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I was born at 8:20 PM at city hospital in Austin, Texas on December 27th 1973 as Kyle Krishnaia Pounds because my parents were Sufi Yoga teachers in Oscar Chazo cult. I spent my first three years or so on Rock Creek street near river before moving up to Canyon View in West Lake Hills. I went to a Pre-school up in woods named Montessory school, which was a one (very large) room cabin. I went there for a year & then my brother showed up for following year & was in little kids section which I wasn't allowed to venture into for some reason. Then I went to a school named Lamp & Lighter, which was a super large multi buildinged school with all kinds of activities. We had outdoor kalithenics classes, our own school doctors room, our own ampitheater, our own race track with a go cart to race around in with guy driving it of course. We had a pool that was always empty that we played inside of a couple of times, a twisty slide, a cafeteria, it was quite large. We spent time in our summers in Tyler, Texas where my father grew up & his mother lived, & went up to Buddhist Rocky Mountain Dharma Center (RMDC) for a couple weeks each summer for Buddhist meditation retreats for my parents & having fun romping around hills with other kids my age. When I was around three my parents decided to become Buddhist & follow teachings of Chogyam Trunpa Rinpoche who had moved to Boulder, Colorado from Tibet. They were part of Buddhist church in Austin that rented a building from my father. I remember a house where church was centered in that we would go to often. In summer of 1980 we moved up to Boulder, Colorado to be more in touch with Buddhist community up there & because my parents liked Boulder. My father spent some time in his earlier years going to school there at University. We spent six months in a nice house with a stream flowing through it on 6th street before moving into a giant house on Mariposa that was near flatirons. We lived in that house for around seven years before moving into a nice house with a huge back yard on Balsam street in North Boulder because Mariposa house was too large & difficult to keep clean & pay for. In Boulder I went to a Buddhist grade school called Vidya along with all of same kids who I spent time with in summers up at RMDC, so it was like one big happy family. It was fun. All of kids parents were friends with each other & we all seemed to have same religious views. We all dressed up. boys in suits & ties & girls in special dress outfits. I had to take bus practically all way accross town every day because school was in North Boulder in middle of a field (at time) & my house was way down south of 40th parrelel that is Baseline road, & kids were always asking us why we dressed up & we got to tell them it was because we went to a Buddhist school & didn't believe in God & Jesus. I think we'd say we believed in riencarnation also. I had fun at school there at Vidya where I went for first, second & fourth grade. We had a gang of boys in my class run by tallest kid Jonothan Mckeever who would lead us around on projects building forts. We built a really big one once against a tree shaped like a tee pee but teachers made us take it down because it started festering bugs. My parents put my brother & I in University Hill grade school for my third grade & his second for some reason which I enjoyed. It was a lot closer to home. Just a few blocks up road. We went back to Vidya for my fourth grade when I was part of Buddhist kids soccer team. I think they made me a midfielder because I was a good runner but I never actually made contact with ball because as nobody told me you are supposed to call out for ball if you want them to pass it to you & I never did because I felt like it was rude to call out for a ball when another kids was doing it also. I felt like it would be good enough to just get yourself into position & wave your arms, but that never worked. I think I only did that one year. I made a pretty cool goal once in a school game though. All kids swarmed around ball in this tightly woven mass of confusion & I was only kid who didn't even try to go in there. I was just standing outside watching, & next thing I know ball bounces right at me & I kicked it over everybody & made a goal. Once I won musican chairs in a battle between boys team & girls beating out Cara Baker & I was loudly applauded. Because of my year away though & absence from some of Buddhist Shambala Sun camps I wasn't quite as popular as I was a couple years beforehand & had some problems being shut out by other kids so my parents took my brother Wyndham & I out of Vidya & put us into another private school called Waldorf at end of fourth grade. We went to Waldorf for my fifth grade which was housed in a big church next to a lake in east Boulder. There were a few other Buddhist kid defectees from Vidya there also for some reason. We were only there one year though & I went back to University Hill for my sixth grade. Back in 1982 or 83 when I was eight or nine my parents bought me a three speed banana bike that I rode all over town in on bike path. I would brag to my friends that my parents let me ride wherever I wanted because it seemed like their parents made them stick around neighborhood. When I was ten though this girl in my fourth grade class at Vidya, same girl who I beat in musical chairs competition, Kara Baker, started riding around campus in her new ten speed bike that she got for her birthday that was one day before mine, so I had to tell my parents it was time for me to get a ten speed. We went into Schwinn store on 30th street & they bought me same bike that she had only red & I also signed up for Red Zinger Mini Classic bike races, which is a two week or so staged bike race around Boulder. I figured I'd do well at that because I rode so far around town. I did pretty good too. I got 16th, which didn't make me one of weekest kids. I wasn't even slowest on my team. My teamate Dax Richardson gor 17th & he was older than me. I had a whole lot of fun that year & decided I wanted to be one of strong kids for next year so every day after school at Waldorf I rode my bike from school two times around Morgul Bismark race course for Coors Classic stage bike race & back home. So that was 36 miles pretty much every day, or like 200 miles a week. I had a new really nice Schwinne bike & was fired up. That year after fifth grade in 1985 there were two three stage two day races before Red Zinger. One in Fort Collins & one in Denver which I did pretty well in. Like fifth. I got third in first time trial in Red Zinger that went from Hill to Chataqua park & ended up in eight. I was one of strongest climbers but didn't do so well in sprints because I was smallest kid. I raced Red Zinger four years from '84 to '87 & my brother did it from '86 to 89' or something like that. My other brother did it a couple years also. We had three cabins on 38 acres of land for like three or four years at base of Longs Peak that we would spent our weekends at & go skiing at Hidden Valley ski resort above Estes Park that is now defunct. I had fun riding around our land on my BMX bike with my brother & hiking down river on our land to confluence with another river with my mom. Once we had a huge Buddhist party there with hundreds of people & a huge bonfire. I got drunk there & threw a wine bottle at my mom. I was only like eight years old. We had fun hanging out in that cabin there & having fires but we sold that place after a couple years & got a trailer four miles outside of Breckenridge, Colorado & season passes at Copper Mountain ski resort. A lot of kids started skiing before me. There was a ski day once at Vidya that I didn't go on for some reason & I had never been at that point. So all kids at my school went before me. I was eight first time I went skiing at Eldora where my aunt Barbara was my designated ski instructor. She made sure that I knew how to side step with skiis before I got on lift. I remembe that first day. It was so fun. I shot down hill so fast hardly turning. After that we started skiing all time at Hidden Valley. We skied every weekend for a couple years at Copper Mountain where I was on slalom race team. We would go on group skiing runs every once in a while & do races. I didn't do well at races though because I was too light. My favorite part was skiing around with my teamate friend Reed. Our trailer was fun to spend weekends at because there was a club room where we could hang out at & play pool & watch cable TV, a hot tub & a pool to swim at. In Sixth grade I joined Lake Eldora Nordic Ski team & went cross country skiiing every day after school & did races on weekends. We still did downhill skiing wheen there were no races. Up at Eldora we would ski with whole team & race each other on different couses coaches made for us. It was so fun because woods up there were like a huge laborinthine maze that seemed so huge. I did LERT for two years. Sixth & Seventh grade. I dropped out of ski racing & bike racing after seventh grade though because I developed a knee disease called Asgood Schlaughter & was told that it was a good idea to not run or ride or ski for a few years & had to go for ultrasound every day after school to quell inflamed knee that I had. My brother did that too. Taking time away from those sports wasn't neccessary in retrospect but I don't mind becuase it saved my parents money. I started mountain bike racing in 87' which was last year that I did Red Zinger. In summers my dad took my brother & I around Colorado doing all of mountain bike races from '87 to '91. '91 was my last year doing that. I went to Junior High school at Baseline. It was called Baseline because it was right on road called Baseline that in 40th parralel. I was on track team in seventh grade & was fastest mile runner at my school in my grade behind another Red Zinger racer named Cedric Hustved. I remember I got a 5:40 time in mile, & my schools fastest ninth grader Pete Vordenburg ran a 4:40 mile. I heard he did Olympics twice for nordic skiing. I didn't do any school sports, or clubs for that matter until fall of my senior year in high school when I did cross country because of knee problem. Cross Country was fun though. We did well. boys & girls got second at state. I think my best time was 17:07 for 5K but I think that was on a hilly course. I continued to ski in winter. One winter I didn't ski though because my skiis were stolen on first day & I kind of lost my motivation after that. After graduating high school in '92 I went. |
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Wow. What is first thing I remember? I have no idea. I have to think about that. When I was like three we moved to a house up in West Lake Hills on a road called Canyon View, & when I was six we moved to Boulder. I don't remember anything about our house in city a couple blocks from Lake Travis on a road called Rockmore. I remember a lot about West Lake Hills house & Lampenlighter school & other huge school I went to after that. The Canyon View house was in a beautiful setting on side of a hill overlooking city. We had land down woods a little bit to a stream. About halfway to stream we had a tent deck. We had a pool in back & a green house behind glass windows in basement. I rememeber seeing trails on land around our tent deck where we went camping from time to time & my mother telling me they were dear trails. My parents bought me an army jeep four wheel pedal sit down quadracycle & a batmobile one for my brother. Then they bought me a new BMX bike with training wheels. I really wanted to learn to ride bike without training wheels but it was difficult because road in front of our house was dirt & had pot holes all over. Every weekend my father would take training wheels off & help me try to ride without them. Finally after a few months I could do it. I remember I was four when that happened. After that I would always ride my bike down to end of dead end road to a lookout to city center. I went back there in 2000 & to my surprise that neighborhood was exactly same as when we lived there. There were no new houses & road was still dirt. road leading up to canyon view was paved though & it was dirt before. We had a pool in back & I could swim to other side of it by myself since as far back as I remember. We always would be back there swimming. My mom didn't have a job when we lived in Texas so she had a lot of time to drive us around & be with us at home & stuff. We had a cat named Louise & a Dog named Bisquit. Louise was older than me & was with my dad before he met my mother. cat jumped into his back yard & he threw his over & he jumped back so he decided to keep him. He was just a kitten then. Then when we were in Canyon View house Bisquit showed up as a stray & we kept him. He would always run after car for longest time every time we would drive away. One time he ran away & some Buddhist friends of my parents found him at gas station in town & drove him back. One time some Buddhist friends of my parents took us to school & got pulled over by cops on way there. We had some neighbors to our South who had four kids & one of them was a girl who was like a year older than me. We visited with them sometimes but I don't remember ever seeing any of kids. There was another kid on other side of road who had a three wheeler & would pull his break & slide it on driveway. Once our parents were talking ans asked him is he liked being oldest sibling & he said yes. I think I said yes too when they asked me. There was another kid who lived down road a ways who I would hang out with quite a bit. Once he had a birthday & we played pin tail on donkey. I got him a present that was a rubber band powered helocopter. I was really impressed with how well it flew. There were some other people who we knew who lived further down coldesack where they lived. It was a really cool neighborhood because there was no threw traffic any where near & was really peacefull with woods all around. One time I had a big birthday party & a little shy kid who I barely knew gave me a maze bood because they heard I liked mazes. I was excited about it & tried to do a maze there when I got it but it was too difficult & I got frustrated & screamed & threw it accross room & he started crying & his parents took him home. I wasn't punished for freaking out like that though. One time we had secret santa at school & one girl gave me a coloring book. I didn't say anything there at class but when I came home I complained to my mother that a coloring book wasn't a toy & I wanted a toy, so she bought me a plastic plane that was powered by a baloon. I would have complained about that also but I remembered that a girl in my class received same thing & she didn't complain so I decided to forget about it. I realized I had a pretty priveleged life anyway. I had my own sand pit next to pool that was loaded with toys, & my own half geodesic dome jungle gym in our backyard that was fun. My parents told me that I liked to climb a six foot ladder that they had & use it to get up on roof a lot. They said one time they left me alone with ladder & when they came back I was hanging from gutter screaming. I was only like one year old then so I don't remember that. I am afraid of heights though & maybe that's reason. I'm also afraid of deep water but I haven't heard of any near death experiences with pool though. Mike got freaked out in pool once. He was just a few months old & my mom let him go from her arms & I remember seeing him swimming upside down under water like a supmarine with a look of absolute terror on his face, & when she picked him out he was screaming. I thought it was kind of funny but I can't remember if she did that on purpose or if it was an accident. We did a lot of Yoga at pool also. My mom was a Yoga instructor & I remember her teaching me moves, specifically tree where you hold your leg & touch your toes. My parents were kind of hippies in those days & dressed me for part. I always had to wear dark blue overalls with peace signs sown into them & sandles & stuff. All my classmates wore tight light blue jeans with high cowboy boots & I was always trying to get my mom to buy me tight light colored blue jeans with high boots. One time she got me some boots but they weren't high so I made her get me high ones so I could look like a cowboy. She was also only mother who would back lunches with rice cakes & chunky peanut butter & carrots & celery when all other kids would have peanut butter & jelley sandwiches with white wonder bread & candy bars. I thought it was really cool that I was only kid who ate healthy. It made me feel like it was why I was faster than other kids. When we would run from our classroom accross road & down long driveway to main building to where we would have recess & lunch we would always run & I was always fastest kid in class. I remember one time a kid from another class beat me who was running bowleggedly, so I tried to run bow leggedly but it didn't work so I stopped that. I only saw that kid once though. The first school I remember was called lampenlighter & was a one room school way out in woods. It was divided into two sections, little kids & big kids. My brother was on little kids side & I was on big kids side. I always wanted to play in little kids section for break because their toys were better but I was never allowed to, so I would spend time outside with my friends. One of my friends had a star wars RTD2 doll that I thought was cool. We had a pretty big area to run around & play in. There were no other buildings anywhere in sight. place had a big round about driveway that my mother would always drive us around to turn car around to go home. One time |
 The Rock Creek house. Austin.  The West Lake Hills house |
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The drive up to Boulder took two full days as normal. Oldsmobile station wagon was full of plants in back & Bisquit & Luius, our dog & cat. I remember sitting in back street & playing games guessing exactly how far a mile away was. I remember one hill where I pointed to top of but it was in fact two miles away. We stayed in same Holiday Inn we always stayed in when we drove to Colorado, as we called Boulder & Rocky Mountain Dharma Center back then. holiday Inn was cool & made it feel like we were on vacation. It had a sauna, a hot-tub, & a pool in central plaza. We made one stop at a restaurant near a car dealership & I was looking at cars with my brother Wyndham. Said when I grew up I wanted to buy brown Chevy van, but Wyndham wanted pick-up. We rented a house on sixth street on hill for six months that was really cool. It would have been cool to own that house because it was right next to foothills. There was a little playhouse accross a streem that we played in. There was a nice six foot Buddhist lady who lived in house with us in upstairs & she told us that there were little people size of action figures living in that area in holes, & during day they make little houses, & I believed her & hoped I would see one. back yard was nice because it surrounded house & had a gold fish pond in it. One day while Wyndham & I were running & sliding down living room in our sock, he hit his head on couch & had to get stitches. Then we bought house on Mariposa street & moved in. That house was huge & I used to brag to my friends that it was one of biggest houses in Boulder. It had four staggered levels. In total house had thirteen bed rooms, three bathrooms, & an indoor porch looking over a big living room. A dining room, two living rooms, two outdoor porches, a play house, a gaint kitchen with a central table with cubbards, & a big patio in back & a patio in front. In back we had a basketball court surrounded by skunk river in back with a patio area, & a large garded on other side & one of two back yards separated by a big bush. I loved living there but it was too expensive to maintain so we sold it after six years & bought a smaller on at 1445 Balsam. We moved to Boulder in summer of 1980, just before start of school year. I went to first grade at Vidya, a Buddhist school. At this school we all had to dress up. boys in full piece suits & ties, & girls in identical plad dresses & bow ties. I had to take bus all way accross town to school in north part of town out of boulder valley. I remember on first day of class we went on a walk on a field trip & first kid I talked to was Jonothan Mckeever. He was tallest kid in class & we were talking about how we had same sandwiches. He became my best friend after that, but his best friend was Jesse Grimes who lived two doors down from him. I remember I told him he & Jesse were best friends but he said they weren't; but that was after they started having some problems. Some of other kids who I hung out with & spent night at their houses most were Michael Bandack, Jessie Grimes, Bindu Pomoroy, Solly Hampern, Claire Malory, Jeremy King, Mickey Halpern, Waylon Lewis, & Jessie Lock. Some of other kids in my class while I was there were Naomi Weber, Megan Susnis, Rachel I can't remember her last name, Cara Baker, Kaylee I can't remember her last name, & Alexis I can't remember her last name. I remember I went to Alexises birthday party once, & Naomi Weber had parties & stuff. Wyndham went there too & was a year behind me. I think his best friend there was Anthony Rich, & later on Jessie Siciliano. Some other kids in his grade were Adam Arthure, August Simineli, Yanos Porps, & a bunch of other kids who I can't remember now. I remember some of kids in year ahead of me too, although I didn't hang out with any of them. There was Magnus. I remember he was a really fat kid who would play tag with all of other kids & run & jump on roof of one of buildings & he was only one who could do that so they coudn't touch him. I remember thinking that was weird because he was fattest. There was Hardy, I went to his birthday party once. There was also Geysar, who we called Sir Geysar because he was Rempoches son, & then Vajra Rich. Vidya was a one house primary school that I think consisted of grades from one to six. My classroom first year was in room on ground floor & our teacher was Mr. Brown. He was a friendly guy with a mustache & drove us around to our many field trips in his green van. I heard year before I got there Claire Mallory fell out of back of it when it was going, then she fell & broke her leg on a school field skiing trip to Eldora which I missed. That was before I ever went skiing. I remember I was eight first time I went skiing. In bus we used to sing songs with Jonothan Mceever leading them. He would sing a verse & then all other boys (and maybe girls but I can't remember) would repeat what he said. He was leader. He was unpretentious though. He was leader because he was leader, maybe because he was tallest. One time he led us boys around school yard & two kids stayed back & built fort we were building & when we came back he formally gave up his leadership to them. I think it was Solly & Bindu. That didn't last long though, Jonathan was leader. I was a follower. I remember he had gotten in a fight with Cara Baker, who was his best friend. Their families went out to eat at a restaurant & they got in an argument & she pushed him down stairs & so he told all of us boys to be mean to her. One time Clair went over to my house to hang out & Cara was over at her house & then we went on errands with my mom & I refused to talk to Cara whole time. Clair asked me if I hated Cara in front of her & I said yes. After that Cara went home. I felt really bad about that. Jonathan tried to turn me off to a new girl called Misti too but I knew better by then to let someone else effect way I treated someone else. Cara was actually a really mellow down to earth girl. Another kid I hung out with a lot & spend night with a lot was Michael Bandak, but he would always invite me over & then hang out with other kids which didn't really make a lot of sense. He had a BMX bike & told me it had a category five balance rating. He was a big talker but in end wasn't that athletic. One time we took him skiing at Hidden Valley & he couldn't figure out how to use pully lift so we pretended we were stunt men rest of day on a snow pile & lost track of time until my dad found us & was furious. Michael was kind of a bully too. He would grab little kids by their ties, but he would to it at same place every time. At bottom of a hill. So I would run down hill & through him & other kid & break connection so kid could run away. I did that a bunch of times, until once he saw me & held on tight & didn't let his grip loose. I don't remember what happened after that though. Vidya was cool because it was a small school where all kids pretty much knew each other throughout all grades & parents knew each other & we all went to same Bhuddist summer camps together & stuff so it was kind of like one big happy family. Sometimes we would all play soccer together in huge teams. I wasn't good at soccer even though I could run & kick well because I felt like it was rude to call out for ball because it was like I was robbing ball from other kid who was also calling out for ball. I thought it was good enough to just be in right place to get ball passed to me but it never worked like that. kid who called out for ball was one who had it passed to them. I was in little league for a year when we had a team just for us Vidya kids, but I almost never had ball & never got a goal because I never called for it, so I quite that pretty quick. I also didn't like going after a ball if someone else was going after it. I felt like it was rude to physically fight over a ball, & I didn't really care that much anyway. One time when we were having a huge game at Vidya every last kid swarmed over a ball & I was only kid other than goalies to not be involved & just stood there watching. Then ball just shot out of pack at me & I kicked it over crowd into our goal & I was a hero. Nobody seemed to realize that I wasn't even in melee; it was just luck that ball came right at me. One kid who was opposite me in terms of athletic aggressiveness was Solly Halpern. I remembe first time I saw him we were playing capture flag & I was supposed to take a flag off him to make him out but he just pushed me away & ran off & I just stood there looking at him wondering who that was & making sure to remember to play that aggressively. He couldn't ride a bike though. One time I spent night at his house & I tried to teach him to ride his bike but he wasn't very interested. Then his mother made us both do chores for what seemed like rest of day. She made me clean out rotten dog food. I thought that was kind of rude & that my mom would never make a guest help do chores at my house. Then we went to Kalee's house to make some cookies or something. Solly was always hanging out with different kids, especially girls. Another kid I was good friends with was Jesse Grimes. His father helped us buy our land up in Fox Creek & he went up there with us. But later he started having problems with me & I thought it may have been because he was jealous because we had land & a big house. Jonothan told me he was having problems with him too. I don't remember details of any of that. We used to have lots of parties at kids houses too, & it seemed like we hosted most of them because our house was so big. One party we had Jeremy King ran all over our back yard with all boys running after him like a back of dogs. In third grade my parents put us in Uni Hill for some reason. I still have class picture from that. My best friends in that class were Ben Marshall & Nathaniel Daw. Towards end of year I was making friends with Paul Davis. One time I spent night at Paul Davis' house & we made spears out of sticks with knifes tied to ends of them & threw them in his front yard. One of his favorite activities was pigging out. We went over to his house & he said "lets pig out". He was a creative kid. teacher was Mr. Yeager who published childrens books. Mr. Yeager really liked me because I was a quiet obedient kid. He was cool because I usually remember teachers having problems with me. Complaining to my parents that I didn't pay attention enough & stuff like that. In fourth grade we went back to Vidya, but towards end of year I started feeling like I was a black sheep.This was about time I started realizing that I was different & seemed to instill animosity from people for no apparent reason. It is a quality that I still have until this day. Not so much now because I'm not involved in any group, but I'm so used to it by now that I actually try to act weird just to make people not like me. I have a lot of reasons for that which I will explain somewhere else. Starting in fourth grade I couldn't get kids to do anything with me & wasn't invited anywhere which infuriated me. Once Noah Mclellan threw a rock past me at recess & I knew it was to try to piss me off so I threw it past him & he started screeming at me so I screemed at him & all of a sudden all boys sided with him & ran off. Then Michael Bandack started doing things to make me angry. Once at a baseball game he said something which pissed me off so I ran off & didn't go back to class, so I had to have a meeting with Mr. Vissor who was really cool & took me to his house to show me some artwork. Mr. Vissor brought Michael in his office with me to talk things out but he didn't really want to admit he didn't like me. I decided I had finally had enough when I asked Solly (who I had never had a problem with) to do something with me & he said "I wish I could but I can't so I won't". I had heard him say that to kids before but I never thought he would say it to me, & when he did I decided once & for all there was something fishy going on. |
