I saw the guy from the TV show hunter walking up the trail and we made eye contact and greeted each other. Then I saw his partner behind him, then I knew they were actually the ones called. Somehow I knew that the guy at the magazine cafe didn't have our license plate number but did tell the cops I was a hippie, but I knew Hunter didn't think I was the one because I was acting nonchalantly and was too far down the trail to be the same hippie. When we got to the road to town I started running about 50 MPH. Some kind of weird long stepped run. When I looked back I noticed Wyndham was running normally and was about a couple hundred yards back. Then we got to town and the dream ended. (When we first looked at the car after I crashed it, it had dents all over it, but was in good working shape).

Earlier in the dream I was in my moms house and there was this huge dance party going on with about a hundred people. I think I was working as a spy and had recently jumped out of a plane, high intensity stuff. Then after the party I went to a gas station to gas up for the trip to the magazine shop and this dog that looked just like biscuit came next to me and started licking me. I felt a lot of love at that place. The people all had pets and were really nice. I think that dream is why I didn't get up when my alarm went off, I wish I did. I think I'm sort of schizophrenic, sometimes wanting something, other times not.

22This is a solo trip as much or more as a mountain trip. I will get up at one tomorrow. This morning, as with all mornings when I dream well, I was feeling clear and good.

Had neat dreams last night but didn't write them down and forgot them. I got up at one today and thought it was 4:30 stepped outside, and got the stove going until I looked at my watch and it was 1:35 or something that received me because I hadn't even hit REM yet. I ended up ignoring my 4:30 alarm at 6:42, I climbed three 14ers today, Wisconsin and two others. I summated the final of the tree at about eleven and saw a black cloud and decided to take the tree route back, it is much longer and more tedious. I didn't have to, it cleared up for the rest of the day. But the tree hiking was a good experience. Coming back I had my first feelings of loneliness, this is day six I guess and I have at least 10 to go. I hope my food holds out. If it doesn't I will see if I can get a ride into Buena Vista with some people from Mt. Princeton hot springs. I hope I can hike the twelve miles I want to tomorrow, I will get up early.

I smoked pot all day long yesterday and hammered up 9 miles, five being straight up, so I tripped out. I got high this morning and was tripped out all day, which turned into my lonely trippy feelings. I climbed Wisconsin about a thousand or so feet through snow at about 65 degrees then glissaded down the other side.

I had a lot of dreams last night. The first one I can remember is I was on a winter solo backpacking trip through the 14ers of southern Colorado. I didn't actually climb a mountain but I remember trudging through the woods. You were supposed to stay in cabins, I was setting up my dads Green tent. Some one told me the rangers back track people who don't stay in the cabin. I remember thinking from now on I will cover up my foot prints in the snow with snow, and hoping that was good enough. Then I hiked up north to right above timber line I camped and I think I was going to climb the peak the next day. That night I had a crazy dream. All I can remember is I was kind of levitating and moving around my tent in a clockwise position and realizing or dreaming some very intense stuff, I remember throughout the dream state wanting to remember it. Then I was in a bike race, kind of a mountain road bike race. We were going up a steep hill, very narrow up to the overlook of a town (probably Durango now that I think about it) and through a school that was on top of it, but a grade-school. As we were riding up the hill I was in the lead starting the climb. Then this foreign got on a road bike attacked and then Cory on his mountain bike attacked. I remember thinking that I wasn't going to let Corey beat me, I was very surprised he was up there. Then I attacked and passed Cory and the foreign guy (there were many racers behind up) and remember trying to take it easy on the rocks and ledges through this now dirt trail because my tires were so thin, but I didn't get a flat and I think I won the race because all of a sudden I was outside of this grade school about the same height above the town as Ft Lewis is above Durango, although there was neighborhood behind the school. A VW bus was up there and I got in and was sitting there watching the children come out of school when a little child about 6-7 years old came in and hung out with me. He was feeling down and I talked to him and made him feel better for about an hour. Then a kid about 11-12 came in after the first kid left. He was kind of bumming also and we talked (I can't remember anymore what we talked about) and he mentioned he liked getting high so I packed us a bowl and we were Irie together for a little bit. Then I left and I think went to my moms house and he took me to their work where she took me to her work where she did work on computers. She showed me these super advanced computers whose screens that had the graphics of a TV almost, I think she was trying to get me to be a computer whiz (which she does in real life). There was one other person in there whom I knew, I think from school previously and black, not necessarily, I don't even think, a real person. Then I said 'great mom, yeah good graphics to and left then I had various minor dreams. One I can remember just as I was walking around this morning.

23In my dreams this night the first thing I remember is I was at Jeremy Appell's parents duplex in Boulder on a north-south street, he lived right above Soly Halpern's dads place. I went there with a friend and we went to Geramy's balcony just beyond his room. There were about six of us, three girls and three guys, all beautiful and kind people and I felt proud to be there. We were smoking a kind bowl and sort of real life watching the characters of Beverly hills 90210 doing their thing. I remember commenting 'Kelley is the athletic one, Donna is slow'. I said this when I saw Kelley jumping around and Donna riding off on a bike really slowly. Then I was in Wyndham's old room at the balsam house up stairs and Wyndham was saying 'Kyle, there breaking in, what should we do' I heard some yelling and saw people were rushing through the door and window of the front door, he ran toward my parents old room and I said 'The door locks here' pointing to his door and clicked it, he said 'No it doesn't and went into my moms room. I went under his desk and dialed 911, but by this time they had broken in, captured Wyndham and broken in his room so I surrendered. The kid who found me was about my age and took me to their leader and another guy, both my age and took me to their leader and another guy, both my age. He said 'the government has been thrown over, see this, this is president Clinton.' He was pointing to a vertical mummy at the bottom of the stairs near the door. Then we walked east on balsam and I said 'Great so Marijuana is legal now. 'Yea, want a seed' and he gave me one, then he told me more how all the political organizations have been over thrown. He pointed to a picture of a politician and said 'see that's Ross Perot (or somebody) just before he went to jail in the 80's, he thought his hair was scruffy'. The larger than life picture of a man I saw had clean cut, short hair. Then we went into a house with a metal shop and buffing wheel. 'This is how we will pay our way in the new order'. It never occurred to me to ask what they did with Wyndham. Then the kid said 'one more thing, respect me'. Then my alarm went off and I woke up. Next dream I had I was in some town that resembled Boulder. I think my mom and Wyndham and I went to a mountaineering store and we looked around, then I went outside and meet an intense, gutsy little boy about 6-7. We went to this fast food place that had a play set outside and there were these enclosed round plastic slides like the ones at water world, but they were too small for me to even fit in. They were really wild. The first one he did he jumped in head first down a steep grade that went under water and the momentum carried him up another one and down and then up and out so he landed on his feet. I think a train went passed through there (like near where my mom lives in Boulder) but it was stopping at a station there. Then the kid tried the other one which was real crazy. It started next to the other one 6-7 feet up, but this one disappeared straight down into the water. But never the less he jumped right on in without thinking twice. I saw him shoot down and then pop up and even bang his head a couple of times as he was shooting through intense twists and turns like a bullet. When he shot out he was groaning with pain. He said he hurt his back when the tube that went straight down turned 180 degrees in about 2-3 feet, which was too much too. His pain between his shoulder blades was chronic so we went to my moms house not too far away and she said to sue the place. So we tried that and the owner said he didn't expect anyone to actually try that one and I think we went to court and won, but that's where my dream ended. I vaguely remember another one about a gangster kid in a group who was trying to start Shit with me but I got him high and we became friends.
25Well I hiked the twelve miles my feet were really sore but the rest of me felt fine. The trip was from 8'ish. 5:30, 9:30 hours with an hour long breakfast stop. I intend to get up at 4:00 tomorrow for the Columbia, Harvard climb tomorrow. The trip will be about 15 miles, about the same as what I did yesterday. I measured it before and 7 was what I came up with, but did it again and got 15, it must have forgotten to double it. Then I hope I can get up early again day after tomorrow and climb Yale and hike into the road and hitch to Buena Vista, get supplies and hitch to Mount Princeton Hot springs. It will be about 9 miles. 5 pack miles (3 straight up) and four peak miles. I wonder how much of that I can do in one day we will see. I feel like I'm still getting stronger instead of weaker. I will stretch now.

In my dreams this morning first I went to Boulder to visit my family. My mom and brothers lived in a weird apartment complex. Then I spent 40 bucks to see widespread panic play and when I went there, (I think it was mountain sun) I saw Phish instead. Then learned my bro and friends were seeing them at Redrocks next week. Then I was going back to high school for a year to student teach. The guy who gave me a ride there was at first hadn't been there before, and when we got there he knew all about the place. I think he was a maintenance man, on the drive there I was just about to pack a bowl of bud my mom gave me by picking it off a wild growing plant near her house. But he packed me a bowl and we drove south of Boulder down a dirt road and back up it to the school up in the woods. He told me where the main registration office was next to the flagpole that comes out off the ground every day. But I couldn't find it and went into the main office room where I asked one of the kid helpers at a desk were it was and he told me, just outside and around the corner. I went out and was looking around the corner. I went out and was looking around when I woke up. I remember planning on cutting my hair and shaving soon and seeing how beautiful it was in the mirror. I don't remember feeling regretful about it though. This is timberline and there are so many mosquitoes here, probably because of all the Aspens that are here.

I remember seeing Sean and reminding him about the 36 bucks he owed me and him not really wanting to pay me. The scene switched before we resolved anything though.

28 Then I woke up and tossed around a little bit and just as I started to get to sleep I heard my watch beep three times and since it beeping on the hour is only twice, I thought it was the alarm which goes off for about 20 seconds. My first alarm is at 4:10, so that is what time I thought it was, so I packed up camp and ate my oatmeal and was just about ready to go. I thought it would be about 5 by now and it didn't start getting light out so I looked at my watch and it was 3:18, 'I must have gotten up at two, silly me!" So hid my pack under the tree and left. I got about a half mile and I saw a split in the road so I decided to get high and stretch for about a half hour and got up and it as still pitch dark and I got a little paranoid. I saw my shadow in front of me and thought it was a creature stalking me so I got my mountain ax "on guard" and creeped toward it. I was scared because It was mimicking my lateral movements. I wasn't until I got about ten feet from it until I realized it was my shadow. Then I found myself on a grassy slope and decided to rest until it was light out, which was about another half hour. I summited at about 9:45 and got back at about 2:00 about 11 miles. Hiked for about 1/2 Mile until a guy said "want a ride" and gave me one for the rest of the two miles, which I needed. I was burnt today, my sixth hard day in a row: 23rd 9.5 miles and peaked, 24th 14 miles, 25th, 13 miles, 26th 13 MI, 27th peaked, and p 9 m, and 28th PEaked and 11 miles. My feet are still the sorest of everything. It is easy from hear on out. I only have to pack four miles tomorrow so I will sleep in and stretch and take my time and do French and read that Christian scientific proof and god book that those nice old people gave me who gave me the ride from the south side of Yale to Buena Vista where they shopped for me and took me to the hot springs where I soaked and had a bud and fries and called mom and gave Ian's mom to tell Wyndham to pick me up on the second on Highway 50. It would be cool if he is there, I will be there, it works out perfectly for me. But knowing Wyndham, something might come up. After I drop Wyndham and Mike off at Vipassana I will drive over to the 14ers near Aspen that I dogged out on about a month ago. Then off to D-town with Wyndham to get ready for the fort. This couple just came up and the guy said, "Oh, you're the guy climbing up the 14ers, I heard about you". Then a guy I was talking to last night came up and said, "Oh, the peak man!" I feel so darn special.

Last night my dreams weren't very strong, since I only got four hours of sleep (10-2). The only one I remember is this little (10?) boy ran down the slope between the road and where I was camped, in the dream I was about 30 feet away in reality about 1215 feet. The sun was just coming up and was getting light and I over slept. The kid runs to me from the road and shakes me awake saying 'Kyle, hurry up, there coming to get you'. And I looked up and there were 4-6 guys running at me from the road.

29Well I hiked the four miles and barely made it. I could really feel the extra weight that the boots gave me. Packing in sandals with this weight hurts the feet anyway. I think I am hitting a burnout stage or something because the last three times I got high I got HIGH. Maybe the first time on this trip I that I got really stoned last night from that big resin ball I scrapped sparked it. Or the fact that I am still smoking it, I think the latter. Resin has a trippier, more powerful effect by a lot over just the swag bud, it's nicer. I don't know why some hard core stoners don't smoke resin, its good for me though because I can scrape their pipes. I ate the beans and will eat humus now as a recovery tactic with good food. I have had that stuff for about a month and a week now, and it should go out with a bang.
30 Today's hike was very nice, good energy about the mountain. The day was easy, first I slept (deliberately) through the 4:00 alarm because I wanted more sleep, so I woke up at 5:30 and got off at about 6:45. Early on at 8:00 it looked like there was a dark cloud overhead. I prayed for it to go away and when I was at the top it was gone. I estimated it to be a 8 mile hike and it took me 5:45. I felt good and went fast but I am really sleepy now, so I am still a little burnt. I think when you are physically exhausted, you are more of a light weight to the Ganja, marijuana, pot, dope, bud, nugs, stony, herb, grass, salad, mota, or whatever you want to call it. I got this up this morning and was tripping high and I still feel it now. I like getting up before the sun comes up. Its when you are still in dream land and thinking clear and lovely.

My dreams last night weren't that strong. I was in some weird town like Boulder and I was climbing a peak, but it was only about 1,000 feet higher than the town and right outside of it like Sugarloaf mountain, I got to the top of it and there was a religious group there. this dream had the same kind of trippy weird feeling that last nights had. perhaps a correlation with the burn-out? Well see. It is Wyndham's B-day in a couple and I ant to make him a drawing.

31I don't think I ever recorded this fight. It was last summer and I had worked at the diner and climbed and worked on the wall and then Jamie, and the "non", and another kid came in that night and they brought a kind bowl that we smoked and then we smoked a joint. Then I decided to go to Eric's house but had to wait for Bernie to shut his dog up. I remember being really frustrated he was taking so long, he must have been there yelling at and shaking his dog Irie for at least a minute. Then he finally came and there were about 7-8 kids hanging around a black pickup truck in front of the house. All the kids were staring at us and I said "Hey," they all stared back. About 50 feet down the road they started yelling, "Hey bitch, come here white boy!" and I was on my bike and said, "Man what should we do", and he said "nothing, just keep walking." Then they ran up to us and started asking Bernie questions like, "what are you doing on the south side". "Because I cannot afford to live anywhere else". "Hey, I lived here all my life man". Then a block down the road they jumped in front of us and one asked me "Is he your friend", "yeah he's my friend". "Would you die for him?" "What? no". And then Bernie turned and walked away from them and I think a kid grabbed his shoulder and he shrugged it off and the kid started wailing on him and he was fighting back and trying to run away. There were Mexican women following us and pulled in between Bernie and I. I ran 10 or 15 feet down the road and set my bike down and told the women to call the cops and started wailing on the kid. Then the two other kids started wailing on me. Then I looked around and Bernie was gone and two kids were chasing me and the third was riding my bike. So I ran back to the house and they followed me to the gate and I said "come on, please give me by bike back", and the kid said "no way" and the other kid said "I'm gonna kill you". So I said "If I fight you will you give me my bike back?", and he said "yea". So we took off our shirts and got in the middle of the street. I just waited for him to punch me first. He passed me then munched me in the forehead and I saw stars. Then I punched him I think in the left eye. Then we got in a couple scuffles. Then he dived for my waist and I elbowed his back about a half dozen times. Then we fell down and I got up and I said "alright I fought you, give me my bike", and the two kids said "Kiss my feet" and I said "you'll kick me". Then the cops came and they ran and later the cops found my bike.

I had intense dreams last night. First I was at a resort place not in a town but an area like D-town, because there were mountains in the same direction. First I went up towards Purgatory and climbed one (vaguely remember) then I went back to the resort and my mom was there planning a new years party. It was 12-31 and she was doing the last minute rushes. She had a friend (or two?) come over to help. She had every kind of dish out in a huge banquet hall. Wyndham, Mike and I were there. I wanted to help her but she didn't tell me enough things to do and she was really stressed out so I got mad 'why are you so stressed and you can't even tell me what to do to help you!' Then I totally freaked out and Wyndham and mike were trying to clam me down but couldn't. I just kept ranting and raving and hit my moms big planning book. I remember her talking to her friend and her friend saying, 'Yea, he's completely lost it'. Next thing I remember even the friend was gone and nobody was there. Just the four of us in this huge hall with all this food. And I realized I caused nobody to come and my mom made all this for us. Then I remember after dinner my brothers and I watching TV and my mom saying 'I need to take ---- back', and Wyndham saying 'I already did'. And it was a movie I wanted to see but hadn't yet, so I said 'Damn, I wanted to see that'. Then we saw the original Apollo 13 movie they made in the 60's with Kurk Douglas (there was no movie). I remember them loading all the shuttle parts in a truck and the tree men going talking about how they are just meatball astronauts and how did NASA chose them. I also remember the control room people freaking out like in the movie. I also remember my mom had either bought me a Geo metro or herself one and gave me the Subaru, she was really kind to me and think I hurt her feeling a lot by freaking out. I felt really bad when nobody showed up. Then I was in the hot tub section of the resort soaking and a cute waitress being kind to me and bringing me drinks. Then a beautiful 30-35 year old woman was very interested in me and all the mountains and adventures. I was doing this summer. Then she got on top of me. I thought we were just cuddling and talking but I think she wanted to fuck in the hot tub with all the other people in there. So I didn't do anything and I think it disappointed her and she got off me. That's all I remember right now about the dream. I remember cutting my hair and shaving for school to please my mom because I felt guilty about freaking out. But I gravely regretted it. One of those dreams where I thought I had really done it. 'There's 300 species of bugs on a tree in the Amazon' I said 'wow', 'within three days of one of the huge trees falling it is hollowed out by termites'. 'Have you ever read that book Tales of a Shaman's apprentice'. The white haired round jolly old European man from Colorado Springs said. 'They had so much medicine for everything, it's amazing'. 'You know it's sad those shamans are losing their credibility, because they just don't have penicillin'. Said the bearded 45-50 years old who moved in with a woman and sent her son to Durango for high school, and if I see a kid at Pizza Hut (blond) say Jim said hi ('Don't forget life!'). 'The sad thing is more species keep being lost every second with medicinal purposes that are known. huh's and wows. 'Edward Abby is the greatest', the bearded one said.

August
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1Got back at 11:30, started at 6:00, 5:30 hours. Got picked up by a guy who took me into Salida. In the trailer park along the way was an ex fort Lewis guy who wondered if the guy would take him to the pass for a "Burn-down". But he never told him that. On the way out the guy said "He should just ride, he'd be there by now" I said "Yea, just 60 miles, 30 down hill. This guy wanted to do the Iron man and climb all the 14ers and was "two years from retirement" and was from Wisconsin, Bad ass. I like talking to people like that. He looked 55-60.

I had interesting dreams last night. First I was getting a ride with a girl from like Buena vista to Boulder. But there was this hillbilly guy who was also taking. I was going to drive her four door sedan and it became icy out and then cleared up. The first town we went in we went to some Hispanics house and the hillbilly kept asking the guy the same question which he didn't understand. After figuring out what to ask he knocked on the door again and the man told him, he also told us about the hicks next door who had huge pick ups. Then I was back at the river where the cars were parked and our boats also. We were going on a trip, but we were cultivating little snails first that we could talk to. I remember I handled one a little too rough once and it, almost died but it still trusted me. There were about a half dozen of us there on the river bank, I don't remember who though. I think that is when I woke up. Before that I dreamt I was at the (not the real one) house I grew up in and we were selling it and I was cherishing it, it was huge. I was looking at my old room as a kid way up high away from were everybody else lived, and realized how I wish I lived there now that I appreciate living in a beautiful, solitary place. My dreams were fun and light hearted.

2 Saw the dark side of Salida. Salida is a hillbilly town. I bought a pint of whiskey and went to the library until 8:30 and then went to Safeway and the park and drank and then walked back to camp on main street and all over the place were high school kids at about 10:00 p.m. There were 15 at least on a four block strip all driving down to the end of town through the park across the river and turn around and go to the other end of town and then go back up again. I was hiding under the bridge watching the cars turn around. After I finished the whiskey I went to bed at about 12:00 A.M.. I remember seeing a car make the lap at 2:00 A.M.. It was probably pretty regular until then. At some points about half a dozen cars would make the turn around right together, once I looked up and saw about three kids smoking cigarettes right across the street from me. At another point a cop pulled someone over right next to me.

While I as walking down main street everybody was staring at me. I saw two stumbling funny chubby white guys run past me and then run back saying "who called us boy, not him, he doesn't have the balls, he's just a scraggly hippy". Every other car someone screamed something at me. One kid from a car said "Haven't you ever heard of a hair cut?" I said "no" and he said "mother FUCKER!" Then someone else screamed something at me and I ran to my hiding place. There were kids literally every where. As I looked out they were all over riverside park and downtown. But when the sun rose the normal people were back.

6I was picked up by the homies and we drove to black Canyon national park and tripped shrooms and I threw a huge branch off the 1,500 or so sheer cliff. Then we went to Hotchkiss and Wyndham bought us breakfast for his birthday (20). After I dropped them off I drove to Crested Butte (10 miles or so past) and hiked over Rustler Gulch pass and set my alarm for 1:00 A.M. to climb Castle Peak seven miles away and attached it to my right dread as always. But I slept though the alarm and had a dream that I walked out to look at the pass I was planning on climbing next to get to Pyramid and Maroon Bells and it was a sheer cliff. Then I woke up at 5:00 Am. but decided not to go for castle because it has been cloudy recently and I didn't want to have to climb over that gnarly 13,000 foot sharp ridge any later than noon. Sharp enough by noon it was raining over there. During breakfast I remembered the dream and walked over to look at it and it was just like what I saw. I saw a place where I could get over but if it was any more of a cliff on the other side I couldn't have done it. Then I remembered I had a mountain bike and if I stayed on this trip I would only have like one day to ride, and If I went back now I would have more than a week. Plus I was sick of hiking and jonesing to ride, so I kicked back. I had an amazing single track ride that went way up to tree line but had to turn around because it started raining. I will ride the whole thing before I leave.

My dad's birthday. I got up kind of late because I was tired. And fixed Wyndham's bike as much as I could and then went on a ride up Crested Butte mountain. I put $17 in my shoe thinking it wouldn't come out because it had a bad feeling that I would lose it. Next time just put it in the jersey because it fucking came out and I couldn't fuckin find it. I felt so bad so I called my mom and she said not to worry about it. So I went back to my car and went in to the town and got nachos. I think I'm done eating nachos when I'm hungry. it's too much money and there is too much grease in the chips and cheese. Next time just get an ice cream and pig out on rice and potatoes. At the restaurant I called my dad and he said to write him.

7It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I have noticed that when the moon is out I get any at night and cannot get to sleep. I think the moon reflects a certain kind of subtle ray that permeates roofs and speeds up my spiritual development because I get the "last day of school syndrome". Somebody on a mountain bike just said "There's that love van".

In my dreams last night first I was in southern Colorado and then my mom bought land and I s all excited because I was going to build a hay house and sweat lodge. Then I found myself living in a sort of outdoor house next to a river. It was the equivalent to the first street house because Cory was there living upstairs and it was after he took Jared's bike so we weren't on good relations. I remember I beat him up once and he was really easy to beat up, then he said he was going to kill me, so I would have to kill him to protect myself. I kept beating him up and I didn't want to kill him but he kept saying he was doing to kill me so I finally killed him and he turned into a pile of branches which I burned. Then I found my mom bought a house where the land was except we were in south Boulder now. I built a sweat lodge in the back yard which we shared with Wyndham, Perry, Mary Lou, and her sister. I saw them and sat down on a picnic table to eat lunch with Mary Lou and her sister. Then we just sat there and I got up to get something at the sweat lodge and they got up and left but I returned to the table. At the beginning of the dream I was trekking across the land with my mom it was snowy and icy and we were getting water at one unfrozen lake. Other reason we were there also, spiritual, but I can't remember.

8Last night when the sun went down I tried to hike two 14ers that were only 7 miles away. But the trail crossed a raging river up to my waist. I wasn't into that so I tried to bush wacky 1/2 mile to were the trail crossed again, but after a quarter of skree and 60 degree bush wackage it turned to a sheer cliff to the river. So I turned around and went one half mile up to the bridge crossing to cross there and bush wack one half mile down. After crossing a large uncharted river and following a narrow trail and following it back to the river and finding out that it was a huge field of tree-bushes for who knows how long I said "fuck it" and picked about 100 but wipe plants to use as a sleeping bag. I cat napped there until I got too cold at about 3:30, and came back. But now the moon was over the ridge and it was dark, but I made it back at about sunrise. It was a fun trip and I wasn't frustrated any of the time. At about 8:30 when I was getting ready to leave I found Wyndham's pipes and scraped the highly resonated pipe Tetsuko gave to him and smoked a goober and got stoned and blasted fish on the 10 mile drove up the dirt road. I was very pleased with the ride of the car. I was all "This drives as good as my dad's car".
9In my dreams last night I was backpacking around the collegiate canoe and then I came across Camelot, my guess was that it was a future Camelot after the Armageddon or something, because it had elevators. I was in it and I think I was the prince the bad guys ere trying to capture us I was trying to get away, I was with a small group of friends. We jumped in the elevators there were about ten in a row going down the levels and they had to guess which one we were in. We went up and down them a couple of times before we got away. I was with my brother and this kid from the city. We were in the elevator and Wyndham said something that made the kid mad and started yelling at him. So Wyndham just got off at the next stop. Then we got out and started kicking up a fourteener. By now I had made friends with the kid and we were ahead of a group hiking with us. Camelot was at about timberline and half way up I remember taking a picture and somehow dropping the camera on the trail where the kid was in front of me, he picked it up and gave it to me. Then I was by myself reaching the summit, there were snow fields and it was cloudy and a great view up there. Before in the dream my mom, I guess the Queen had a baby girl who I loved so much. She was so beautiful. I remember hiding her all the time and supporting her head and feeling the soft spot on the top of her head. That's all I can remember. It was an unusually beautiful dream. A new part I remember I was in Durango driving down the road toward main street down college avenue. I was running errands. It was a utopian Durango.
10Afternoon- I woke up exhausted this morning, and I was unusually tired this morning. And I feel kind of agitated and my resting pulse rate is high. I think I am over trained. I predict I will wake up tired again tomorrow. I rode strong though to the end of the day. If I feel weak tomorrow I will go for a run and climb a small peak. I forgot to call my mom today.

Last night was a good dream night, it was also a full moon. I experienced the usual full moon,. I experienced the usual full moon agitation and insomnia, much worse than the previous nights. I've waited a couple hours to write it down so I forgot probably half of it but what I do remember is me driving my bus through the woods looking for a cool place where a lot of people are, maybe a gathering, concert, or hot springs, or something. I remember kicking through steep woods and such. Then I was in the woods with my mom and little brother in the foothills near Chataqua, but it was different or course, very steep, and much woods and houses like a neighborhood, we were walking across a dirt road. They went ahead and I stayed on the trail to take care of something. Then I hiked straight down about 1,000 or more feet past a super steep dirt section to a house I guess we lived in. Approximately the same location that the first house in Boulder was. Then I remembered I forgot something I guess where my car was up higher and tried to climb up the dirt cliff but it was too steep and I forgot my ice axes so I had to go back and get them. When I entered the house again I was at a different party. With about 15-20 people there, I was sent upstairs to get something for now the house was hers. When I went into the room there was a pretty and interesting looking woman laying in a bed looking at me. I got what I needed and she said. 'Don't you want some?' or something like that referring to sex. So I said 'sure' and we made love and she turned into Madonna. I think the thing I got was a fight championship video because the next thing I remember I was in the video bedroom of the house with my brothers watching the second part of a video given to me before. For now I remember I already had it and was watching it at a college library in some town I can't identify that was flooding severely, except the inside of the building was dry. This video was about some Chinese kick boxer named Chintee or something. The narrator told a brief life story and then I saw a fight between him and a big dude a sign fighter. I saw chin lee do some kind of choke hold on the guy and them through him to the side of the ring, bounce off and fall on the floor unconscious, and chin-lee barely able to stand raising his arms in victory. Then I left the library and wen's on another hike with my mom and brothers south through a beautiful wilderness. Back to the house with my brothers, we were watching the second part of the video and I was very excited to see it rooting for chin-lee. His next competitor was the junk yard dog or something. A really big wide ugly hairy crazy guy who had a pit bull, that he tied his lease around the dogs ass hole pierced through to show how mean he was. He and the dog entered the ring and the camera man did a close up of the pit bulls make shift leash set up. They were about to fight and I think that is where the dream ended. Or at least as much as I can remember. It was a nice time, I woke up very tired probably because it took me so long to get to sleep. 11 or 12. It's interesting, whenever I write dreams down I remember a bunch more form previous times that I have forgotten. I don't want to write them down though.

11 Heres the song I thought up last night: Love is the way it is, its the way it is, its the way it is, its the way it is, its the way it is, yea. Why? just look at the un-I -Verse, how did it become that way? Through love, cause its the way it is, yea. What is love anyway? The desire to create beauty and infinite pos-i-bility, yea! So love! Cause it's the way it is, there's no way around it! Just accept me, for the way I am, and you can feel free, to bee you! And be what you wanna become! Because love! It's the way it is, its just the way it is, there no way around it.... don't fight it! It's the way it will be, its the way it's al-ways-been. Uh-hu, yea, come on, lentos go, to where you want to go, cause LOVE!...

I want to write a lot of songs I know I can think of them, it's all part of being an author. I want to make a drum and pound out songs. Hopefully some day with someone else. I think these wacky dreams are good for me because they help me to practice dealing with loving kindness to people who are freaking out, and let me know how I am doing on my path. I don't think I killed that guy in my dream physically, I cannot remember but i think I just kept unhatingly kept pushing him off me until he got sick of it and turned into the people who got into the car with me, like he was my family that I couldn't run away from and he didn't want to separate from me. The people were badgering me, but I parked and my brother and I think someone else and I just stayed there arguing with them and keeping them from hurting us by pushing them off until they just "came down" and transformed. When I yelled at him and told him to buy me a new stove, he just got madder. i think my life calling may be healing people who are seriously freaking out and feel a whole lot of hate and just need someone there to interact with to act as a catalyst to their "coming down" off their intense trip. I was in a trip sort of like that for about half a dozen years and severely for three (jr. high), so I know what it's like and I know I am good at keeping my cool because I did it already and came out with out every being an asshole. through my dreams I prove to myself I can stay a nice, good person to freaking people. It feels dangerous but I never get scared in my dreams, so I know I am that strong, or at least as resilient in real life. Just wave at everybody, especially cowboys and gangsters and old people, because they need it the most, and it makes me feel like I am making the most progress. Where as if I were to consciously great people who look like me. I don't even like people who look like me.

Another song: "You cannot classify the truth, how can you classify infinity", and all, all and one, I was he, and he was she, its as simple as ABC, or 1-2-3. Just think abut eternity and it's the way it should be, my baby, don't you see, try to be me, or else just be, free. Hee, hee, hee, ha, ha ha ha ha la de da, la de da. Sing the song that you wanna sing! and ring it true brotha! whetha your quiet or loud, soft or proud, fast or slow, no or go, yes or no. I'll tell you where I wanna go, and that's there, and that's here, and it's great good, happy, perfect, the way it is, is the way it should be. So how can this be more similar to this, if it's not when you look at it like this or this or this or this. On down the line, towards the oh so effervescent shine of eternal truth. Oh Jah great god spirit of all, as the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. We are greater than you and me, my cutchie, duckie buddy. So help me be, cause it'll help you too through and through, I love you and it make me feel so smooth.

I had a wacky dream last night. I was driving in the van with my mom driving and I was with my brother. Then we went to a place, like a movie theatre or a zoo or something. I was going to meat my brother there at the base of the mountains and take a shuttle to the airport of something. But Wyndham didn't show up and this intense guy who looked like a cross between Henry Rollins and Oak Crothers told me Wyndham told him to tell me that he was at a party and would catch up with me at the airport, so I got on the shuttle with about 20 people on it and that me trying to get on after it was moving without paying or something because he and the bus driver were yelling at each other, he said he just needed to tell me something. By now we were already at the airport so I got off and started talking to him. For some reason I was holding my whisper light camp stove in my hand and he asked to see it, so I handed it to him and he threw it and it shattered. I said "you asshole, you have to buy me a new one" and he said, "fuck you man, no I'm not". I tried to reason with him but when I realized he was crazy I said forget it and started to walk to the airport and he grabbed me and said "No you don't" and we started fist fighting. I won and ran into the airport where there was a cop there and I told him what this guy did and that he was assaulting me. the guy was just standing there all screw faced.

In the middle of my conversation with the cop Mika walked up to me, he just flew in to Durango from wherever he was. I said "Hey Mika" and hugged him and he said he had to catch his flight and would catch me later. For some reason he was shorter than me which in real life he isn't. then I finished my complaint to the cop. But it didn't do any good because then the guy attacked me again and we fought all over this clothing store. Then he said he was going to kill me so we had a death fight and I killed him and he turned into I think four other crazy murderers. Two male and two female I think.

Then I found myself in a car with them and my brother was there. We parked the car off on a paved road in the woods and we had sort of war and they froze into statues and then I think they then gained their senses and turned good. The energy of that guy was a lot like Andy was when he was freaking out: wanting to attack you, but not whole heartedly because he was easy to over power and he then wanted to talk to you, just really angry and disoriented. I could tell he wasn't really a bad person, just trying to be bad. he was the most equivalent to Oak though, like an Oak freaking out like Andy. This guy was built and bigger than me also. So logically if he was sober he should have been a lot stronger against me than he was. But then again in my dreams I am physically as strong as I want to be.

Something important happened when the four crazies froze, but I cannot remember what it was. AS it turned out Wyndham really was at a party with high school friends. So the guy must have been hanging out with us before.

12Last night I spent 9 bucks on all you can eat fish and chips. and gravely regretted it. I DON'T WANT FRIED FOOD EVER AGAIN! I was up groaning until about two A.M., not to mention the money I wasted. I only have 50 bucks now. I will only spend money on gas and Cheap food now. I have to. I hope to god that lesson was the last time around in the circle of learning that fried food not only makes me feel rotten physically, but heavy and so much more receptive to negative energy that I can barely stand it. PLEASE!