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I told my parents I hated Buddhist kids because they were mean to me so they took us out of Vidya & put us into Waldorf a few weeks before end of school year. Waldorff was another private school that already had two other Buddhist kids who had defected from Vidya. Jesse Lock & Kalee. I think Jesse had defected to Vidya for same reasons I had; he wasn't really getting along with other kids. I'm not sure about that though. He was a moody kid with messy hair who was kind of an outcast. In beginning he was really happy about me going to Waldorff, but suddenly without any fights or arguments with me decided he wasn't my friend anymore & was only going to talk to my brother. He never got a rise out of me though because he was so black & white & honest about how he felt about people which I respected. One kid who really hated me for no reason though was Kalee Russel. She was always viciously insulting me & calling me names. One time playing some kind of hopscotch game she started screeming at me & calling me names so I ran off & didn't go back to class at end of recess. next day some ugly hairy guy with a big mustache who taught class next door was yelling at me & telling me I was a bad kid for running off like that, & I thought to myself that was rude & inapropriate of him to bother me about that because I wasn't even his student. My teacher was a South African guy named Paul I think, who was really friendly. My class was mixed with class below, so Wyndham & I were in same class. Waldorf was suppossed to be a different kind of school. More experiential learning or something like that. But as far as I was concerned it was just a school for stupid kids because none of kids seemed to be able to read & we were never asked to ever do anything acedemically difficult; just draw & stuff like that. Class sure was fun though. We had a Japanese class. My mom who had recently been to Japan with Chogram Trunpa Rinpoche & a bunch of his students told me that in Japan people smack when they eat to show they like food. One day our Japanese teacher, who was a friendly little woman who's mother saw Hiroshima explosion made some kind of Japanese doe goup for us & I smacked to try to show her my appreciation & she looked at me like I was crazy. Some of kids I remember from that class were, Jeramiah & Orion Molfese who were Wyndham & I's best friends because they were two brothers our age. Jesse Lock, Kalee Russell, some hot blonde girl named Cilily, a cool kid named Rudy, Cedra who was supposed to be coolest kid in school but always smelled like he pooped his pants. He was a nice kid though. Once I made him upset but I can't remember why. I remember when he was upset with me he was genuinly upset & not trying to fight back by trying to hurt my feelings or anything, which I found interesting. I never hung out with him though. A blond kid named Cassidy who's parents always had big parties for him & made him into kind of a primadona. Jesse Lock. That's all I can remember now. One time during recess I rode my bike down a grassy knoll & Jesse Lock was in my way so I slammed rear brakes on to try to stop but I hit him & knocked him down & his wind out of him. It was an accident but he thought it was on purpose. There was also a kid named Brian who was fat & kind of school outcast & bully. One time he I went in bathroom & he was in there with my brother & another kid & he wanted light off to piss off other kids. I turned light on & he turned it off, so I turned it on & he pushed me & I fell down backwards. My brother was there & I became furious & attacked him & we got in a fight. I think we fought for a while & then I ran outside & got a rock & came back in & he was still in bathroom & he saw I had a rock & he hid in corner & I threw it at him but missed & he picked it up & tried to throw it at me but I ran for another rock, but when I came back teacher was there & broke stopped us. A few weeks later we were wrestling & jovially talked about that. We kind of became friends after that incident because he had stopped trying to cause problems. One kid who really had big problems with me for absolutely no reason at all was Kalee Russell. One time I saw Orion & some other kids kicking pine cones on roof to see if they could get them in gutter, so I tried to do it & she ran up to me sceeming that I couldn't do that & scratched me on my shoulder & I started bleeding. I was furious because she was watching them kick pine cones up there & didn't say anything to them, but when I did it she pouched on me. I stood there looking at my arm bleeding for a couple minutes thinking about how she had singled me out & became furious. So I walked up to her while she was reading something on a wood sign that someone had scratched "I hate Kalee" (It wasn't me who wrote it), & I punched her in back twice as hard as I could. I got her really hard. first punch knocked her into sign & second one knocked her down. I remember seeing her mother who was recess supervisor frantically running over so see if she was alright & I went inside into classroom. Demetrius Johsnon's sister ran in & yelled at me for that before teacher came in & said, "I realize you are really angry with Kalee". He was really cool & didn't try to make me feel like an asshole. She never bothered me after that though, & I never regretted hitting her because what she did was totally out of line. There was another girl in that class called Jessica who was tall & really mellow & friendly. One day I think Brian was complaining nobody liked him so we had an anomonous vote to see who liked & disliked who. I don't remember results or who I voted for. But I remember that I voted that I didn't like Cedra even though I had no problem with him at all. I voted that way because I was jelous that he was so popular & everybody liked him. After vote Jessica asked me if I was kid who voted that I didn't like him & I said no. To this day I have no idea how she could have possibly known that because I never had a problem with him. She must have been able to tell I was jelous somehow. Jesse Lock said he was "perfect". I though that was kind of faggy but didn't say anything. We went on a class field trip one weekend up to Leadville & camped out at a campsite near a lake. My mom accidentally drove over Orions feet but he had big boots on & it didn't hurt him. One day we went into Leadville with my mom & Jessica & an adult chaperone who was shorter than Jessica & did a tour of old mining museums. Jessica & I were laughing at a construction worker who's pants were falling halfway down his ass & he didn't have any underwear on. We also did a tour of a fish farm outside of town. Then we went to Fairplay & did a tour of Southpark. I was roomates with Cassidy in main street historical hotel. |
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We transferred over to Uni Hill for sixth grade along with Demetrius Johnson & his sister. Demetrius was in my class & so we hung out. We also hung out with a Korean kid who had just come over from Korea named Duriung Shin & a skinny red headed kid who liked to boast that he came from Scottish descent. There were two other kids who I hung out with to a lesser extent, a karate kid named Lucas & Jeremy Appel. Toward end of year I was starting to be more friends with those two. Those two kids were kind of bullies, at least they liked to fight & liked to chase after us. Lucas tried to get us to chase after him but I wasn't into that. One time when we were at library he wanted to show me his running karate kick by having me stand still & let him run up to me & give me a flying kick to chest. He said it wouldn't hurt but I told him no way. That was probably a good idea. Jeremy & I got along pretty well, although he liked to grab me & not let go. Once he destroyed my clay SR-71 that I made, but I think I did something to piss him off. There was another kid in our class called Dylon Hunter who was proudly independant. He didn't seem to have any friends & didn't seem to want any. Once he did something to really piss off Lucas & we looked over & saw him getting choked & was totally blue in face. Lucas was furious & Dylon wouldn surely have blacked out if teacher hadn't have interfered. I can't remember any of girls in that class for some reason other than megan & I'm not even sure that was her. Our teacher was Debra Cowen & she was cool. She had an older assistent teacher who had an old green van who she would use to take us on field trips. One field trip we went to Mesa Verde & some other ruins. I think is that class was also Megan Susnis who was my classmate at Vidya a few years ago. We were running around & Megan tagged me & Demetrius & some other kids were saying that she could run faster than me & for some reason that really upset me so I pulled my hat over my head & refused to talk to anyone. Later that night Demetrius appologized & said he just liked to "push people's buttons". I was fastest kid in class & I must have revelled in that reputation. On way back to Boulder Dylan Hunter hung out on back end of a VW van all spawled out. I was jelous he got that good position, but he was tallest & needed it most. We stopped on Wolf Creek pass at look out & had a hike somewhere nearby. There was a hispanic girl with a hairlip in my class who was in a small group with me Demetrius, & Isabelle. I got into a tusstle with that girl & she through me flat on my back & then started jumping up & down screaming that she beat a boy. I got up & was kind of embarrased & was glad whole class didn't see it. It made sense though because she was bigger than me. Just from size & strength alone probably most girls that age could beat up most boys, they just don't know it. There were two sixth grade classes at Uni Hill & ours was one for creative, or remedial, kids while other one was I guess you could call them normal kids. My parents were always trying to get me into remedial classes because I was alwasy spacing out in class. Some of other kids in other class were Evan Dehoog & Paul Davis. Evan had an adopted sister who was one grade younger than us named Sophia. She decided she didn't like me & was always verbally abusing me. I don't know why she targeted me. Maybe she felt tough by beating up on an older boy who was a lot smaller. She really hated me though. She was so nasty that she never got any kind of a rise out of me because her attitude was so puzzling. I would just shake my head every time she would say something which seemed to make her even more pissed off. Once I was up a jungle gym with Du & she came up to us twisted my arm & told us to get off so we did. We were going to go back & start trouble but decided against it. Another time she told me she was stronger than me or something so I told her that we should push merry go round against each other. Before we started all these kids were gathered around taking bets on who would win. They were saying that I was older but she was bigger. I got a good foot hold & was winning until Dylan pulled my foot out so I quit & got angry at him. Another time at Crossroads mall Du & I tried to go to bathroom but she blocked way & didn't let us pass. She was with her best friend who was a girl in our class who was pretty mellow. I think her name was Isabelle. There was another girl who was one year younger than me called Ashley Levey who decided whe like me & asked me if I would be her boyfriend so I said yes. She wanted to meet me after school so I could meet her mom & I went to front of school & she went to back & we missed each other. Then I decided against it for some reason but she wanted to confront me about it so I hid but my friends told her where she was & she found me. She was trying to make me feel guilty by telling me I told her I would be her boyfriend & now I didn't & I was a lier. I remember her saying, "All my friends think you're a dog but I think your hot". I got embarrassed & started crying & she said, "Are you crying?" & so she left me alone. Then Demetrius' sister came up to me & started screaming at me telling me I was being rude to Ashley & then ran off. I think only times she ever talked to me was when she wanted to tell me off for being mean to one of her friends. I can't remember her name though. My brother told me Ashley wanted to be his girlfriend also before she targeted me. I don't know why I didn't go for it because she was a really pretty blond girl but just wasn't my type. |
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I did LERT for two years. In sixth grade & in seventh grade. In sixth grade Wyndham & I were youngest kids on team along with Eli who was even younger than Wyndham. People seemed to ignore fact that Casey Clifford was only three months older than me. I remember there was a race in Steamboat that I wasn't allowed to go to because I was too young & I said, "Well Casey is going", & he said she was one of big kids. I did't say anything about that though. She had a brother who is a couple years older than me named Ryder so that was probably why. Ryder was really cool. He was only kid on team who acted like he wanted to be friends with me. He was alwasy saying how he wanted to go on training rides with me but I never really showed any interest for some reason. He was a strong rider too. He got second to Bobby Julich in Zinger & then second to Eric Meyers & then finally won it in 87. There were some other good athletes on that team. Casey was really good & placed highly in Junior Olympics & won Red Zinger. Then there was Pete Vordenburg who went to Olympics twice, one time straight out of high school. There was another kid named Corey who I heard was a top placer in collegiate skiing. Corey was like two years older than me & I almost beat him in a 5 k race one time in Winter Park. Usually my races were ony 3 k's & longer races better for me because I had good endurance. In a ten k race in Frisco called Frisco Gold rush I got third to Andy Hooker who won Red Zinger. My second year of LERT Andy joined out team & I heard he was a top racer in college. There was another kid their age named Chad who didn't seem to like me. He liked to give me indian burns because I told him he couldn't make me say uncle, & he had no mercy either. There was also a girl named Sarah Daney who was daughter of team organizer Dave Daney. She was a top racer in Junior Olympics too. I never talked to her though. In fact I never talked to any of those kids except for Ryder. problem was they were all older than me except for Casey who I didn't talk to either. One time my hands were really cold & Casey let me borrow her gloves to get back to car. Once she accused me of almost breaking like three pairs of skiis after stepping inbetween them to get to my seat. I didn't say that I stepped between them instead of on them. For some reason I never defended myself when I was a kid. I was afraid of causing more problems with other kids because I had already had enough of them. In seventh grade Kirsten Boshen & her brother Thor joined team. She was my age but she was only on it for a few weeks. There was one other kid who's name I can't remember from Fort Collins who was my age & a lot faster than me, but he didn't go to all training sessons after school. There was a mellow kid who joined in seventh grade named Lorenzo Worster who was Wyndham's age who picked it up quickly. LERT was really fun because huge trail system was like a winter playground labyrinth that we could explore every day after school. We would have time trails all time on all different sections & got to compare our times with each other & ourselves from beforehand. For some reason I don't remember how I faired compared to other kids. I was faster than Wyndham & Eli, but not as fast as other kid my age or Casey who was my age. I always wished races & time trails were longer so I could have a chance to beat other kids. Three K's was just too short for me. I didn't join team again in 8th grade because of my knee disease & my parents didn't encourage it. That was about time Wydham's bike race friends & some bike race kids my age joined team. I think Arrian, Dave & Ingrid Alongi, JP, Jenny Guidry, & Jessica Whitehall were among them. I don't think any of new kids did very well in races, but by then Wyndham & Lorenzo had their skills down & were getting top two or three at races to a kid who won Junior Olympics. Wyndham told me at his last race he did with JP he smashed that kids time but then found out he accidentally took a short cut & kid accused him of doing it on purpose. Wyndham said he probably would have beat him. |
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7th Grade Baseline Junior High This was weirdest time of my entire life. I don't know why but I was totally tripped out throughout all of Junior High, & mainly in 7th grade. Because of new format of going to different classes throughout day kids didn't hang out with kids in their class anymore but with their own little clique, & I couldn't become a part of a clique. I didn't want to humiliate myself my trying to hang out with some kids only to be rejected, & I never talked in class because there was never an opportunity to talk about what we were studying so I was pretty much invisible. I lived a couple blocks from school so I got an off campus pass but they took those away because as a belated response to Chance Mcarty getting hit by a car year before & being in a coma for like three months. When I had to spend lunch at school I just sat in hallways by myself. One time a group of girls asked me if I was new & that made me really paranoid. I didn't like school. teachers were always going off on angry diatribes & trying to humiliate kids, & a lot of time I felt like they were targeted me especially, although that was probably mostly just paranoia. I was a really paranoid kid & felt like kids were always talking shit about me behind my back. One time I was looking at a Guinness book of world records in an idle class in a library with Doug Jones & we were sharing in incredible feats, & nect day he came up to me & excitedly said, "Hey Kyle, wasup?!" like he was my buddy, & I got all paranoid like he was making fun of me so I refused to talk to him. I probably really weirded him out. I was least social kid in school in seventh grade, but I wasn't weirdest. There was another kid named Royal Smith who everyone liked to make fun of because he was overweight, super emotional, & didn't seem to shower. I met him in ninth grade when we were both helpers in Mrs. Doran's girl's choir class. Then we hung out at lunch. One time we were all playing football at lunch. Paul Davis said something & then somebody sarcastically said, "Yeah we all know you can kick everybody's ass Paul". Then Royal got tackled & a bunch of kids started freaking out saying they got Royal slime all over them, which upset Royal & later on I heard he was caught banging his head against Mrs. Doran's metal door before class started. Another weird kids was Mike Chapin, who became my best friend. first time I noticed him was in seventh or eighth grade & I think it was Doug Jones said pointed to a kid with a big curly afro & a thick wool sweater walking accross field by himself & said, "You see that kid? Whatever you do don't hang out with him, he's biggest loser you will ever meet". I didn't say anything, but that made me interested in him because I wanted to know what was so weird about him. I first made friends with him in eighth grade when we had a drama class together. I got along with Mike great because he was a good conversationalist. He liked to talk about everybody like he was anylizing them, & was always open to what I had to say & wanted to hang out with me. The kids I hung out with most in 7th grade were my Korean friend from sixth grade Du Shin for beginning part of year. But he started hanging out with Mike Wehinger & ignoring me. A big pet peeve of mine has always been when I'm with a group of people & I am being treated like third wheel or odd man out. I would rather not hang out with anybody. I started hanging out with Moses Jenkins who was changing his name to Chris & a cool kid from Ethiopia. One day we skipped school in morning & went on a big hike through grave yard & up in flat irons. I don't think I got in trouble for that though. |
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8th Grade Baseline Junior High In eighth grade I made friends with Mike Chapin & he introduced me to a group of kids he called, "Ronnie Erhart & those guys". This group consisted of Ronnie Erhart who wasn't leader, as there was no leader, Doug Jones, Kael Russel, Mark Palmer, & Shawn Fleming. Probably some other kids who I can't think of now. Mark Palmer would envite me to walk around campus with him & he became my best friend for a while. I took him up to our place in Tiger Run four miles outside of Breckinridge for a weekend one time. One time he found a five dollar bill on ground. I didn't have greatest relationship with him though because he struck me as kind of a primadona. In ninth grade we was nominated for being one of outstanding kids of ninth grade because he always dressed up in theme day outfits, & I told him he was nominated because of outfits & he said he was nominated because of his personality. In retrospect he probably was nominated for his pesonality. He was one of these happy go lucky kids who teachers liked. The teachers didn't like me. They would target me like I was one of bad kids, probably because I would have trouble paying attention. I would always doze off in class, which is a problem I have had all way up through college. Most of time I would be stuggling to keep my eyes open & my head upright, nevermind pay attention to what teacher was saying. It was weirdest thing. I would feel perfectly fine right before class, & then within ten minutes of class starting I would feel like I had been up for days & just needed to pass out. Every time teacher looked over at me they probably saw some weird kid with a peculiar grimace on his face & took it to mean that I was scowling at them or something. One time Mr. Reno, a little guy who was an asshole who nobody liked who lived a block from Mike Chapin. He said something like, "You can't use pencils, like THIS guy", & angrily pointed at me. I was embarrassed because I had just gotten a buzz cut to my scalp from a senile old barber near Ideal market who could only give 50's haircuts & I had a hoodie on to hide it. I think he broke my pencil too. In ninth grade this guy was our teacher sponsor on ninth grade off campus committee & he was really cool for that. Mrs. Doran also gave me some weird treatment. She never acted especially rude to me, but she gave me a B in choir when all other kids got A's. I though maybe that was because I wanted to be a Bass & she wanted me to be a Tenor. I didn't really care about grades but I thought that was weird as I showed up every day & sung my heart out. Another teacher treated me really strangly. ninth grade physics teacher Mr. Walker. For some reason I can remember a lot of kids in that class: Me, Mike Chapin, some weird kid from Chicago who liked to dress in spandex biker shorts, Brent Stevenson, Mike Mcormack, Adam Wright, Brie Minger, & Genny Guidry. Brie asked me to change seats once so Genny could sit with girls which I happily did. Anyway, this guy Mr Walker, who was actually a pretty good physics teacher, was giving out our grades on final day. I had a B+ in class going into final exam & I got an A in test, but when he gave me final grade it was a C. I showed Mike & he said I needed to confront teacher, so I went up there & he angrily told me to get lost because he was busy so I went back to Mike & Mike told me to not give up, so I went back to him. I patiently waited there & when he was done I calmly explained to him that I had a B before test & got an A on exam so how could I have a C in end. He looked things over, & then frowningly fixed it & didn't look at me or apologize, so I think he must have done that on purpose to fill his quota for C's. I think teachers feel insecure if they give out too many A's. same thing happened to me in College but when I got final grade it was too late. |
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9th Grade Baseline Junior High In 9th grade I started hanging out with Du Shin & Mike Wehinger again. We would find Mike Chapin in lunch room & try to get him to hang out with us but he wanted to be alone & watch goings on in cafeteria. If you ever wanted someone to give commentary on people it was Mike. He was cool about it though. He wouldn't talk down about people, he would just give interesting objective insights. I remember we played a lot of basketball & being surpised about how good Mike Wehinger was because he didn't seem particularly athletic to me. One day in Mr. Reno's class we were venting about how it was unfair that not even ninth graders could go off campus, so teacher suggested we start a committee to write a proposal & get signatures from merchants around area. I was only boy in that committee, although that wasn't reason I joined it. Brie Minger was president & I was secretary so I was one who dealt with Mr. what's his name to get what we wrote proofread. Another girl on it was Gina Butcher who was sister of Susan Butcher who won Iditarod. Gina wanted to be an astraunaut. I asked her if she wanted to be an astranaut because she was interested in space or because she liked technology & she said, "both". There were a few other girls on it but I don't remember who they were. Later on Brie used that as a platform to be school president or something. One of people who vouched for her was this little hispanic 8th grade girl who just a few weeks beforehand was talking major trash about Brie in Choir class that I was helper for. I wondered what happened to get her to change her mind like that. They must have been friends & had a falling out & then made up again in that span of time. Being a helper in that girls choir class was interesting because half of it was just girl gossip. One girl even walked up to me & tried to flirt with me. They even gossiped about me, because there was a big seventh grade girl who had a crush on me & was relentlessly leaving all these love letters in my locker. I was flirting with her on our field trip to Disney World earlier on in school field trip & she decided she liked me. Mark Palmer said she was doing same thing to him before she set her sights on me. I didn't want anything to do with her because she was a seventh grader, but I should have gone for her because she was huge, she was like five nine or something & I was like five six. I would love to have a girlfriend who is three inches taller than me nowadays. I remember one of girls saying, "She's a seventh grader & she's taller than Kyle." I just sat there & didn't say anything. The field trip to Disney World was fun. It was cool to be in a place that was perpetually warm & humid & seeing all thick petaled grass everywhere. I was pretty good in all subjects as long as I was staying awake, except for Math which I was totally lost at. I wasn't chosen to be in remedial math class my ninth grade year though. I must have slipped through cracks on that one. Maybe it was a geometry class, I wasn't too bad at geometry. There was a big boned blonde student teacher college girl there who was about 6'4". I remember she stood up next to Jeremy & Bjorn, & Jeremy was one of tallest boys at about 5'11" & was tiny compared to her, like eye level below her chin & way skinnier too. I heard them ask her if she played basketball & she said no but she played Volleyball. She said she had been that tall since she was 13. She was still taller than our Mather teacher when she was sitting down on table next to his desk & he was standing up. I got a shock one day when bell rang & everybody walked out in hall & Paul Davis who was tallest kid in school at about 6'1" walked by her & he was also about eye lever to her chin & thinner. There was also a female math teacher who liked to dress in high heals all time there named Miss Tinelli who was like 6'3", just as tall as Mister Donavon shop teacher & Mr. Runnels government teacher. Mr. Runnels like to brag that he was little brother of famous wrestler Dusty Rhodes. I was always athletic, but only time I joined in any sports team was in seventh grade when I joined track. I didn't race it in eight or ninth grade because of my knee disease & because I had no energy from school. I think Mike Chapin was on track that year too. I did mile & got fourth in districts which was biggest race of year. I got a 5'40". Pete Vordenburg who was winner of districts for ninth graders got a 4'40". Our star runner for seventh graders who won districts was Cedric Hustved, who was a confident blond kid who was only there for seventh grade. He told me he did Red Zinger but wasn't that good. I went to Base Line with a lot of kids who did Red Zinger Mini Classic: Ryan Gear, Cedric Hustved, Chris Wherry, Adam Wright, Me, Stuart Robertson, Garrett Kolar, Arrian Wheeler, my brother, JP went to baseline for a while, Ryder & Casey Clifford, Jessica Whitehall, & Genny Guidry. Out of those kids Cliffords, Chris, Jessica, Jenny, & Arrian actually won Zinger. My brother won three stages & got third, & I heard Jessica was junior national chamion, & Chris Wherry was USPRO National Champion in 2005. Jenny raced up & won, & Chris & Arrian won it multiple times. That's pretty impressive for kids within four years of each other from one school. Arrian was a pretty confident kid. I remember in seventh grade he was only kid in school who would go to school with a tee shirt that was ripped all way down sides so you could see his ribs & stomach. He was one grade below Wyndham but raced in his age group in Zinger so they were friends. Base Line totally tripped me out. I remember walking to bus stop after school (I don't know why I didn't ride my bike to school) & thinking that there had to be something beyond this dismall world of closed mindedness. I got impression teachers were all grumpy old farts who didn't believe in life after death & that life was all dog eat dog. My seventh grade science teacher Mr. Wistler liked to go on about how if anyone every broke into his house he would kill them & he had every right to do so. It was weird stuff like that, plus seeing how cruel kids were to each other. One time walking along crowded hallways one younger kid turned around & scowled at me & said, "Hey what do you want!", & I had no idea what he was talking about. Kids liked to push each other around in hallways also. One time gym teacher mister Green was giving us a football class & he asked me to pass him ball, so I threw it over hand to him like I thought balls should be thrown & it apparently hit him too hard & knocked his wedding ring off so he hurled it at me in a screaming rage & angrily ordered me to help him find it. It's just too bad there is so much negativity in Junior High & to a lesser extent High School. It seems to me that most of negativity starts with teachers acting so paranoid & argrily towards kids, & to kids like me who don't mean any trouble. |
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10th Grade Boulder High School I was origionally locker partners with Du Shin but he only lasted at Boulder high for a few weeks because he transferred to a prep school out east, so I got my locker to myself. Mike met a skinny 6'4" kid with long hair named Andy Ritchey on cross country team & introduced us so we hung out at lunch. Andy was a road bike racer & was on same team as a couple kids I knew from Zinger, Jared Clark & Eric Owen. I never rode with him though. I was still racing mountain bikes, but I mostly went mountain biking after school, & when I went rode riding I went by myself. I never rode with Wyndham. He flat refused to ride with me. He had enough of his own biking buddies to ride with such as Arrian Wheeler, David & Ingrid Alongi, JP Deaboim, & Genny Guidry. Andy & I would always walk up to UMC cafeteria at CU & all around. I joked we got pretty good excersize from all walking, because we pretty much walked whole time. I had a drama class which was fun. There was a 5'9" kid named John I think who was in there, plus another cool hippie kid whos name escapes me. I remember that kid John was 5'9" because he was taller than me & later on like just a few months later I was 5'10" & thought about how I had grown. I guess most kids don't finish growing until end of their 10th grade year. Until their like 16. Plus Emily Mcdonald & a fiesty girl named Alison Yester. teacher was an old ditzy woman who tried to show us how to act like we were in a beautiful field & put on a wide smile & exageratedly put her hands out & swung around. Emily Mcdonald got flustered & said, "I've been acting since I was three & I can tell you I wouldn't act like that if I was in a field". teacher didn't know what to say. That class was a blast though. I had a health class with a kid who's name I don't remember who lived with his sister who was into Scientology. He took me to their office in a basement on Pearl Street & I saw Benji Reed there. guy there had me hold an E-meter which L. Ron Hubbord supposedly invented. This thing was most amazing thing I have ever seen & I would love to get one. It was a contraption that had two metal holds that I was told to hold & guy pinched me, then he told me to think about how I felt when he pinched me & every time I thought about it meter went up! My friend introduced me to a couple people there who were doing a detox program that consisted of fasting & hanging out in a sauna that was there or something. They put me into a room & played me video for me that didn't tell me anything about what scientology was. It was pretty much most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my entire life. video consisted of a guy who got in a car accident or something & was told he would never walk again. Then someone gave him a copy of Dianetics & it showed him eagerly reading it & then lo & behold, he baffles doctors & is walking because he read book. & that was video. Back then there were commercials about Dianetics all time on TV where they would give a common philisophical question & show what page answer was on. I took notes on a few of questions & page & then went to that page & ther was never anything about question on that page, so I never read book. Later my friend said his sister who got him interested in Scientology got dissilusioned by it but he remained a dedicated follower. I don't remember him saying anything worth remembering about it though. I was in a World History class with some grumpy old dude who wasn't a bad teacher. One time we were watching a video about something & everybody was sleeping so he slammed a book down on desk as hard as he could & startled everybody & then screamed that we shouldn't sleep during that old fashioned film strip video. Another time he was out of class & Terence or somebody slipped out of back window & he came back & noticed someone was gone & asked us who it was but nobody wanted to snitch so he took role call again & found out who it was. I sat next to a 100 pound long haired rocker kid who liked to talk all time to a rocker girl. He told her "girls fuck me over", & she said "I don't fuck you over". He had a funny looking skater friend who reminded me of Alfred E. Newman come in & sit down next to him whick totally weirded out teacher who would eventually kick him out. That kid was Chris Stuckensneider. Once we were playing some kind of game where there were two groups divided up against each other & there was a girl leader. On one aswer Alex Tayler told girl what to say but she listened to another girl which was wrong answer but Alex's was right one. He didn't say anything but I could tell he was livid. I had a photography class with Andy in art building which was torn down that summer. teacher was a grumpy short fat dude. One time he accussed Andy & I of skipping out on class when we were just going to get something like we were a couple of delinquints. Those are all of classes I can think of right now. But more will probably come up to me now that I have written this. I will think about how I wrote about my 10th grade year & what I wrote & then bam something new will come up. |
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11th Grade Boulder High School I had a class in 11th grade that was some kind of health class. I needed that class for some credit & lady teacher tried really hard to get me in for some reason. There was a skrawny curly haired Jewish looking kid in there who was school president called Ari Walker who wouldn't stop talking. I Don't remember what he said but I don't think much of it had to do with subject. We were asked to represent our lives in a drawing, & I drew a really disturbing one of a kid stuck in hell trying frantically to get out. I didn't really like school. In retrospect I should have dropped out after sixth grade & educated myself. Most of time I was just sleeping through class. I got plenty of beauty sleeps though which probably lengthened my life some. I sat at back left corner of this class & remember looking out of window into courtyard & noticing that my sight was going, so I got glasses. This was before contacts I suppose. That's only thing about 11th grade I remember besides having long hair. |
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12th Grade Boulder High School 12th grade was my break out year as far as socializing goes because I joined Cross Country team & became a member of that social clique of sorts. There were Cross Country parties, & runners went to school dances with each other. In summer before 12th grade I had decided to quite mountain biking & Mike Chapin talked me into joining team. He took me out on a bunch of runs & pushed me hard telling me I had to suffer if I wanted to make varsity. He was a better runner than me at time & I really enjoyed running with someone faster tham me. One run I went out with Mike & a kid who out ran me but didn't join team for some reason. Cross country was fun. Every day after school we would go on group runs & do intervals & mini races & stuff. coach, Guy Zakrevsky, who was know as coach Zak, took it really seriously. Along with Mike, best runners on team were three Mexican kids named Jorje Hinjos, Jesus Delgado, & Fransisco Gutierez. There were some other good runners there too like Andy Ritchey, Nathan Osgood, & Vance Little. There were some other fast girls on team, like Faith Harvel, who was second in States to Melody Fairchild, who was on our team year before & was first high school girl in world to run two miles in under ten minutes. Some other fast girls were Joy Little, & some other underclass girls who's names I can't remember just now. The first race was at Fairview & was called Pat Patten Invitational. We won that race as a team & I got 8th place, so I met my goal to get in top ten. I got a time of 18:10. Mike got like fifth or something & Jesus got like second or something like that. I can't remember what second race was but I was on varsity by then. One of earlier races was a huge race at Fairview & I succomed to temptation of running way out in front of everbody to get my moment in sun. I remember someone saying that I was going to blow & sure enough I did. I ended up in 192 place. After that coach put me into junior varsity & didn't even chose me as an alternate for a race down in Pueblo where states were going to be held. I ran one race in Junior Varsity which I won pretty easily. My teamate was second. That race was intersting because like half kids in top half of pack were from our school. After that I was back in Varsity & next race I remember was Leagues which we won, & I got sixth. Then there was Districts. My team didn't do so well in that but I did, I got 8th. I think I got a time of 17:07 which I think was my personal record but that was a hilly course. By then Mike wasn't doing so well. He had a crazy theory that if he starved himself he would lose weight & therefore run faster. Jorje even came up to me in hallway in school one day & asked me if he was emotionally OK & I said he was. Mike was still on varsity, I think he was still one of fastest apart from me & Mexicans, but his times were slipping. He was running really well in earlier races. In one race in Denver he got a 16:43 which was 17th best time ever for Boulder high. I was excited for states because I had done well in Leagues & Districts. Going to State Championships in Pueblo was fun because we all rode together in bus & stayed in a hotel together. night before meet we were all hanging out in each others rooms, & I went for a walk into field nearby with some of girls & told Zacharaiah Sitchens story of Nephalime & planet X. I can't remember who went first in race, boys or girls. Jesus & I were in top ten. I remember that after first mile I think it was we got a time of 5:10 & I felt great, but then out of blue with about a half mile to go my biceps suddenly gave out on me & my arms fell down alongside me & I was running like some kind of lame doll or something & all these guys started passing me like I was standing still. last person to pass me was Eric Owen, & I ended up in 29th place. Maybe I overextended myself & had no idea from all excitement, or maybe I just had a bad day. Jesus cracked for some reason too & ended up in 21st. Fransisco ended up beating Jesus in that race. I was really upset & sat down & started crying & then Stephanie Kroner & Olivia Bice came up to me & asked me how I was doing as if they didn't notice I was upset & I cheered up. Then coach cheerily ran up to me & told me we got second, so that was pretty good. girls ended up getting second also. So putting boys & girls together we actually won. Faith who was our best female racer got second to some girl who had been beeting her that year, & Jorje got like fifth or something. There were like three dances after that & I went with Faith for a couple & then their friend Shanon who was on team year before for prom. That was only year that I went to a school dance or a school party for that matter. I showed up for a couple days of track that spring but after a run up mount Sanitas with Fransisco & some other kid coach Zak yelled at me & told me I never listened to him & then started talking to someone else & pushed me. That's when I asked Shannon who was there if she noticed that he pushed me. That was first time I talked to her. I decided later to not bother doing track because Zak was just going to be rude to me. Mike told me he asked him to ask me to give my uniform back but he never gave me one in first place. In twelvth grade I was hanging out with Arrian Wheeler for a bit & he introduced me to Jo Jo, Leiah, Mina, & Naomi, who were really cool precocious & alternative Sophmore girls. One time Andy & Mike & I bumped into them on hill & we went to planetarium where they had a light show with Led Zepelin. During end of school year I had a job bagging groceries at Ideal market with a bunch of other Boulder High kids who were working there also. One day we went cliff jumping up at Gross Reservoir with Alison Yester who I worked with & Andy & Jo Jo & Alison suggested that Andy & Jo Jo go to prom together with Shannon & I & Nick & I think Faith. In winter I went skiing a few weekends with Nick Spitzer & his friend Josh Mcvay. Nick brought his video camera with him & filmed us jumping cliffs & stuff. My dad talked me into joining Eldora Volunteer Ski patrol that winter also which I did a few weekends but that wasn't fun at all, people weren't very nice & I just worked. One day ski patrol boss made me yank ticket of one guy who was super bummed. I think I quit not long after that & started skiing with Nick & those guys again. |
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Summer After High School My parents told me they wanted me to be a camp ground host in Wyoming as a kind of retreat. I was there like a month or something. I think I have a real time journal about that already. Wyoming 6-8-92 Basically my spiritual growth was limited as long as I lived with my parents. Some of reasons I can think of: Whenever I came up with any kind of outrageous idea, my parents shot them down with their conservative logic. I learned many wonderful facts from them, but learned all I could from them, it was time for me to move on. When I graduated from High School I worked for a month in Bridger National Forest outside of Pinedale Wyoming as a campground host; which was a good time for reflection. Then I guided two 16 day backpacking trips in San Juan mountains in southwestern Colorado. This was major breakthrough in showing me what I am meant for. I never really had a chance to lead, & here I discovered that what it took to be a great leader was to respect every member of group for who they were, & to speak with them on their level of consciousness. Out in nature, you have so many opportunities to show what you believe in without even having to verbally say it. For example, if I go out on a hike with somebody from city, & when we reach top of hill I say to him/her, sort of to myself; "it is beautiful from here, I want to go there & see what it looks like"; he/she would get a gist of what it means to be in nature. & why people go on expeditions to distant & hard to reach places when they never would have know why. Then, maybe they would become inspired to go out & see what living in nature is all about. When I discovered I was good at this, especially with young people, I knew I was a born leader. So from then on I wanted to be a guide into nature for many reasons: I want to spend time in nature to learn about myself, & way things work in natural world. To contemplate how universe first formed for example, how masses of dirt formed & began to revolve around huge balls of sheer energy. How these planets sprouted simple life, which slowly evolved into a beautiful & complex system of balance in life forms. Then I would like to do my part in making improvement in consciousness by spreading my honest opinions to others in a respectful & true manner. Being in nature also aligns my bodily energies with those of earth, which is a very powerful, beautiful, & peaceful feeling. energy of evolution. Today was my first day here in campground. My goals for three weeks I have here are basically to get back into shape by: Hiking, riding my bike, swimming, working, climbing, stretching, & eating good food. This is very lonely for me, even though there are many campers nearby. I am planning on this to be a growth experience for me, to start me on path to bold man I envision myself becoming. A man who is at peace with himself & nature. There is nothing more important than being confident in yourself. Knowing right thing to do comes from a confidence & awareness within. 6-9-92 James picked me up at 7:30 this morning & gave me a ride up to Elk Heart Park with my bike. From there I rode my bike two miles to forest boundary. I left trailhead at 8:00 & got to Seneca lake at noon, & had lunch there for about an hour. Then I spotted my campsite, A NICE PATCH OF DIRT UNDER A BUNCH OF PINES, ALMOST LIKE IT WAS MADE TO BE A PLACE TO HANG OUT AT FOR A DAY. I AM ABOUT 50 FEET FROM LAKE, A GOOD DISTANCE TO Get WATER WITHOUT TOO MUCH Trouble. WAVES OF LONELINESS HIT ME EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. MY Dad WILL PROBABLY COME BY TO PICK ME Up ON 30TH, MY LAST DAY. HOPEFULLY HE WILL BE WILLING TO GO UP TO YELLOWSTONE. I HAVE FOUND QUITE A NICE PLACE TO SIT DOWN & WRITE IN THIS LITTLE FORT. I HOPE I SEE A BEAR BUT NOT IN MY FOOD. I STASHED FOOD IN A PLASTIC BAG ABOUT 30 FEET AWAY, THAT WAY IF I Hear ONE EATING MY FOOD I CAN SCARE IT AWAY WITHOUT GETTING GORED. BY LOOKING AT ONLY TRAILHEAD TO THIS NATIONAL FOREST, JAMES & I HAVE Come to CONCLUSION THAT I AM ONLY PERSON IN THIS VAST LANDSCAPE. I WAS THINKING OF CLIMBING A MouNTAIN ACROSS THIS LAKE, BUT I HIKED DOWN ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT LAKE IS ABOUT TWO MILES LONG. I AM AT DEAD CENTER OF IT, & mountain IS DIRECTLY Across FORM ME, MEANING IT WOULD PROBABLY TAKE AT LEAST AN HOUR & A HALF TO MAKE TRIP, IF I TROT. THAT Wouldn't BE A GOOD IDEA SINCE I AM NOW PROBABLY IN WORST SHAPE OF MY LIFE. I DON'T WANT TO bE SICK. I will get myself back into shape slowly, no problem taking my time. I have plenty of other chances to hike farther back. 6-11-92 Thursday. It's kind of drizzling now, I hope it rains hard. I am going to listen to moody blues now. 6-14-92 Sunday. I just went on a ride up two track. I Read all day yesterday & didn't leave camp until evening patrol with James. I finished ''The Vision'' by Tom Brown Junior. That was probably most powerful book I have ever read. It still hasn't sunken in yet. It makes me want to live with Native Americans, preferably in four corners area. I have been very tired & sleeping all time lately. 6-16-92 On Tuesday, my last day, I will do a thorough fire pit cleanup, trash pickup, latrine cleanup, & morning payroll to make place look good when I leave it. I didn't have to ride all way back road to camp today because James gave me a ride. I called home today & talked to wyndham. He enjoyed concert & smoked a lot of dubie as always. I want to be a warrior, not afraid of dorkosity, humiliation, rottenness, embarrassment, what other people think of me, & especially of my own inner feelings. This is a good chance to do that, & I intend to. 6-19-92 Since Sunday 14th a lot has happened. On Monday I went to a Ranger seminar at library. Then got a ride to Dutch Joe, a nice cabin over looking a beautiful pasture. Tuesday morning I patrolled with Steve Witson, then we went to ranger training. I was leader of group called cow bell that won a competition, then I had a great dinner for free. next day at wilderness ranger training we did scenarios. I left with Steve following morning. I got up late today & waded into lake up to my waist for about half an hour. Then explored around & called my family. Mike likes his job with Shano, Wyndham is going to Reggae sun splash in Breckenridge tonight with Stew, Graham, Ian & some other guy. They will have fun. Shano is going too. I will read now. 6-25-92 I did total death march yesterday. 40 miles in two days. 15 miles through rugged terrain down in a valley & back up again through countless switch backs to Summit lake where I camped, then I guess five more miles to top of Glover peak. 12,068 feet, not too high, but a long way off. Then rode my bike down (eight or so miles) road to camp. My feet hurt so much toward end of that nine hour hike, that I was constantly limping. The bones in my feet felt completely crushed, not to mention red bloody blisters on my heals. If I ever get blisters with these boots again I will be pissed; they should be broken in by now. Since heart of that hike I have felt very alone, possibly more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Like what's meaning of life? I don't want such a dreary existence. I hear all this stuff about hate & pessimism. People like this critic Kurt & this guy Steve (the guys I talked to at Dutch Joe) seem to think that human race is going to destroy itself, & there is nothing that can be done. This is worst view anybody could have, even worse than not caring or not knowing. You must be optimistic. Then I hear about Indians hating white people & it makes me sad. We must unite. They have to be optimistic. I will take it easy rest of time I am here & not worry about time. If I want to remain in my tent all day that's fine. Tomorrow (if it doesn't rain) I will go into town to do my laundry & call home. That will be 16 miles of tough exercise, with all my clothes in my backpack. 6-27-92 I rode around & checked out defunct ski resort. It was spooky so I went on my way. I walked up side of a hill & read. Then It rained so I went to end of road to beginning of trail & found a great outcropping of rocks good for climbing, then read some more. 6-28-92 Sunday. I will bring my climbing shoes to that spot today to climb & read some more. Yesterday was my unbirthday, exactly six months ago I turned 18 & in exactly six months I will turn 19. James went & busted those two guys who didn't pay. I read a lot of 'stranger in a strange land'. Maybe I can finish it by time dad comes to pick me up on Tuesday evening. I have two nights & three days left here. Today I will go by & see if those skiers are here so I can water-ski. They weren't here yesterday. Right now I will walk around & pick up trash. There will be a lull in my journal writing for a few days, then I will pick it back up after third day of first backpacking trip at Tabor Mountain school. Tabor Mountain School 7-9-92 We finished third day hike & are getting to timberline. This is first half hour solo that we have had so far this trip. George & Colleen put me in charge of teaching E.K. (Educational kinesthiology, physical exercises that we did to help integrate left & right sides of brain & body). After this solo we will do a group balance. side of this hill is very steep & there are a lot of trees & grass. I had a great time in Boulder. On forth of July Mike, Andy, & I hiked up Flagstaff & watched fireworks, & Andy & I ate mushrooms. It was cool, probably last time three of us will hang out. 7-10-92 Friday. We are camped up above timberline, I just took a nap but stopped because clouds covered up sun. This is a reiteration of vision that I had when Andy & I ate mushrooms in Boulder: There is mother Earth & father sky (space). They are both our parents & they both love us. All living things are brothers & sisters. Even our own parents are siblings to us. When we are little children they take place of "mama" & "papa" (mother earth & father sky). But when we mature we take in earth & space as mamma & papa because they are our true parents. For males, mama earth is closer to us in spirit, but when a man becomes one with mama earth (after living with her & studying her, he also has to be at peace with himself). He has cracks at father space (universe), which is most powerful experience ever for a man. After more progress he can become one with father space which is a form of enlightenment. Then father universe & mother earth become one & he can relate to all living brothers & sisters. For female it is opposite. When she gets in touch with her spirit she is more in touch with papa. Papa displays his being in the: Stars, cosmos, order, massiveness, math, etc., which what intrigues women & brings their spirit initially forth. When women have studied papa enough & have become developed enough spiritually then they have peeks at their true spirit mama, which is what women are more spiritually close to. Mama are energies of: earth, ground, infinite support for siblings, ecology, trees, plants, animals, little things, shelter, & comfort, etc... Then after living with both mama & papa, a fusion of spirit happens, & they are one with all brothers & sisters. This is when there is no longer much of a difference between males & females, which is enlightenment. All brothers & sisters are at different stages along this path to connection with mamma & papa. All brothers & sisters put together is mama & papa, all mama & papa is are conglomeration of life force of all brothers & sisters. With mama & papa emerging as powerful globs of brothers & sisters. Mamma is a group of siblings, planet or world to just them, papa is everything outside. Algae is an example of a primitive sibling. & after a while they grow to plants, then animals. & to what is most sophisticated being our mother has shown us, human. Now I fee like I am just another face in crowd, which means that everything everybody does is just a variation of "siblings", meaning nobody is special. We're all just a bunch of "marks" & "chumps", & treat all equally because we're all chumps. We're all different but no chump is better than other. Some siblings are farther along line to realization, & as far as relationships go that only means that more "advanced" siblings have a responsibility to take care of "primitive" siblings, but in a different way than more "primitive" siblings take care of more advanced siblings. We all support each other. We all love each other. Freshman Year of Fort Lewis College I was excited about going off to college because of change of scenery. I think I hit mountain bike trails pretty soon. Back then there were trails all over campus & just behind it which was great because I could go off on short jaunts like every day. I was enrolled in a special all in one class that was in same room with same kids all day. classroom was in basement of dorm building right next to mine which was cool. I was interested & involved for first couple weeks until I became bored & disengaged. two teachers, Lillian Lang & some other lady weren't very bright & to be perfectly honest, I don't remember anything from that class other than a couple juvenile assignments. One was to describe a field trip we made to Grand Canyon. We were supposed to break up into |
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5-30-93 Ten months have gone by since last time I have written in journal. I went through my Freshman year in college & a couple of months on river guiding season: 5-31-93 So much time has gone by, & so much has happened, time flies. I have learned a lot since last time I wrote in here. I am becoming very aware of what is going on with my emotions. I feel homesick now. Yesterday I drove back from Boulder, where I have been for a couple of days. I have decided my major challenges are: Not consuming any sugar, not smoking any dope, not drinking any alcohol, & not drinking any caffeine. reason I am so homesick, maybe, is because Wyndham is graduating in a couple of days, & house I grew up in will be sold. All my memories of childhood are evaporating. Yesterday I jumped Gross reservoir with Mike & Andy, we camped out there. I had an interesting year at fort, it unraveled a lot of mysteries about people. I was strong for first part of first semester, but became very discombobulated because of living amongst college freshman & having angry roommates that I was around with too much. I don't know what I am going to do about housing next year, but I hope to get cool roommates. I really want to get up at five every morning & be able to survive six hours of sleep a night, or at least know once & for all exactly how many hours of sleep I need. 6-17-93 I have been sleeping a lot lately, it's what my body wants to do. For first time I am letting my body do what it wants. No forced workouts or tasks, I just do what I feel like, which right now is sleeping. I have achieved great patience this summer, I love being patient like this. I have no motivation to do anything & I don't care. I just sit here in my car all day long & listen to music. I don't even read that much. My major hurdle now is figuring out how to do work on my car. I'm doing a Green river trip on 20th with Bruce who has a bus of 14 years which has almost 200,000 miles on it. I will bring along my "Idiots guide to Volkswagen Maintenance" book & pick his brain. When we get back I will offer to do entire de-rig if he shows me how to do 3,000 mile tune up. Here's a letter I found that I was wrote in school & was going to send to my family but never got around to it: Dear family, being in college I have learned a lot, not only academically but socially & about myself. main thing I have learned about myself is that I don't really know who I am. There are so many different kinds of people in world & they all have certain good & bad qualities. I have recently been feeling depressed because people don't understand each other. I think I am discovering that I am different from everybody else. Everybody seems to belong to a certain group of friends that always hang out with each other. I don't hang out with same people all time, maybe that's my problem. People seem like they are actors in a movie, like they are always reciting rehearsed lines. People always seem like they are always trying to impress others or make it seem like they are being themselves by being annoying. People will always tell me about things they have done & things they want to do, & I am interested to. But nobody is interested in me, or in anybody else for that matter. 6-18-93 I was interrupted there by Chaz reminding me about rig for their trip. I didn't know about it because I didn't check schedule yesterday. Lesson: check schedule every day because it is very tentative. This job is good in so many ways: I get good exercise. I meat people from all around world, study geology, history, & biology of this area & teach it to people. I learn how to cook, I am in outdoors, which reminds me I should get a star book & learn constellations. I love showing people things & taking them places, & showing them a good time. I love exploring all canyons, & studying petroglyphs, which reminds me I should get a petroglyph book. I also love rowing through rapids & getting adrenaline rush of not flipping & running skull rapid. Tomorrow at five I will take a plane flight to put in of our trip, I am very excited. 6-18-93 I am just evolving my task as laying
aside fears of letting down my shield of character. Now I don't stress over
being too nice, that is selfish & takes too much energy as I have experienced.