In my dreams last night I was working for Shano. His studio was outside in the prairie on the side of a road and also 50 feet away in a room. He was also painting and I was helping him with that also. I was also flying over the Boulder-Denver area and noticed all the gig buildings. They looked a whole lot smaller and simpler in the dream than they do in real life. Denver was just a little bigger than Boulder and it had a Roman Aqueduct looking chain of buildings going down the middle. The landscape looked like a model. I also had a dream I was on a mountain bike ride with Wyndham. We were on single track crossing a lot of streams. We got to sort of racing and I dropped him and the other person he was with. And waited for them at the top of the hill, and then we rode back. Another dream was me waking up at this campsite and it being more developed with people every where and a structure bathroom that is all I can remember anymore.

I had a dream about my dad about a week ago. I was in my mom's kitchen eating with my family and he came out of the ether with a red face and started to fix himself something to eat and was very somber. I asked what it was like on the other side and he said that was a stupid question and Wyndham said 'yea Kyle, that is ridiculous'. That is about all I remember.

A couple of nights later I had a dream that my family and I were in San Francisco is a giant donut shaped house with tables overlooking the scenery in the middle. This house was about a mile in diameter. Then my family and I went to another house and I remember my mom tried to jump from a balcony to another balcony that I think I just did but she didn't make it and fell about 20 feet and landed on her head and wasn't moving. Then I remember being in a kitchen and my dad came from the ether again with a red face and I think started eating with us again. This time he was more cheerful and I asked him what it was like on the other side and he didn't answer he and I asked him if he could travel to other galaxies and he kind of scoffed and amusingly said 'Of course not, but I think I can after bardo'. I asked him this high after he stepped into the other side and I saw him disappear and he was still there and told me from there. He said some more things I think but I can't remember.

6 Climbing 14ers and hicking the Colorado Trail
  Hanging out in Telluride
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Living out of my car
   
   
   
  In California with Wyndham and Dad
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Senior year at Fort Lewis
  Junior year at Fort Lewis living at 1st street house
   
   
 
 
September
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23It has been over a year since I have written in my journal. As always a lot has happened. I had a very productive year at school last year I joined Wilderness Defenders. At first it was great, but I got so consumed by the end of the second semester that I was sleeping all day during the week days and weekends. I barely exercised at all, by far my most lax 9 months ever. I learned a lot though, about the environment, what I believe, how I should trust people, what my skills are, etc.. I am a natural born teacher, leader, guide, and motivator. I believed I turned a lot of people on to the environmental movement with my excitement.

In the fall I managed to go on a weekend mountain bike trip with Pooh and Nickey, but my mountain bike broke in half at the beginning of the first ride, but I offered to stay the second day so they could ride. I went bike touring this summer, rode to Moab and hung out with this guy who was born with his legs 180 degrees backwards and didn't say a thing until he was eight, his name was Jim. He used to beat the crap out of people for no reason and has a bullet in his head from gangsters who where mad at him for selling bags of bud too cheap and costing their business. He made a weightlifting world record for the special Olympics though. He was touring this summer from Seattle, he says it's rad but rainy.

I couldn't ride no mores after this big ass ride because of my right knee, so Judah offered to drive my ass back to T-ride, where I hungeth out for about a week and then went on bike a tour with Wyndham down to Sedona Arizona. It was a very fun 10 day tour, we rode a 180 miles on the last day. Then I hung in Telluride for about another week and it rained every day. Then I went to Durango for the third summer session and took English as a second language. I rode my mountain bike about every day until my bike was stolen, so I got disgruntled and stopped riding for about two weeks. Then I went on a 200 mile bike ride to Dolores the long way, I tried to do the whole 240 mile "death loop", but got sleepy and crashed in the post office. Then I went on a group ride and kicked asses, broke off the front for a long time and shit. The next day I done gone went on another group ride and talked to Jaimie Carney, and Chris (Eric's ex-roommate), and got even more excited about the bike season.

I went to Boulder to get me a new van because my piece of shit didn't work no mores. That was when I found out my dad had Cancer and had "three months" to live. I cried and cried that weekend and was really somber the next week, then I cheered up, and flew to California with my mom. After a couple of weeks we came back, and I started organizing the garage, which took about two weeks because I was going places on the weekends. I went to do Iawasca with dad, Wyndham, Mariana, and those other two nice women I cannot remember their names.

The next weekend I helped Eric and his buddies kill ducks for the experience, which I doesn't want to does no more. I tripped booms with Eric and this girlie Julie which was wacky cause I was so wacked, and so was they in their own unique ways. I was wacked because I was making my mom cry because I was "tearing up the house" in the garage cleaning efforts (the neighbors though I was living in there). Now its nice and I've been pumping out in there the last couple days with Tom. I hung out with mike the other day, he and Doug who is mellow and nice. I played his high-fi video game racing sports cars.

October
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December
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1 I am just kicken it. trying to put my riding shoes on again. I have contemplated a lot lately. about myself I have learned a lot. I am trying to get strong enough to workout every day and be active, but at the same time totally taking it easy. I haven't really done anything. I tried to type last night but I couldn't bring myself to do it, didn't think i could think. But I'm doing fine as fuck now. Because I got on a role by busting my arms and swimming. So Wyndham's bike touring in Nepal in a couple of months. wacky. bad ass song on now Dave Mathews what would you say. My typing is wacky now. I am so glad I am typing now.

Dads doing better emotionally now, me too. I want to join the bike team next semester and i will take 13 credits so i will have the time and i will live out of my van so alls well that ends well. and I want to work out.

7 Bike tour from Boulder to Telluride
  Hanging out in Telluride
  Hanging out in Boulder
  Bike tour to Moab
  Bike tour from Telluride to Sedona and back
   
   
   
  Living in my car
   
  Dad dying
  College summer class
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 
 
January
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18So here we are in the future. I must say I am having a hard time. I came down here with a hundred bucks expecting $1,600 to be waiting for me, but they didn't have my application, so I have been broke the whole week, not able to afford any books, a car battery so I can drive, or food other than the C.U.B., or anything. I really want money now to I can buy things I need: Battery, Front left light to my car, bike components, car stereo, rocket box, roof rack, school books, walkman, food.

I want it to warm up so bad because I am so hungry to go on huge rides, at this point even just by myself, but I am glad there are some strong riders on the team. There are two category twos and three more threes that I know about, so I will definitely be pushed and know how strong I am. I am thinking now that I want to do ultra distance mountain bike racing this summer and the collegiate cycling scene. I want to do summer school this summer and student teach next fall to get college over with and get on with my life. I have been having extremely bad insomnia for the last three nights, staying up until at least past one o'clock in the morning.

31Well the snow finally melted and I rode to Farmington on Tuesday. On Wednesday I did the roller races and got last of the five fort Lewis riders, but I had kind of a flu and had mucus in my lungs. It was the first time that my lungs have ever given out before my legs on a bike. They said "good job", probably because I was breathing so hard it seemed like I was really suffering, but my legs didn't burn at all. On Thursday I swam a hundred laps to get my lungs in shape, that took me 1:50. Today I rode to Trimble in the valley and down to the Iron Horse, and back to Trimble and back to Durango and back to the Iron Horse and back to campus. I feel like my legs are really strong, not my lungs but I am not worried about that. I will improve a lot, I have been riding the least of the good riders.
February
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2I rode the group ride yesterday. I didn't ride today because I didn't have a good breakfast, it is gloomy outside, and I am kind of depressed. I don't really care about doing as well on the team as I thought, it is too much to ask considering the tripped out state that I am in. Things will change. My power is pretty good compared to the other riders. I burn out much sooner, but that is to be expected considering I haven't been riding. My main focus right now is to get ahead on school work and stay in decent riding shape, which I always am. My recovery is %100 percent right now, meaning no-matter how hard I ride I am totally fresh the next day. I feel physically invincible, and I think my mind will come around here pretty soon.

I hath come to many a realization today. I started to read Alice Bailey's book esoteric healing, and enjoyed it. It was a slow start. I want to give my senior seminar presentation on it relating to mythology. I feel better about not going riding today. I E-mailed Wyndham and Mike today and called mom, she was worried because she couldn't contact all three of us at the same time. I found out I have $1600 waiting for me because my loan came through. Today was a very intense day, I couldn't make myself ride because it was so gloomy and cold and I didn't have a good breakfast. I thought if I rode I would regret it. I really like that book, it is 700 pages but I will start flowing through it. I feel good now, no regrets. I think I will do a good presentation, and formulate what I think about the world, even if I have to work hard at it will be worth it. I sure hope Roland Jones lets me do it off that book, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't because teachers have always controlled my creativity. I don't think he will. How exciting to do this presentation, I have something else to get ahead on. I already started that Middlemarch paper. I don't plan on reading that 900 page book, but will do an adequate job on it nevertheless.

September
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
10My legs were beat at the end of yesterday and this morning. so I rode easily all day long, and in a different way using different muscles. I think I recovered my thighs because I didn't burn them up by going too fast even though I went 109 miles. 9 more than the most I have done so far in this trip. I took a lot of pictures today. I was fascinated by the stone shingled houses and huge, rolling green pastures, rock walls lining the roads, and the steepness of the roads. I had a dream last night but I can't remember it. The English here sort of have Scottish accents. I crossed the boarder yesterday and got a taste of Scotland with the devolution debate on TV and the radio. The accents and the way they all shake their heads at me instead of nod is the most peculiar thing about the Scots. A nice woman who owns a bed and breakfast let me sleep on a mattress in her garage, take a shower, and cleaned my cloths. I rode into a town and was kind of tired so I hung out in a library for a couple hours in the afternoon. Then I rode some more until I found a nice field to sleep.
13I forgot about the time change and was the last person out of the ferry as I slept through the docking. I indulged myself on the ferry by drinking a bottle of wine and watching a movie. Even though I haven't ridden very hard the last couple days my legs are beat and I feel kind of sick. If I am queasy at the end of tomorrow I will take the next day off completely.

I bought a stick of hash in Rotterdam today. They smoke it with tobacco here in joints. The guy who sold it to me said it is too hard on your lungs without it. I think it is the other way around.

It is very awkward when half the people here don't know English. They speak a dialect of German that has a lot less "sh" and "ch". It is definitely it's own language though.

I had a hard time figuring out how the road systems are like here. The bikers and scooters literally have their own roads that get you to your destination along entirely different paths than the cars which use freeways to get from town to town. It seemed that this country is like one giant city with all the cars and buildings connected without any apparent greenbelts between the metropolitan centers.

It is really cool that cyclists have their own roads. A lot of young people have scooters on the bike paths. This country is definitely different than England. I thought England used their space frugally with a lot of their space being used for farms and such; but these people spare almost no space at all. Almost all of the grass that separates the condos and houses from the highways and roads is used as pasture for goats, and there are horse pastures and farms smack dab in the middle of the city. I love it!

I had a hard time finding my way around at first because the signs for places are different for the bikes than the cars and I was looking at the road signs instead of the bike path signs and not realizing that there are lots of paths going different places. I have learned now and am sure I will like this system more as time passes. It sure is taking me a long time though. I was getting lost right after being reoriented by someone. I must have asked 15 people for directions today over a distance of only about 20 miles.

It seems like most of the young people here know English and most of the old ones don't. I am looking forward to getting a French phrase book and communicating with people in France in their language. My plan is to ride to Luxembourg through Belgium, and then go to Paris. I feel like I should go there because I have heard so much about it. If I am still in the Netherlands where the bike paths are good when the full or near full moon is here, I want to ride all through the night. I have never ridden all through the night by myself before. Passers by don't seem to smile as much here as in England, but I can tell they are just as content and kind. Some people I ask directions from tell me in their language which I don't understand a lick of, but I understand their gestures and the names of places and roads and ideas of distances they tell me.

I definitely over did the candy and weed today and the drinking last night. People are really loud at this bar I am at. The group that is my age isn't, but the 40-50 year old group are yelling really loud; which is strange. Two people brought dogs in here, which is two more than I have ever seen in a bar before.

The neighborhoods near the canals are about 5-10 feet lower than the water level of the canals. The bike paths are on top of the banks which is cool because you can see over all the houses to the cathedrals that mark the center of the towns.

The people are so much louder in this place than I have ever seen. It is definitely like I am in another country. A man just came to me and asked me a few questions and talked to me in his broken English for a couple minutes, and then returned to his bar seat and bought me a coffee. I asked him if they speak German and he said they speak Holland. My plan is to ride to the southernmost point in Holland because I like these bike paths, and then go into Belgium and buy a map and get there currency and stay long enough to get a taste of it before I go to Luxembourg.

Stuff is about the same price here as in America. I lost my map of Europe today. I don't know what happened to it. That is the first thing I have lost on this trip. I don't want to have to buy another one. I will just rely on the maps of individual countries. I need to stretch more. My muscles are sore and as tight as can be. I think I could use more sleep but for the first time in my life I am having trouble staying asleep in the morning, which is exactly what I prayed so long for, so I am not complaining. I have always had a problem sleeping in even when I'm not tired. It is the only time of day that I can really relax. So far I have been easily finding places to sleep and not worrying about people seeing me in the morning. I am near trees now that I plan on sleeping in. Luckily there haven't been any torrential rain storms yet. My bag gets wet every night from perspiration from the blanket and bevy sack, and down bags don't like to be wet. But I have had chances to dry it out on the boat and that ladies house. When it gets too wet I will take time out at a laundry mat and dry it off.

14 I got up late today and patched my thermarest, got stoned and stretched. After I rode and had lunch a guy helped me phone home. I rode down some more on these paths which are so hard to negotiate, but it is so cool that we bikers have roads all to ourselves. I woke up sore and weak but feel fine now at the end of the day. It is cool that this country has a bike system but the paths take so many twists and turns and I don't have a compass so I don't always know where I am going. It is hard to cover a lot of ground in one day with these paths going every which way... oh yeah and I'm stoned off my ass all the time.

Off to Belgium tomorrow. It seems like most of the people (from riding these paths) are old men. All the people ride around on three speed cruisers or scooters, who also get to ride on the bike paths. People love to give directions to me here, today I asked an old man on a bike where the way to Maastricht is, and he had me follow him a quarter mile up to a bridge and then showed me the way to the path that runs right next to the canal all the way to Maastricht. I got bored and got off it but got lost again. I still made it to Maastricht at five though. Today I bought five rolls of film, three blank tapes for recording, and maps of Luxembourg, Belgium, and France. I will need one of Germany also if I am going there, which I plan on.

I learned a lesson on Map buying today. I went into a book store and asked the woman to get me a map of Belgium and France, and she gave me maps of parts of the countries. The part of France was so small that it is useless to me, and I paid seven bucks for it. The woman should have known better also, but she was in a rush closing up. I will just buy another map in a gas station in France. I need to buy a French-English dictionary also. I have been told that French people don't like to speak English.

Tomorrow will be the last day that I will be stoned because it is illegal in all places but Holland. I am glad I had this time to ride stoned in another country, but I much rather doing it long term sober because I have my goals more in order. When I ride sober I don't take as much time out to eat munchies, and don't bust my body with sweets and smoke, and I can think clearer. The hash here is very good and 12 bucks got me a lot, probably the equivalent to an eight ounce of kind nuggits, but which costs 40 dollars in the states. Holland is cool!

About half the people here speak English. There are a lot of motor scooters around and interestingly they are primarily ridden by young people and the old people have bicycles which they ride very slowly taking their time. This is a loud country. They speak fast and seem to interrupt each other a lot on the radio, in cars, and at the restaurant, and bars tend to play their music loudly. There are many different nationalities of people here.

Over the last two days I have experienced for the first time what it is like to take too many pictures. I bought film today and before I knew it had taken 10 pictures.

I want to know how they made the canals. The water is like 20 ft. higher than the land, all the way down to Maastricht and the boarder with Belgium.

I want to go to a country where the exchange rate is better. I have a feeling it is basically the same all over Europe. I have 200 more pages left on Esoteric Heeling; then I will read the new testament, which is like another 600 pages. While I was reading the book I just came to another decision, and that is to spend my evenings in rural places because that will reduce the chances of my stuff being stolen off my bike while I'm inside, and I will be close to a place where I can sleep.

I am in the dead center of the town of Maastricht in Southern Holland. The first time I have spent time at night in the middle of the city. I will have to ride a long way before I hit terrain suited for camping. I have had perfect luck so far finding places to stay. It is harder at night because you can't see what might be near.

I feel good now; and even though I will be up at least until midnight, I want to get up at like 6:30 tomorrow. I think pushing by body to the brink of exhaustion after I have completely recovered is a good idea, because I will know where my limits are (how much sleep I need as apposed to how much I can ride and read and write.

I feel fortunate there is nothing that could distract me but that is just for now. I want to start another dream journal, but I haven't been remembering my dreams well lately because of all the weed I have been smoking.

Being in the world alone where they don't speak my language, I can find myself in the context of the world and not my bubble because I am kept at enough of a distance from others that they won't affect me by the way they see it.