Now I am grounded & don't smile & say "hi" when I don't want to,
that way I don't run out of energy & I can go on forever this way giving pure
vibes out, & people respect me even better this way. I don't force myself
to I am deciding that this world is in fact "Near wild heaven" that everybody dreams about thinking it is a past life, it is also outer hell of destruction. This world provides ultimate challenge for human kind. To have true equality & respect among all races & creeds of world, & in turn we can listen to wise indigenous & respect & love & understand all creatures of world. I feel such disgust at killing of minorities & destroying of our world like uranium mining, nuclear weapons, & ancient forest cutting. So much disgust that I would feel justified in actually killing people who are feeding this corruption, & exploding their factories. My outrage grows with my conscience, I hope one day I do something good that helps a lot. We as a species are just starting out in our wisdom. Native Americans were well on their way, but then we came, for some reason or another, & reared our ugly head bringing with us our technology, which brings only one thing that is good: Science, or a catalyst of some sort to growth of us. I sometimes have dreams of space travel, being in true unity with cosmos & our neighbors could be a good thing in future. But we need to get our priorities straight, reevaluate our conscience as a whole, because our society as a whole is still in dark ages & has no wisdom. It is like we are so close to death, but saying that & burying extra food in basement does no good. It's like free climbing a 500 foot sheer rock wall, don't freak out & give up or fall. Work you brains out in this most crucial time, to reach top & be on a higher plain. I feel so grateful that I feel like I am on my way to peace with myself. I love this world. 7-2-93 I had weirdest dream last night, I had a dream that me, Leslie & I think Caletto were walking down a Canyon. Then it got really narrow & then we started hearing really loud explosions & we thought it was world war three. Then we heard chants coming down canyon, really loud, so we ran & hid behind a rock barely in time. They were like gnomes, or purple humans with cone hats & robes from another planet coming down canyon. Before that dream, I had one that James (a guest) had carved out a dinosaur head in a rock along canyon. On a pervious trip I remember seeing it. It was huge. 7-13-93 I'm stoned & listening to LIVE. Whenever I get stoned now I really tense up, It's weird. I just got off a three day Westwater with Grant, he's a cool guy, gets kind of up tight with kids (we just got off an AA American adventures course). He is eccentric, a real character. I paddle boated through Westwater. I plan to get up early tomorrow & getting stoned & go on a real big ride up that trail right out back here. I want to work real hard again, & jump start my brain, it has been kind of dead lately. I am starting to read black Elk speaks, hoping it will inspire me. If I am writing kind of strangely, it is because I am picking up on a conversation, just talking, so that is why I am writing like this. I want to go back to college. I have been really looking forward to it, even more than to my mom & my brother coming on a five day trip. Here are some thoughts that come up when I am stoned: I have to be more clear, more spontaneous, & choosing right thing to do, for example: I am using up so much energy debating if I should get more stoned or not, well do it. But not now so you don't lose your train of thought, fuck! I wish I had my fuckin goddamn ghetto blaster, that way I could have recorded this shit! Fuck! oh well, I am too tense, don't worry about it. I already lost my train of thought. I will go ahead & smoke! What I have to do is learn to enjoy everything I am doing. I'm freaking out man, I want to get back to my primitive self! Life is such a trip, what fuck! I am always stressed & fighting, & wanting for some ancient & beautiful peace & love! I love my family & my friends. I want to love people & be myself. I want, just want to grow, I want to trip like this all time & feel all beauty & love. I want to ride hard tomorrow, I want to tune my car, I want to stretch, I am stretching, I want to really enjoy doing this this year. I'm all over place! I'm sent quit voluntarily. 7-21-93 Well summer is almost over, just a couple more trips. I shroomed last night & smoked a lot of pot, I am still high today & switched tires & then tried to do a valve job but before I got started I stuck a monkey wrench on generator bolt & then turned on my car forgetting about wrench, I turned my car on to make sure that it would start. fan belt went & wrench blocked it, so my fan belt burnt up, so I tried to put a new one on by looking at my Volkswagen maintenance book, but I couldn't figure out how to do it. So I asked BJ to look at it & he couldn't figure it out either. So tomorrow when I have more energy I will find out what help I can get fixing it. Sun. 8-22-93 Well I called up Bruce & he told me about were adjuster screw is & low & behold I fixed it myself. I will save 3,000 mile tune up for Durango. Today I also tried to change oil in my Rock Shox, but couldn't even when I called up bike shop. Tomorrow I will stop by Kaibab & do it before ride at slick rock with Paul. Tomorrow I will also buy a roof rack for my car, & car seat covers. There are many flies buzzing around me right now, but they aren't bugging me that much right now. I think I will ask Paul to take this upcoming Westwater trip for me so I can go down Cataract canyon with Zane & Alvin & then do a two day Westwater, & then off to college. I did medicine cards today, I feel very energized listening to Calleto's led Zeppelin, but medicine wheel layout said something like a new path for my sophomore year has something to do with observing big picture, & just kicking back & watching things happen: Medicine cards for summer
Later that night: I got stoned & am ready to write now, this journal is perfect to have when I don't go to sleep. So this is what I plan to do when I get to Durango. I want to get that Urt from Smitty, & when I get to school, I will look for land somewhere to put it on. I want to ask BLM if there are any places, maybe buy land, or see if somebody would let me live there. I want to learn how to do 3,000 mile tune up, either take it to a shop to do it & watch them, or figure out how to do it from book, or have someone who knows about them to show me. I want to buy a roof rack so I can strap things up there, so until I get a permanent pad I will live in my van. I am starting to feel a little about having a change & going back to Durango for a new start studying & staying busy with friends. I think I can live out of a urt comfortably enough, & that would be supreme if I have some land of my own! I actually kind of dig living here in my car, I have everything I need to be happy right here, meaning I could travel anywhere in country & explore with gas money, maintenance, & food, as my room & board, live off my savings. I dream of going to California next Thanksgiving break, & hanging out with my brother & dad, & check out Eselen. Maybe even bring mike, & maybe mom would come also. I want to drive around & explore southwest like every weekend. I want to try out kayaking & mountain bike, I want to climb peaks, I want to hang out, I want to learn & observe life. I feel in a really good place, I feel like I am really living in moment well. I am looking forward to reflecting on this summer, & looking forward to next summer with new ambitions. I am sure there will be many. I don't want to get depressed of monotony because I don't want there to be any monotony. I want to always be energized. I want to greet each day with a welcoming smile. I do live like that now, I think I have learned a lot this summer. About people, dealing with them with love & understanding & communication, & being strong at being objective, understanding & acting sincere to everyone. I have lived outside all summer long, so I have had a lot of time figuring things out, watching sky. I love to stay busy. I love having all these positive vibrations all around me. I love playing with current & rowing. I cannot wait to do trip day after tomorrow with my glasses, & running westwater, I want to coach Ruby down it, that would be a blast! I hope Ann lets me. I am really looking forward to seeing my friends at school & hanging out with them: Bernie & Judah will be there, Jared & Eric. Andy Paton I will contact. Eric Nevin is going to C.U. next year, that is a bummer. I feel really grounded & whole & humble, willing to keep a positive attitude in face of anything. I was kind of a freak last year, I don't know why, but I will not be living on campus this year, & living with such craziness. Last year was hell for me in terms of dorm life. My first roommate, Brian O'Connor just makes me cringe when I think of him. He ripped me out of bed one morning because he said I moved a picture of his; just suddenly flipped out on me, & he was even acting like Mr. bad ass until he wasn't my roommate anymore. He took it all so seriously, he was from L.A., he makes me never want to go to L.A.. my next roommate was Chad Scott. He provoked Brian to spaz, & his roommate, that fat kid Derin. Chad was also crazy, but we liked each other. When second semester came around I just laid really low & studied all time. I was seriously antisocial. first semester I was crazy, shaved my head 3 times & grew a huge go-T, & basically was completely open, with all my energy, but it backfired. I didn't stay grounded & opened myself up too much. Last year toward beginning at same time I got into scrabble with Brian, I made friends with Eric Nevin, he was my best friend there, he had such a good attitude about himself, I really needed a friend who said "Yea, were best". He taught me so much, he felt like my big brother, in a time when I was feeling like a recluse. I really am going to miss him. Andy was my next good friend, we made a sweat lodge, & went to Wacko Tanks for about ten days at thanksgiving break. We got into a squabble one time in Mexico when we got drunk & drove into Mexico. He snapped at me because we couldn't find our way back to U.S.. I think we were lucky we weren't any worse off. So we sort of drifted, but I think we forgave each other toward end of year. He is a crazy bonsai person as far as trying new things & in out doors. I look forward to telemarking with him at Purgatory this winter. Another good friend of mind toward end of year is Jared Clark, we went on many rides, hung out, & I went backpacking with him for a week in Canyonlands with, Eric Owen, Trent, Jason Parker, & Colin & Pooh. That was a great time. I think I am so anxious because I am looking forward to it so much. I have just a couple more trips left, so I should cherish them. It is 3:18 A.M, that is weird I am still up at this hour, I should have showered. I will probably sleep late tomorrow. 8-26-93 Today I drove down town with Paul, I dropped him off at laundry mat & then closed my account at bank, then went to gas station & filled up. When I turned key nothing happened, so I fixed a flat on my bike & rode to laundry mat & told Paul, so then I went & got his car, so he pushed me to shop. It was real minor, all he did was whack wire coming out of my battery with a hammer. It cost me ten bucks but I was so glad to know that it was such a minor problem. Then I went back to big park out here at Moab. On way there I saw Kyral. She is on a day off between six day patrols in Cataract canyon. When I got back I played Frisbee with Paul & then tried to read & write here. 8-31-93 I left Moab on 26th with Caletto & met my mom. I hope a get a cool roommate, I could be roommates with Alec Locey I guess, he needs a room. I will be staying over at Bernies for first two weeks. I went out to sweat lodge today with Judah to check it out & talk to Lester who owned land & ask him if we could build a sweet lodge. He said it would be fine if we kept land clean. Then we went into town & got more insulation & plastic & a hand shovel, & some string, we still need a hatched also. Now to build it all do is ride out there. Tomorrow I wouldn't mind going out to amphitheater & studying, getting all caught up on reading. |
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6-23-95 I finished Way of peaceful warrior
today, I read it in two days, I read Starseed in one day, both 200 page books,
I am turning into a reader 6-24-95 Bernstat was fun today, I will no
longer trust jagged looking ridges, especially when there is tall snow, it is easiest climbing, sliding down was greatest & so easy! 6-29-95 Yesterday was an interesting one, I tried to climb Democrat, but weather came as I was nearing top & I freaked out about lightning, then after a storm I climbed Bross & ran to other one but as I was just shy of it I freaked out about lightning again which I didn't need to & came back. Today it was foggy & wet all day (now 1:23) a couple hours ago I started to climb three 14ers I still have to do, but something held me back, I am not ready for roughing it in wet yet, so I came back. Today is day 8 & my rest day. I hope tomorrow is hot & sunny. If it is like today, I will leave anyway, I will be physically rested up. I set my alarm for 5 this morning, but I didn't get up because it was foggy & I had been cold & felt like I needed more sleep, from now on I will have my sleeping bag zipped at least half way so I don't have to worry about being cold. From now on I want to get up at 5 or when sun first comes out. Tomorrow I will. Another problem of mine is lightning fright, I am way more than I should be. From now on in storms I will keep progressing until I hear that electrical buzz, Seth (from Jane Roberts books) says you don't die unless you choose to. This summer, maybe I needed that experience to show myself how paranoid I was. I was so disappointed yesterday when I bagged out on those peaks for second time & realized I didn't have to. I need an attitude more like Andy's. feeling made me so weak in all parts of my being. That way I will get up at 5 tomorrow I ride strong when I have good start & am 7-9. 7-20-95 I got up at 5 A.M.. & ate my pre-cooked meal & hit trail at 6 A.M.. I was going to climb La Plata peak but I saw I had to go down a cliff area to get to straight shot there, I totally could have done it but something in me said "no, your pack is a long way away & it's not worth lightning". So I automatically gave up & turned back. As I was hiking back I regretted not going for it, I could have probably summated & been back at pack by noon & it was a cloudless sky. I really want to climb La Plata. I have a nice peaceful camp & will hand out here until I climb all five of these mountains, I hope La Plata is possible form this end. At first I didn't bring bud because I didn't think I would need it. Well, maybe I don't need it but I want it. So I went back & got it. Now I get high 3 or 4 times daily & wish I brought more because I want to be high all day: I want to be high all day, why? So I don't get bored, is that bad? Nothing is bad, just don't fret when you run out, for that is where sankaras are produced. 7-22-95 This is a solo trip as much or more as a mountain trip. I will get up at one tomorrow. This morning, as with all mornings when I dream well, I was feeling clear & good. Had neat dreams last night but didn't write them down & forgot them. I got up at one today & thought it was 4:30 stepped outside, & got stove going until I looked at my watch & it was 1:35 or something that received me because I hadn't even hit REM yet. I ended up ignoring my 4:30 alarm at 6:42, I climbed three 14ers today, Wisconsin & two others. I summated final of tree at about eleven & saw a black cloud & decided to take tree route back, it is much longer & more tedious. I didn't have to, it cleared up for rest of day. But tree hiking was a good experience. Coming back I had my first feelings of loneliness, this is day six I guess & I have at least 10 to go. I hope my food holds out. If it doesn't I will see if I can get a ride into Buena Vista with some people from Mt. Princeton hot springs. I hope I can hike twelve miles I want to tomorrow, I will get up early. I smoked pot all day long yesterday & hammered up 9 miles, five being straight up, so I tripped out. I got high this morning & was tripped out all day, which turned into my lonely trippy feelings. I climbed Wisconsin about a thousand or so feet through snow at about 65 degrees then glissaded down other side. 7-25-95 Well I hiked twelve miles my feet were really sore but rest of me felt fine. trip was from 8'ish. 5:30, 9:30 hours with an hour long breakfast stop. I intend to get up at 4:00 tomorrow for Columbia, Harvard climb tomorrow. trip will be about 15 miles, about same as what I did yesterday. I measured it before & 7 was what I came up with, but did it again & got 15, it must have forgotten to double it. Then I hope I can get up early again day after tomorrow & climb Yale & hike into road & hitch to Buena Vista, get supplies & hitch to Mount Princeton Hot springs. It will be about 9 miles. 5 pack miles (3 straight up) & four peak miles. I wonder how much of that I can do in one day we will see. I feel like I'm still getting stronger instead of weaker. I will stretch now. 7-26-95 Well I am happy to say that I successfully
climbed Mount Columbia & Mount Harvard, & hiked up two miles almost to timberline, & only about a mile from where
I will leave my pack to climb Yale, which is only two miles after that. & then a 3-4 mile stroll to rode where I will hitch hike into Buena Vista
for more food. & then hitch from there to Mount Princeton hot springs. I will
be saving myself a days worth of hiking also. If I cannot get a ride, I have
enough food to hike to hot springs. I will see how likely people are to
picking up hitch hikers in mountains who want to go less than ten miles. 7-28-95 Then I woke up & tossed around a little bit & just as I started to get to sleep I heard my watch beep three times & since it beeping on hour is only twice, I thought it was alarm which goes off for about 20 seconds. My first alarm is at 4:10, so that is what time I thought it was, so I packed up camp & ate my oatmeal & was just about ready to go. I thought it would be about 5 by now & it didn't start getting light out so I looked at my watch & it was 3:18, 'I must have gotten up at two, silly me!" So hid my pack under tree & left. I got about a half mile & I saw a split in road so I decided to get high & stretch for about a half hour & got up & it as still pitch dark & I got a little paranoid. I saw my shadow in front of me & thought it was a creature stalking me so I got my mountain ax "on guard" & creeped toward it. I was scared because It was mimicking my lateral movements. I wasn't until I got about ten feet from it until I realized it was my shadow. Then I found myself on a grassy slope & decided to rest until it was light out, which was about another half hour. I summited at about 9:45 & got back at about 2:00 about 11 miles. Hiked for about 1/2 Mile until a guy said "want a ride" & gave me one for rest of two miles, which I needed. I was burnt today, my sixth hard day in a row: 23rd 9.5 miles & peaked, 24th 14 miles, 25th, 13 miles, 26th 13 MI, 27th peaked, & p 9 m, & 28th PEaked & 11 miles. My feet are still sorest of everything. It is easy from hear on out. I only have to pack four miles tomorrow so I will sleep in & stretch & take my time & do French & read that Christian scientific proof & god book that those nice old people gave me who gave me ride from south side of Yale to Buena Vista where they shopped for me & took me to hot springs where I soaked & had a bud & fries & called mom & gave Ian's mom to tell Wyndham to pick me up on second on Highway 50. It would be cool if he is there, I will be there, it works out perfectly for me. But knowing Wyndham, something might come up. After I drop Wyndham & Mike off at Vipassana I will drive over to 14ers near Aspen that I dogged out on about a month ago. Then off to D-town with Wyndham to get ready for fort. This couple just came up & guy said, "Oh, you're guy climbing up 14ers, I heard about you". Then a guy I was talking to last night came up & said, "Oh, peak man!" I feel so darn special. 7-29-95 Well I hiked four miles & barely made it. I could really feel extra weight that boots gave me. Packing in sandals with this weight hurts feet anyway. I think I am hitting a burnout stage or something because last three times I got high I got HIGH. Maybe first time on this trip I that I got really stoned last night from that big resin ball I scrapped sparked it. Or fact that I am still smoking it, I think latter. Resin has a trippier, more powerful effect by a lot over just swag bud, it's nicer. I don't know why some hard core stoners don't smoke resin, its good for me though because I can scrape their pipes. I ate beans & will eat humus now as a recovery tactic with good food. I have had that stuff for about a month & a week now, & it should go out with a bang. 7-30-95 Today's hike was very nice, good energy about mountain. day was easy, first I slept (deliberately) through 4:00 alarm because I wanted more sleep, so I woke up at 5:30 & got off at about 6:45. Early on at 8:00 it looked like there was a dark cloud overhead. I prayed for it to go away & when I was at top it was gone. I estimated it to be a 8 mile hike & it took me 5:45. I felt good & went fast but I am really sleepy now, so I am still a little burnt. I think when you are physically exhausted, you are more of a light weight to Ganja, marijuana, pot, dope, bud, nugs, stony, herb, grass, salad, mota, or whatever you want to call it. I got this up this morning & was tripping high & I still feel it now. I like getting up before sun comes up. Its when you are still in dream land & thinking clear & lovely. 7-31-95 I don't think I ever recorded this fight. It was last summer & I had worked at diner & climbed & worked on wall & then Jamie, & "non", & another kid came in that night & they brought a kind bowl that we smoked & then we smoked a joint. Then I decided to go to Eric's house but had to wait for Bernie to shut his dog up. I remember being really frustrated he was taking so long, he must have been there yelling at & shaking his dog Irie for at least a minute. Then he finally came & there were about 7-8 kids hanging around a black pickup truck in front of house. All kids were staring at us & I said "Hey," they all stared back. About 50 feet down road they started yelling, "Hey bitch, come here white boy!" & I was on my bike & said, "Man what should we do", & he said "nothing, just keep walking." Then they ran up to us & started asking Bernie questions like, "what are you doing on south side". "Because I cannot afford to live anywhere else". "Hey, I lived here all my life man". Then a block down road they jumped in front of us & one asked me "Is he your friend", "yeah he's my friend". "Would you die for him?" "What? no". & then Bernie turned & walked away from them & I think a kid grabbed his shoulder & he shrugged it off & kid started wailing on him & he was fighting back & trying to run away. There were Mexican women following us & pulled in between Bernie & I. I ran 10 or 15 feet down road & set my bike down & told women to call cops & started wailing on kid. Then two other kids started wailing on me. Then I looked around & Bernie was gone & two kids were chasing me & third was riding my bike. So I ran back to house & they followed me to gate & I said "come on, please give me by bike back", & kid said "no way" & other kid said "I'm gonna kill you". So I said "If I fight you will you give me my bike back?", & he said "yea". So we took off our shirts & got in middle of street. I just waited for him to punch me first. He passed me then munched me in forehead & I saw stars. Then I punched him I think in left eye. Then we got in a couple scuffles. Then he dived for my waist & I elbowed his back about a half dozen times. Then we fell down & I got up & I said "alright I fought you, give me my bike", & two kids said "Kiss my feet" & I said "you'll kick me". Then cops came & they ran & later cops found my bike. 8-1-95 Got back at 11:30, started at 6:00, 5:30 hours. Got picked up by a guy who took me into Salida. In trailer park along way was an ex fort Lewis guy who wondered if guy would take him to pass for a "Burn-down". But he never told him that. On way out guy said "He should just ride, he'd be there by now" I said "Yea, just 60 miles, 30 down hill. This guy wanted to do Iron man & climb all 14ers & was "two years from retirement" & was from Wisconsin, Bad ass. I like talking to people like that. He looked 55-60. 8-2-95 Saw dark side of Salida. Salida is a hillbilly town. I bought a pint of whiskey & went to library until 8:30 & then went to Safeway & park & drank & then walked back to camp on main street & all over place were high school kids at about 10:00 p.m. There were 15 at least on a four block strip all driving down to end of town through park across river & turn around & go to other end of town & then go back up again. I was hiding under bridge watching cars turn around. After I finished whiskey I went to bed at about 12:00 A.M.. I remember seeing a car make lap at 2:00 A.M.. It was probably pretty regular until then. At some points about half a dozen cars would make turn around right together, once I looked up & saw about three kids smoking cigarettes right across street from me. At another point a cop pulled someone over right next to me. While I as walking down main street everybody was staring at me. I saw two stumbling funny chubby white guys run past me & then run back saying "who called us boy, not him, he doesn't have balls, he's just a scraggly hippy". Every other car someone screamed something at me. One kid from a car said "Haven't you ever heard of a hair cut?" I said "no" & he said "mother FUCKER!" Then someone else screamed something at me & I ran to my hiding place. There were kids literally every where. As I looked out they were all over riverside park & downtown. But when sun rose normal people were back. Crested Butte 8-6-95 I was picked up by homies & we drove to black Canyon national park & tripped shrooms & I threw a huge branch off 1,500 or so sheer cliff. Then we went to Hotchkiss & Wyndham bought us breakfast for his birthday (20). After I dropped them off I drove to Crested Butte (10 miles or so past) & hiked over Rustler Gulch pass & set my alarm for 1:00 A.M. to climb Castle Peak seven miles away & attached it to my right dread as always. But I slept though alarm & had a dream that I walked out to look at pass I was planning on climbing next to get to Pyramid & Maroon Bells & it was a sheer cliff. Then I woke up at 5:00 Am. but decided not to go for castle because it has been cloudy recently & I didn't want to have to climb over that gnarly 13,000 foot sharp ridge any later than noon. Sharp enough by noon it was raining over there. During breakfast I remembered dream & walked over to look at it & it was just like what I saw. I saw a place where I could get over but if it was any more of a cliff on other side I couldn't have done it. Then I remembered I had a mountain bike & if I stayed on this trip I would only have like one day to ride, & If I went back now I would have more than a week. Plus I was sick of hiking & jonesing to ride, so I kicked back. I had an amazing single track ride that went way up to tree line but had to turn around because it started raining. I will ride whole thing before I leave. 8-6-95 My dad's birthday. I got up kind of late because I was tired. & fixed Wyndham's bike as much as I could & then went on a ride up Crested Butte mountain. I put $17 in my shoe thinking it wouldn't come out because it had a bad feeling that I would lose it. Next time just put it in jersey because it fucking came out & I couldn't fuckin find it. I felt so bad so I called my mom & she said not to worry about it. So I went back to my car & went in to town & got nachos. I think I'm done eating nachos when I'm hungry. it's too much money & there is too much grease in chips & cheese. Next time just get an ice cream & pig out on rice & potatoes. At restaurant I called my dad & he said to write him. 8-7-95 It took me forever to get to sleep last night. I have noticed that when moon is out I get any at night & cannot get to sleep. I think moon reflects a certain kind of subtle ray that permeates roofs & speeds up my spiritual development because I get "last day of school syndrome". Somebody on a mountain bike just said "There's that love van". 8-8-95 Last night when sun went down
I tried to hike two 14ers that were only 7 miles away. But trail crossed
a raging river up to my waist. I wasn't into that so I tried to bush wacky 1/2
mile to were trail crossed again, but after a quarter of skree & 60 degree
bush wackage it turned to a sheer cliff to river. So I turned around & went one half mile up to bridge crossing to cross there & bush wack
one half mile down. After crossing a large uncharted river & following a narrow
trail & following it back to river & finding out that it was a huge
field of tree-bushes for who knows how long I said "fuck it" & picked
about 100 but wipe plants to use as a sleeping bag. I cat napped there until
I got too cold at about 3:30, & came back. But now moon was over ridge & it was dark, but I made it back at about sunrise. It was a fun trip & I wasn't frustrated any of time. At about 8:30 when I was getting ready
to leave I found Wyndham's pipes & scraped the 8-10-95 Afternoon- I woke up exhausted this morning, & I was unusually tired this morning. & I feel kind of agitated & my resting pulse rate is high. I think I am over trained. I predict I will wake up tired again tomorrow. I rode strong though to end of day. If I feel weak tomorrow I will go for a run & climb a small peak. I forgot to call my mom today. 8-11-95 Heres song I thought up last night: Love is way it is, its way it is, its way it is, its way it is, its way it is, yea. Why? just look at un-I -Verse, how did it become that way? Through love, cause its way it is, yea. What is love anyway? desire to create beauty & infinite pos-i-bility, yea! So love! Cause it's way it is, there's no way around it! Just accept me, for way I am, & you can feel free, to bee you! & be what you wanna become! Because love! It's way it is, its just way it is, there no way around it.... don't fight it! It's way it will be, its way it's al-ways-been. Uh-hu, yea, come on, lentos go, to where you want to go, cause LOVE!... I want to write a lot of songs I know I can think of them, it's all part of being an author. I want to make a drum & pound out songs. Hopefully some day with someone else. I think these wacky dreams are good for me because they help me to practice dealing with loving kindness to people who are freaking out, & let me know how I am doing on my path. I don't think I killed that guy in my dream physically, I cannot remember but i think I just kept unhatingly kept pushing him off me until he got sick of it & turned into people who got into car with me, like he was my family that I couldn't run away from & he didn't want to separate from me. people were badgering me, but I parked & my brother & I think someone else & I just stayed there arguing with them & keeping them from hurting us by pushing them off until they just "came down" & transformed. When I yelled at him & told him to buy me a new stove, he just got madder. i think my life calling may be healing people who are seriously freaking out & feel a whole lot of hate & just need someone there to interact with to act as a catalyst to their "coming down" off their intense trip. I was in a trip sort of like that for about half a dozen years & severely for three (jr. high), so I know what it's like & I know I am good at keeping my cool because I did it already & came out with out every being an asshole. through my dreams I prove to myself I can stay a nice, good person to freaking people. It feels dangerous but I never get scared in my dreams, so I know I am that strong, or at least as resilient in real life. Just wave at everybody, especially cowboys & gangsters & old people, because they need it most, & it makes me feel like I am making most progress. Where as if I were to consciously great people who look like me. I don't even like people who look like me. Another song: "You cannot classify truth, how can you classify infinity", & all, all & one, I was he, & he was she, its as simple as ABC, or 1-2-3. Just think abut eternity & it's way it should be, my baby, don't you see, try to be me, or else just be, free. Hee, hee, hee, ha, ha ha ha ha la de da, la de da. Sing song that you wanna sing! & ring it true brotha! whetha your quiet or loud, soft or proud, fast or slow, no or go, yes or no. I'll tell you where I wanna go, & that's there, & that's here, & it's great good, happy, perfect, way it is, is way it should be. So how can this be more similar to this, if it's not when you look at it like this or this or this or this. On down line, towards oh so effervescent shine of eternal truth. Oh Jah great god spirit of all, as whole is greater than sum of it's parts. We are greater than you & me, my cutchie, duckie buddy. So help me be, cause it'll help you too through & through, I love you & it make me feel so smooth. 8-12-95 Last night I spent 9 bucks on all you can eat fish & chips. & gravely regretted it. I DON'T WANT FRIED FOOD EVER AGAIN! I was up groaning until about two A.M., not to mention money I wasted. I only have 50 bucks now. I will only spend money on gas & Cheap food now. I have to. I hope to god that lesson was last time around in circle of learning that fried food not only makes me feel rotten physically, but heavy & so much more receptive to negative energy that I can barely stand it. PLEASE! |
                
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9-23-96 It has been over a year since I have written in my journal. As always a lot has happened. I had a very productive year at school last year I joined Wilderness Defenders. At first it was great, but I got so consumed by end of second semester that I was sleeping all day during week days & weekends. I barely exercised at all, by far my most lax 9 months ever. I learned a lot though, about environment, what I believe, how I should trust people, what my skills are, etc.. I am a natural born teacher, leader, guide, & motivator. I believed I turned a lot of people on to environmental movement with my excitement. In fall I managed to go on a weekend mountain bike trip with Pooh & Nickey, but my mountain bike broke in half at beginning of first ride, but I offered to stay second day so they could ride. I went bike touring this summer, rode to Moab & hung out with this guy who was born with his legs 180 degrees backwards & didn't say a thing until he was eight, his name was Jim. He used to beat crap out of people for no reason & has a bullet in his head from gangsters who where mad at him for selling bags of bud too cheap & costing their business. He made a weightlifting world record for special Olympics though. He was touring this summer from Seattle, he says it's rad but rainy. I couldn't ride no mores after this big ass ride because of my right knee, so Judah offered to drive my ass back to T-ride, where I hungeth out for about a week & then went on bike a tour with Wyndham down to Sedona Arizona. It was a very fun 10 day tour, we rode a 180 miles on last day. Then I hung in Telluride for about another week & it rained every day. Then I went to Durango for third summer session & took English as a second language. I rode my mountain bike about every day until my bike was stolen, so I got disgruntled & stopped riding for about two weeks. Then I went on a 200 mile bike ride to Dolores long way, I tried to do whole 240 mile "death loop", but got sleepy & crashed in post office. Then I went on a group ride & kicked asses, broke off front for a long time & shit. next day I done gone went on another group ride & talked to Jaimie Carney, & Chris (Eric's ex-roommate), & got even more excited about bike season. I went to Boulder to get me a new van because my piece of shit didn't work no mores. That was when I found out my dad had Cancer & had "three months" to live. I cried & cried that weekend & was really somber next week, then I cheered up, & flew to California with my mom. After a couple of weeks we came back, & I started organizing garage, which took about two weeks because I was going places on weekends. I went to do Iawasca with dad, Wyndham, Mariana, & those other two nice women I cannot remember their names. The next weekend I helped Eric & his buddies kill ducks for experience, which I doesn't want to does no more. I tripped booms with Eric & this girlie Julie which was wacky cause I was so wacked, & so was they in their own unique ways. I was wacked because I was making my mom cry because I was "tearing up house" in garage cleaning efforts (the neighbors though I was living in there). Now its nice & I've been pumping out in there last couple days with Tom. I hung out with mike other day, he & Doug who is mellow & nice. I played his high-fi video game racing sports cars. 10-4-96 I went to Durango day before yesterday because Wyndham wanted to switch cars. van broke down on way there, overheated. I didn't really feel good being there, energy didn't mesh well with me. I left next morning. I feel really weird now. I love listening to radio now, all songs are so great I want to record them. Mike just came by, we might go running tomorrow. 10-16-96 This is second day in a row that I have felt under table. Yesterday it was physical, today it is mostly mental. I need to spend more time studying. 10-23-96 I am doing good. I rode to top of flagstaff today & saw Judah & Jamie. then I went to Judah's house & played basketball with Jamie & Judah. Then I hung out with Tom & he gave me a bible to read. I have been exercising quite a bit lately. I have thought of a lot of things to write about but I cannot think of them right now. I am really stoned now. I will meditate. I will write new lyrics down. I want to be a rapper. So I need to have rhymes that sound good. peace out. 11-5-96 I am at burnt out stage. i need to quit. I plan on getting up at 5:00 tomorrow, getting Mike & working out for a very long time. I want to get in shape so bad but my laziness gets me. My mind just don't work power i want it to. I need to do these things: quit nugs, get up at five every dam morning, pump my ass off every day. 12-1-96 I am just kicken it. trying to put my riding shoes on again. I have contemplated a lot lately. about myself I have learned a lot. I am trying to get strong enough to workout every day & be active, but at same time totally taking it easy. I haven't really done anything. I tried to type last night but I couldn't bring myself to do it, didn't think i could think. But I'm doing fine as fuck now. Because I got on a role by busting my arms & swimming. So Wyndham's bike touring in Nepal in a couple of months. wacky. bad ass song on now Dave Mathews what would you say. My typing is wacky now. I am so glad I am typing now. Dads doing better emotionally now, me too. I want to join bike team next semester & i will take 13 credits so i will have time & i will live out of my van so alls well that ends well. & I want to work out. 12-6-96 I have been sick last couple of days. last night was hell, i would sleep for a little bit & then wake up & have to move around & then go downstairs for water. 12-10-96 I feel real tripped out right now. I don't care about what people think about me. Meaning for first time in my life i feel like not talking to anybody or getting to know anybody. Going to school next semester will be really interesting because i am not going to be very social. I want to go on all rides with bike team. |
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1-18-97 So here we are in future. I
must say I am having a hard time. I came down here with a hundred bucks expecting
$1,600 to be waiting for me, but they didn't have my application,
so I have been broke whole week, not able to afford any books, a car battery
so I can drive, or food other than C.U.B., or anything. I really want money
now to I can buy things I need: Battery, Front left light to my car, bike components, I want it to warm up so bad because I am so hungry to go on huge rides, at this point even just by myself, but I am glad there are some strong riders on team. There are two category twos & three more threes that I know about, so I will definitely be pushed & know how strong I am. I am thinking now that I want to do ultra distance mountain bike racing this summer & collegiate cycling scene. I want to do summer school this summer & student teach next fall to get college over with & get on with my life. I have been having extremely bad insomnia for last three nights, staying up until at least past one o'clock in morning. 1-20-97 I feel like my life is beginning tomorrow because I will have money to buy food so I can start RIDING. 1-31-97 Well snow finally melted & I rode to Farmington on Tuesday. On Wednesday I did roller races & got last of five fort Lewis riders, but I had kind of a flu & had mucus in my lungs. It was first time that my lungs have ever given out before my legs on a bike. They said "good job", probably because I was breathing so hard it seemed like I was really suffering, but my legs didn't burn at all. On Thursday I swam a hundred laps to get my lungs in shape, that took me 1:50. Today I rode to Trimble in valley & down to Iron Horse, & back to Trimble & back to Durango & back to Iron Horse & back to campus. I feel like my legs are really strong, not my lungs but I am not worried about that. I will improve a lot, I have been riding least of good riders. 2-2-97 I rode group ride yesterday. I didn't ride today because I didn't have a good breakfast, it is gloomy outside, & I am kind of depressed. I don't really care about doing as well on team as I thought, it is too much to ask considering tripped out state that I am in. Things will change. My power is pretty good compared to other riders. I burn out much sooner, but that is to be expected considering I haven't been riding. My main focus right now is to get ahead on school work & stay in decent riding shape, which I always am. My recovery is %100 percent right now, meaning no-matter how hard I ride I am totally fresh next day. I feel physically invincible, & I think my mind will come around here pretty soon. I hath come to many a realization today. I started to read Alice Bailey's book esoteric healing, & enjoyed it. It was a slow start. I want to give my senior seminar presentation on it relating to mythology. I feel better about not going riding today. I E-mailed Wyndham & Mike today & called mom, she was worried because she couldn't contact all three of us at same time. I found out I have $1600 waiting for me because my loan came through. Today was a very intense day, I couldn't make myself ride because it was so gloomy & cold & I didn't have a good breakfast. I thought if I rode I would regret it. I really like that book, it is 700 pages but I will start flowing through it. I feel good now, no regrets. I think I will do a good presentation, & formulate what I think about world, even if I have to work hard at it will be worth it. I sure hope Roland Jones lets me do it off that book, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't because teachers have always controlled my creativity. I don't think he will. How exciting to do this presentation, I have something else to get ahead on. I already started that Middlemarch paper. I don't plan on reading that 900 page book, but will do an adequate job on it nevertheless. 2-12-97 I got a return letter from Andy today. That kid is really fearless of death & has a good relationship with it. Went skiing yesterday. Totally burnt today. Oh well. My mind is working good. 2-14-97 I talked to mom today, she said she just had a bad fight with mike & he is "all but moved out". She was in a distressed mood. I sure am glad I was home last semester.