Marijuana is an interesting drug. I want to write about it some more in the future when I am not smoking it. It is interesting that a drug that opens you up to an expanded consciousness also makes you content in your own little world, and then makes you self conscious. Why does it make you self conscious? Only when you unconsciously expect people to be critical of you; but when you don't thought it doesn't. I am at a point now that I don't compare counties to America, just countries to each other.

19 I slept next to the road last night at the bottom of a hill. The road was next to a tunnel that I would have stayed dry in if it had been raining. I drifted in and out of sleep all night long because my body was fully rested. I only rode about 25 miles that day. I am not keeping track of how many miles I am doing because my computer keeps resetting itself. I want to document as much as I can, so I will check the odometer at the beginning and end of each day. I had a big dinner at a portable roadside cafe last night, and when I left the woman gave me three small loafs of bread. I did pretty well financially with food today, but I spent 25 bucks sending back my Thermarest sleeping pad, a book, change, tape, sandals, and film. I could totally feel the weight difference when I left. I will only get food at supermarkets from now on. People in France kiss each other a lot. Yesterday I saw women greet each other by kissing on the cheeks; then I saw a man and his son kiss on the lips. Just now I saw a woman come in and kiss every man in the place on both cheeks twice. That's cool. I bought some pastries hoping the woman would let me use her toilet but she said it was private. Then in this bar-restaurant place I bought a beer and the man said he didn't’t have a toilet. I haven’t washed my face in two days. Tonight I will use the water in my bottles and my washcloth to wash my face at my camp sight. There are a lot of homely looking people in this country, maybe there is in-breading, which wouldn't surprise me. They seem like they are in their own little world. They aren’t interested in me at all, and sometimes even seem annoyed. Some women make these ugly faces at me when I have trouble speaking French. They open their eyes wide and lift up their upper lip and sort of stick their tongues out. A man came in here a few minutes ago and shook everybodies hand including mine; and a man did that when he was leaving a bar in Holland. I feel a stuffy energy here and when I make eye contact with people they give me a blank stare instead of smile like they do in America, England and Holland. When I look at them they seem like they are run-down tired, bored and frustrated. They have a weird hair and clothing style here that I can’t pin on any decade; maybe the seventies most closely. I heard Paris is unique, will find out tomorrow. I have a feeling I won’t see a complete version of France unless I go to Paris. I wonder if this guy will kick me out if I don’t buy another beer like they did at the first cafe I went to in France. The longer I am here the more I like Holland. Dutch or whatever their language is called rhymes and some of the phrases are the same as English except they roll out in a more rhythm in a funny laughable way. Disco, upbeat, poetic music is all they play. They are loud and interrupt each other a lot. They have cool canals throughout the country, and have bike paths everywhere. The Dutch are very friendly. There seem to be a lot of ethnic groups there. There are a lot of ethnic groups in France also, which is surprising. I don’t like the language as much now that I am here. I can’t understand any of it and they speak fast and it is totally different than English. The cars give me room and yield here though. Overall the people are nice here just like anywhere else except for the fact that I can feel them critically judging me much more than the other countries I've been to, even before they know I am American. Maybe they can tell I'm American just by looking at me though. The price of things is roughly the same here. When I rolled in here I was alertly awake, but this beer is putting me to sleep and I don’t want to get a coffee because they will probably charge me like three dollars for it. Another peculiar thing about France is when you get a beer and coffee, they don’t come and pick the bottle up for hours. I can feel people looking at me more here than anywhere else. I have a feeling French people don’t travel much, but that could be me. I am barely staying awake right now. I wonder if I could get a coffee or call it a day. I love sleeping and usually don’t sleep while I am lying in bed reading because my mind can't slow down enough to allow me to fall asleep; it seems to want me to go to sleep while I am up writing or reading.

I had a dream last night that I went to an obscure place in a foreign land by driving north up a dirt road and having an erotic massage by a fat woman with her Vietnamese friend in the room who had a child and immigrated to this country (I assume the USA) for the wellfare of her child. This fat woman wasn't’t white but wasn't’t Asian or black or Native American either. I went in the room after I had a beer in the bar next to it in the same building. I enjoyed it but it was kind of disgusting.

21 Last night I slept in a field inside a big highway intersection where the field meets a sparse grove of trees. You could totally see me from the road, but the cars are driving so fast no one would look over in my direction. The next day, yesterday, I rode into Paris. When I got 25 km away I had a feeling it was illegal for bikes to be on the highway, so I got off only to discover that no roads but the highway went into Paris. I asked some girls and then later a group of kids and they all said I should use the metro, but said it was legal at to ride my bike on the highway so I got back on. About 15 minutes later a cop pulled me over and said something, So I said I was American and he said “oh, American”, and told me to get off the highway at the next road. I started riding and then noticed he was following me. I worried he might give me a ticket, but when I got off he waved at me and took off on the highway. I tried to find a road in the direction of Paris and asked a guy where Paris was and realized it was futile to try to ride, so I paid 3 bucks for a ticket on the metro for the “Champs Ulysses”.

When I got to the center I went to the top of the Champs Ulysses and took some pictures. I had to pay ten bucks to weight in line for a couple of hours to go to the top of the Eiffel tower and take some pictures. Then I had dinner at a McDonalds that seats like 500 people and paid six bucks to take the metro about a half hour to the southernmost station, which was way out of the city. I only had to ride for about 10 minutes before I found a forested area to camp. It was on the side of a hill that looked like it just went up, so I camped about 20 feet from the road, too close because people could see me if they looked. That night I took my socks off because they were feeling itchy and I thought to myself, “am I going to be cold tonight?" because of this my feet could feel the wetness of the bottom of the bag and sure enough I was drifting in and out of consciousness all night because I was so cold. The next day I went to buy some shoe laces so I could tighten up the top of my sleeping bag. I kind of wish I kept my Therma rest because I could feel the roughness and coldness of the earth. I heard a dog barking harrowingly last night in the distance and thought it might be because of me, so I opened up my knife and thought to myself "maybe I don’t want to go to Africa after all".

Now I am thinking it isn’t a good idea, but I want to go to the rock of Gibraltar and ride down the coast of Portugal. I could go to Rome via Morocco and Tunisia and take a ferry to Sicily, or ride through Andorra and France.

I had market food this morning and then stopped in a restaurant which was the first thing I saw open for like 5 villages. I asked the garcon if I could have some water and he said I would have to buy something just like it was all over France. I can piss people off here just by asking for water. I was really thirsty so I asked for a sandwich and he said, "What kind?'' and I said turkey and he said "you are in France'' So I said ''well balony'', and he said "do you want a drink?" and I said no, and he said ''you usually get a drink”, so I said orange juice. When I got the bill it said 15, so I thought three bucks not bad an paid and went to my bike and unlocked it and he said you misread the receipt, it is 48, so I said sorry and paid it and rode off, and then I thought to myself "I paid nine bucks for a sandwich and a drink". I got ripped off. That was when I finally decided I didn't like France. Next time I will just buy a drink and then ask for water. They would have to be ridiculous to refuse that deal. Actually from now on if I am just thirsty and I can find a public toilet which there are very few of in this county, I will fill my water in their sinks. The waiter said mostly the water is good, but not always. I will take my chances. But from now on in order to avoid these French people from closing off their bathrooms and water and giving me weird looks and snapping at me I will try to only eat at Mcdonalds and pretend I'm in good ol America for a few minutes each day.

I am now in a McDonalds in Tours. I rode 145 miles so far today, the farthest by 35 miles on this trip. I definitely feel a little feverish from it. I am on the north side of this big town and will have to probably ride all the way through it and out the south side. A considerable distance if I am to find a super bomber camp sight, which I want to because I will probably want to sleep in tomorrow.

I will be at the Spanish boarder by the end of day after tomorrow. I will have to ride through the Pyrenees, which are going to be big. I don’t like this country because they are always trying to get money out of me, and stuff is more expensive here than in America. I think its kind of pathetic that they can't speak English here when most of the songs on the radio are in English. I can tell how they are in a little self righteous cocoon, feeling left out is probably why they don't like Americans and have all these archaic cultural selfish mores. The cars yield to me more here and give me more room than in American though.

I rode on the rural D roads today for the first time and loved it. I can really get into a rhythm when there are no cars to constantly distract me. I am looking forward to my time on them tomorrow. If I liked the people in this country more I would take my time and ride on the rural roads the whole way. The old rural people here are seriously homely looking and don’t smile at me at all. I think one of them yelled at me to slow down today.

This morning I saw about a hundred bikers, all older, and only one female, riding sporadically within a 20 mile area. I also saw about 5 carriages of what I thought might be Amish people and took a picture of one. I also took pictures of Napoleons get away castle in Douron (I think that is what it is called) where all the Amish people are. The castle, the Moab, was huge and it looked like it suffered a battle.

The younger people in the McDonalds are real nice about getting me water and don’t make me feel like a spectacle, so I like to go here, my American Oasis, as much as possible.

I had a dream last night that I was I think in France hanging out near a restaurant in a rural area with green grass and Vanessa Meyers was on a bridge and we were crossing and she said “I think I will jump off this", and jumped off and fell about 30 or 40 feet to the grassy bottom. While she was falling, which was a long time, I thought "oh no", she is going to be hurt", but after her hard impact landing she got up unhurt and came back to us. We were all, "Wow, you are amazing, that was at least 35 feet", and she said "oh no big deal" and went into the restaurant with the other girls we were with who I don’t know. That is all I remember.

I woke up in the morning to two men talking across the street on the other side of the fern-strewn fence that I couldn't’t see through, but cars were driving by and could totally see me if they looked over, so I go up and left even though I wanted to sleep in. I looked up and saw that there were terraces just up the way that I could have slept on no problem, so I will scout more from now on. Another lesson I learned today from that water episode from the snooty waiter was to ask how much something costs before I buy it so they don't rip me off. I could have had another Big Mac meal and a half for sure. I am not cold and will get a good nights sleep tonight.

I have such an opposite feeling about McDonalds as I did a couple years ago when I thought it was just another multinational corporation. But it is so convenient and ensures that you don’t get ripped off and is priced well and the food is actually not bad at all, and they are always easy to be in. Now I think efficient multinational corporations like this are good, they just have to use their power for good instead or raping the earth. I dished for that sandwich and orange juice, oh well, a lesson I needed to learn. I will sleep inside the survival blanket tonight in the rain suit.

22 I got up pretty early this morning. I don’t have that all too familiar feeling like I need to sleep in. I bought breakfast at a local supermarket at 8:30 and had a big breakfast and stretched and started riding at about 11:00. I tried to get on the intracity road but got lost and had to find my way back to it; finally getting going at about noon.

I was extremely tired today; on the verge of a fever, so I stopped riding at about 3:45, after 75 miles. I am in the northern end of another big city now so I will have to ride for a while to find a place to sleep.

I am in a McDonalds now. I looked in my calendar to find I was supposed to call my mom yesterday, so I went to a phone and couldn't’t figure it out, so I will either wait until I am in Spain or buy a phone card. I will probably make it to Spain in a couple days. I will try to call later tonight, maybe the phone lines are tied up.

I just figured my finances. If I spend 20 bucks a day from here to the end of the month I will have spent about a thousand bucks, with 224 for extra expenses that I didn't’t foresee. I was just reading the bible and it is good.

Europe is definitely more expensive than America. England and France are about equal, with Holland slightly less and Luxembourg more and Belgium little less than Holland as far as I can tell. For example, a McDonalds meal in France (France is more expensive than England) with a sunday, burger, fries and a drink is about $7.50, which is a lot. I have been eating at restaurants too much; my habit of having big breakfasts in supermarkets will help a lot. Spain and other countries will be less expensive.

23I rode 109 miles today. I slept in until about 8:30 this morning because I was beat yesterday. I felt fine today and have a feeling I will be fresh for tomorrow. I breezed into this town at 5:17 and saw a sign that said McDonalds and figured I might as well make it 3 days in a row.

There was a deviation today so I got some good time on D roads. I am in Saints tonight. I saw signs that said ''camping'' and I checked it out, but it closed eight days ago for the winter. It was nice and warm last night in my nice campsite inside a ditch near the highway shielded from sight. I had some nice dreams last night but I cannot remember them.

I had some nice thoughts while riding today. The Bible is good to ponder. I am circling the good parts and reading it so slowly (only 30 pages yesterday) that I might be working on it for a long time, like months, which is weird to think about considering the copy I have is so small.

When I stop and ask directions people are nice, but they don’t know a lick of English which is weird because most of their music is American. They seem very nationalistic in a positive sense, but stuck in the old European train of thought in another sense which I can't even begin to explain. I can feel the workers looking at me here in McDonalds. I wonder if they will kick me out, probably not. I detect a very strong feeling in the air that these people know they are in their own world that is closed off to the cultural leader of the world, America. This county seams less important to me while I am here than it did when I was studying French back home when it seemed very romantic, stylistic and beautiful. Now it is just another weird country.

I can feel that when I eat processed food I don’t feel good, like when I eat potato chips with preservatives or these sugar biscuit crackers. Candy, soda and McDonalds food doesn't make me feel bad though. I rode 109 miles today but by looking at the map I didn't go very far, but I don’t care.

I need to balance the reading and writing with the riding, and make sure I don't keep physically burning myself out which I have been doing a lot of so far in this trip. If I run out of stuff to read and write I will ride all day long every day. Plus, I will probably be strong enough to do that in a month or so. I am not immersing myself in the culture much, just riding, reading, writing and keeping to myself. I don’t want to stay in this country any longer than I have to.

The bible is such a good book it is hard to believe that people can twist its truth. These principles are so simple and straight forwardly put; like to be more polite to people than they are to you no matter what. Being here reading and writing I get a feeling from people that instead of being like "look at that smart guy" it is like "look at that weird guy". It probably has something to do with this bright green spandex ski suit I have on. These people don’t make as much eye contact with me. I find that kind of strange.

On second thought I do feel a little tiredness in me. I am just now getting into the French music and will record the songs I like. I want to record a direction asking or conversation with someone, I haven’t done that yet.

I have been so blessed with weather so far, its been great. There hasn't’t been a single rainstorm yet, and there have been sunny skies ever since I got to the mainland. It was overcast a lot in England but it never rained. I spent less than 100 Francs today.

I don’t want to buy any more processed food. It gives me a headache and I feel dehydrated. I want to write down everything I think of. I have noticed that stuff gets cheaper as I go farther south in this country. I think I am being too harsh on the French. They are nice people.

24I didn't ride very far today, only like 70 miles. I got up at 8:12, had a Mcbreakfast and took off early. I had like 36 miles under me by the time I am usually off. I think I like this way of starting early better. I don’t need such big breakfasts, they just waste my time. I could have ridden like twice as far today if I wanted to, but I did my laundry instead, learned how to call mom and got two big mac meals and a bag of candy.

I am still reading the Bible which I like a lot. I don’t want to go back home until I can ride all day long with out a single negative thought. Mike and mom think I am going too fast but I am just right. This is the fourth night in a row in a McDonalds; I am on a roll.

People honk a lot when they come up behind me to pass which is nice. They don’t honk here like they do in America with a long honk, but with a series of short honks. They yield more to bikes here also, but bikers are expected to stop at stop lights. They do it even when there are no cars coming, which I have heard before somewhere not too long ago and here I see it is true. I am learning to comprehend French more.

Eric says women are more subordinate here, but I don’t detect that. I do detect that sexual relationships are more settled in here than in America.

25 I got up at about 8:30 this morning. I was awake before and even though it was warm enough to immediately put on my shorts, but it wasn't light enough for me to get up. Today I had breakfast at McDonalds for the second morning in a row. After breakfast I got bread and fruit at the supermarket next door because I wasn't full and I am going to go to another Mcdonalds for the fifth night in a row. I wonder if there are McDonalds's in Spain and if I will keep the tradition alive. I love knowing I can go to a place and get a meal that I know won’t be a rip off and I can have a well light place to read and write until eleven at night. These burgers are good also because they are nice and filling and taste great. Two years ago I was slamming McDonalds because they were a multinational corporation and used beef, but these burgers are half soy and the beef is filling. Beef isn't a good thing to eat too much of because cows use up so much land that can be used more efficiently growing other things.

My bike computer didn't work today but I rode well over a hundred miles. I didn't get the earliest start and lost my way a little, but I rode flat terrain on smooth roads and a highway. The highways really help you cover serious miles, so overall they are as good as the back roads that go the same way as far as I am concerned. I will try to set a balance between the two, maybe half and half.

I got another flat today; from glass this time instead of a thorn. It also ripped a big tear in my tire, but not so much as to risk the tube coming out. I feel kind of beat today. I rode very fast, usually averaging 22-25 mph . I wonder if I will be tired tomorrow. My days of exhaustion seem to be behind me. I tried to take a picture of the road signs in Bordeaux that say where stuff is, but the battery was dead. I should have bought another one yesterday. This battery only lasted two roles. I haven't kept track but I think I have had about a half dozen flats so far this trip.

This culture of paying for something before hanging out there does annoy me, and is overall bad because it instills paranoia and a selfish attitude. Maybe their just treating me like this because I'm American though. I am getting good at writing fast, it is great. I can write faster than I can think right now. Maybe that's not quite such a good sign. I sat at a place today that served coffee and such near the supermarket in an indoor shopping mall and the woman asked me what I wanted so I had to go. Maybe I should just tell them I'm American and in America people can sit down at places without buying anything. That's not true though; I'm just being overly frugal. I could at least get a coffee but they are so expensive and all I want to do is sit down.

I did 40 pushups in a row this morning and stretched. I want to do 200 a day, but I am too rushed. Maybe I will remember to do more tonight. I want to be able to do a hundred in a row.

I was thinking how auspicious my fathers death was today. He died at 4:20 in the morning two days before Wyndham was set to leave, less than a week after my birthday which he was conscious for. It was neatso how my mom knew exactly when he was about to go and got us. But I couldn't stand to stay and he was very warm, so I left and he died. I wish I stayed. It makes me feel sick I couldn't be there but my mom was. While I was thinking this I thought about how very much he loved me, and would do anything for me. He gave me most of his money and was more happy and distressed than me when good and bad things happened to me.

Food is very expensive at stands and gas stations. I paid 80 cents for an apple at a total gas station today which is an American chain I think. The only fast food chain I can detect here is Q-quick which I went to in Belgium. In England the only one is the little chef, which has a big breakfast of cereal, two slices of toast, bacon, egg, tomato and E.G. for 5 pounds which is like 8 bucks. The bacon in England isn't as fried, small and hard as it is in America. I like it more in England, even though it is pure blubber. Speaking of blubber, on me, I think this will be my last segment of life where I won’t have to watch the fat in order to not get a spare tire.

I did another 50 curls with my handle bar bag today. I want to be able to do a hundred at one time. I am not craving things as much now which is good. I don’t crave to be stoned and eat ice cream and drink alcohol, which is great. I am not being distracted much at all.

What looked like wilderness on the map turns out to be a big tree farm; fields of full grown trees as far as the eye can see and patches of clear cut. The trees look healthy. I have a feeling of trust for the forest service now. I feel like I have turned 180 degrees since my dready days of environmentalism.

I would probably be going like 1, 2 or 3 miles per hour faster if I had my road bike, but flats would be more of a problem, especially in third world countries. I think I will be glad I took the mountain bike.

I heard "many rivers to cross" twice so far in Europe. They also like that song "I'm a bitch I'm a mother, you don't wan't it any other way" by Natalie Imbruglia or somebody.

27 Yesterday I entered Spain. The first thing I did when I entered the first town just south of the boarder was buy a Spanish English dictionary. It took me like an hour and a half to find a store because although people knew what I wanted, they gave directions in Spanish; so I only knew the direction and basic distance. I probably would have done better just looking for a bookstore myself. I wish I had gone through Andorra, oh well.

Right after I left the town I saw three British boys who are also 23 years old. I knew they were British because they had Great Britain stickers on their helmets. I was excited to see other English speaking bike tourists and talked to them about their trip. Right after I met them we started climbing, and in about 10 minutes we came upon a car wreck. Two cars had a head on collision. No one was seriously hurt but the front of the cars looked totaled. I thought, wow maybe if I hadn’t seen these guys I would have been in the middle of this wreck. But they said I probably would have been ahead of it.

About ten minutes later was where they planned to camp out near a cemetery. They made a habit of camping near cemetaries because you can get water there. They were touring heavy. The way I went the first time I toured. They each had their own stoves and cooked their food which is definitely cheaper. They said they spent 30 quid each which is about 50 bucks for the last two weeks, which is impressive. But they stayed at relatives for a while in France. I asked to camp with them for the night and they kindly accepted. Their plans where to ride down Morocco and back up. Dave, Paul, and Mike were their names. Dave gave me his address. None of them had really ridden before and bought their bikes just for the trip. The campsite was picture perfect. I didn’t take a photo though because I thought my battery was dead, but the film was out. We camped just across the road from the cemetery in a smooth grassy area inside a wall and a small grove of trees. At the next town over I bought a bottle of Martini and shared it with them but they had almost nothing. For now on the only alcohol I want to buy is beer. All other kinds of alcohol make me feel hot an give me the sweats and no good buzz like with beer. I don't know why; maybe beer is better for an athelete because the body can get more use out of the Carbos in the beer. They got up this morning while it was still dark out, which caused me to get up a half hour later at about 7:30. There were giant slugs on my stuff this morning.

Those guys started about a half hour before me but I caught up to them quickly and we wished each other well. One of them said we might see each other in Morocco, seeing how they only go 90 km a day and I am going to Portugal first. The Pyrenees were steep but not hard because the altitude is so low here. I think I rode about 110 miles today. Cars are nice here; they give me a lot of room. I have seen more cyclists today than I have the whole time I have been in Europe, and like a dozen team bike cars have passed me. The tour of Spain is happening now, that would be neat if I happenstance on it.

The roads here have been nice and smooth, except parts in the Pyrenees where it got quite rough. Spain does't look like a first world country to me. The towns here, like Pamplona, are very "blah". The paint is chipped on the buildings which are all brown. There is no vegetation like grass and flowers in the cities, and all the buildings look the same. It makes for good bike touring though because much of the countryside is smooth and soft and the red color everywhere is pleasant.

The most striking feature I have noticed about Spain is how the towns all took like fortified white castles from afar. There is no gradual entrance into a town in Spain like in America. Here in Spain you are either in the city or not. As soon as you leave a town you are in camping territory, which makes it easy for me. It was bizarre when I rode through these places in the middle of the day and saw no one on the streets. As soon as the sun goes down thousands of people come out as if out of nowhere. Dave is reading the book about the guy who rode his bike from England to cape town in 1879. I read some of it last night. It got me thinking maybe I want to do it. These Brit's say it is ridiculously cheap in Morocco. Maybe I should at least go there. Stuff is cheaper here than America which is great. People seem nicer here than France, so far. People have the worst teeth in France. Judging from this meal I have, stuff is half the price than in England. The Cathedrals here are more elaborate than France.

28I camped in a field next to the highway but was shielded from it by a wall of trees. It was a quarter mile from apartment buildings in three feet of grass. A good camp site.

As I left the joint I was in last night, the owner stopped me and wanted me to take one of his large water bottles with me, but I said I couldn't take it because didn’t have the room and he seemed disappointed. I should have taken the bottle and left him my golden one which leaks sometimes.

After stretching my very tight hamstrings and eating breakfast, I left at 12:00. I climbed all day to timberline, and after the descent from the pass I caught a headwind. I noticed while climbing that I was on the verge of sickness, and my ass was very sore in an overworked way; so I stopped at five. I got up at like 8:30 this morning after nice dreams which I can't remember and sowed up my bike shorts and one piece suite; the super suite.

I went to the center of the city to a place that says bar-restaurant. But all they had for food is potato pie, probably because it is Sunday.

Concerning the cars here, there are a lot of Citrons, which I have never heard of before, and Renaults, which I have only seen one brand of in the 80's; the Le car, or Lee Car as I called it them. There are a lot of Ford vans and quite a few Ford cars. Mercedes, Audis, and BMWs are plentiful, and the majority in this city Soria that I am now in.

Right now, I am feeling my routine getting a little old, but I can't foresee anything changing it, neither do I want to change it. I was thinking about eventually writing about some things, like what the outline of education should be, and my philosophy about religion and philosophy. I will have plenty of time to write about that when I run out of stuff to read. I was thinking about how I would like to do Africa. I have a firm belief that it isn’t in my Karma to have anything seriously bad happen to me, and other people have done it and I am good at playing things safe; so I am heading that way as of now.

I saw another 50 or so bikers as I left Logrono Today, but none since then. The pass I did today was way bigger than the one I did yesterday. I bet it is one of the 5 biggest in Spain. I like Spain more than France. The part of France that I saw is like Kansas, and all of Spain is like it was today; like Colorado with less trees. The people seem mellower here than in France, but more run down or beat in or something. They are definitely not as lively as in America, or Colorado anyway. The roads are very wide and smooth here, and quite empty. The roads are less populated than Colorado, which gives me the impression as I ride that I'm in an abandoned country. It feels like there are less people here than there should be. The towns here are much different than America. There are almost no houses, only brown condominiums. Because of the lack of houses and the very narrow streets, the towns are much smaller. The oldness of this country is definitely definite if you know what I mean. People on bikes smile, but normal people on the streets don’t, not even with their eyes, and the waiters and waitresses aren’t polite like they are in America. I remember cousin Karen talking about how they don’t have tipping in Europe so the waiters aren’t as polite. I definitely notice the lack of politeness in the waiters. When it gets dark I will roam around a little and then go inside somewhere. I will read the bible now.

One abstract thought I had was in Europe people of same the age don’t identify with each other as much as America.

29 I had a good day today because not much went through by mind, the day went by fast because I didn't think a lot, which is just the way I like it. I had an interesting dream about three nights ago: I was on a plane ride with my mom to somewhere relatively far off, and we landed and took off like ten times or something, and every time we took off, the plane was shot at a 45 degree angle out of a sling shot and there were like three goes and it was very exciting. There were two guys behind me who would yell and scream in excitement every time we took off, and right when we took off, I wanted to be safe and thought that my seat belt wasn’t tight enough, so I would try to tighten it but I would just release it and it happened every time. I can’t remember the part of the dream before that but I was hanging with good friends and the whole dream had very good energy.

The dream I had last night was about the first street house, except it was another house in another town. I lived with some friends in a house a few blocks from a house we called the first street house, which was a one story house that was about 50 by 50 feet, and we hadn’t seen it for a few years because I guess we just moved into town and one of my friends said, "Wow, I don’t remember it being so big" It was in a boring neighborhood, right next to a big road leading out of some flat, dull town. But the energy of the people in the dream was happy.

30Yesterday I rode 140 some odd miles and felt great. I road a lot of the way on smaller roads. It was a hilly day, but the roads were very smooth. It also seems as though the wind goes from east to west, so I cruised, especially on the highways. I like riding the highways; sure there is a lot of noise from traffic but the road is smooth and there is a big shoulder and no lights to ever stop at, and they go through rather than over the hills.

Last night I stayed at a youth Hostel in Madrid. I called the number for the youth hostel mom gave me, which I guess is the national number, and he gave me two numbers for Madrid. The person at the first place I called didn’t speak English, and the second place I called spoke minimal, but there was a Canadian boy at the place I was making the call who gave me directions. It took me a little while to find it, and while I was riding through the park I saw what looked like a silhouette of a woman dressed in underwear. I turned around to see she was a prostitute just standing there. Then I saw two more fat prostitutes. The next morning I saw another fat one. These women were so dark and dull looking I wouldn’t fuck them if you paid me a hundred bucks. After riding past the eerie prostitute sector I went by the zoo, but didn’t go in because it was 12 bucks.

This was the first youth hostel I have ever been to; it was neat. For seven bucks I got a shower, bed and breakfast consisting of a ham sandwich, pastry, and a hot coco latte. But it is kind of hard to sleep because it is like a freshman dorm room with all the kids staying up late. when I shacked there was a group of about 15 Spaniards yelling songs with one playing a guitar. I assumed the songs were made up because they were laughing. I thought to myself, "Now you would never see this in America". Is it we are too cool and smart to concern ourselves with such measly things as singing together? Or too stuck up, lazy and paranoid to express ourselves in such an archaic and simple way? Whichever way you cut it, I wish I knew some songs to sing with a bunch of buddies and a guitar.

I feel like I have entered the good form zone where I can ride everyday without burning out and having to eat too much. It is 7:00 now and I have only spent about 5 bucks today. I sure hope I remember to work out tonight at bed time. My sleeping bag sure needed airing out last night and it is still wet. I am covering good miles, and it looks like Morocco’s coming up pretty soon, how exciting. Africa, where the cheap living, poisonous snakes, wild dogs, lions, monkeys, and primitive people dwell; that is were the adventure starts.

I will probably hang out in Gibraltar for a week to wait for mom to mail me my stuff. I'll call her tonight. I sure hope I remember to ask for a compass, for that is what I need most. When I breezed into this town Navalmoral at 4:45 after 118 miles, the first thing I did was stretch for about a half hour. Then I changed and looked for a restaurant, but all the places here are bars and the only food they have are measly portions of what not. I finally found a place to eat but they didn’t open until 7:00, but here I am now eating my yummy meal.

There aren’t many radio stations here, and most of them are talk stations. They listen to a lot of American music here also just like in all the other countries I've been to.

October
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1Well its October and I rode 195 miles today. I was on the phone with my mom a long time last night. She wanted me to do the normal European tour thing and stay in hostels this winter. I explained to her that it would be cold to stay in Europe for the winter and I wanted to be warm, so she said I should rent a room for the winter in southern Spain. She doesn’t seem to realize my goals, which are to travel on my bike to new places where it is warm instread of stay in the same place. It is warm here in Barbados Spain, just a couple miles from Portugal, where I will ride south for a couple days and then back to Spain on my way to Gibraltar where I will hang out for about a week. I'm kind of fascinated with Gibralter.

I am doing something different tonight, usually I go to a restaurant or a bar and read and write until eleven, but tonight because it is warm and I already got food at the grocery store I am just sitting on park benches next to the big road leading out of the town center. There is good lighting and there is a gas station here I can buy coke (with caffeine) or munchies or candy. I had a 40 ounce bottle of beer and have a nice buzz now. This is my first time drinking since I had the Brandy with the English guys, and my third time drinking in Europe. Alcohol is cheap at the grocery stores here which is great.

I am looking forward to Granada. Mom says the Moors made a nice place in the mountains there. It will be nice to stop and hang at the beach in Gibralter for a few days.

The neighborhoods here are weird. They are all concrete buildings separated by narrow roads and little dogs everywhere. I like Spanish people. They don’t seem to care if you use their restrooms without buying anything, and they let you fill your water bottles up without demanding anything in return. They give me these nice "hi" honks to let me know they are there, and the waitress didn't charge me for a $1.30 coffee last night which would never happen in France. The tellers are helpful and speak English also. The people don’t smile as much as in America, but they stare at me more, and they seem to be slightly kinder than in France.

These two days on the highway have been nice and peaceful. I covered almost 300 miles. I was thinking a little today about how I wish I had my road bike, but I think I will be glad I have the mountain bike after Africa. It is a lot less sketchy with flat tires with the mountain bike because the tires are thicker and ward off surprise rocks more. I wonder if I will need a coffee tonight. This is the first night I am not having one; I bet I will need it though. I hope I don’t.

I had a nice camp sight last night; under a big tree on flat ground away from every thing. The best campsites are the ones away from everything, that aren’t too loud from cars, have smooth, soft sleeping space, and I can hang out at for a while in the morning.

I drafted off a tractor with a big trailer for 10 miles today at 27 miles an hour, which was nice because I didn’t have to pedal much at all. There is a castle in this town also and I took a picture of it, picture # 28 I think. I have the munchies so I will get something yummy at the gas station and then read the bible.

4 I went slightly out of town last night and camped on the side of the highway near the merge road. They shone their lights at me which sketched me because I thought they might see me. There were mosquitoes too. They were small and their sting was horrible so I slept in my bevy with the sweeter cover on and they miraculously found all the places where my skin touched the protective mesh. I had insomnia and noticed how sticky I am, but I got rest. It seems that I get just as much rest when I have insomnia as when I don’t because I keep still and don’t fidget. I didn't take any extra time leaving this morning because of the mosquitoes and only rode 60 miles to the next city Mazerita because I wasn’t riding well. I had Cheetos, a nasty pastry and sugar bread for breakfast that made me feel heavy, week, malnourished and sick to the stomach. I feel fine here at McDonalds and am thinking about riding all night long after this place closes at eleven, seeing how it would be nice to sleep on the beach in the day time. I am probably 110-120 miles from Gibraltar. I have highways most of the way there, which will make night riding easy because the shoulder is big.

I had nice dreams last night. I had one that I went to Brett Zimmerman’s house and talked to his mom for a while about my trip. She was very nice, impressed and interested. But I only saw him briefly at the beginning. The neighborhood was very interesting and I liked it a lot. There were houses inside a big glass bubble, so it was like houses within a huge apartment. So the outside of the houses where the sidewalks and streets were as clean and quiet as the insides of the houses. The outside of the bubble was normal and fine, not a barren wasteland or anything. As I was talking to her the scenery changed to another house which was interesting.

The dream I had before that I was in Austin with Wyndham except it wasn’t Austin and it wasn't Wyndham. I walked down the walkway to school and thought about how it has been such a long time since I had been there and how it brought back fond memories; but different memories than the ones I actually have. The city was very industrial and the school was directly north of the road. I remember getting out of a car and seeing a 200 meter walkway lined with squarely trimmed hedges.

5I wish I rode last night because I barely got any sleep. My sticky face was bothering me. It was sticky because none of the bathrooms the last few days had soap in the sinks. When I get to Gibraltar tomorrow I will buy soap, file my rack down so it will tighten better, put in another tube and buy more patches and film. I want to watch a movie tomorrow, a matinee, and hang out on the beach. It is interesting that the day I thought about riding through the night was the night of my worst insomnia. I think I had insomnia because my mind was so fired up from the reading I did that night, which was the best reading session I have had so far. I got two Big Mac meals and ice creams and then two more big Macs. I am a McDonalds addict.

There was a lot of climbing for the last 200 or so miles. Today was very steep and through some beautiful country. It looks like Africa, with the contorted trees, abundant vegetation, and the many rock cliffs and protrusions. I should have taken a picture. I feel sleepy tired now. I hope I sleep well, you would think I will since I will have ridden like 130 miles today.