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1-9-98 I had a dream last night that I was riding to a town farther south with a man & a woman my age. They we rode back & stopped at a restaurant for lunch. This was in Nepal. That is all I can remember. I had some interesting dreams last night, one was I was watching a married with children episode first hand, not on TV, I was in their house & was watching Bundy in backyard repeatedly cutting someone's head off, & he was really excited about it, then we went to him to realize it was his own head he kept dunking in a tub of water that was attached to a guillotine. Then I looked inside to see boy working on computer & girl writing on a desk next to him, she wasn't Christian Applegate, she was a brown haired girl named Amanda Berg, which is a girl I went to high school with. Before that I had an episode that I was driving my van with my brother Wyndham & I had been traveling world or something for a long time so I haven't been behind wheel for a long time. I was in Durango & think waiting to merge into main street & it was rainy & I couldn't see a turn on right very well or something or I ran a red light or something but I know I did something slightly but not very wrong & merged into road because there weren't any cars on road, then right as I merged, a car speed down road from bend & almost hit me but didn't then I saw a cop car behind me & I knew it was going to pull me over. cop was a black man & was being rude & had me step outside then then wanted to search my car. Then I got mind & 'Your a fucking asshole, do as much as you can to me I don't care, I'm as nice to you as I can be you fucking dick'. I was kind of tense because I knew I had a lot of acid somewhere (I wasn't too sure where, which is true) in car. Then I changed dreams. next dream I had I was an agent in an office somewhere & Steffano was there but he was like 65 & I was thinking, 'I didn't know he was that big', then I mentioned it to someone & he said 'He ain't 65, he's as tall as me (5-9), he's a little weak man'. A dream I had before that I was in airport after a long vacation & was weighting in terminal, & a lot want on but I can't remember Another dream I had I was one of five boys, I was oldest. & we were dressed like women with sex changes & all & we were taking bus across town & a cop pulled us over after we got out of bus & said 'What are you?' & we said (different boys speaking at different times) we were tasting transsexuals & cop said 'What', fasting is illegal' But I said when I had breakfast this morning but I don't eat anything after that' Then cop, who was young & confused said to youngest boy 14-15, 'Well you all fast don't you?' & boy said 'Well actually, I have cereal every morning but after that I fast all day long'. cop didn't know what to do so he let us go. Before all of these dreams I had one that I was on an island doing some weird project with people a & traveling around world before that. whole dream sequence was crazy & I only remember a small amount of it. But energy was different & strong & good & funny & real emotionally. 1-16-98 I had a dream last night that I was in Japan with my mom & she had a joint & we smoked it, when, we went down stairs to subway & I had a box so I sat down & her too, I slid down a metal part & came down do fast I almost slid out into tracks then she came & slid past place at bottom where you are supposed to show your ticket & I was weighting at tracks to catch her so she doesn't go into tracks. But guards saw her & so we went to court, but while we were there a blond 35 year old man took me to his office nearby because he said I was stoned & Pam was there because she was stoned with me at train station. I had a dream last night that end one was an action movie in sky with Harrison Ford & he was hanging from a helicopter ladder with some other guys fighting, I was watching making of movie or something. Before that I was in Boulder or somewhere & Cito Nunn was clean cut looking & told me in Albertsons near hoe that there was a nature preserve near there that they were protecting a special animal & I should give them support, so I went there & it was a lake with like 30 fishermen who had just caught dogs with fins who where a kind of fish, before that I had a dream but I can't remember it.
One time a year, but I was told that
later & was afraid to ride it at time because I didn't want tit to swallow
me up. last dream I had I was in Spain & walked out of house I was
staying in & I was walking somewhere & Ana Sophia passed me riding a tricycle.
It never occurred to me to do that & I got anxious I wasn't going fast enough & so I started floating & then I was naked floating & floated by a high
school & all kids in classroom were looking at me. Before when I was
eating at cafeteria there was a big building nearby where king or whoever
was & there were many limousines racing up & I thought it was a coupe attempt,
good dreams 1-24-98 I had a dream last night that I was staying in a youth hostel with some other kids somewhere & we were staying up late one night & I eventually offered to give a kid a massage & I guess procedure was too was them because I had him get naked & was rubbing his leg with soap, I said 'Just take a shower yourself, then I will massage you'. So he got up & I gave him soap but he dropped in on floor, & every tine he tried to pick it up it glidded & bounced all over room like a hocky puck & we said this. A girl was in room watching us, he picked it up & went into shower & I think that is when I woke up. Before that I was cruising around town I think might have been Katmandu. I might have been looking for ice cream I saw Andy Paton before that, he was outside & had been traveling around climbing & was hanging out outside with my friends & I & it wasn't exactly hi but kind of softer, lighter, & younger, but I was thinking of how crazy he is. I can't remember any more. But I now a lot more happened, I can't remember because I have THC in my blood I think. I forgot to mention, my last nights dream about two giant ski resorts I visited in Europe somewhere, I was going to ski there but I only flew over head & watched people get huge air all over place. I was amazed & excited. 10-1-98 I had amazing dreams last night. last dream I had I was involved in a business deal between my dad & a woman that I knew nothing about, but I was expected to make it come together by consummating a relationship with her daughter, but they wouldn't actually tell me that. Se ere driving around hills of a town not unlike hills of Austin in my dads shiny tornado. We were with one other person & were looking at a house that maybe my dad wanted to guy but like I said all I knew what was going on was some sort of business deal with this woman & my dad. We were standing outside house & my dad grew frustrated with me & said 'Do you even know what love is?' & I said 'no', then he shrugged & we went back in car & everybody seemed upset, then girl bust into tears & sobbed that she had all these superficial relationships that went nowhere & that she doesn't feel like she can have a real one. Then I woke up. Everybody was superstitious & it was 9:30. I can't say I was particularly attracted to her by peoples standards she was just as beautiful as any girl, but by end of her speech I was thinking that we were destined to be together. Maybe women we are meant to be together are ones you can relate to & don't throw you off into an uncontrollable infatuation. Before that dream I had a dream that I was with Wyndham in Boulder, we were coming home from somewhere to Balsam house. Dad was driving us in Tornado & we passed Casey Junior High but it was a bigger building & I think there was a boy building competition happening right before that on hill up to it Wyndham pointed to a building & said that was where he, Ian, & Evan were taking Tae Kwan Do lessons. Then I said, 'Remember his sister, she hated me, & he said 'Yea, she is in school in Cicily, I think she is dating Graham this Saturday. Then we got to colony market & Wyndham said he wishes he had a hand phone & I said in Korea everybody has hand phones. Then I noticed am magazine that said 'Tall women in here'. So I got excited & opened it up, I don't remember seeing any women but at first Wyndham was watching me, then he went away & I got a boner so then he went away & I got a boner so sat down & it got so big it stuck right out of my shorts & I had to tuck it in again. Then I went upstairs again & was talking to Wyndham, I must have just come back from my trip because he said Biscuits fine, he is getting old, though, & I said 'Biscuits still alive?' He said 'No, he's dead' & I said 'he's dead?' & he said 'No he's still alive', & I got excited about seeing him, then next dream happened. dream I had before that I was at a fair ground & was partying with a lot of 50 year olds & then I was in a small trailer as it was up with Steven Tyler & another kid. I asked Steven Tyler how old he was & he said 50, & I said 'You look good for 50'. I saw a picture of you in a magazine with your shirt off', & he said 'Thanks, I am getting'.... 12-6-98 I had some interesting dreams this morning. I remember one I went from Durango to a strange town with my mom & I think my family with Stephanie Kroner who was kind of my girlfriend but I was a little paranoid & afraid to look at her & ignored her which I felt bad about. When we got to place she was asleep in back of bus with Brie Minger. Then I went into a giant theater without seats that my mom owned & I wanted to rearrange & decorate it for her but she didn't want me to & so I got all mad at her, that's all I remember. I don't remember my dreams from last night, in fact, night before last is first time in months that I did remember them. |
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1-25-99 I had a dream last night that I went to Prince Charles house who was kind of England. He lived in country side in a normal sized house surrounded by other joined houses forming a ring wall around it. I was hanging out with him, & was surprised how small it was for kings house & I looked at him as if I was his mother praising him & he looked at me with pride & he looked kind of goofy to me & then said his child was too small. Then we ventured off somewhere else & I had a dream that I was hanging out with Chris Wherry & Bernie Cohen & they were ignoring me & kind of acting like asshole's. We were in a fast food place & I was friends with owners who were oriental & we may have been in Asia, & Chris Wrote a message to meet his friend somewhere on table top & owner saw him but didn't say anything & I that I was hanging with them. Bernie told Chris he had found a poem which I guess was cool thing to do. That's all. 2-3-99 I was in Durango but a different Durango & Fred Owen bought a house right under ski lift on campus, I think ski lift. & then I was in their house hanging out with Eric, but he was ignoring me & walked off with Wyndham or someone, so I left & Fred asked me when I was leaving something were I was going traveling or something. Then I had a dream that I was skiing at a ski resort & I veered to right & found myself stuck on a cliff with loose rock 30 up, then I woke up. 3-22-99 I had some weird dreams last night, maybe because of malaria chloroquin pill I took last night. Other people say they have weird dreams not only on Lyrium but Chloroquin I had a dream that I was having a mice conversation with Bill Clinton & then I went to a dinner with him & about 15 other people, including my mom & Eddie Murphy. I arrived first & then he followed b entourage. He sat next to me & my mom but make up on me but went to rest room to pee & looked in mirror & saw myself & I looked like a doll or a made up transvestite. 'I said I look like a made up corps' & my friend who was there said 'yes yo do'. I actually got there right after Bill. When I went back after a whole because I took a long time doing number two, Bill said something to me like 'you better not be in bathroom too long again buddy' in a mean way or something like that. Then I went to a coffee shop somewhere & Steven Seagall came in & was obviously flattering himself that he was famous & going to a public place where he knew people would know him. Then he pulled out a cap gun & started shooting people playfully mimicking one of his movies & a couple guys shot back, then he sat down next to me & I said 'You know Shano, Mukara's husband?' & he said 'yes' I said I was his friend & then since I knew he was buddhistically religious I told him about my book but he didn't like part about Buddhists believing in god & he shot back at me angrily but I didn't really understand him, because it didn't make too much sense. Then I had a dream that I was on Nias & was surfing & then went inland a bit & saw a peace corp type project that a white girl I knew from beach was working at & they had all kinds of farm animals there. Then I went to a nearby norm losmen & was there were couple days & then two guys (friends?) came & were talking about how they were going to go to bar & have sex. ;After they left my finger tips started to really hurt me because I was living in a filthy room, I saw a huge 4-5 inch spider crawling on my bed & there were cobwebs & other bugs all over place & my finger tips were hurting me badly because over last couple of days crab shells were growing on my fingers & then I saw a little crab crawl out of my crab shell finger tip & I thought, 'disgusting', before I didn't want to pull shells off because I thought that if I did they would take my skin off because they there connected to my fingertips & was going to go to doctor later, but I didn't care anymore & ripped them off & sore calluses were on my fingertips. next dream I was in Alps at bottom of a thousand foot almost sheer cliff with steps carved in it & there was a small lift about size of a hand & I got on it & rode it all way u to a small cave & looked at it & view & then got on lift again but it didn't have any brakes on it & so I got scared & jumped off it & was stuck on cliff & was scared. Then I found myself on bottom observing some locals saying 'Did you hear, there's a mad macho man idiot that climbed up to cave' & another said, 'he's dead, see him there, he fell down' & I vaguely saw a lump on ground. But then I woke up because it was 11:30 & time to wake up. |
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I was going to go mountain biking on Saturday & had just gotten out of shower & was about to go to bed so I could get up early, but Jerry showed up with Matias & his bong & they wanted to get stoned with me. Matias is a high school kid who lives across street & wanted to hear about my traveling & wanted to travel a lot too. He got travel bug when he went to Spain to visit his father for a month. His father is same guy who paid for Paola to go a couple years ago. They were there until almost two & I couldn't get up on time on Saturday, so I spent day reading about coppermine online photo gallery program, adsense, & wordpress blog software. On Sunday I went with Tony & Julius is Julius' new Subaru Outback to Yerba Loca to ride 17 kilometers to Glacier but we forgot to bring extra clothes & got cold & had to turn back after a few kilometers. I don't know if we would have been able to do it anyway though, because we still had a long way to go & they were really tired afterwards. ride back down was a blast as we tried to ride through difficult sections of really technical trail. When I got back I really wanted to get stoned for some reason so I tried to get Paola to go to ''poblacion'' (government housing slum) that is three blocks away & get me some dubbie, but she didn't want to so she told Jerry I had something to ask him so I asked him & we went & got me some weed & we got stoned with Daniela. Jerry did some free-style rapping to his beat songs. He's really good. I think about half of what he raps is actual free styling. I'm impressed because he's really fast & he rhymes well. I tried to do it but I am worst ever. I think I'm so bad & slow that it is funny; I want to put a recording of myself trying to freestyle on my site one day. I asked Daniela if she freestyled but she said only when she argues with Jerry; she said she would show me next time. I think she's full of shit but at least she tried to tell me she's a rapper, that's amusing enough. Today Jerry was at work & stole Hugo's car & crashed it into a Telefonica pole & drove it into a store & freaked out & fled scene. So store owner called cops & they tracked down Hugo & he found out about his car from them. Meanwhile Jerry ran off to Puente Alto & then was hiding in our living room from his mother for about an hour. I tell these stories about Paola's family because although they are sad to people involved, they are fucking hilarious to me. Not like I'm kind of person who takes pleasure in other peoples pain, I'm just not superstitious about karma of laughing about stuff like that, & I've already done so much for this family I don't owe them any sentimentality just for sake of sentimentality. best way for me to cope with craziness around me is to just talk about it & tell it as a type of comical story. Today I got up late & spent day reading about Coppermine & blog stuff. I was telling Paola about how I just found out that my server doesn't support php & my sql & that my moms server does, so she said I should just use my moms server & I was like, duh, so this week I will switch over. Friday 12-16-05 I had a pretty uneventful week. I was unmotivated from end of year coming up. Mario told me Wordpress is best blog program to make my forums, but I can't get it to work so Guess I will just wait till I see him again on Wednesday. Last night I went with Paola, Claudio, & Jerry to Daniela's seamstress graduation ceremony at her high school & then we went to her house & her mom cooked us up a meal. A guy was singing a song & then they named graduates & they shook hands with principal. school was pretty small. Then we came back & Jerry went & got some dubbie & we smoked & drank wine & saw Scary Movie 4 until three but I passed out before it was over. It wasn't nearly as good as first three, it must have had different producers. Today I did my group class & then picked up 40 g at agency from commercial way back when. I wasted most of day banging my head against wall about this Wordpress thing & sleeping. Monday 12-12-05 I wasn't sick anymore on Saturday but I needed a day to sleep to get my energy back. On Saturday night Paola had a party in living room with Lorena & Miriam. She played rap & then some techno. I think I figured out Emenim He's less about talking shit, & more about just expressing free speech. I got to bed at about three but I could still hear Paola's music so I put on my jukebox & listened to music for a couple hours. I got up late next day & was still drowsy. I did manage to take off on a ride at two in afternoon to Lagunillas. It took me an hour & a half to get into cajon del Maipu, & I vowed to never do that again. From now on I will take metro & bus up into cajon. I only had an apple & a couple bananas to eat that day, so I had a few hamburgers when I got to dirt road that goes to ski resort. Then I took off up road at about five. I got to Lagunillas at 7:45 & then got home at about 10:50. I did 152 kilometers & climbed from my house at 1,700 up to Lagunillas at 7,300 ft. I barely made it, but I did because I took it steady. Today I got up at about 2:00 & spent afternoon writing my mission statement for my website. Friday 12-09-05 Later on Paola was telling me something funny tonight. Apparently her mom is in a bad mood & is accusing Jerry of not having ever payed anything for utilities but he says he pays her every time, so Paola told him to write down every time he pays her so he can show her later. Last night Paola borrowed her moms phone for an hour & she came tonight accusing her of steeling her phone & replacing it with another one. Paola's dad is on a drinking binge. He has been singing all day long for last few days. Last night he was arguing with himself in his shed next to my room. I was going to go out there & listen to him but Jerry went out & found out he was talking to himself & then I forgot. Claudio's still at his fathers, which is cool. This is first time he has been with his father for a week since like a year. Paola wanted me to get some wine so I got a liter for like six hundred pesos. I took metro & roller blades to my class tonight, but I feel perfect now. I think tomorrow I might feel alright. Maybe I can even go on a ride tomorrow. My shoulder is heeled also. On Wednesday I pumped my tire but air just poured right out of nozzle, which is weird because when I came home it was perfect. I had to take Paola's bike & front brake wasn't working & rear brake barely worked. When I was in center & passing cars who had stopped at a light, a guy opened his door & I couldn't stop & rode right into it & it broke skin but didn't bleed. It hurt like hell, & for rest of day & most of day after that I couldn't raise my arm in certain angles from pain. I could just hang out here though & fix links on my site. Friday 12-09-05 Last Saturday I couldn't get up to do ride so I wanted to punish myself by just laying in bed all day. Unfortunately it wasn't a good day to do that because Claudio was there with his friends Daniel & Gabriel & having a temper tantrum after he talked to Paola on phone, apparently because he didn't want to go to his fathers house because he wanted to play with his friends. That didn't make any sense because there was nobody at house to make him go to his fathers house, but that didn't stop him from throwing stuff all over living room & yelling & banging on walls. Then I didn't let him call Paola again because he had already yelled at her for like five minutes & I didn't want to hear it again & have to pay for it, so he said that this house was pure shit & kicked Styrofoam wall in. I didn't get mad at him like I normally would because I was depressed, & I know him well enough now that all of that was mainly just a show to impress or entertain his friends. I didn't get any sleep that day because Claudio & his buddies kept walking through my room even though I told them not to. When Paola came back & said her mother told her I had a fight with Claudio because he was angry when he left, but I told her that I didn't say anything to him, I just didn't let him call her on cell phone. Paola told me that to avoid any more problems like that we should move into his room in back that I made for him a couple months ago. Until then I had never thought about doing that, I had always been perfectly happy having an open bedroom right next to living room. But after I thought about it for a couple hours, I suddenly had to move immediately. Before I started I bought some weed & two 40s of beer as I like to party it up when I do monotonous work like that. Paola went out to discos or something that night, so I got to feel excitement of moving all by myself, which is good because I don't think she was totally into idea yet because Claudito told her over phone that he didn't want to move out. When I finished at three in morning I was totally fired up to go mountain biking. I wanted to to ultimate ride over Valle Nevado & over 4300m pass into Olivares valley where biggest glacier in central Chile is. I left at 3:20am & took off up road listening to crystal clear techno music because there were no cars to obstruct sound. perfect combination of beer, altitude, exercise, techno music, & exhilarating sensation of finally being up there led to pure bliss as I rode up those thirty or forty switchbacks to farrellones. sun had just risen from peaks at about seven when I got to Farrellones, & I was tired & cold because I wasn't protected from wind anymore & I was high in elevation. I put on all my clothes & sat down on road to smoke a bowl & warm up a little, but I passed out & didn't wake up until eleven when a car drove by & parked near me. I smoked rest of my weed & ate about eight of twenty or so hamburgers I brought, & continued up. I was really stoned & so elated to finally be riding again. This was my first ride alone since like April. view was perfect because tundra was still green & there was a lot of snow left on mountain sides. A little to my dismay, it was really overcast, but It got really cool as I started riding through thick fog at Valle Nevado. I was going slow because I had about thirteen hamburgers on me & I brought five liters of water with me in case there was nothing open at Valle Nevado, which is what people had told me; but I felt great because I had rested & had a big breakfast. When I got to top I was pleased to see that there was a restaurant open there so I got six thousand peso buffet which was awesome. I felt great & could have kept going all way to pass if I wanted to, which was different from time I didn't it three years ago in 5:30 hours when I barely made it because altitude sucked all my energy. It is a hard core climb. My house is at 1,700 feet, & Valle Nevado is at 9,700 feet, & that 8,000 feet was climbed in just 65 kilometers! I couldn't ride any higher because snow hadn't completely melted & dirt that was there was all mud, so I went back down. When I got to Farrellones I felt good so I rode up to La Parva to ride into Valle Yerba Loca & ride up to glacier. When I got to top of valley that descends into Yerba Loca fog was so thick that I couldn't see more than a hundred feet, but I saw a trail with bamboo markers so I figured that was one. It went in wrong direction though. For some reason people who made it wanted to completely traverse to stream before going down to valley. There was some fun hardcore mountain biking, but it wasted my time so I went straight home instead of going up to glacier. When I got home Paola was over at Miriam's house across street because Lugito was having a birthday party. They had cakes & hot dogs & Pisco which was cool. I met Miriam's brother & his Indonesian wife who I talked to a lot because I was only person there who could speak English, & she doesn't speak Spanish as she is just visiting from States. I was totally thrashed but I still had energy & felt great. I slept in on Monday & spent rest of day finishing moving into back room. I was so excited to be doing that because it had been so long since I had my own secluded space where no one can bother me. I was baffled as to why I hadn't thought of it earlier. I had Paola get me some more weed to ease monotonous work & help me think creatively in decoration of place. I finished at about two in morning. When I woke up next morning I was deliriously sick with flu, but luckily Eduardo & Christian called & cancelled. If they hadn't I would have gone to class & stayed sick longer. I was sick all week long. I managed to go to three classes on Wednesday while I was feeling OK from all pills, but as soon as I got home I was in agony again. Today I feel much better, tomorrow I may be well. I am a little apprehensive about a new class I have today at seven because it is way down in La Florida, but I'll just leave an hour early & take my time. Thursday 12-02-05 Hee haw, I remembered to do blog thing today. I'm tired so I'll have to make it quick. I was really tired yesterday because night before I obliged Paola & got some wine & got drunk, then next day which was yesterday I rode 72 kilometers getting around, & rode way up to my new class which is second highest house in alto Manquegue up steepest rode imaginable. I remember going up it & being in pain & wondering how bike racers do it as a job. I showed up 20 minutes late & then was 20 minutes late to Saulo's class after that but he was cool even though he had to go early. Last night I was tired as if I had ridden a hundred miles & slept in today until three. Then I talked to my mom & did some web work for her & then got stuff to fix pool & then did my class with Josepha. So that's what I did today. Tuesday 11-29-05 Woopsi daisy it's bee a few days since I did myself blog. I've been writing journals in my site so that's why. I have been smoking a lot of weed lately, which is something I like to do when I am working on something incredibly time consuming & monotonous, & when I am doing something new. I am warmed up now & am planning on getting a balance going. So I'm going to quite again. That's really all I have to say, just been writing writing & writing. OK I'm outy five thousand. Mo 11-21-05 Ok, so I guess my web sites up now that I pretty much put my web photo album up last night. So today I got up at like two thirty & did my class with Caroline which only lasted 45 minutes & then I went down to pick up my check at agency. They were asking about classes & I gave them my card. They said money for commercial that I got kicked off set would be ready on Friday which is weird because she said it was ready like a month ago. Then I went to Subway & casting for three commercials at Manuel Montt. Then I came home & surfed web a little & then went to class with Saulo. So I rode up pyramid two times today. I was kind of tired today, I did it in ten minutes. So tonight I'm gonna fix links on my site & update calendar & put this stuff up & bada bing I got me a personal web site. I wonder if I will have consistency to keep this stuff up to date. Tues, 26-4-2005 I got up at nine this morning & went to post office to mail computer, router, & cds back to my mom. Then I went to Mercurio to place ad for English teaching, but predictable happened, women working there didn't know their job. They told me it would be cheaper to just place an add in internet than in newspaper also, but to do that I had to place add through internet. So I went home & tried to place an add, but there was a problem with word count so I called Mercurio. woman I talked to told me that it is impossible to just place an add on web, I have to place an add in paper also, & it is %10 cheaper to pay in cash. So I went all way back to center & told woman there about misinformation she gave me & how she wasted my time, & she just shrugged her shoulders & said, 'ok'. So I hope she remembers to tell next person. Today was rather stressful for house because Grisella, Jimis wife (Jimi is Paola's brother) supposedly got kicked out of house & Paola's mom had an apparent heart attack. & then when they where having a house meeting with whole family about kicking her out there was a fire two houses down where woman killed her mother & buried her in back yard last year & Paola was interviewed for it & was on TV. I did some more exercises with Saul today. I am really sore from yesterday so it wasn't much. I also watched a little TV for first time in what seems like a couple weeks, Two & a Half men & Smallville. Oh yeah, I forgot, I also went to Business City to talk to Human Resources director, but she was in a meeting. receptionist gave me her number, but I wrote it on business card that I gave to him, so I will get dressed up & go there tomorrow, then go to other places. Paola talked me into getting a liter & a half of wine, I hope I will be ok tomorrow. bottle of Pisco I drank last night gave me worst headache today, I really sucked, really painful for a couple hours, I still have some of it. OK, I'm outy. Mon, 25-4-2005 Last night I let child sleep with his mother & watched a little tv in his room with Saul. I was looking at various videos in net also, & actually never got to sleep until they got up at six thirty. Paola needed to borrow my bike as Saul came with none, & they were to go on errands together today; so I couldn't do my errands. I felt down with motivation so I just slept until they came back at about four. Then I bought paper for my business cards & made a few. So today was a very uneventful one. I really need to get work. I am losing my motivation to do anything. I was doing weight training & stretching with Saul for a couple hours today. I am doing a different technique now that is more relaxed. Before I was using sand clock & my stop watch to time my stretches, & when I lost those I was kind of lost. But last night I saw a video about Bruce Lee, & he was saying you need to be water & flow & forget about structure & style. Before when I was lifting weights I was doing it like bodybuilders, very slowly. But after watching Bruce's speech I thought to do it way I did if before, where it's just throwing weights around. So today I was just screwing around & it was fun, I could do it all day every day now. Ok, I'm out. Sun, 24-4-2005 This is my first Journal in Santiago. I want to try to do this every day if I can. This is a time of new beginnings so I want to start journal along with other things I am starting. I am finally done with my English Teaching web site & will advertise it in Mercurio tomorrow. For twenty thousand pesos ($30) a month I can put it in paper & keep my site on their web site. Yesterday I started lifting weights & stretching again. I feel in worst shape of my life. I also organized other room. I will stay in that room as much as I can from now on doing my exercises. If I am writing strangely its cause I'm stoned. Saul went out & bought me some weed other night so I could be high when I finish my site. I am very happy about my site. I feel like I can keep improving on it, & I am now excited about figuring out & setting in place things I need to get my personal site off ground...hence I begin my journal. I was watching some videos last night on web about Ramtha & ufo researchers & people filming ufos. I want to start watching videos on web more & more, I find it relaxing. I slept well last night & got up at about two today & finished my site. Later on I finished my business cards with Paola. I did some exercises today also. Ok, see you tomorrow!