I could feel my body hitting the wall today. It could have something to do with the lack of sleep I had last night, which is interesting. It got me wondering about how important it is to get 8 hours of sleep a day. I have been averaging probably 7 hours a day, and I feel like that is enough. I am not tired in the morning when I get up at 8:00 AM. I want to ride my road bike across Scandinavia in the summer time, where the days are 23 hours long. That would be a trip, maybe I won’t even need a sleeping bag. Last night as I was just about to leave McDonalds a torrential downpour happened that lasted for about 45 minutes, but last night was dry except for about a half hour of sprinkles early this morning. Riding today I was rained on by nice warm rain for about a half hour, which is the first time I have been rained on so far on this month long trip. I have had very good luck with the rain. I won’t let sleepiness make me stop reading and writing. It is just my mind trying to turn off the reading and writting by getting sleepy. If I really needed the sleep I wouldn’t be having insomnia. I had some nice dreams last night, but I can't remember them.

I am psyched to hang out and not ride at all. The least I have ridden in a day on this trip has been 17 miles, and I haven't had any rest days. I might ride that much tomorrow.

Europeans conserve a lot more then Americans. It seems as though none of the rest rooms have both toilet paper and soap, and about half of them have lights on timers. About half of the automobiles are tiny economy cars; and when I say tiny, I mean smaller than the smallest car you have ever seen in the USA. like in France, a lot of them honk as they pass; definitely a lot more than USA. Cycling is much bigger here than in the USA. I saw a handful of cyclists today. When I ask directions they always give them twice, first they tell me where to go, and then I say Gracias and then they tell me again with elaborate hand gestures repeating most of the words. A lot of the time people who serve me speak to me in English after all I say is "hola" I must have a very distinct American accent.

I jotted a lot of good things out of the Bible last night which coincide directly with a lot of important philosophies. It made me want to become a preacher man, seriously. But I would be theatrical about it, just like a lot of the real preacher men. I want to mix my speeches with my hip hop music with help from Mike and video it; that would be really cool. I could perform in coffee shops and what not. One of my life goals is definitely to be a public speaker beyond the classroom, in one fashion or another.

I heard that Joni Mitchell song today faintly in the restaurant when she says something like: ''All and all you seem to do wrong, you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone" in what sounds like a Scottish accent. I want that song. When I thought that I thought: "I want to make songs me and others want to hear".

There are a lot of young women here, and young men too for that matter, what’s up? l can already tell this place is very touristy. There are lots of buses and white people in expensive cars. There is a car I noticed out here that is a Nissan that looks like a cross between a pathfinder and a hummer. I wonder why that model isn’t in the USA. Sometimes I feel like Europe is a couple years ahead of the USA in car technology.

November
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
26Day 5
1) Shake legs in circles 3 X 2) Pull body with heels 3) shake body 4) palm press, then heel 5) go up leg 6) knee caps 7) At groin stop blood flow 10-15 seconds 8) Palm press 9) 6 points on 5 toes, starting with point 12) Palm press 15) Press feet down 1-2-3-2-1 out and in 16) Cross feet, right on top first for men,left for women, push 3X 17) Turn 3X and push up when feet on top 3X 18) On 4th x push feet up on side 19) Palm press 20) Push liver point and push foot clockwise 3 times, and put right foot under right legs., then other way three times. Right leg first on men left on women 21) Twist foot like ringing laundry both ways 1-2-3-2-1 22) Put foot down and do temple point and massage up to big toe up between the tendon, then massage the toe and pull between the toes, on all points between the toes. 23) Bring toes apart then scisors, big to small toes. 24) Push toes down and massage toe knuchles in an oval 25) Achilles tendon pull three times. 26) Pull feet out holding heel 1-2-3-2-1 27) knuckle crack 28) Sexy finger massage all around the outside of the foot 29) Push toes down while pulling heel toward you 30) Push toes down and push down on toes knuckles 31) Pull foot apart and go to other side 32) pressure points for legs. Men right leg first, women left. Stretch the legs holding blood vessel and pulling the foot out 33) Palm Press the legs 34) Do 5 points below knee, and 5 over knee, starting with directly under ankle knob on inside, and follow up right under bone. Last one blood vessel 35) Go inside one thumb and go ten points down to Achilles tendon point. 36) Stretch leg 37) Palm press leg 38) Stay on same side of body and switch legs adn palm press leg 39) Stretch leg 40) Temple point and up ten points right next to the bone. 41) move one thumbs length to the outside and press ten points down to directly above ankle knob 42) Press directly under ankle knob on the outside 10 points directly under the bone, the last point in directly under the pelvis bone. 43) palm press leg 44) Stretch leg 45) Switch to the other side of the body and do the other leg.
271) From groin-foot stretch 2) Then we make a triangle (men-right leg, women, left) 3) Palm press from heal and groin to knee on calm hands pointing inwards, up to knee. /Don't use bone of hand. 4) Pressure in on thigh near knee pushing forward and backward, then on middle of thigh, then eon inside of leg adn back u 1-2-3-2-1. 5) Palm press the knee and thigh to groin and back. 6) lift outside leg up and do the triangle circle, push the knee into the body holding the knee and ankle adn make a circle towards the outside 7) Sit down back, grab the foot from underneath an grab the Achilles tendon with the smallest three fingers and the thumb on top of the other side, pt you foot under the knee while grabbing the heel of the other foot with the other hand. Push your leg on the knee until you lock the log, and pull with the hand, 1-2-3-2-1 and push the middle of the hamstring then the inner hamstring and back. Make sure the big toe is under the forearm 8) Then grab the top of the foot with both hands and put the top of the foot as close to the knee as possible and push in a circle three times 9) Put their foot under your knee and put your other foot in. Grab the heel and pull back while pulling up back with the to of the outside-calf foot, and pushing down with the hams. 1-2-3-2-1, Down the hamstrings and back up to the knee 10) push the foot down to the groin and do the scissors (foot up, other down) 11) Grab the other ankle again, pull the ankle back again an walk down hamstrings and back up 12) 1-2-3-2-1 with both feet to groin and back, lock knees 13) walk again 14) Put toes in middle of thigh and scoot down 15) After crouching down, walk with toes on hamstring while walking with fingers from knee to inside of thigh and back, then calves 16) Bang out the thighs and calf 17) lift knee up with outside hand and foot and get on your knees and clinch down on ankle with your thigh and do the butterfly on the thigh, lock and pull towards you 1-2-3-2-1 lock knee on chest. 18) Do the butterfly, 1-2-3-2-1 and lift up. 19) Interlock fingers and press and circle, and push and pull 1-2-3-2-1. Use index fingers and thumbs to find distance. 20) Pressure points with thumbs 1-2-3-2-1 21) The 1-2-3-2-1 palm walk ad back push on e side, then other in sequence 22) Interlock fingers and do squeeze-pull back to you leaning back 23) Loosen up leg thigh 24) 6 point underneath pressure point from knee to butt 25) Thumb walk back up to knee while squeezing the thighs. 26) Do the calf pull from the knee to the ankle 1-2-3-2-1 Don't pull on way back, but pull one way back while opening up chest. Soft, medium and strong hand grips. 27) Bring hand under and interlock fingers and squeeze and pull calf out 1-2-3-2-1 28) Separate calf muscles 29) Loosen up calf muscles 30) Push knee up and scram
28 1) After calf push leg forward by grabbing knee and grab the heal with the inside hand and push knee toward chest and bring to outside 2) Foot to groin and your palm to their groin and move down to the knee and back as you push their knee to their chest in a circular, motion 1 3) Move their foot to your shoulder adn do the same thing 1-2-3-2-1 4) Lock their foot with your foot and bring their foot back to your groin and push your palm near their knee on their hamstrings and push the knee towards their chest, then towards the groin, 1-2-3-2-1 5) Bring their foot to your shoulder and do the same thing 1-2-3-2-1 in a circle from chest to outside. Do the same thing with groin and shoulder pushing down on hamstring and pulling up on thigh with leg stretched to the outside 6) Unlock foot and grab the ankle and bring to leg up and push on the knee end of the hamstring so the knee goes towards chest. Then extend the leg 1-2-3-2-1, down to groin with palm and back. Put back on thigh and push on hamstring. 7) Sit back and do Charlie Chaplin and pull back n food adn push-lock-pull 1-2-3-2-1 from knee to groin adn back 8) Move the leg in towards body and do the same thing all your other leg 9) Stick your toes in their ass 1-2-3-2-1 10) Bend their leg to the outside and palm press leg and calves 11) Then push on thighs adn push down and forward and backward 1-2-3-2-1 12) Palm press again 13) Chop their legs 14) Straighten their leg and shake the hams and calves 15) Rub and soften the thighs 16) Circle knee caps
291) After knee circle, lock the other foot and grab the heel and bring their straight leg out to and make three circles 2) Put the leg back down and stop the blood at the groin for 10-15 seconds while holding their foot with your other hand. 3) Push down with one hand on their thigh 1-2-3-2-1 down to the knee while holding there ankle with your other hand 4) Do 1-2-3-2-1 from groin to knee with 2 hands. 5) Grab their ankle and pull back above their knee as you stretch their leg forward, 1-2-3-2-1, pulling to the groin and back, and push toes down 6) Sit above their knee while grabbing with both hands under their foot and pull their straight leg up 1-2-3-2-1 from knee to groin and back. 7) Turn around adn put their ankle on your shoulder and pull back above their knee with outside hand while pushing on groin with other hand 1-2-3-2-1, pushing from groin to knee and back, while holding above knee at the same place 8) Let the leg down circling the knee cap. 9) Grab both heels and push their legs back over their heads, push down adn out, stretching their hamstrings 3X 10) Straighten their legs perpendicular and push down on their toes 3X 11) push down on toes as you hold legs straight and pull back on knew with the legs three times 12) Then fold the leg down so the ankle is locked behind the knee (right leg for men, left-women) and pull back on knee and push down and in on toes to stretch the hamstring 3X 13) Use forearm to massage bottom of foot from toes to heal adn back 14) Pressure point with elbow behind small toe 1-2-3 down to heel and to inside of foot adn 1-2-3 to big toe. 15) For arm massage again 16) Knock out thigh and calf and sole of foot 17) Fold leg more so their calf is on knee and push with palm of hand near knee on hamstring an push their heel so their hamstring is stretched, down to but 1-2-3-2-1 18) Put your knee on their but and stretch their leg again 12321
301) Grab both their heels and put your knew on their but and stretch the hamstrings, then knee on middle of hamstrings and behind knee 123 2) Sit on their hamstrings near knees and lean back to stretch their hamstrings, 123 towards their but. 3) Turn around and namaste their feet and push down and out 3X 4) Let their legs down shaking their legs their legs 5) Palm press feet 6) Palm press legs 7) Cut off groin circulation 8) Palm press back own legs 9) palm press feet 10) Circle stomach with palm o belly button chock wise (anti clock wise if stomach problems) push on all sides 11) Do 9 points on the stomach. push down and into the belly bottom, starting one thumbs length under belly bottom. use fingers from points 6-8 12) Circle stomach again 13) pressure points 6 14) Do butterfly push into stomach with both hands 15) Do butterfly the other way 16) Do hungry-maker massage with both hands with fingers on one side adn thumbs on the other side 17) Circle again 18) use 3 fingers massage from solar plexus up to throat and massage below clavicles with 3 fingers clockwise to shoulder and peck muscle adn then the ribs with whole hands down to bottom of ribs and back up to clavicle 19) Press down on shoulders to stop blood flow for 10-15 seconds 20) Stretch hands (one hand on hand, other on shoulder) 21) Palm press arm to hand 22) Pressure points from wrist to shoulder 5 below elbow adn 5 above last point under peck muscle 9th point in arm pit 23) Palm press arms again down to wrist 24) Pressure points from top of wrist to shoulder. 5 to elbow and 5 to shoulder. 10th right under shoulder 25) Palm press 26) Stretch 27) Straighten clavicle 28) Grab their hand and put your inside foot in their arm pit and pull their arm out 29) put your inside hand in their armpit and fold their arms back and forth 6 X 3 on each side 30) Fold arms 3X clockwise 31) 3X counter clockwise 32) Grab wrist adn fold it 6X both ways 33) Roll wrist clock wise 3X 34) Counter clockwise 3X 35) Flap wrists 36) Go to hand massage position
December
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21) Circle the neck from down to up and up to down 2) Then circle one direction 3) then the other direction 4) Rub both ways with both hands at the same time 5) circle both ways at same time 6) Separate 7) Shoulder blades 8) Pressure point on one side of the back of the head 9) Pressure point on other side 10) Massage the neck with one hand 11) pull on points with all the fingers 12) Rock the head 13) Reiki on back of head for one minute 14) Face thumbs on widows peak an slide to temple and rub temple 15) thumbs on peak adn circles to temple 16) Thumbs on 3rd eye and slide to temple 17) Thumbs to 3rd eye and circles to temple 18) Thumbs to point above nose in between eyebrows and slide to temple 19) Thumbs to this place and circle to temple 20) Massage eyebrows to temple, pull them out as you do 21) Six points under eye brows 6th is to the side of the eyes 22) Push on eyes 23) Sinus point tear ducts and slide down under cheek bone adn up to temple 24) Sinus point and circle to temple 25) Nostrils adn circle to temple 26) Upper lip adn slide under cheek bone to temple 27) Upper lip adn circle to temple 28) Chin and massage to the back of the head adn pull head 29) Massage adn fold ears and cover eyes 30) Shampoo head and pull hair on top of head adn bring hands up to sky and let energy out of hands 31) Bring one arm up over their head and bend their other leg, turning them on their side 32) Stretch leg that is straight 33) Palm press straight leg 34) pressure points on straight leg, starting with outside ankle knob and up down side of leg to the point on the outside of the heel 35) Point press the bent leg 36) pressure point bent leg starting under ankle knob and up and down their leg on a new meridian on the hamstrings back to point on inside of ankle 37) 12321 press on hamstring 38) Fold leg 12321 39) Scissor pull 12321 40) scissors once 41) walk 42) 12321 with both feet 43) walk 44) make Gipate, and on calves 45) palm press leg 46) palms on their but wit circles 47) pull their leg back with their foot on your shoulder and your hand on their knee and your knee on their but 3X
31) Put knee back to spot and palm press the back from lower back to shoulder 2) 10 points from lower back to shoulder 3) Palm press again 4) Interlock fingers on shoulder and massage the back 3X with fore arm 5) Hold arm up straight and squeeze and shake the whole arm 6)Bring arm out straight and stretch hand back and squeeze arm and stretch in circle 7) Put the arm on the side adn stretch 8) Palm press 9) 10 points on arm 10) Palm press 11) stretch 12) Hands 13)hand on head 14) cross stretch 15) knee on lower back and foot on shoulder and pull on thigh 3X 16) Fold leg back and stretch 17)pull back on leg adn arm with foot on lower back 3X 18) Sit down adn hold your right hand on their straight leg and the left hand on bent leg and pull back with your foot on the middle of their hamstring and pull, 12321 to but and back and then put your other foot on the middle of the hamstring and pull 12321 to knee adn back 19) put your foot over the spine on the lower back and pull p on the leg and hand 3X standing
51) When they re on stomach, foot press their feet with your feet". 2) Bring foot up (R-M, L-W) and rest it o your thigh adn forearm rub it 3) 6 Pressure points from little toes to heel and to big tow 4) Forearm massage 5) knock out sole other foot 6) circle foot 7) Bend leg back and lift up knee to stretch thigh then other leg 8) push both feet to bum 3X 9) Cross feet and push 3X (l-m, r-M) pull up on each side 10) Lift leg at knee 3X 11) Change feet and do this again 12) Fold foot back to knee of other leg and put your knee in the small of their back and pull up 3X 13) Circle foot 3X, put their foot behind their knee and push down on their foot while you push on their hamstring from their but to their knee adn back and push o their other foot 14) Stand up and pull up on their leg will your other foot on the small of their back. Soft, medium, hard. 15) Put your big toe in the middle of their but and pull the leg up.
71) After sliding in, forearm the back adn circle and pressure but and forearm the leg wile elbowing the but then circle the but again 2) Knock out back, but, and leg 3) Other leg 4) Sit on feet and stretch toes 5) Palm press back up and down 6) Tiger claw up and down 7) 10 points near spine 8) Palm press back down 9) Cobra, put hands behind your knees and pull them up 3X by their shoulders 10) palm press 11) Release feet and put your knees on their but leg junction and pull their arms back 3X 12) Feet below their but and pull 3X 13) Palm press 14) Grab both feet and put your foot across the small of their back and pull 3X 15) Put foot right above their hip bone pointing towards their head and pull the legs up. then down and pull then toe on coccyx and pull 16) Drop leg of yours and grab an arm and pull the arm and the opposite leg 3X 17) Drop the arm and put your toe in the upper part of leg and pull, then higher and pull, then right leg pulling on leg and arm 3X in but and pull 3X in all 18) Other leg pulling on leg and arms 3X 19) But pull 3X other leg 20) Kneel and but shoulder stretch 3x circle first then stretch 21) Other side 22) Bring hands in to hip bone and middle of ribs and circle and stretch 3X 23) Other side 24) Kneed back, freelance back massage 25) Shake body out
81) Turn them on their back and pull their legs up straight against your body and pull up o their arms 3X 2) Find their legs adn pull them up 3X 3) Bring them to sitting positions and palm press their shoulders 4) Pressure points on the shoulders from neck to shoulders 5) Palm press shoulders again 6) Palm press the back 7) pressure points on the back from the but to the neck 8) Palm press again 9) Knock out the back 10) Stretch their arm back behind their back one time 11) Put your knee on their hand behind their back and grab their shoulder adn hook your forearm under their elbow and massage their shoulder blade 12) 6 Points on shoulder blade down and up 13) Massage the shoulder blades 14) Bring their arm u and back adn put our elbow in their shoulder blade with your hands on their hands and pull back as you pressure their shoulder 123 from bottom to top 15) Turn to their from side adn put your other elbow in three points from top of shoulder down 16) Massage bicep and tricep by bringing their arm up to their forehead adn hold their elbow with one hand and massage with the other hand 17) Bring their hand behind their head adn stretch their arm back and massage their bicep and tricep and push the head down 18) Other side
91) Put your right hand on their right hand through their bent arm adn put your other hnd on their left shoulder, and pull o the shoulder and push down on the head and pull back with your forearm on the bent arm 3X your left knee up , right down 2) Other side 3) Lock their hands behind their head adn put your hands on their hands through their bent arms and pull their arms back 3X with your forearms. 4) Side twist. Put your right knee on their right thigh an keep their fingers locked and close their arms bringing their elbows together and grab their right elbow with your left hand and twist them to the left holding your right hand on their right shoulder one time 5) Other side 6) Side circle, keep their hands locked and put your hands through their arms adn your right knee on their right thigh and push them down and to the side and up sideways and back 3X 7) Other side 3X 8) Back pull 3X with knees in lower back adn hands in the same place. 9) Same position, push your right knee in and pull back on the right shoulder once 10) Other side 11) Back pull once 12) Chin pull 3X 13) Pull their arms back and put your feet in the small of their back adn pull 3X 14) Walk your feet to their shoulder and pull once 15) Walk back down to lower back and push with the right foot and pull back on their right arm once 16) Other side 17) Push on their lower back and pull on their arms once 18) Drop their arms and push them forward and palm press their back 19) Multi-shop all kinds of ways
24I had a dream last night that I was in Hawaii a e an a few friends who don't actually exist borrowed a new top of the line sailing boat fro a friend of one of them. We were going to sail to California, I remember thinking how all it was and it could topple over backwards in a big storm. we were sailing around from island to island and they were so close together I was like Venice. we sailed by a grocery store right next to the water like Venice and I thought to myself "That's where my dad worked so many years ago" I don't even think I remembered he was dead or even my own identity of who I am now. I remember hanging out in different parts of the boat with my friends and having a good time. then we decided to go on a cruise on a huge boat that had escalators and long malls on it. I remember talking to someone about speed two cruise control and the guy Jason Patrick as a bad actor and fake and me agreeing . Then we were getting teddy to said to America and talking to other young people who had done it and the boy telling us about the three bodies along the path that told us how many knots we were going and then the said ÒI know, its weird". The dream before that I rode my bike to a youth hostel at night in a place that ZI cannot pinpoint.
8 England
  Belgium
  Luxemburg
  Slovania
  Holland
  Italy
  Portugal
  Hungary
  Spain, Living in my car
  Romania
  Dad dying
  France
  Morocco
  Turkey
  Thai Massage Class
  Gibraltar, death ride
  Visiting Granny
  Bike touring through Kansas
  Hanging out in Boulder
  Last semester of College
  Hanging out in Durango
  Kayak trip with Arrian
  Kayak trip with Eric
 
 
January
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9 I had a dream last night that I was riding to a town farther south with a man and a woman my age. They we rode back and stopped at a restaurant for lunch. This was in Nepal. That is all I can remember.

I had a dream I was traveling around and I was in a strange place in a large hotel, I went up to my room and was talking to a female roommate of mine. Then I went out side and walked around and then got on a bus with a group of kids. Next thing I remember my daughter or girlfriend, who was , was kidnapped, along with another boy and I set off looking for the in a town about the size of Boulder. I was driving down a road and I saw a boy and a girl astounding behind bars in the back of a truck and they looked distressed, so I turned around and I think I alerted a cop and I followed them to the high school, the truck was driving so fast I almost lost it. The truck got to the yard of the school just before I did and I caught the driver and said 'Where are they', and there was a cop with me so he was polite and said 'They aren't anywhere I don't have them', and I said 'Yes you do, I saw them in your truck'. and he said he didn't have them again. Then one of my friends found them in a small diameter ring of trees in green plastic body bags, and he zipped open the bays, who let out a tremendous gasp for breath, then I tried to zip open but I couldn't so I cut it open ad she gave a huge gasp for breath and I felt her face and then told the boy 'They would have died'. and then walked away and I heard another high school kid reprimanding the boy. That's all I remember.

15I had some interesting dreams last night, one was I was watching a married with children episode first hand, not on TV, I was in their house and was watching Bundy in the backyard repeatedly cutting someone's head off, and he was really excited about it, then we went to him to realize it was his own head he kept dunking in a tub of water that was attached to a guillotine. Then I looked inside to see the boy working on the computer and the girl writing on a desk next to him, she wasn't Christian Applegate, she was a brown haired girl named Amanda Berg, which is a girl I went to high school with. Before that I had an episode that I was driving my van with my brother Wyndham and I had been traveling the world or something for a long time so I haven't been behind the wheel for a long time. I was in Durango and think waiting to merge into main street and it was rainy and I couldn't see a turn on the right very well or something or I ran a red light or something but I know I did something slightly but not very wrong and merged into the road because there weren't any cars on the road, then right as I merged, a car speed down the road from the bend and almost hit me but didn't then I saw a cop car behind me and I knew it was going to pull me over. The cop was a black man and was being rude and had me step outside then then wanted to search my car. Then I got mind and 'Your a fucking asshole, do as much as you can to me I don't care, I'm as nice to you as I can be you fucking dick'. I was kind of tense because I knew I had a lot of acid somewhere (I wasn't too sure where, which is true) in the car. Then I changed dreams. The next dream I had I was an agent in an office somewhere and Steffano was there but he was like 65 and I was thinking, 'I didn't know he was that big', then I mentioned it to someone and he said 'He ain't 65, he's as tall as me (5-9), he's a little weak man'. A dream I had before that I was in the airport after a long vacation and was weighting in the terminal, and a lot want on but I can't remember Another dream I had I was one of five boys, I was the oldest. And we were dressed like women with sex changes and all and we were taking the bus across town and a cop pulled us over after we got out of the bus and said 'What are you?' and we said (different boys speaking at different times) we were tasting transsexuals and the cop said 'What', fasting is illegal' But I said when I had breakfast this morning but I don't eat anything after that' Then the cop, who was young and confused said to the youngest boy 14-15, 'Well you all fast don't you?' and the boy said 'Well actually, I have cereal every morning but after that I fast all day long'. The cop didn't know what to do so he let us go. Before all of these dreams I had one that I was on an island doing some weird project with people a and traveling around the world before that. The whole dream sequence was crazy and I only remember a small amount of it. But the energy was different and strong and good and funny and real emotionally.
16I had a dream last night that I was in Japan with my mom and she had a joint and we smoked it, when, we went down stairs to the subway and I had a box so I sat down and her too, I slid down a metal part and came down do fast I almost slid out into the tracks then she came and slid past the place at the bottom where you are supposed to show your ticket and I was weighting at the tracks to catch her so she doesn't go into the tracks. But the guards saw her and so we went to court, but while we were there a blond 35 year old man took me to his office nearby because he said I was stoned and Pam was there because she was stoned with me at the train station.

I had a dream last night that the end one was an action movie in the sky with Harrison Ford and he was hanging from a helicopter ladder with some other guys fighting, I was watching the making of the movie or something. Before that I was in Boulder or somewhere and Cito Nunn was clean cut looking and told me in the Albertsons near hoe that there was a nature preserve near there that they were protecting a special animal and I should give them support, so I went there and it was a lake with like 30 fishermen who had just caught dogs with fins who where a kind of fish, before that I had a dream but I can't remember it.

24I had a dream last night that I was staying in a youth hostel with some other kids somewhere and we were staying up late one night and I eventually offered to give a kid a massage and I guess the procedure was too was them because I had him get naked and was rubbing his leg with soap, the I said 'Just take a shower yourself, then I will massage you'. So he got up and I gave him the soap but he dropped in on the floor, and every tine he tried to pick it up it glidded and bounced all over the room like a hocky puck and we said this. A girl was in the room watching us, he picked it up and went into the shower and I think that is when I woke up. Before that I was cruising around the town I think might have been Katmandu. I might have been looking for ice cream I saw Andy Paton before that, he was outside and had been traveling around climbing and was hanging out outside with my friends and I and it wasn't exactly hi but kind of softer, lighter, and younger, but I was thinking of how crazy he is. I can't remember any more. But I now a lot more happened, I can't remember because I have THC in my blood I think.

I forgot to mention, my last nights dream about the two giant ski resorts I visited in Europe somewhere, I was going to ski there but I only flew over head and watched people get huge air all over the place. I was amazed and excited.

March
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10I had an interesting dream last night. I was in Hawaii except at first it wasn't Hawaii, it was a place like Hawaii that was owned by America but wasn't a state yet, but then it was Hawaii. Someone had provided my friends and I land and a semi rickety house on the top of a hill in the woods with no other houses around. We were going to use it as a spiritual healing center and one day me and about three guys were up there fixing the house up on the back porch listening to music and smoking dope and we got lazy and started sleeping outside. And those female friends of ours hiked up and wanted to do the spiritual healing stuff with us whatever it was but we weren't too lazy and so the four or so of them left after like ten minutes. I talked to one of the women, and there might have been a man with them, she was really short and had long curly red hair and was about my age and she was really nice and said the reason they left was because they thought this was a healing center and we were smoking dope and lazy I agreed with her and said how it was at an ideal location and Hawaii was the biggest mountain in the world and the last remaining tip of the Lemurian civilization and she said "Yea that's great", and we had a vision again and that's all.
13I had some dreams here but I cannot remember them. I tried for three nights I get over Thorung La but to no avail. The first night I got up and it was cloudy so I denied not to go which was stupid. I called it off because I was tried and thought i should acclimatize and rest and a woman said "If is clear you should definitely go". and I thought haziness was a good reason, but in reality I chickened out, I was so close too, the boy had gotten up for me at 2:30 and I was dressed. Then after I told him I called it off it cleared up. The next night I was exited and I was clear but I was puking. Then this morning I tried and there was a blizzard. That reached down to Muktinath, I feel like I am in the North Pole, I just want to go where it is warm and ride so I am heading back to Pokhara by way of Beni and then for the Everest Trek, but just running this time. I hiked about 4:30 hours from 3:00 -7:30 up and got back here at 10:30. Oh well, I hope It stops snowing but on second thought I don't because precipitation is good to prevent drought. I will cruise down to Jomsom supper early tomorrow like 2:00 or something to savor the full moon and get a long day because I have been getting too much sleep lately. The day I got here 14 people came over the pass from the other side and they saw a human foot in a shoe being eaten by a dog on the trail. The second say I was here I just hang out and smoked grass all day long. I got back from the pass and came back here and didn't feel like hiking any more because it was snowing and figured I would leave tomorrow when it is not snowing but it has been snowing all day.
20you must write when you have something to write. I had some interesting dreams last night but I didn't write them down when I got up and I forgot them. I was trekking and I had Cinderella and the X1. It had good energy. There were Nepalis there. Today was the first day of my Everest Trek. I didn't feel very good today. I woke up kind of undernourished and over alcoholed. I had amazing dreams last night that I was trekking and then I had Wyndham's and my Mountain bikes. I had a hard time waking up rather get up. Every body else got up at 6 and that's when my alarm clock went off. I had a big breakfast and hiked just out of town where I shat, got high, and changed. Then kicked but I had a hard time with my walkman because it wouldn't play a tape and stopped playing at small bumps. The I took a couple wrong turns and then ran for a bit and started up the big hill and I was tired and not enjoying my music. I felt like something was wrong, like I hurt my moms feelings in my e-mails asking her about her errands for me. I first thought i was dehydrated by drinking didn't help and I thought it was low blood sugar from smoking but the rest of my candy didn't do anything. Then it was obvious it was mostly mental; I don't want to do this I think. I got to Duerali and got food and put on super suit and started freeing my fingers were numb and it wasn't even cold out. So I decided to not do this trek and go back tomorrow. I got stoned and had a nice sleep from 2-6. I feel like I need to read for these two more months I have here, so when I go to Tibet and China I will be excited about riding and not burned out on being on the move the whole day. Plus, reading in Katmandu is a good idea because it is cheap to live there. I could lift weights, watch a movie, buy a tape, and read 100 plus pages every day and write as well. The main discordance i feel now is that my mind is feeling neglected. I saw the X1 last night and it was so beautiful.
October
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1 I had amazing dreams last night. The last dream I had I was involved in a business deal between my dad and a woman that I knew nothing about, but I was expected to make it come together by consummating a relationship with her daughter, but they wouldn't actually tell me that. Se ere driving around the hills of a town not unlike the hills of Austin in my dads shiny tornado. We were with one other person and were looking at a house that maybe my dad wanted to guy but like I said all I knew what was going on was some sort of business deal with this woman and my dad. We were standing outside the house and my dad grew frustrated with me and said 'Do you even know what love is?' And I said 'no', then he shrugged and we went back in the car and everybody seemed upset, then the girl bust into tears and sobbed that she had all these superficial relationships that went nowhere and that she doesn't feel like she can have a real one. Then I woke up.

Everybody was superstitious and it was 9:30. I can't say I was particularly attracted to her by peoples standards she was just as beautiful as any girl, but by the end of her speech I was thinking that we were destined to be together. Maybe the women we are meant to be together are the ones you can relate to and don't throw you off into an uncontrollable infatuation. Before that dream I had a dream that I was with Wyndham in Boulder, we were coming home from somewhere to Balsam house. Dad was driving us in the Tornado and we passed Casey Junior High but it was a bigger building and I think there was a boy building competition happening right before that on the hill up to it Wyndham pointed to a building and said that was where he, Ian, and Evan were taking Tae Kwan Do lessons. Then I said, 'Remember his sister, she hated me, and he said 'Yea, she is in school in Cicily, I think she is dating Graham this Saturday. Then we got to colony market and Wyndham said he wishes he had a hand phone and I said in Korea everybody has hand phones. Then I noticed am magazine that said 'Tall women in here'. So I got excited and opened it up, I don't remember seeing any women but at first Wyndham was watching me, then he went away and I got a boner so then he went away and I got a boner so sat down and it got so big it stuck right out of my shorts and I had to tuck it in again. Then I went upstairs again and was talking to Wyndham, I must have just come back from my trip because he said Biscuits fine, he is getting old, though, and I said 'Biscuits still alive?' He said 'No, he's dead' and I said 'he's dead?' and he said 'No he's still alive', and I got excited about seeing him, then the next dream happened. The dream I had before that I was at a fair ground and was partying with a lot of 50 year olds and then I was in a small trailer as it was up with Steven Tyler and another kid. I asked Steven Tyler how old he was and he said 50, and I said 'You look good for 50'. I saw a picture of you in a magazine with your shirt off', and he said 'Thanks, I am getting'....

9 Annapurna Circuit
  Ride back to Kathmandu
  Everest Trek
  Reading and working out in Kathmandu
  Tibet tour
  Thailand
  Malaysia
   
   
   
   
   
  Indonesia
   
  Korea
   
   
  Thailand
  Nepal
   
   
   
   
 
 
January
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25I had a dream last night that I went to Prince Charles house who was the kind of England. He lived in the country side in a normal sized house surrounded by other joined houses forming a ring wall around it. I was hanging out with him, and was surprised how small it was for the kings house and I looked at him as if I was his mother praising him and he looked at me with pride and he looked kind of goofy to me and then said his child was too small. Then we ventured off somewhere else and I had a dream that I was hanging out with Chris Wherry and Bernie Cohen and they were ignoring me and kind of acting like asshole's. We were in a fast food place and I was friends with the owners who were oriental and we may have been in Asia, and Chris Wrote a message to meet his friend somewhere on the table top and the owner saw him but didn't say anything and I that I was hanging with them. Bernie told Chris he had found a poem which I guess was the cool thing to do. That's all.
March
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22I had some weird dreams last night, maybe because of the malaria chloroquin pill I took last night. Other people say they have weird dreams not only on Lyrium but Chloroquin I had a dream that I was having a mice conversation with Bill Clinton and then I went to a dinner with him and about 15 other people, including my mom and Eddie Murphy. I arrived first and then he followed b the entourage. He sat next to me and my mom but make up on me but went to the rest room to pee and looked in the mirror and saw myself and I looked like a doll or a made up transvestite. 'I said I look like a made up corps' and my friend who was there said 'yes yo do'. I actually got there right after Bill. When I went back after a whole because I took a long time doing the number two, Bill said something to me like 'you better not be in the bathroom too long again buddy' in a mean way or something like that. Then I went to a coffee shop somewhere and Steven Seagall came in and was obviously flattering himself that he was famous and going to a public place where he knew people would know him. Then he pulled out a cap gun and started shooting people playfully mimicking one of his movies and a couple guys shot back, then he sat down next to me and I said 'You know Shano, Mukara's husband?' and he said 'yes' I said I was his friend and then since I knew he was buddhistically religious I told him about my book but he didn't like the part about Buddhists believing in god and he shot back at me angrily but I didn't really understand him, because it didn't make too much sense.