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Today will go down in anals of my history as day I finished photo album & wrote this & got my stuff ready for some mountain biking tomorrow. 12-16-06 I spent all of yesterday cleaning house. 12-15-06 I can't remember 12-14-06 Tony came over & I helped him build beginning stages of his web site fmee.org. That is a name I came up with Full Mountain Experience Expeditions. We had some Chinese takaway & worked into night. 12-13-06 The next day I slept in a lot & when I got up Claudio wanted me to get him some weed. I hadn't done that before & figured there is always a first time so I got him some & smoked a little of it & tried to pick up house a little which Paola had left in a complete dissaster. It looked as if she left in a hurry & stored a lot of her valuable stuff in our room so nobody could steel it. I went over to Tonys house & tried to help him with a web site but I got too stoned & I realized it wouldn't work making it from stratch, so we decided to make it from a Dreamweaver frameset template at my house next day & watched Borat. Then we had a nice barbecue with Andrea & her mother. 12-13-06 I came back yesterday afternoon from trip with Tony. It was 12 days. Day one, 12-1-06, getting to Termas del Flaco (Photo album) I didn't get any sleep night before I started, but Tony wasn't ready until eleven so I got to sleep in. We met at train station at about noon & got on train at about one thirty. We waited around in San Fernando a little bit & got a van up to Termas del Flaco with some people who work there. We happened to get there around beginning of season, so people who run van & hotel it goes let us camp behind their hotel for free & offered to let us soak in their pool behind for free; but we just wanted to go asleep. Day two, cowboys camp site The next morning at dawn after a half dozen old men got in pool behind us we cooked up our breakfast oatmeal & took off. river was smaller than it was in February & we had no problem crossing it, but I pulled Tony accross with rope & harness anyway to see how it worked. After we hiked up through big rock section & big ditches we camped at cowboys first campsite near big rock. Day three, surrounded by snow We took our time getting up & lolly gagged it up to just past turn into Mars valley which was still covered in snow. We found a nice dirt patch near river to camp that was completely surrounded by snow, with permanent glacier just to north. Day four, lake Tony was still a little under weather from a cold he caught from Andrea so he took a little siesta at end of Canyon section. I hiked up a little & discovered a lake & a nice flat camp section so I went down & told Tony & we made out way up there & had a nice view of Mars valley & pass into Argentina. Now that we were high we got to enjoy sun setting a little later which was nice. Day five, mountainside shelter We headed straight towards pussy to get up to top of mountain we saw in distance. Tony lagged a little until beginning of steep section, but after we had lunch at beggining of steep section we was able to keep up with me because I was kicking in large foot holds into hard snow. Not long after getting to top of pussy & hiking up less gradient rock for a hundred meters or so we found a cool looking ridge near a sandy area. Tony was kind of tired & wanted to camp so we decided to make a nice shelter from strong wind coming from West & leveling steep sand. After about 1:40 we had a great shelter made that was comfortable & completely sheltered us from wind. We had a little time left to cook up some dinner before we went to sleep. Day six, ridgetop shelter We felt great that day as we hiked up along snow line towards top of pass we could see from camp site. Only 50 meters or so from where we were we could see a gigantic crevase that I forgot to get a direct photo of. When we got to top I was surprised to see a much narrower valley than one I was expecting, but I did recognize distinctive signal cliff rock in middle of valley on North side. We hiked up a little bit to top of ridge that formed such a perfectly flat top that we felt enough desire to go ahead & built another shelter at that magical place. We spent about four hours hauling big rocks from 10 meters down moutain to top & created a giant U shaped wall that did a great job blocking wind that came from all directions. We also did a good job in making floor of shelter a nice layer of sand that was exquisite to camp on. Day seven, descent into Argentina We started that day hiking up ridge to a couple of stone towers near base of glacier that leads up to top of 15,500 ft mountain that loomes over area. I couldn't go on any higher because I thought my sunglasses had blown away night before (they were in soup bag), & we didn't want to risk any crevases. On way down we saw a little Kierin & a plastic bag under it with some names of some Argentinians where where there just one year & two days before. After we hicked back down to camp we packed up everything & hicked down to pass which was lowest point in pass that we could see & then slid down Argentinean side of top & then hicked down snow to bottom. I failed to remember lesson I learned from hiking down into valley in February & followed river to bottom & we were presented with a cliff that we had to climb down. At a difficult point on cliff I passed Tonys bag to him & he tried to bring it down with him but dropped it into river & I watched it float down river towards glacier. I thought it was going to get swept under but at entrance it got stuck & Tony was able to retrieve it. After that we wised up & I lowered my pack with rope & climbed down. Tonys bag was sopping wet but luckily for him his sleeping bag was still dry. Day eight, hike up to memorial We hicked up a little bit to a camp site that had a nice little shelter next to a couple of pretty little lakes & left bags & hiked up to memorial & hung out there for a couple hours. memorial is built on a dirt patch near where plane rested & had about four crosses built out of plane parts. There was a small pile of plane parts about two meters by one meter that included part of a wing, a window, a radio, an electrical switchboard, & various metal bars. We spent about an hour reading sign in book, & from look of it there had only been people visiting site since about 2003. Only in March did they put a Marbol plated black pyramid with names of dead & survivers etched on it. After we hiked down to camp site we had some time to relax & I sowed up my back pack. Day nine, hike back up to ridge shelter The next day was super day all way up past memorial site & up mountain slope plane slid down to top of ridge to ridgetop shelter where we camped again. Day ten, hike down valley We thought about staying up there for another day to perfect shelter but when morning came we were ready to get home & hicked down to ridge & found a nice place to descend & got all way down to our first camp site after Termas del Flaco. That was four climbing days in one descending day. Part of reason we covered so much distance is because we came accross another trail we didn't see on way up that skirted side of valley so we didn't have to go up & down so much like we did in middle of valley. Day eleven, back to Termas del Flaco The hike down valley past rock field was much easier on way down than way up. One time I stopped to weight for Tony & noticed that there were four Condors flying overhead enjoying breezes that were created by narrowing of valley. Not long after I noticed them they seemed to notice me & took turns swooping down three meters over my head & circling back again for a few minutes until we started hiking down again. river was much bigger this time around. I guess a week & a half can make a difference in size of a river at beginning of Summer; it was also later in day this time. I got accross river fine, but Tony had trouble & eventually had to strap up to harness & have me pull him accross with rope. He got accross OK, but slipped & lost his pole. We decided to come back next morning & see what river looked like then, so we hiked down to Termas del Flaco & soaked while I ate a whole quarter kilo of salt soaked Charchi (deliciouse dried horse meat). When we got back to hotel we camped behind people there gave us a bowl of beans & pasta & invited us to stay in a room for free. Day twelve, back to Santiago I set my cell phone to get us up at six but I forgot to turn it on. Luckily Tony had insonmia & got up naturally at 6:20 & we took off running toward river about five kilometers up valley after we hid bags. When we got to river Sun wasn't showing yet but we didn't have time to wait so I crossed it & we set up a rope & Tony tested it & it worked fine & he was happy, so we ran back & had time to have a free breakfast at hotel before leaving. Tony still wasn't totally confident about his river crossing abilities so he wanted to go back there with his wet suit & practice crossing & set up more ropes so he won't run into any problems when he comes back with his groups. Tony wants to created his own mountain guiding operation to get him through Summer & maybe even make enough so he can get into teaching on his own next year (fmee.org). ride down valley was nice because we were only people in back of van & seats were pointed towards each other like a Limo. We had some fried chicked & french fries for lunch in San Fernando which was delicious & noticed on TV that Pinoche had died. There was another interesting episode illustrating stupidity Chileans again. I was in train station & put in a hundred pesos & machine took it & didn't give me my candy. There was a phone number there to call to complain, but it was a false number. I explained that to a boy who was manning a candy stall next to machines that he should tell his boss about their competition ripping people off & he told me it had nothing to do with him. I explained to him that he would make less money from people going to machines & finally got him to admitt that it did have something to do with him & that he should tell his boss after a couple minutes, but he still didn't seem to care. I just hope owner of stall he was working at wasn't his dad. I got home at like 5:30 & Jerry & Gato were there hanging out. I asked Jerry if he had a job & he said he lost his job because his boss wouldn't let him take time off for birth of his son Vincent so he went anyway & they fired him & Paola hired him to take care of our house. He made me a bowl of pasta which was awful & hand't hardly any sauce in it. That night I went to see a soccer game at a soccer clubhouse place a couple houses down for first time with Jimmi. It was Colo Colo in final against Pachoco, a Mexican team, for final of Nissan South America cup, which is according to Jimmi second biggest cup in Latin America. Colo Colo got first goal, but lost in end 2-1. 11-23-06 Jerry had his first child two days ago; a boy. 11-18-06 I made a few hundred some odd essential oil bottles today. I'm gonna go ahead & make materials out of rest of oils I have & then sell it. I have to wait on my moms email on how to make cream again or wait till paola comes back. I don't feel like researching it. Maybe thats paola bells ringing... 1:35 OK I'm exhausted & ready for bed. I was up since like 6:30 this morning. I just got up I don't know why. A couple days ago after staying up all night I did my class & went home & stayed busy before I went to Marios & then did class at aduana & was passing out in class from lack of sleep. But when I went home & ate I wasn't sleepy anymore & stayed up late again. Every since then I have been magically getting insomnia right at sunrise. That has been what I have been praying for, or what I have prayed for alot. The cats have been being a pain lately. Belen bit me when I picked her up by scruff of her neck & drew blood in two places so I kicked her out, but she sneeked in through reja & pooped right next to me at like 6:30 am when I was printing something. Then next day one of them pucked in two places in house. Saul was going to take Belen off our hands other day; he must have forgotten. I started filling up little bottles with all oils I have so I can see what I have & play with them some more. I have rashes on my arms & face from rubbing them off on me so much. I want to make product out of everything I have before I sell any of it so I can take a photo of it. I'm curious to see how much its going to be. I gave up on Flash. I'm in a good place to stop after main movie file mysteriously dissapeared & zoom one needs to be redone because marios way is better. I totally have my work cut out for me with this aromatherapy. I hope Paola helps me at least make it. other night after Paola & Saul said no to helping me Claudio offered to make 50 bottles which was first time he'd ever done anything like that. 11-16-06 OK so here I am typing on blog. My mom didn't answer phone, I wanted to ask her if she could tell me what size label ones she sent me were so I could match it with one of labels from this program I got so I can use them on these bottles im making. I have so much to sell in not very much time but holidays are coming up & aromatherapy stuff makes good holiday presents. I had my last morning class with Pablo today so next weeks going to be lite, then one week after that & im off with tony to mountains for like a couple weeks. I have to get a sleeping bag still. Last year I froze my ass off when I camped at 14,100 feet in that ripped open 30 dollar sleeping bag. I should just go up to las condes & by one. I was at marios yesterday & problem with flash was that flash files can't hold 54 megas so i will divide all those scenes into their own files. he showed me a better zoom tween than one i was doing. All you have to do is plop a shrunken photo onto island that you are zooming up to to keep resolution, duh. Maybe i'll work on that now. I found this totally awsome website called learnoutloud.com. You can hear just about anything you want. This has been what I have been waiting for. I can't wait to get home & just listen to stuff I get on that site all day long. This has been biggest year ever for internet. I found out about wikipedia, wikimapia, you tube, & now this incredible site this year. I can't even imagine internet now without those sites. Thats wick to wack. 11-15-06 So I slept all day again today. I got bit hard by last day of school bug. I'm pretty much finishing off working & will put new site to sell everything in newspaper tomorrow, & will start selling rest of essential oils & stuff. I think I will give up on flash movie for now. program keeps crashing & when I boot it up again it losses most of photos in library. I must have replaced them like 30 times & I'm sick of it now. I can't reinstall program because I lost key so I think I will just wait until I buy it legally when I get back home & have money. Tomorrow I will meet Mario to find out whats going on. I think I'm ready to shift my focus to selling everything now & mountain biking. 11-14-06 Monday OK so I'm back bloggy blogging it again. other computer hit crapper so I downloaded dreamweaver on this computer & back on blogging circuit. Hopefully this computer works for a couple more weeks so I can sell it & forget about godam computers for a while. other computer had a loose power input so I paid like 80 bucks to get that fixed even though I provided new part; & when I got it back from shop keyboard didn't work & they said motherboard was busted but it wasn't their fault. I didn't press issue because they have no reason to fuck up my computer & I know how these things serindipitously just stop functioning at inauspicious times. I guess its better for that to happen to me than some poor Chilean who just bought it & then gets fucked; especially if I'm still in town for them to complain to. When I sell these computers I have to make sure to be double clear that once those fools give me my money computers are theirs & thats that. Last week Tony & I tried to do that ride I did a few days beforehand. He showed up at my house at 3:30 in morn but it was raining so we looked at weather on internet & amongst a whole week of cloudless sky this day was a chaparon which meant heavy rain storm, so we got drunk & climbed cerro Blanco in drizzle with Toby when sun came up. I can't beleive it is still raining. It better not on trip in December cause we ain't gonna have no tent. For last three or so days I've had reverse sleep. I just stay up all night & then go to my class in morning & then go home & crash out at like noon & stay up all night again. Today I'm sure will be same thing. I am rocking kayak movie now. I will have a cool place to start off again from in a few months when I get another computer in Boulder. So I'm good to go & fiddle with flash again. chow chow. 11-02-06 Thursday I haven’t griten much lately because both of my computers have been out of comision. My computer went to shop because plug in was loose & guy wanted to buy my busted computer so I changed keyboard out but then computer didn't work so I had to give him all of computers. I got this one back today & apparently there was nothing wrong with it. All I had to do was put in 1234 on startup. Whatever. Now I'm gonna go & pick up my computer. When I don't have a computer (which seems to happen all time even though I have two working ones) I got depressed so on Tuesday I slept until 4. On Tuesday night I remembered that Wendesday is a holiday so I decided to take advantage of extra sleep I had & go on my first bike ride of year. I left at 12:45 & totally lollygagged it up through city to Santuario naturaleza & had dinner at a gas station on way. It was Halloween so I saw tons of kids all over place. Getting my bike over gate wasn't that big of a deal, & ride up that trail was awsome. I hadn't done that awsome wide single track for a while & it was a moonless night so I had no idea where I was. I got tired & drowsy from altitude & had a little nap thinking I was below saddle & was kind of disapointed in my bad form, but after sun came up I noticed I was way farther that I thought when I saw that that little farm was right around bend. That lifted my spirits & I decided to not just go down at saddle. Not long after farm I had to start walking through mud & snow fields for a couple hours. I noticed up ahead somebody was plowing road so next time I go up there it will be clear. I saw from saddle I was at there was a little single track with some motorbike tracks on it so I followed that down into some of coolest smoothest single track I have ever seen. I was at top of some awsome terraced cliffs & saw a couple foxes & a huge three meter condor flew like ten feet from my head. That trail let out at that country club Tony Julious & I went to a while back, so I have to do that ride in reverse this summer. Anyway. 1600ft to 9100 feet is a pretty good way to start out year. I don't know if I will go on any more rides this month though because I am hooked on this kayak flash movie. But when December comes I swear to god I'm gonna sell these godam computers & everything else & do some serious mountain biking. 10-29-06 Sunday So here i am at 3:53 in morning. i haven't been writting in my journal lately because my computer busted in plug in area & i have been too lazy to take it into shop, plus i don't have money to get it fixed right now. I will deal with that next week. i figured i could still write in my journal on this computer & switch it over later. Tusday 10-24-06 So its almost November wow only one more month of working & then I'm gonna sell all computers & car & everything else & just mountain bike my brains out. I don't even want to work that much anymore. I was supposed to go to first class with owner of bike shop yesterday but I forgot & today decided not to call her. She didn't call me when I forgot so maybe she forgot too. I didn't do much today. I am trying to get into flash after so long of just watching videos & then drawing site with colored pencils. I called Mario today to get together tomorrow. I need to figure out how to do zoom tween. You would think that would be one of first things people would want to learn but tutorial isn't on web. But I know you can do it. Dave & Sandra came over last weekend. That makes like 6 weeks in a row or something that I have been hanging with homies. We went to Dave & Sandras engagement party, then to Sandras dads birthday party. Those guys were cool. All these singers from 70's taking turns singing all night. I got to sing happy birthday in English. I told them I could sing but we left kind of early at 4. Sandra said last year they partied till noon. There was a presenter who was presenting people & talking almost non stop. This old drunk indian guy grabbed my dick though telling me how to say dickhead in mapuche. He tried to do that with Dave too but I warned him & he was able to block. He left pretty soon after that. It was pretty cool but I was exhausted because I had only gotten like 4 hours of sleep night before & was working whole day. We started a weird movie about aliens with morgan freeman but I went to bed towards beginning at like two so I could get up for my class at 8:30 next morning. That was daylight savings time & so I was an hour late. I already knew about that but I needed extra sleep & Rolondo didn't say anything. It was pretty fun last saturday playing playstation with dave. I never play it because one of kids always is & i have other stuff going on. I want to get steering wheel & get all car racing ones when I get home. Jimi came over for a little bit to tell us about a fight he got into because he offered to have sex with three girls who were walking by & boyfriend smacked him on back of head & called him a baldy so he kicked his ass. He had a red eye & a little scratch. I heard Milan was bragging about his dad kicking some guys ass. That would have been funny to hear. I think I'm just going to let Milan play playstation every time he asks. Claudio has no reason to not let him play it just because he forgot to turn it off once. Paola just gave me 45 thou for her attempt to pay me back for claudios plane ticket. I think I'm gonna see what I can do with flash map. I saw this movie other week called high price of iraq war. That movie totally blew my mind because it shows how unprofessional & unwise some of leaders in huge companies can be. These are guys who you would think would be best & brightest in country & their just crooks. & in America. Its ironic that we would go into that country to turn their system into ours because its better, but right in fronot of their eyes they can witness same kind of ridiculous mismanagement that went on their under Saddaam Hussein. What I understood what happened was army had a recruit crisis & desparately needed more manpower to administer rebuild effort, so instead of doing obvious thing & inproving troop salaries to be able to recruit more troops they outsource other companies that charge unbeleivably enourmous fees to provide civilians to go over their & do armies work. Truck drivers were making like a hundred thousand dollars a year. I need to watch video again to know how absurdly expensive it was. pathetic thing was that they were deliberately blowing as much money as they possibly could because they had some kind of contract with government called cost plus that paid them according to how much they were spending. So more company spent on oporations more money would go into pockets of executives who were already making i guess hundreds of millions of dollars a year. company Halliburton pulls in 20 billion a year. They gave Dick Cheney four hundred thousand & hooked him up with 8 million in stocks. It's understandable that might need to get specialists outside of army to do some of more technical oil stuff, but because of out of control cost plus they built army base in babalon, a task easy enough army to do. In video there were interviews with young guys who said they had to train halliburton people who were getting paid ten times what they were to do a job that was suppossed to be for them; & then just sit there & watch. The video said there is somewhat of a diaspora of people who drop out of army so they can get a job for halliburton & make a lot more money. But it gets even more ridiculous. It wasn't just blatant cost plus theivery what was going on, but they didn't even seem to care or have brains to see that instead of using their spending freedoms to protect their own workers from terrorists by buying them guns & putting bullet proof glass in trucks that take them to their job locations, they were blowing their extra money on forty thousand dollar cars for office workers who were driving them around in iraq for all to see. It's crazy to think about fact that these filthy rich guys are so selfish & confused that they think that having a few million dollars extra for them to stash away in bank is better for world & their country than making sure that companies that they have privelage of running are not sabatoging us presence in iraq. Not only do they not seem to care, but they don't seem to realize that any mismanagement they do will be found out & used & a valid bostering point for terrorists. Osama Bin Laden mentioined Halliburtons greedy money making practices. It just goes to show that you don't want to put too much or your trust into somebody in a place of power just because they are old or "well educated" or rich as fuck. poor people need to kick them in but so iraq doesn't turn into an embarrassing proof that America is just about making money. Wow its been almost two months since I wrote in my journal last time. Well it's been because my computer crashed after about only a month of having os installed, & other crashed on same day, so I decided to go ahead & buy legal version of xp from microsoft for both computers & then I bought nortons anti virus & now for first time both of computers work right. Its awsome to be able to burn a cd & do other stuff at same time. I also blew $550 on all of web development videos from www.learnwebdevelopment.com & watched them which took more than a month. They were awsome though & now I feel like I can do anything, so I'm going to design kayak site with my colored pencils first & then put it on computer. Yesterday we got tickets back to states for February 15th so now I feel like were on a countdown & when I think about it little remaining time we have here will go buy very fast & excitingly because I will pretty much stop working at teh end of November to do trip to plane with Tony; then I want to climb Acancagua & then just mountain bike & climb mountains until I go. I have a bad feeling only way I will be able to muster up motivation to do all of that I will have to sell computers so I don't get addicted to just sitting around house doing computer stuff when I should be out in mountains. Even though I can only take out about a hundred dollars I think we will be fine for money even for a road trip back from Miami because we have so much stuff to sell. Personally I would rather stay here for another year because I am still developing my English teaching materials & site & we never did anything with Aromatherapy, but Paola just feels stuck here & really wants to go back & my mom too so thats cool. I'm also really excited about going back. I want to start out just delivering newspapers to see if I can keep up with bills & buy another computer. If I can do that I would be in seventh heaven. That would be so cool to only have to work two hours a day so I can sit around house all day every day working on kayak site & honing my web design skills so I can do it profesionally & make money. I also want to make a Thai massage site & improve my English site & maybe make a Spanish teaching site if I want to be a Spanish tutor. That would be cool to mix Spanish tutoring, English tutoring, Thai massage, & web development. I don't know how I'm going to balance making money with creating enough spare time to make kayak site & get my personal site up to a point that I would want to register it on search engines. blueprint I have it on right now will take thousands & thousands of hours to develop. But whatever, it's cool to have a big site so I can play with navigation & styles; & create new categories & hence millions more of hours of work to put into in at a much later date. oi vey!!! I think Claudios ready to go too. I asked him when he wanted to go & he said beginning of March. He got mugged a couple days ago just a couple blocks from home & they took his mp4. I think he's going to love it in States. Out of all exciting things I've got lined up for this summer I am most excited about road trip home because Paola & Claudio have never been out of neighborhood & will be amazed with grandeur of States. Anyway. I hope this ftps. I haven't been writing because I am superstitious about putting stuff on my computer that I can't immediately upload; otherwise I feel like I'm inviting a hard drive failure. I could't even upload single pages before & I had no idea why. Then I found out not all of site was on my computer, so I downloaded entire sight & then tried to upload & it worked. Okay I'm going to work on English site some now. Thursday 8-24-06 I am here with some problems with computers. On this one whenever I try to execute an antivirus window dissapears. I think this virus is from time before I reinstalled os, so I need to take chip out of computer or whatever that was Mario was talking about. I have been working more lately which means that I have been riding my bike more also & getting strong. This week I got to a burn out on my legs for first time in I think whole year & even got behind on sleep so I slept until one this afternoon with Paola after my morning class. I am caught up now. I think I am riding pretty strong, & an looking forward with curiosity to see how strong I will be when I recover from present burn out I have now. Yesterday I rode as slowly as I could as to not kill my legs. It is hard to keep from sprinting though because there are always buses, cars, & red lights to outrun. day before yesterday I tried to outrun a car that was merging onto highway & got hit & broke my bike rack & knocked my rear wheel out of alignment. Luckily there was already a broken spoke that I was going to get fixed, even though I got two broken spokes fixed like three days beforehand, so I was going to take it to shop anyway. I need to take it easy on that because if I had been hit closer to center of bike car could have pushed me into traffic where I could have gotten run over. Yesterday I was taking it easy & a spandex leg shaven guy on a nice rode bike passed me & I asked him at red light about races & he said there were mountain bike races every weekend. If I ever do a race this spring would be time because all of this speed riding around town is making me fast. Maybe even close to as fast as I have ever been. I put on a new white shirt on Tuesday & by end of day it was totally dirty. I finally met with Mario yesterday & he got me unstuck from Flash. Hopefully I will be able to actually do something now; but now I have less time so we'll see. Saturday 8-19-06 I was going to climb a mountain with Julius & Tony tomorrow but those guys backed out so I'm just going to be here again. Paola's going up Cajon del Maipu with some workmates which made me wish I had a car bur whatever I get plenty of mountain experience in summer & I could always use time to catch up on stuff at home. It is Francias birthday today & Paola told me Jimi was going to have a party & told me to not take