Then I had a dream that I was on Nias and was surfing and then went inland a bit and saw a peace corp type project that a white girl I knew from the beach was working at and they had all kinds of farm animals there. Then I went to a nearby norm losmen and was there were couple days and then two guys (friends?) came and were talking about how they were going to go to the bar and have sex. ;After they left my finger tips started to really hurt me because I was living in a filthy room, I saw a huge 4-5 inch spider crawling on my bed and there were cobwebs and other bugs all over the place and my finger tips were hurting me badly because over the last couple of days crab shells were growing on my fingers and then I saw a little crab crawl out of my crab shell finger tip and I thought, 'disgusting', before I didn't want to pull the shells off because I thought that if I did they would take my skin off because they there connected to my fingertips and was going to go to the doctor later, but I didn't care anymore and ripped them off and sore calluses were on my fingertips. The next dream I was in the Alps at the bottom of a thousand foot almost sheer cliff with steps carved in it and there was a small lift about the size of a hand and I got on it and rode it all the way u to a small cave and looked at it and the view and then got on the lift again but it didn't have any brakes on it and so I got scared and jumped off it and was stuck on the cliff and was scared. Then I found myself on the bottom observing some locals saying 'Did you hear, there's a mad macho man idiot that climbed up to the cave' and another said, 'he's dead, see him there, he fell down' and I vaguely saw a lump on the ground. But then I woke up because it was 11:30 and time to wake up.

July
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3I went to the bike shop and the wheel came in on Friday, but that's ok. Maybe I wouldn't have become interested in Astronomy if I hadn't have had that weekend. I started riding at 1 pm. I rode until sunset at five. The next day I fought the wind, the hardest ever, and rode 100 miles until like 9:00 pm. And the next day was another brutal day. I got to Fitzroy Crossing at 8:40, and a raid train driver who doesn't just drive the 120 toner, but 170 ton rock hauler with 3 1/2 trailers who wants to do a 4 year around the world bike tour gave me a ride for 30 Ks. But I forgot to fill up my water. Luckily he had about 2 liters for me and I rode until ding dong 4:20 AM. It was a beautiful clear night. I stopped after reaching the top of a beautiful hill with cliffs on either side of me. It was the biggest hill climbed in all the ones before Perth. It was head windy but not half as bad as during the day, it seemed to be getting stronger and stronger and I got genuinely tired because of all of the hammering into the fierce headwind I had been doing. I figured it would be wise for me to rest now, after all I had been riding 10 hours straight and would have needed to stop and rest before getting to Hals Creek anyway. I stopped with 190Ks left of the biggest gap yet of 290Ks. Although I think I remember passing a place at night that is in the Lonely Planet book, but I was too macho at the time. I very efficiently went to sleep in less than 10 minutes and woke up and got out making that only a 4:30 hour break.

I rode strong the next day until sunset at 5. A solid 7 hours of pedaling of the 8 on the road, but I only managed to cover 70 Ks because of the wind. My mood and water was getting low, but I knew there was a camp ground just up the road where I could bum more water. I got off at 7:30 and was riding surprisingly strong; stronger than the day before. I went from 120 to go to 65ish to go before noon. At about 1:00 AM the road turned to the left a little bit so I wasn't riding directly into the wild anymore, so I was riding 8 mph instead of 6 which made a noticeable difference and boosted my moral. Than it got better to 10. I got a flat with 10 km's to go and pumped it up, then an aboriginal woman coming at me stopped her car at me staring at me so I thought she wanted to talk to me, but she was just having car trouble, that is the second time that has happened. I magically rode into town right as the sun was setting and went to the grocery store and caravan park. That night I was feeling sore and feverish all over. I know that feeling, physical burnout. I haven't had it that bad since Morocco. I kind of knew my chances of riding today were bleak, but I still planned on it, but when I got up, I said ''no way" and just futzed around kind of dazed out all day. It is sunset now and although I feel a lot fresher than yesterday, I still am sore all over and feverish. I will ride tomorrow though no matter what. I have 160Ks to go tomorrow, if the wind is like it was for the end of yesterday I can do it. I have a feeling I have a fever now because I ate so much junk food in Broom. I bought a two liter triple flavor and ate half of it and munched pizzas and candy for 4 days; but mostly it is because of the riding. I feel a bit of pressure to get there quick before I spend the money I have. Plus me wants to get to Sydney quick so me don't run out. I have a feeling I will feel good tomorrow. I am almost out of nugs, I don't have the money to buy more, and I want to bounce back to sobriety; I hope it goes smooth. It was so nice being so stoned so long. All I feel is intensity, so I just need to remember to keep up the intensity and I will be fine. It will be interesting to see if I can keep up the brilliant thoughts. Its amazing, on nugs I am all knowing, I should write about that.

7Well I finally did it, bonked. I left Kununera without enough food and reaped the consequence. I could have made it here or close last night but I was kind of spooked by the darkness seeing that I was sober for the first time in two months. The reason I didn't bring enough food was because I lost 5 bananas out of my bags. I meant to put them in a good place but I forgot. For some reason I also didn't realize it was 230 Ks to the next place but only got two more sandwiches because I was stingy because I just spent 22 bucks on 2 new tapes $10 on a tire and $85 on new shorts. I was stoned and just figured I would motivate through the night but I stopped at a wee 9:00 and figured I would star gaze, but there were too many stars to star gaze without a map so I fucked off and went to bed. I knew I would be fucked the next day. I slept ok, but the dam piece of shit sleeping bag is always soaked. I turned it inside out so I wouldn't suffer but the dew made it worse. I got up late and was off at 9 after eating just crackers. I got to experience bonkness for the first time in years and it sucks. I was super week and couldn't eat to replenish my energy because my stomach shriveled so I bought a six pack of beer. This'll be the most beer for me since Alice springs. It brings back memories of Alice. Which seems like a ways off now. I wonder if my writing style is any different now that I am sober. Anyway, my day was fucked so I stopped early at 2:00. Tomorrow I shall try to get up bitch-silly early and try to get my ass 280Ks to Katharine tomorrow.

I was having many thinkings today about the "universal theory", which I call it. The conglomeration of truths about the evolution of humans and heaven. It is fully fortified in my head as spinning truths forever mine as the netherly spirits try to pump them to me. All I need to do now is sit down and write it and converse it. For example here are some:

1) The spirits say I must travel before speaking. 2) The young rockers in my tapes of top 40 rockers are very spiritual but negative and pessimistic which will lead to optimism which I will capitalize on. 3) The youth are too smart to be able to communicate with their parents, the old cant grasp it. 4) For me to write the book I need to address all angles of view: a) The close minded freedom lovers. b) The Christian right. c) the pessimistic loaf. d) The uneducated believer. e) The scientific thinker. f) The native. 5) Marijuana is truly a bringer of genius, without it you need to really quiet down the mind before insights come. 10) People want a leader. 16) Don't judge lest be judged can be a great scale to decide how to react to specific people. 17) alcohol and pot have the same effect on me when I am by myself, only alcohol makes you share your soul with your brother even if it means pain, the pot will avoid pain at all costs, the alcohol is more noble, and better for your mind although bad for your body. Why does the reason for non drugs and sex changed now than in Paul's time? Because it detracted form them working to get here, but with all the sexes and drugs elevate. you must always take the situation into account. people hate drugs because they don't believe in their brothers who are the sun of God as well, and that is the first step, by brother. 18) people love you more when you are honest, even if you are out of line isn't that strange. people love emotion, but only when there is no negativity. This old couple gave me a soda today and it really helped me as I was suffering form malnutrition but now I am fine form the beer calories, the Christians need to realize this drunkenness why? If every thing that's good comes form positive things, was slavery positive? Because it was a different world in the past, this is transition time.

Fuck alcohol. I was buzzed a bit but that turned to a hang over and empty still fucked stomach so I woke up malnourished, feverish, and tired. It was slow going and got off at 11:30, the latest yet, second to Kununura at 11:00. I didn't have much fun riding today because I couldn't hammer because my chain was skipping. It started after Kununura with a weird sound in the smallest cog and then quickly got so stretched that I could barely ride hard enough to keep the bike moving at a reasonable pace. So after 92 Ks I stopped at Victoria river and will get the bus to Darwin tomorrow.

I saw a dead four foot long lizard on the road today and a wallaby I took a picture of. The book about Neils Bohr and Quantum physics is great, but exhausts my brain.

I saw a UFO the other night, I was riding and saw a shooting star in front of me, and then a couple seconds later I saw another shooting star to my left. I looked right at it. It was going slower than a normal shooting star and was very bright. Then it split into three pieces connected by a haze and disappeared, it looked like this. It was definitely not a meteor, unless it exploded, I don't know.

I just talked to this river guide about crocodiles. The largest one caught was 30 feet long and they can be more than a meter wide easy and can out run horses for short distances and live up to 80 years. The fresh water ones can live 50 years. Saltwater crocs can swim 50 kilometers up river. They have brains the size of a quarter but watch the patterns of land animals like fishermen and know when someone is coming when they are predictable so they can eat them. The only place to kill a croc by hand is by sticking it in the back of the head or through the eye. The guy gives tours on the river the restaurant is on. He said if you go down to the bridge fifty meters down the road you can see the eyes in the water; but for some reason I didn't do that.

17I started riding yesterday. The last time I wrote I was in Victoria river. When the bus came two hours late the driver said he was too late and didn't have time to put my bike in and that I should have reserved a ticket, so I reserved a ticket for the next day. But that night I met a 66 year old man who bought me coffee and hung out with another man who sung a long Aussie poem. He offered to drive me to Darwin the next morning to get there the next day so that night we stayed in Pine Creek and he invited two young Belgian girls for a beer and then I met a cute girl traveling with her father, from Tucson, he went to school in Boulder. This guy Patrick kept talking on and on. He was a ten year old in the concentration camps in Japanese occupied Java during World War II. At the end of the war he had the choice to go to Holland, Canada, or here. His two sisters went to Canada and Holland but he came here.

I had to stay in Darwin for 5 nights because for some reason my card couldn't get any money out. Wyndham loaned me $3500 to get to Sydney. I only got $850 for the last quarter which is the worst quarter ever next to $1200. Two quarters ago it was $2000. I am curious to know what the next one will be. I guess she just finalized more logistical stuff. I was eager to make a move so I didn't feel like doing anything but moping and watching TV and movies. I bought a book about science, a new chain and cog and two tapes.

When I got my money I took off but after 10 miles down the road turned around to get weed because my heart was aching. I asked a couple of people and these dreadsters said I should go to Mindel beach or something and it was jam packed with people. I asked a couple of stoners and then this guy who was selling coconuts and he had a $50 quarter bag. As I was walking down the beach right after sunset I saw this feminine looking guy in a dress with bloodshot eyes, he was holding a lighter and what I thought was a pipe so I said:

"You got anymore?" "What" "weed" "oh, no" "I just got some but want more''. "no, just this little bit, let me see what you got". So we walked down the beach a little bit and I showed him. "Is this a good deal?" "Does it matter?" "Have you been to America?'' ''Yes, in Tucson once for a spiritual workshop" "Oh so your spiritual" "Aren't we all?" "Well yea, but not all interested and open minded about religion" So I gave him my spiel. "Is you name Jonathan?" "No". "I like to guess, maybe I will get it right some day''. "Guess again". "Eric". "Yes, well it used to be in Sydney, it was Erica. Because I was feminine". "Are you gay?" "Of course what kind of silly question is that?" Then I went off some more and started talking about my past lives. "Do you have any idea what any of your past lives were?" "Of course I think we all know, what kind of silly question is that?" Then I talked to him about Aliens. "Do you know anything about aliens?" "Yes" "Tell me, but he was quiet for like 20 seconds''. "Well do you?" "What do you reckon just happened just then?" "Well I asked you what you knew about Aliens and you just were silent while I was enjoying the sound of the tide coming in. What were you thinking?" "I was looking at the moon". He said: "Is the tide coming in or out?" But I didn't know. "Are you from here?" "Yea I grew up here, but I just moved back after being gone". This guy was out of it and incapable of having an intelligent conversation, or even answering questions. "What is your job?" "I'm a performer" "Oh, at these night markets?" "Everywhere". For some reason I didn't believe him. But now, I could see it. He asked me my star sign and then I guessed his at Cancer, but he said "guess again". So I dwelled on it a couple seconds. ''Sagittarius?" "Yes". Whoa! I was feeling psychic. He asked me if I had ever expressed my feminine side, so I told him about the homo cop who tried to touch my dick in Alice Springs. That's when he said he was thirsty so we went back and I saw these performers. They rapped, juggled on a tall unicycle, break danced and did the ''super duper'' trick, where the guy on top juggles three flaming sticks. Then I saw tapes for only $10 bucks. Then saw a motorized glider that could hold two people. It had a range of 300-400 KM, and could go 4 hours at 100 miles an hour, and costed around 20K Aussi bucks. Man I want one. It could climb a thousand meters a minute. The guy was charging $5 for 25 minutes. I should have gone for a ride. That would be so cool to fly over the Rockys. Then I saw a Christian video and these fundamentalists asked me if I believed in God. "Yes but I don't believe in hell, which is what you people are so infatuated with, and they said all the classic fundamentalist stuff about how you need Jesus and everything else belongs to the Devil. "If God is all powerful and Created us, why could the Devil get almost everybody?" "Well you have the chance" "And you are saying I am blowing mine by believing in reincarnation and thinking scientifically?" "There are scientists with PhD's who don't believe in Evolution". "Can you name one we have all heard of?" "No". "I bet they are like one percent". I told them all the reasons and facts, but what I missed and should have stressed the most was that if you see anything but God in your brother the Devil has you. I made this point too harshly with this girl and made her cry and shake all over. I was telling these guys about meditation, Vipassana, and she said. "Are you talking about TM? Because in TM they focus on an object and meditate on it saying a chant and it hypnotizes them into the Devil and that is scary stuff, all that Eastern religion, this is serious!" and I said, "You just brought fear and worry buy saying that the world is so dangerous" "You need to ignore all the negativity of the world, all of the environmental problems are just side affects, but everything is going as planned". And she tried to interrupt me and I said "let me finish" and went on, my voice was raised and I was waving my arms around, but she was too petrified to understand. She thought the devil was in me because I was being so honest with her, even though right before I went off she said "Sometimes you need to offend the tell the truth" Well she got what she asked for. I would have been a lot more affective if I had of come up with a long lasting song that praised gods creation with a main theme stressing that there is nothing to worry about and you are what you make yourself so you should be an environmental activist. That way they will be forced to hear me out. I also need to stress that scientific thinking is good by showing what it has done and exactly how it is opposite from superstitions. After I talked to them I went back to the disco but I didn't feel like dancing, so I went back and this old Aboriginal dude asked me for money so I sat down and talked to him and have him two bucks. He said he got on the last bus to go home 10 KM away and had the money but the bus driver said he was too drunk. "Do I look drunk to you?" "No". He said he was going to file a complaint. "Why don't you have money for a cab?" "I gave it all to my 13 kids and six grandkids, I don't even have enough money for another shirt''. ''So you spent all of your dole money, how much is that?" "$390 a fortnight (two weeks)'' So $780 a month. Like $500 us a month. That's so much, no wonder these Abos don't work, they don't have to. But from the sound of it they couldn't get a job if they wanted to. "I have been here two hours, and nobody gave me anything, they're just rude, walk on buy. I feel like just sleeping here on the sidewalk but someone will come buy and tell me to get up. These people are ass holes, they couldn't sleep here on the sidewalk if they had to. I'll tell you, they call this civilization, but it isn't, we're more civilized. It isn't easier to live like this. Before when you are hungry you spear a kangaroo, when you are cold you make a fire. I'll tell you a secret, my grandfather had a vision and told us that this year a comet is gonna come and almost hit earth, and will make earth spin off its axis and the poles will melt and there will be a giant flood, and that people came from the bright star and interbread with us." I was too stunned to try to have a reasoned conversation with him. Then I got a burger at McDonalds and went home. I left the next day and got a blow out at 43 miles out and put a bunch of patches over the tire and sowed up the $10 dollar tire and put it in the front, and the tire I got in Thailand in the back. Then I got picked up by this guy and driven 300 or so kilometers to 25 kilos before Katharine and his car ran out of gas so I rode the rest of the way and bought food and water and rode for a couple more hours. I was gong to ride all night but I got sleepy and the sky was good for gazing so I stopped but fell asleep and was cold which surprised me and I slept in and took forever getting out. I rode a couple miles and decided I was too tight and needed to stretch so I stopped and then decided to make this my spend all day in the desert day that I have been planning for a month or so. I shouldn't fall asleep instead of star gazing tonight. I am camped in this sand dune runoff following the shade. I want to write this song today. But I need to finish the notes from quantum physics books so I can throw it away.

10 Australia
   
  Moving furnature
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
  Indonesia
   
   
   
   
  Bike touring in Australia
   
  Sydney
  America
  Surfing in Nias