part, & I wouldn't want to anyway, but Emilia told me that was off because nobody has any money. I've been teaching more lately which means more bike riding. I have been going to bed exhausted lately, & at first I thought it was from all teaching & not enough sleep, but I have been getting like 8 hours & so it must be riding. It doesn't seem like I ride that much though, but I guess it adds up after like five classes a day, that would be like at least a couple hours a day of pure riding which makes sense seeing that I haven't been riding much lately. If this keeps up I will be pretty strong for summer where I will try to have as many cool adventures as I can before going back in like January. Today I'm just going to work on my Chilean journal. I'm up the point of when I moved in here from Capellan Abarzua which is a subject I have thought a lot about of as an unlikely pivotol point in my life, or acually I guess it is a pretty likely pivital point now that I think about it. I'm stoned. OK here I go. Thursday 8-17-06 OK so its been a long time since i've written here so obviously that's because I've had a motivation crisis; in fact biggest motivation crises that I have had since last summer. I think I get these motivation crises because i'm one of those attention deficite disorder types who are either super motivated or super unmotivated. When I was young & this happened I got depressed, but now I understand it's just a cyclical thing & so I just enjoy being lazy; something I've learned here from lazy ass chileans. I had to bust out of that last week since i got some new classes & now have like a 26 hour a week schedule which makes me like a million pesos a month which is close to two thousand dollars. That is cool, & much needed as I will need to save money to bring Paula & Claudio to America in February. last month has been pretty uneventful. I climbed a mountain a couple weekends ago with Julious & Tony & got a bad rash all over my body because i wiped my ass with this bush leaf that turned out to be like poison ivy; it sure was nice to burn fuck out of myself in shower thow - thats like ten times better than sex, however a fleeting sensation. Actually now I can't think of anything to say. We might climb a mountain this sunday which would be cool. I am looking forward to going to states next year. I offered tony to teach andrea if he teaches english to paola - we'll see about that. Paola doesn't want to learn from me because she says i patronize her but thats not entirely true; I think she is mainly just too chileanly lazy & looking for an excuse to not do work. She did get a job though which is cool but she only makes like seven thousand a day which is pitance. I would like to sell aromatherapy stuff but now time is a factor. maybe I will quit teaching & deal with that in summer. I want to do some specific epic trips before i leave like Acancagua, find tail of uraguayan plane, & do plomo bike ride & climb plomo. I hope credit limit they give me is at least a thousand dollars. I made a mistake & said my household income is only 8k when it is really like three times that. I don't know why I did that. hopefully they won't give me a ridiculous credit limit. OK thats it for now. I have a new class starting today. chow chow. Wednesday 7-26-06 1:10 AM I have been working on Aromatherapy site for last week or so. After Paola started working I started thinking about Aromatherapy business we started a couple years ago. I spent two months Sunday 7-16-06 The last couple days have been pretty monumental because Paola finally got a job as a typist after about more than two years of being unemployed, & two & a half years since being employed by someone else. Now that she's working I have considered her to have officially given up on Aromatherapy business; at least its cool that she likes Aromatherapy & has been using oils on herself & has become familiar with them, so she can have a basis for a relationship with my mom when we come back. I want Paola to spend a lot of time with my mom because I think they will get along well & my mom doesn't speak Spanish so Paola will learn English faster; as apposed to her hanging out with her Mexican work mates & speaking Spanish with them & me & Claudio all time. So now that she if over with Aromatherapy I have taken upon myself to take up where she left off... or rather take up where I left off because she didn't do anything. That was more than two years ago. So yesterday after my class in morning I started to take an enventory of what we have which took a while because we have a lot. Paola left at like ten at night for a get together at Ana Maria's moms house. Friday 7-14-06 Today I got up for Laurtaros class but he called just at nine to tell me he couldn't make it. At least he called this time, last three times he hasn't called. Then I went to do Felipes class. After that I went down to pick up my computer at shop & brought it home & transplanted CD burner & burned a bunch of Larouse & Friends CDs with both of computers. I spent majority of day doing that & stretching & lifting weights. I got out of shape between drinking too much on Paolas birthday, having a smoking & drinking benge, & giving blood. I consider myself out or in shape depending on if I feel physically good or bad when I excersize. I don't know if I am getting more seceptible to getting out of shape or getting more in touch with my body, probably a mix of two. I am kind of burning out on being here, ever since I gave up on Mini I don't have driving up into mountains to look forward to anymore. That's cool though, when snow thaws I'll start mountain biking again, & until then just do classes & work on my web sites. Maybe I can get into a stretching & weight lifting routine. I feel really motivated to do that, & for first time actually in my life, I feel like I can balance everything together without getting over driven in any of it & be satisfied with my output. That I learned from being here in Chile, & I think that quality will come in great benefit when I go back home. Thursday 7-13-06 Today I went to Kepler class & we finished 500 question conversation questions page. Then I went to Felipes class but he couldn't make it so I went home for a bit & then went to do class with Luisa where I helped her with pronunciation & recorded myself reading an article for her so she could listen to it later. Jorje cancelled so I only had two classes today. After I went home I stretched & lifted a little weights, but not before I called mom & talked to her about Visa stuff for Paola & Claudio, then I called state department to ask about some stuff about Visa & then I called about getting a credit card. I was pleased to find that I can get a card & not have to pay interest for a year. I hope credit limit is at least a thousand bucks, because I will probably need that if I want to do a cool road trip thoughout east when we fly back in January. Peace out. Tuesday 7-11-06 Today I had class with group & then cashed a couple of checks, one being income tax return check which finally came. Then went to pick up my computer but it was disasembled. Then I went home & did some stretching for first time in a long time & listened to Laura Lee. That was first time in a long time I have gotten any excersize besides riding my bike. I really needed it to because my back & neck have been hurting. Then I had class with Sam Soto. Today was first time this year when I had to ride in rain. It was ok but mp3 doesn't last more than a minute no matter what battery I put in it which is bothersome. Then I went home & did some more stretching & lifted some weights for first time in a long time. Right now I'm not very interested in lifting weights or even riding hard, I just want to stretch myself into a prettzle. Monday 7-10-06 OK I didn't write before because I got a virus for clicking on a thing that said it could hook me up with a serial number to an audio recording program I downloaded & I couldn't figure out how to get it off. Wednesday 6-21-06 This morning I had my first class with Lareto or whatever at my house. That was my first class at my house this year. I wanted to lift some weights but I was tired even though I got plenty of sleep last night so I went back to bed & slept with Paola. When I got up at noon we had sex for first time in about three weeks. We took some time off because birth control shots she was taking disapeared from shelves because supposedly women were using them to administer abortions. A few days ago she found another brand of birth control shots that she got on. Hopefully these ones will make her tits big like other ones did. Then I rode up to casting. I felt imediately that I was still weak from blood draining two days ago. It was only 450 mls, but I feal totally deflated. I can't even sprint because my legs just burn. Yesterday after I passed this kid he challenged me. Chileans are weird, when I pass them they catch up to me, but instead of passing me they right right beside me, which he did for awhile. I wasn't in mood to up pace & challenge him & let off & drafted off him until climb up La Pyramid started. Today a little bit after start of climb I looked back & noticed somone behind me. guy was a little old Indian dude on a hundred dollar road bike that didn't even have rear brakes, & was riding in just sneakers. He was hammering, & I tried to stay with him but I coundn't for more that a few seconds. I would really like to get my strength back. I remember donating blood when I was in High School & College & never felt losing strength. But then again I probably didn't get on a bike for a few days, or maybe it was I was just younger & more resilient; I sure hope that wasn't reason. The casting was most interesting one I have had yet. It was for a comercial that is supposedly in Germany, or actually I think to be made here but shown in Germany. They needed skiers to ski in commercial. There was this totally stunning super model in there posing away for camera. I felt like I was in presence of a goddess because of how hot she was & how she was working camera like a pro. Then they had me flirt with her. Supposedly we had just come back from slopes & I was her ski instructor & we are in bar flirting. After first take they said I was too serious & to act like I was flirting. She said I should act like I was drunk, which was perfect advice. I think I did an OK job on second take. I'm not a trained actor, so I don't think I'm particularly good at improvising. Then they had me strip down to underwear for some filming. cameraman gave me some good advice to flex my muscles a little as I stand there. I never did that before & its a good idea because you look a lot more fit if you flex it a little. I should start lifting weights & call agency to tell them I can audition for shirtless photos because I have been burning excess fat away, but I am so obsesses with projects I only lift like once ever couple months. I know if I lifted on a regular basis I could get some underwear modeling jobs. Then I met with Mario, I was like 45 minutes late, but we had enough problems to get me unstuck on Flash. I will try now to implement what I learned in case I forget by tomorrow. Then I had class with Samuel & went home because Jorje cancelled. Peace out. Tuesday 6-20-06 After my morning class I came home & watched Germany verses Equador game & England verses Sweden game. I was printing up some vocabulary lists getting ahead at same time. I also listed to an interview about Giza pyramid power system on Laura Lee dot com while I did some stretching. I was going to lift some weights but I still feel week from donating blood two days ago. I should feel better tomorrow. Then I had class with Samuel Soto. Henry & Lourdes cancelled so after Samuel I went straight to Jorje Munez's class. Now I'm about to fix some stuff on my English site. Monday 6-19-06 On Saturday morning I barely made it to my class because I forgot to set alarm again after it went off first time. Maybe I won't do that again. I do that so it isn't as difficult to get up because I never go completely back to sleep after first snooze goes off. I like to space them about 30 minutes apart. Luckily for me I naturally got up at 8:04 & raced to get ready & to class which started at 8:30. Luckily I was on time & it went alright. Then I had class with Cristian Cruz & then came home & watched US verses Italy match where US kicked ass & tied Italy. That night Dave & Sandra came over for a barbecue party. I invited Julius & Maracena & Tony & Andrea too but Julius & Macarena are in states & Andrea was sick. It was fun, I got pretty drunk but didn't have a hangover next day. Dave was into Claudios car racing game on play station & got me into it so I played some by myself on Sunday after we got back from donating blood for Paolas aunt. Today I had two classes starting at 5. I slept until like one even though I didn't have to. I have been really lazy lately for some reason. Oh well. Saturday 6-17-06 1:00 AM Stoned Journal. I just quit trying to work on flash. I got stuck in two different things, moving masks over lines & making an image map withought filling in selection. I don't want to search in a forum & so I'll just not touch it until I meet with Mario on Wednesday. I want to get into a rythem where doing this site is more of a hobby instead of an obsession. I would like to have time to do other things. There, now that its in my journal, I will do it. I have been having some lung problems lately & I'm beginning to beleive it could actually be from air. A couple of weeks ago there was a feature on news about bad pollution & that bikers & even motorbikers should wear masks. & then I noticed how a lot of bikers & even motorbikers are riding around with masks on. Before I though they were just paranoid, but lately I have been noticing how bad air is. A couple weeks ago when I got home in a white collar shirt that was clean in morning, collar was totally black. My lungs hurt & I always get asthma when I ride, before I thought it was weed I was smoking, but I think tomorrow I will buy a mask & at least try it out. I think I bought one when I first got here but I can't remember. Paola went out for Miriams birthday party. I have two classes tomorrow. I thought I would have more to say, usually I have plenty to say but I am too emersed in something else. I will go & write that petition about whale huntintg. Thursday 6-15-06 I'm sorry I don't have time to write a journal today. Wednesday 6-14-06 So here I am it seems as though I have been slacking on journal entries lately. To sum up what I have been up to, last wednesday I started meeting with Mario again & he is helping me learn Flash so I can make Kayak web site. Last Wednesday after I had class with Mario my rim broke on way home so I had to cancel my last two classes of day. That night was Paolas birthday & she wanted to go out to Bellavista with Anna Maria & Myriam & we went to crazy bar where a guy was singing cover songs. They had a special where you get two drinks for one so I ordered a couple of Margaritas. first one tasted like lemon juice so I told waiter to spike up second one & bragged that I was going to do yoga move tree when I left & I showed him, so he made second one a little stronger but it was still lemon juice & I told him it was weak. I didn't want to get drunk because I had a class at nine next morning but he seemed to thing that was what I wanted so he told me that I should order a long island ice tea. I didn't know what that was, its like four different kinds of liquor mixed together in a way that they don't tasted like alcohol. I knew after first one that I was going to be in trouble, because I had a few glasses of wine before we went there & I was getting drunk. That's last thing I remember before waking up next morning in a pool of puke on my bed. Paola & Ana Maria said I finished second drink guy brought me & was totally smashed, & when we got home Claudio got pissed that she was drunk & got her parents to come over & yell at her. When they got there she said she freaked out on theme & told them she was dying of Cancer. For some reason whenever she gets drunk she says shes dying of cancer. Needless to say I didn't make it to class next day, but when Paola called to tell them I wasn't going to make it nobody had even arrived yet because it was raining. Chileans treat rainy days like days off or slacker days. That afternoon I took my bike to shop to get wheel fixed. people at shop didn't want to give me a new wheel for free even though it was only like a week & a half old. There was nothing I could do about it anyway becaue I didn't have reciept. I just won't ever go there again, their loss. They took too long to fix it so I missed my class with Cristobal, but I made it to Jorjes class. Then on Saturday night we had Paolas dad, Hugos birthday party which actually wasn't that bad. I didn't get drunk because I was still hurting from Wednesday night. Magali got drunk & was babling on about how she comes from Campbell clan in Scotland which is interesting because Kyles are related to Campbell clan. It's interesting how family legends go, she says there's a legend that three brothers came here from Scotland a hundred & fifty years ago & their decendants got scattered since then. She said she met an old man who said he was a Campbell also. This week has been pretty mellow, I have been collecting photos to put on kayak site & trying to learn Flash, but I am far from learning curve still. OK I think thats enough for now. Monday 6-5-6 Today was pretty boring. I got up at like two because I was up until four this morning getting ahead printing up class materials. Then I picked up computer at shop at 54.000. My class with Rolphino was cancelled so I put on paulas tires & burned some CDs for classes & did some other computer stuff. Paola got in a big fight with Grisella today, biggest one I can think of yet as a matter of fact, about washing machine. Sunday 6-4-06 Ok so I'm back. After a couple of weeks of having computer problems I got me another one! other computer went bad because cable connection broke & battery died so I couldn't use it. For a couple weeks before that I could use computer but only sitting up at a desk because I couldn't move it so I didn't have any motivation to use computer beyond looking a porn. But now I got me another one so I can lay back in bed & just type away!! I just got caught up on all Naral petitions. I especially like ones where you can write a blib on what you think about issue, & ones where they invite you to share a personal story. I have been getting a lot of abortion ones lately, & I never have a lack of stuff to say about that. I have been teaching more English lately & thusly been riding my bike around more, & my belly is getting small! It's so cool. However I overdosed on weed & candy last weekend & got sick & have been having bad asthma problems lately so I'm gonna have to take in easy with that now. Ok Peace out! Wednesday 5-16-06 Today was pretty monumental for me. It was first time I have had three classes in a row since I started working for myself. They were spaced thirty minutes apart & I barely made it to them in time. Right now I am totally exhausted. I was lifting weights last night while Paola was hogging computer, & I feel that a little bit too. I have that class way fuck up in alto manquegue tomorrow. I feel like I´m training for freaking olympics. I got a new class for three times a week yesterday, thats cool. Wyndham & mom asked me to pay four fifty to get my car fixed. I told them not to even borrow my car & now I have to pay to get it fixed. Thats unfair, but if Wyndham can't pay for it I have to help out. I went to first casting for a long time today. Ok peace out. I hope I can get to sleep soon as I have to get up early tomorrow. Saturday 5-13-06 Yesterday Tony & I went mountain biking up to waterfall I did other month with Larry. To my surprise it was a different waterfall than one he did before, which was cool because that makes another little adventure for me that we can do in winter. When we got back I went into Ghetto & got some weed for Andrea & we went back & had some dinner & then Andrea came over & we got stoned. This morning I barely got up because I was exhausted from biking, but managed to get to my classes. When I got home Tony came over for his bike & we did like 20 minutes of weight lifting on roof. I started a discussion about kayak trip I want to do from Miami to Caracas. People are saying pretty much what I expected them to. Some people think its cool but others think its too dangerous. Unfortunately people who think its too dangerous can't give a good reason. Maybe what they're trying to say is that ocean waves can get really big & capsize you, but I seriously doubt that, especially if I have a couple of outriggers. I'm just going to have to go ahead & do trip. It will be kind of cool to be first if in fact I am. I just hope currents are too strong for it to be worth it, but there is only one way to find out about that. fact of matter is though that if you bring a shit load of water & food & currents end up taking you way out into ocean, you just keep paddling until you get to where it is you want to get. Thursday 5-11-06 I was riding strong as hell for first time today. It surprised me. For last two weeks I have been doing nothing other than looking at videos on www.metacafe.com which is dopest ass site for videos. Last night I was doing that until like four in morning & then had a class at nine this morning & came back & got my hair cut & highlighted & Paola got her hair dyed black. Then I went home & tried to fix some lessons but fell asleep so I thought I would be weak for bad ass ride to my class up in alto manquegue. Their house is literally third highest house in Santiago, about a thousand feet higher than my house & just 11.5 K away. I totally hammered it even though I was having a total asma attack. I maintained 10 k/h up last part of long steep part no problem, I remember before I could barely even hit 10 k/h. This is first time in my life that I hit fitness & burn out at same time. I got officially burnt out yesterday. I went to a class stoned & it went bad. All I did was take one hit from a couple of tiny peices of resin on my can, & it turned my brain off. So im burnt out, & my lungs are totally trashed. They hurt & I have constant asthma. I even have a constant runny nose & cough from smoking so much. Its just so cool to smoke shit loads of weed & watch those videos. But I gots to stop. Unfortunatelly Tony called me & wants me to buy him some weed in projects, maybe I can steer clear. Then on my ride to class with Peruvians I was hammering. This week I finally got into habit of riding at 90%. Last year I was going at 100% but that's too painful & exhausts me. When I go 90% I can feel my lungs get played out (which doesn't take long now), & my legs get burnt a little bit; & it feels great. I watched all Top Gear videos on metacafe, & now I feel like a super car riding around. I start off line with a sprint & get up to like 45 k/h in like 5 seconds & then cruise at like 40 until I burnt out & then settle into like 30-35. It's so fun just knocking down those gears like I'm switching gears in a Ferrari. One guy pulled up to me in a car today & told me it must be cool to not worry about gridlock & that he envied me & I smilled at him & then took of running red light. Tony called a little bit ago & wants to go mountain biking tomorrow. Last weekend we went over to Dave & Sandra's house for first time & played some game like Poker called Lyer with them & Tony & Andrea. Peace out. Wednesday 5-03-06 Man its already May. Time is flying. Last weekend we went to Pichilemu & stayed at Andrea's house with Tony & Andrea, Julius & Macareda, & David & Sandra. We stayed there Saturday & Sunday night because Monday was a holiday, & Andrea & I worked on Saturday. I started taking classes on Saturdays, now I have two back to back on Saturday. The trip was fun. Paola & I went surfing on Sunday for about 15 minutes until she got tired. She said she was hung over. Hopefully next time she will actually go into water beyond where waves break. Then we went horse back riding but Paolas horse wasn't cooperating, but we were lucky enough to find a nice man who knew how to ride horses to ride it back for us. Horses are cool. All eight of us piled into Julius' Subaru Outback & checked out Punta de Lobos, which looked totally awsome to surf. I would like to go there one day if my car is ever ready. The problem with my car is I had it taken to a mechanic in a town called San Fernando which is about two hours south of here in August to get engine installed but guy decided to not do it. I have been waiting for guy who sold us engine to go pick it up, but he is procrastinating also. I have been thinking about sending it back up here myself, but it will be expensive. I have a new class starting today. That's cool. As far as my websites going, I'm working on opinions of other countries pages. Friday 4-28-06 I did about an hour of weights & stretching today. Paola wanted to drink Pisco sours with me last night but just wanted to fight so I took bottle & got drunk & lifted weights. About 20 seconds after I left Grisella ran in sobbing because Francia had been taken home from a friends house an hour ago but didn't show up yet so she thought she got kidnapped or raped. She totally went nuts & half a dozen people were standing outside listening to her scream at her parents to get out so she could hit Francia for getting in car. After all that we watched first part of 10 commandments. We bought 55 bootlegged movies other day from neighbor. I feel likes its Christmas. I got two new students & am starting to do classes on saturdays now, so money situations going to get better. I gave Paola her first class yesterday. & it looks like we are ready to start doing them. I feel like my lifes finally coming together after just over four years here. I didn't realize that my four year anniversary my arrival in chile was on 4-20. Wednesday 4-26-06 I ordered another computer from Ken last night because it looks as if my other one I sent back got lost in mail. I lifted some weights in my room & stretched yesterday which made me feel sick, & then I slept until one today from exhaustion. I guess I'm out of shape. The house got flooded yesterday because Paola left faucet on, & last night her dad got drunk & passed out on kitchen floor, so Jerry & I carried him to his room & put him on bed. I didn't know how hard it is to pick up fat people. He wasn't actually passed out though, I think he was just playing with us because he was winking at me & shook my hand. We are fixing Paola's site www.paulapounds.com because she has a new found interest in doing something with this Yesoterapia business with Aromatherapy. She had a treatment yesterday. I think I will spend day writting. Monday 4-24-06 I feel like my personal web site is starting to take form. During weekend & today I have decided what I need to write about. I created new pages to write about various Christian & Muslim denominations as they are most populated religions & I added a couple more religions. I also created my own religion. To write about all of this will be incredibly time consuming but possible, & when I am done I will have expressed thought forms of worlds of world thoughoughly enough to be able to distinguish exactly what is good & bad about all of them in terms of world we live in today & create my own complete & up to date religion. I also began writing about issues. It was hard yesterday because I was stoned & it was hard today. Now that I am at a place on my site that I will be mainly writing I hope I will be able to access my thoughts easily enough to continue & have a rough draft of all of my pages within a month or so. I spent a lot of today responding to emails people wrote me because I was featured in an article about English in Mercurio yesterday. I also got an email from Larry Brown, or ''Pound". That is guy I met in Embassy when I was there last month with Paola & then went on mountain bike ride a couple weeks ago. He is coming down here to get married with his Argentinean girlfriend & wants to teach English. Saturday 4-22-06 Cool making entrances four days in a row. Maybe this will become a habit. I had a bit of a crisis last night. I couldn't decide if I wanted to put stuff I wrote in college in with songs to try to transforme them later, or erase them. I decided in end to transform a few of them & erase most of them. then I coulnd't decide if I wanted to change homoe page or not, I finally decided to go ahead & change it after fiddling around a lot. Now all I want to do is write. For some reason I keep finding something other to do other than writing. I was going to read what I wrote about reincarnation but I decided against that & just keep writing rought drafts to everything & then go back & look at them when they are all done. that way everything on my site is on same wavelength. so here goes. If I can actually stick to writing & not get myself distracted with something monotonous it will be a fucking miracle. before I was thinking that I should write sober but now that I'm stoned I'm thinking maybe I should do it stoned. I was thinking maybe they would be too hard to proofread like stuff I wrote ten years ago. But maybe problem was that I wrote it ten years ago & I just not on same wavelength anymore. main difference is I want to write with logic & save emotion for songs, & writing pure emotion but no rhyming is in some kind of limbo place that I don't want anything to do with & I don't think I write like that anymore. I wonder if that makes any sense... I'll check later. Later. So I finally did it. I figured out how to actually start writing arcticles that I set out to write. All I had to do was just do it. Write them out & leave them to be fixed at a later date. I don't know if I will be able to understand what I wrote when I am sober looking at them, but they serve their place anyway. It is much harder than I thought to place all of my ideas into a solidified truth. You really have to think about a concept to put it down on paper, or to crystalize it onto world medium. I came up with brilliant idea about a half hour ago after I downed a bottle of Pisco & got all crazy. Over last couple of months I came up with idea of setting up a solar panel energy system on my apartment in Boulder, but it is harder to set up with solar power in an apertment because you are more hooked up with a system involving other people, & real benefit of setting up a solar power system involves people who live in houses. So I came up with idea tonight of setting up a solar system on my house here in Santiago. So I called a solar panel place & now I am determined to get a solar system going here on my house here in Santiago. I am rather excited about whole proposition. I will be sure to keep you posted. Friday 4-21-06 I got up at 1:30 this afternoon. I did laudry & Paola got some chinese take out. I was looking at my site & erasing stuff i wrote in college because it is just incomplete thoughts like i wrote them stoned. But then I realized they work well as prototypes for songs so I got some weed & I'm doing that. I have some new stupid Chilean stories: Jimi & Jerry got arrest warrants today for being drunk in public & vandalizm. Her dad was in jail just last month for forgetting to fix an old warrent. Paola's been trying to get Claudio to sign a paper for last couple months so she can take her son out of country, but he says he is always too busy. She offered to meet him at his place about a month ago so they could go together but when she got there he had already left. Today she went to a notary to see if they can go to where person is to sign paper & they can do it for a extra 18 thousand pesos, which is more than thirty bucks. But it looks like she'll have to do that. It's ridiculous. A couple weeks ago Paola went to disco with Juan Pablo, Eva's 'boyfriend' & when they came back he forced himself on her & grabbed her tits under her bra, so she got pissed & keyed his car & took his winsheild wipers off. Thursday 4-20-06 So today's weed day. I was mistaken yesteday. I was kind of tired today. After my morning class I took my bike to shop to get a new front derailer, rear tire, & water bottle cage put on it. Then I went home to work on computer but couldn't keep my eyes open so I took a nap. I guess I'm just tired; I don't know what for, I haven't done anything & I got plenty of sleep last night. Maybe I just needed to sleep to stave off a flu. After I picked up my bike I rode way up to top of alto Manquegue for first class of year up there for Oscar, Lawer Marcela's son. Tonight I'm just going to put together my calender for 2006. Peace out. Paola's dad is completely wasted & babling non-sense. I think I'm going to take advantage of it & record him so I can put it on my site. Wednesday 4-19-06 Oh I didn't realize it's weed day. If I had of known maybe I would have bought some. Today wasn't my day. I just slept all day, drifting in & out of dreams until about three. I think I may be coming down with a fever or something. I couldn't think or anything & I don't even feel like writing now, but it's cool to be in habit of keeping a journal entry so here we are. Saul came over today but just sat around doing nothing; which is a common past time in developing countries like this one. Paola was pissed off today because supposedly people don't help her around house, but she's fine now. I had a class today at 8:30, which went fine. I have a little bit of a temperature now. As far as world news goes, I was thinking about that Masouri guy who helped with 9-11. He's clearly mentally ill & I don't think he should get death penalty. I think he can be rehabilitated if he's locked up somewhere making license plates for rest of his life. & working he can help out with economy. Monday 4-18-06 So now I am going to finally fix all stuff I wrote ten years ago on my old Macintosh laptop. stuff got so corrupted in transfer that some of it might not even be legible, but I'll try my best to fix it all. I can usually go about three weeks in one project; maybe I can finish it by then. Maybe this project will end around time mom gets ready for me to do Agorra cart for her. Last Friday we went out to eat at fish market for Easter Friday. Tony & Andrea found us there & we hung out. On Sunday I helped Hugo move his jewelry factory to center & we had Easter Sunday seafood meal which is tradition here. Friday 4-14-06 Here I am doing spell check on my entire site. Apparently I forgot to do it before when I put it up, so I went & bought weed to help me through this monotonous shit. It's Easter & they were giving away two for ones down in projects which is cool, although they weren't actually two for ones because they were smaller than normal. After I did 20 pushups other day I slept until two in afternoon from shock to my body. A couple days later I did some exercises & yesterday I did some for almost an hour & I already grew some muscles back & I feel great. My lungs really hurt this week but were getting better until I bought some more weed for this spell check bullshit. I'm so sick of this monotonous stuff I swear to God I'm only going to write from this point on. No more time consuming projects where I have to get stoned to get me through. Monday 4-10-06 OK so Kyle blogy blog is back. I went up to roof & did 20 pushups & twenty curls & stretched for a half hour or so, so I'm back in business on exercise front. Last weekend I managed to start writing my opinions about reincarnation too so I'm rocking it in part of web site that is interesting. My brother got back from a year & a half in Nepal & my moms moving back into her town house from our apartment & my brothers are moving into our apartment so I'll start getting some rent from them which is cool. I missed a class today because Paola took my keys with here somewhere & I couldn't unlock my bike. I didn't have their number so I couldn't call them & they didn't call me, so we'll see if they call me again. I guess I'll have to make copies & hide them somewhere. Friday 4-7-06 Since last time I wrote in here I got idea to make my own statistics page which has been taking much of my time. My classes have basically picked up again & temperature is down pretty much all of a sudden so it looks as though were back in teaching season. That happens a lot actually here in Chile & it has never ever happened out of chile as far as I remember. Its harder to come across good food here, pretty much only places I eat here are American fast food places like Mcdonalds because everywhere else takes too long, is too expensive, & tastes like shit (ie, Churasco). I was thinking about holocaust today & looking at pictures of Auschwitz & spent a few minutes pretty much realizing fact that Nazis were only warming up with Jews due to fact that German Jews look just as white as they do, & if they were doing that to them they surely must have been planning extermination of all non white races from face of earth forever. Its crazy to think about why people would think like that so strongly. Then I opened up yahoo & saw headline saying that they were planning it in Palestine. Kind of crazy Psychic shit going on there. I am hoping I can start writing pretty soon, unless of course I get idea of doing some other time consuming project for site. I don't really want to be in that mode anymore though because I'm neglecting a balanced life such as lifting weights & stretching & preparing better for my classes....and eating. However that would be awesome if I got motivation to do something great for site. Sunday 3-26-06 OK I am pretty much done with links pages & am now ready to do writing part on my site. This is going to take forever & will be a whole new thing for me. So Here we go.... Sunday 3-19-6 OK I don't want to write long. Last Friday I left at midnight to do big 'ol ride that Tony & I tried to do week before. I got up to almost Farrellones & got groggy though & fell asleep on side of road, & when sun came up I had lost my motivation to do anything other than stay in my room & work on my personal site until I start working again. I spent last week finishing up sacred texts pages & working on links & site map pages & stuff. I did go out one night for Margaritas with Tony though. ok gots ta go! Wednesday 3-8-6 Yesterday I got up & started to work on computer but ten minutes later electricity went out so i dropped my computer off at shop & then visited Dave at his new office at plaza de armas. Then i went home & electricity was still not up so i went to roof for a bit but wasn't very motivated to work out so i started packing up stuff to do a two day bike ride but electricity went on again so i stayed & did my computer work. I set up a date applet on my home page. Then i put up a countdown timer. I set date at midnight on first of may which is date i told paula & my mom when we would go back to states when they demanded i set one. when i looked at timer on my home page lo & behold it said t- 420 days & three hours! I have a pretty cool relationship with 420. when my dad died my mom looked at her watch & said, ''well he died at about 4:20''. & i was like ''wow''. I remember another time i was riding my bike in australia & i looked at my watch for first time in about three hours, & what do you know it said 4:20:00, i even took my eyes off watch before it hit 4:20:01. Swear to god. I also reorganized google adsense on my home page & put up google search bar & google promo button. Paola dragged me out of bed at about 10:30 this morning to go to embassy to get visa papers she ripped up last week when she had a hissy because i was acting too relaxed about getting her a visa. Then we paid internet & phone bill & went to mcdonalds. Monday 3-06-06 All right. well my sites been up for a couple weeks now after it took forever to get registrar & server changed for my sites. So much happened I don't even want to write about it. I'll just let that part of my life stay in my mind for now. As far as what I'm up to now. I think I have my head wrapped around Agora, so all I have to do about that is wait for my mom to get her side of things in order. Until then I think i'll start mountain biking again. I've got another weird problem going on though. other day my 60 GB hard drive died & so I installed my backup 10 GB hard drive, but then that seems to have died so I put my big one in again just for hell of it & voiala it works again. So I'll wait to take that computer into store until it dies again which it probably will. I have a disk drive that died & came back to life also. So some weird shit is going on with my computer. I'm gonna get another backup to backup hard drive as soon as I can. I'll call Ken later. Well, now that I'm writing in my journal again. I should also start exercising again. So I think I'll take Paola up to roof. |
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I can't believe it's been a month since I wrote in this last. I had some ftp problems. Tony called last night & wants to make his own ukt site, so mine will be backup in case nobody wants to sponsor us his way. Wyndhams coming over to help me put his photo albums together. Since I wrote in here last I finished timelines, or at least took loose links out of them, then I was working on what I think about first amendment because I wanted to finish at least one issue that I have an opinion about, but when I was getting started wyndham came over with photos that he cropped & so off I went uploading 18,000 photos to flickr. I had to privatize all of them but my own though. Now I'm putting them back in their albums. Needless to say its a huge job. I also have to fix a bunch of stuff on my mom's websites. I came up with idea of making my own youtube show called kyle's gym, but I have to get a video camera for that. Maybe later. Got's to go. hope it ftps this time. I hate writting in my journal if I can't ftp it right away. I get superstitious like my computer will crash or something. 12-05-07 OK so finally I'm keeping a journal again. I'm back on track! I went to gym for first time in a long time like months a couple days ago & today was third day in a row. reason I haven't had my shit together is because I have been working on kayak web site, but now I feel like I've at least got that started to point that I don't feel like I'm behind. I also went running for first time in I can't even remember when, more than ten years. I got like five minutes into it & had my excercize induced asthma attack & had to stop. I was still having asthma when I went ot gym. It's nice to finally start process of getting into shape. It will take a while I think. I will make sure to go running ever day so I remind myself that I can't run until asthma goes away, so no pot, or rather, resin or pot smoking any more for me, I'll keep writting like I'm a stoner though. I got myself into official out of shape condition for first time in my life. I never knew what it really was until this week. I just felt like shit, toxic. I'm starting to eat right too. I know it's for real this time because so many things are so close to fruition I won't get addicted to another project. I logged into my adsense account for first time in a couple years today also, but I won't let adsense project for ukt take over my life. I will start rotating photos pretty soon too, but that won't consume me. I have a good feeling. I am on a mission for my body now. That's about all I can think of now. until tomorrow. |
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So this is my last blog here. I'm gonna start blogging on my new myspace account. 2-13-08 I had an interesting day at work today. I had to climb all over a steep house holding onto a rope attached to top of house. Then we lifted but I forgot to film myself. Woops. Then Wyndham & Mike came over for a few hours. Then I saw Elizabeth. Tomorrow I don't work. I hope to do more than 10 minutes of weight lifting. I ran up Green mountain from Gregory canyon with Wyndham yesterday. He fell on his ass five times. I can't weight to run around this summer. Want to do biggie this summer. I google mapped it & it looks to be about as long as a marathon. I want to do it in both directions hopefully with Mike on at least one. I need to get his ass into gear. I'm glad I've turned Wyndham onto running & Jordan & Mike into lifting. Even Mike P wants in. I'm gonna buy him a pullup bar & dumbells & staight up go to his apartment & lift right in front to him to show him how much of a sissy he is if he doesn't join in. That'll do it. Played Call of Duty with Windham again last night. I hope I don't have insomnia again tonight. I need to get it into my head that if I'm excersizing every day I need ten hours of sleep a night instead of seven. 2-11-08 Been hanging out a lot with Windham. Played a game called call of duty for last two nights. That game is amazing, now I understand why those shoot em up games are so popular. I told my mom & her friend about it though & they were giving me third degree telling me it puts violent thoughts in my mind. Been running with Wyndham two times this week. He says he wants to go every day. I'm still only needing 10 minutes a day of working out. I hope to be able to do more than that, but my body is still staying sore. calves are taking a while to kick into gear. I had a lot of feedback from a kayak forum & haven't had a chance to check out all of my other responses. Got a lot of good info I need to process now. I need to buy a lot of books & start reading them. Been working too. That's cool it's starting up again. 2-05-08 I worked out for 45 minutes last night with Mike & today I'm blown in a lot of muscles & didnt work out. Could have though. I ran 4 miles today; not much better than last time. I haven't gotten to point where I recover easily yet. I work tomorrow. I figured out how to transfer video from camera to computer & splice it & upload it to you tube. I let a bunch of people know about UKT. Tomorrow I want to start with philosophy videos. 2-01-08 I just found out I lost all shit I wrote about what I know & think about all worlds religions. It disapeared from my computer & my server. I lost all my photos from my server too, luckily I had most of those backed up, but not this. It sucks because I had like a whole month full of research into it. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about that now. I guess I'll start over in a few years when inspiration comes, if it comes again. I worked today, that was cool, three places too. Jordan said he wants to work out with me, that's cool. I don't feel like saying anything else now. I just found out I also lost everything I wrote about what I think about other countries too, luckily I never did that much with it, but it sucks that if I leave my site alone shit just disapears from it. I really have to stay on top of things & have it always backed up in muliple places because a server isn't good enough. I think it must be spirits or aliens or something. Has to be. I never did anything. Whatever... 1-28-08 I slept in today. I thought I was going to be ok but I guess not. Wyndham called & wanted to take advantage of free passes at 24 hour fitness, so we did that but I had no energy. then I watched a movie with mom. Hopefully I will feel ok tomorrow. I ordered a video camera today. I want to make videos of me philosophizing & stuff for youtube. 1-26-08 I worked yesterday & day before that. That wasn't fun. My legs felt like jello day before yesterday walking up & down ladders. I don't think my brain is working too well also. Jordan & Mike want to come over to film weed smoking for youtube. I think I'll try to write now but if I'm not into it I'll just read. Don't want to push anything. 1-23-08 I am still exhausted today. I have to work tomorrow. I hope that will bring me back to life so I can start running, riding, lifting, & stretching. I really want to get into shape but I can't if I'm sleeping all time. I sweat all night last night so I was clearly still sick. I can't think too well today either. Laraine is still hurting bad but she's working again. 1-22-08 My mom gave me some codine cough syrup last night & a trazodone & it knocked me out & right now a day later I can still feel it. I think I must be allergic to it. I filmed first episode of Kyle's gym today. I was out of breath & my lungs hurt & I had no strength because I was on that codine shit with trazodone. I think I remember taking this stuff some other time & it had same effect. I need to stay hell away from it. I'm psyched I'm officially working out now though. I'm an athlete again! yay! I slept most of day though thanks to drugs, or no thanks. I took my car into emisions today. I pucked like seven times today after working out on that crap. My mind is kind of gone also. I also had no appetite today. Gonna read about atlantis now. out... 1-21-08 I slept well last night for first time since I got sick. I slept till noon today which was nice, & woke up feeling pretty good. I just might be well tomorrow...or next day. My mom can barely speak though even though, but I think she's getting better physically too. I had some interesting dreams last night. I had a dream about hanging out in Boulder at some outdoor event at CU with my mom & Shano. Then I had a dream about really fast bright green monsters that would kill everybody in their site & only way to hide from them was to go above because they couldn't look up. Then I had a dream that I was hanging out with a blonde girl & a guy & I would keep waking up screaming holding onto ceiling. One time I was way up at tip of an A frame looking way down. Then I realized I was scitzophrenic hiding from monsters & they were my caretakers & their presence would bring be back to reality. It's interesting what kinds of dreams I can have when my brain in a degree above normal. I don't think all these zombie movies do much good, they should stop making them. I saw I am Legend other week. That was freaky. I got my first response from a country concerning ports of entry today, but I think best way to really research that would be to call because most of these people don't return their emails. Today I think I'll just type all day. I don't want to move too much & trigger a relapse. This influenza virus is weird like that. I just looked at my philosophy page & all links were dead. I don't know how that happens. I lost all of my photos other month too. I think spirits enter computers & tamper with them. That's only explanation I can think of. 1-20-08 So I'm still sick. This morning I was listening to Yellowman & felt good & started vacuuming & then felt like Hell again. This flu is weird. You feel OK & then it hits you like a truck again. Now I don't feel well. I couldn't even force feed myself Tre Ling's today. Mom can barely talk. I saw Hot Rod today & rest of Planet Earth episodes with my mom. 1-19-08 I had a hell of a night last night. For like an hour or something I was in agonizing pain, like my fever spiked or something. I had some interesting dreams. I had a dream that I was riding my road bike up Flagstaff & road leading up to canyon was ridiculously steep, like 45 degrees. I had to ride zig zag up it in lowest gear. I had a dream about that part of road being that steep before which is interesting. Then I went higher up & it was scene of a campus & various other activity as I was going up switch backs until it was closed. Then I had a dream that I was in a plains town with some people & then I got separated & asked a girl if she know where so & so was & she led me to a parking lot & thought it was over there. Then I was sitting at a table in a restaurant talking to most beautiful girl I have ever seen who was carving various mandalas into wooden table we were sitting at. She asked me if I was hanging out with a girl & gave me name which I forgot & I said yes, as conversation continued & she kept asking me questions about this girl I finally admitted that I didn't know girl she was talking about, but she didn't seem to care. On my left was Jared Price, a kid I was working with last year & he told me someone had given him acid, extasy, & mushrooms night before in a disco & had a great time & I was thinking that was an awefully lot of drugs to be taking at same time but I didn't say anything. Thats all I remember. When I got up this morning I felt like hell. My mom made me a meal & made me eat even though I didn't have any appetite. When I was done I felt a lot better & went back to bed. I just got up now. My mom said someone told her at bank that one of workers there has been sick for three weeks. I hope I won't be sick that long. I haven't been this sick for four years, & I can't remember time before that that I have been sick like this; like since I was a kid. I think I will go watch a movie now that my headache is gone. My mom seems to be getting better so that's encouraging. 1-18-08 I have been really sick lately. I am excited about finally starting to work out & also to finally start writting. I want to write philosophical stuff & about my life. I will just write about my life now because I don't want to overheat my brain while I'm still sick. I need to clean up my thoughts on my website though. I never fixed stuff I wrote while I was stoned & living in crazy Chile which fogged my mind. It was hard to think clearly in Chile but now I can here in my peaceful room. I had to turn a job down today because I'm sick. That's first time I had to do that. I hate it when I have to do that. I heard this flue can last up to three weeks from my mom who has it too. I think I'm going to switch to a normal blog pretty soon. I just had a big philosophical discusion with my mom & now my head hurts & I feel sick again. I'm at 100 now. At least I'm improving from yesterday when I was at 103. 1-14-08 I went swimming with my mom for first time since I moved in with her this morning. I just laid in water on my back & relaxed my neck & felt it stretch out. I had some sharp pains in my neck on way to gym yesterday, I think from doing computer on my stomach for too long, & pool helped. Then I spent day helping her figure out how to use her constantcontact email marketing program, & went to sleep early again. My body is still recovering from doing my strength tests in gym yesterday. 1-13-08 I cleaned my room for first time since I moved in with my mom in June. I was too busy with other things to bother. It's nice to have a clean room. I also helped clean my mom's house today. Then I set my attention to figuring out how to get videos on youtube & discovered what I have to do is buy adobe premier, so tomorrow when their office is open I will buy it, but will download it first so I can film myself working out. I will set up ten minute work outs to do because that's video limit for youtube. I will do as many of those a day as I can. Tomorrow I will go to gym with Mike Chapin & find out how strong I am for my profile on bodybuilding.com website. 1-12-08 So it's two in morning & I just woke up. Last night I didn't get any sleep. I just layed in bed for last couple hours of night with ensonmia & so I was like a zombie all day yesterday. Yesterday I finally finished putting photo albums together & went over to scrape my brothers pipe to celebrate. Then went down to County Clerk to finally sign divorce papers & then made a money order for Chilean Consulate. I need to mail that off tomorrow. Then I'm done & can email Paola. She'll be relieved. Now I can email her with instructions on what to say on UKT video. I hope she gets internet soon, or a cell phone. After I got home I mounted my pullup bar on my walk in closet & then called IPower so see why I can't ftp. While I was waiting for tech support I fell asleep, & when guy woke me up when he answered I had to tell him I forgot why I called & to give me some time to remember. After about ten seconds I remembered but I was still half concious. It did'nt ftp because they changed security & I had to change password & forgot to change it on ftp settings. Then I crashed again & just woke up now. I had a dream about my dad, very vivid dream. I don't remember all details now cause I got stoned yesterday, but we were visiting a foreign country & I was with my dad. I remember looking at him & being under impression he was dying but he looked perfectly healthy. I remember looking at him & I started to feel my face crunch up as I began to cry. I was thinking I had to remember how I crunched up my face just in case I ever wanted to act it out. I don't think you know how to crunch your face up to cry right way unless you have really done it, & this was real. I also remember when we got in plane I looked over landscape & saw a neighborhood sett up as a mosaic of Bob Marley's face. I was with a group of tourists who I was at back end of & getting lost in airport & that's where I met up with my dad. I was getting kind of lost. Just before leaving first airport to get on bus to go to other airport they lined up & shot all these students who were apparently involved in a coup. I don't remembe details of it. I guess there always has to be drama in dreams even if you avoid TV. That's pretty much all I remember that I care to include here. I should start a dream journal again. Didn't think about that. I'm so glad I finally finished photo project. I found this new site called bodybuilding.com where I set up a profile & can upload photos of me flexing & all my data to keep track of. I can even upload videos of me working out. I'm gonna try that. It's great to get motivation together. It's also kind of a social networking site, were people can talk about their workouts together. I want to share my home gym method with people. I plan on lifting in ten minute segments where I just go for ten minutes strait with various excersizes that I film & upload. Then I do about that much stretching; obviously I won't film that. I think I'm motivated enough to make getting into shape a priority for me. I really need it. I can't sit up strait without my back hurting because of lying in bed & slumping for so many year. Day before yesterday I was on ladder in a narrow section between wall & a huge window & I had to put one hand behind me on wall to balance while I washed window with other, & I got a cramp in my shoulder from it & could barely do it. That would have never happened ten years ago. I wasn't even leaning back. beginning part fo working out is going to be difficult so I'm just going to take it easy. I will also start running & riding. Hopefully there are wintertime group rides I can join in on on weekends or something. I really want to get my assed kicked by a girl in one of those. That would be so sexy & will motivate me more to get into shape. I'm gonna start running every day on trail outside of my house too. I hope I don't get asma everytime. But if I do I'm sure it will go away after a couple weeks. I just have to keep up with it every day. I will still have extra time to do projects on computer, I just have to remember to keep getting into shape a priority which has been hard because I get so obsessed with my projects. It will work this time though, I'm confident about that. Some of new projects I want to do now are completing geneology. I need to get my mom to get a membership with ancestry tomorrow, or at least see if I can. I coulnd't before because they weren't sending me my password from other time I had apparently signed up for it which I don't remember. I also want to finish ukt site, but I have till August to do that. I have also been having urges lately to write my entire life story down. That will be fun. It's so weird that I can type way better when I'm not looking at keyboard. I guess I'll just close my eyes when I type. There we go. I hope I will be able to sleep tonight. Maybe there's some kind of cosmic thing going on right now that is affecting my sleep. I'm going to look into what's going on astrologically & with sun spots I think. 1-9-08 I was up till sunbreak this morning typing old transcripts & never went to sleep after doing some errands in afternoon. I bought a bench & some dumb bells for my new gym & my room & then went to ymca to cancel my membership cause I have only been like four times in last like seven months. While I was there I did fat count test by holding a contraption that sends an electric pulse through my body. I have 14%, guy said that's really good. I think it's so low cause I have been eating so little lately in my quest to finish this damn photo album project. I swear to God I'm gonna get into a regular work out & running schedule just as soon as I finish this godaweful project. 1-8-08 I'm typing pages & pages of documents I found in my moms family albums right now. It's interesting how certain professions run in family. In my moms side it's ministry & teaching. Interestingly enough it's also ministry as well as banking on my fathers. I finished putting photos in albums. I got's to finish leftovers & newspaper clippings tomorrow after I get a laminator. My sleep schedule is totally reversed & I'm barely eating. I have to work day after tomorrow. I wonder if I'm going to get to sleep or just stay up all night & suffer days work...remains to be seen. Wyndham helped me other night, said he'd help me tomorrow. 12-29-08 I'm here at airport talking about my recent time in Austin. I arrived there on August sixth. It was hell going down there because my car broke down twice. first time it just stopped at like three in morning so I coasted to side & waited until morning when it drove again. Then it started giving off oil pressure alarms & profusely leaking oil & so I kept filling it up. At one point I put too much in & it was smoking so I had to pull over for 45 minutes to let engine to cool enough to drain oil. When I did it was still scalding my hands but it was manageable. car was only going 40 mph for most of way down but last day it had a second wind & cruised at 60. After I arrived in Austin I promptly drove it to nearest VW shop called Underground Mystical VW repair. guy Toby took a momth & a half to fix car so Windham & I were riding our bikes everywhere for a bit when it was still warm. We had their loaner car for a couple days before my car was ready. I rode out to farm to get it because I was beginning to think that it would be a long time before my car was ready. The ride out to farm was an oddessy. I had a bunch of animal based protein powder which made me sick. I had had a similar reaction to it a few weeks before when I got sick riding my bike accross town after buying my work out mats. first time I thought it was just from undereating & bonking. But this time I realized that my lethargy on way to farm was from this protein power. I felt toxic. I had no energy & felt completely dehydrated even though I had been drinking water. I pulled into a gas station & pucked six times behind it's dumpster. Then bought a Gatorade which was most deliciouse thing I have ever had. After that I felt a little better but I got two flats which held me up and... oh woops I just remembered I already wrote about this. |
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